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OT: Quit doing that!


Forum: June 2013 Playroom

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  • 1 Post By MerinSun

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  #1  
September 29th, 2013, 04:07 AM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Cincinnati, OH
Posts: 1,834
DH and I desperately need to take financial classes. DH more than me. He keeps doing this thing that just...AAAAUGH! He's one of those people who looks at your total sum of liquid asset and doesn't think "This money is earmarked. This money is not to be touched. This money can be spent as needed" etc. He thinks "I have this money, it is all the same, therefore it doesn't matter how it is spent." And then crazy things happen. Like he decides that EVERYTHING must be paid off. Every bill that comes down the pike gets paid off in full, even the bills that do not collect any interest, like medical bills. Without any consideration of future immediate bills.

We have been down this road before and I have patiently explained why this is a bad idea and how it gets us into a financial bind, furthermore, if he was going to do that then he needs to let me know so that I know what our finances looks like so that I know to keep to a tighter budget. But he doesn't.

Let me get into some details here. The last time this happened I found out by looking at our account. I had left the bills up to him because he wanted total responsibility with bill payment. I see that we had like $100 in savings and a few dollars in checking. I flip out. I tell him that we're on a lock down, no money unless absolutely necessary may be spent. Which meant that we couldn't go out that weekend to a festival. His response was that "But we have the money!" I told him that we absolutely do NOT have the money. He points to savings. I tell him "THAT'S SAVINGS!" And then I found out that he was paying off medical bills using our credit card. Medical bills don't collect interest but the credit card DOES.

Flash forward to now. He is paying off all these medical bills. 2 months ago we had $3k in our savings. He is telling me that he is paying this and that and I asked "Are we okay in savings?" He says yes. He says yes because we literally had money in our savings, not "No, because I am having to dip into savings." In the meantime our grocery budget stays the same. He continues to eat out with friends 2 times a week. I continue to do things like go for little drives. I buy nice clothing for our family pictures, etc.

Then last night he tells me that I need to make sure that I am using the credit card and not our bank card "why?" I ask. He tells me that we only have $100 in savings and enough to checking to cover a few upcoming bills. I hit the roof. I explain AGAIN that if we're having to dip into savings then that means we have to stop SPENDING and he needs to tell me that! If on a given week you have to dip into savings then you shouldn't go out to eat. You shouldn't buy brewing stuff. You shouldn't get material to add fancy things to your jacket (something he's doing). AND YOU SHOULD TELL ME! What's worse is that he forgot that I have 2 student loans coming up. So now we can't pay those loans this month. But we should have enough in savings for me to go to Renn Fest this weekend, he says :|. Every new medical bill we get he just automatically either pays off or begins a $50 payoff schedule. Every single one. This means we have something like 6 medical bills all with $50 pay offs.

I would take over everything right now but when we first got married that's what I did. And I got chewed out pretty regularly for being a penny pincher and getting weird with money lists. I've decided to go a few days without saying anything other than "Don't buy anything!" and then I'm going to just silently take over everything. I had written a bill pay off schedule (that he threw away) but this time I'm going to make a permanent installation on the wall next to the computer. I"m going to change the passwords to something I can remember (He uses these arm length passwords that change periodically). And then I'm going to call all the medical bill places and renegotiate these bills.

Does anybody have any advice/guides for DH and me so that this NEVER. HAPPENS. EVER. AGAIN?!
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  #2  
September 29th, 2013, 05:32 AM
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Join Date: Apr 2012
Posts: 1,599
Get the program "you need a budget" it assigns a job to every dollar you have even if its job is just "save". It's really helped us.
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  #3  
September 29th, 2013, 07:22 AM
TeresaV's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: May 2012
Location: NY State
Posts: 1,746
I know a few people personally who have gone through this program and has been helped tremendously by it. DH and I keep saying we're going to take it, but haven't yet.

Financial Peace University - daveramsey.com
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  #4  
September 29th, 2013, 09:56 AM
eshute's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: Pittsburgh, PA
Posts: 1,804
SO is bad with money as well. We realized that we have JUST enough to pay rent this month...then last night he goes "Oh hey, do you want to go pick out an outfit for pictures tomorrow? You can take my card." Needless to say, I said no. I'll figure out what to wear. We need the money for rent. Ugh.

Sorry, though, no advice here. Good luck!
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  #5  
September 29th, 2013, 12:54 PM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Northeast USA
Posts: 2,148
I think often times as woman, we really need to feel more secure by having extra funds in the bank if at all possible. I know that I am more thrifty than DH. We make a good living, but I always worry that there is enough in savings. The one thing we are good at is saving for retirement as we have it come directly out of our checks. Perhaps there is a way you can put $x per pay into a dedicated savings account that there is no checkbook. Perhaps you can start with $25 per check. I know that is not a lot, but then when someone gets a raise increase it to $40 a check. Also, if you get paid every 2 weeks there will be two times a year you receive three checks in one month. Sometimes people can start saving that month. I know it is so hard to find a happy balance.
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  #6  
September 30th, 2013, 03:52 PM
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Location: Cincinnati, OH
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I created a spreadsheet of all our bills in a given month, plus the ones that only occur a few times a year (sewer, etc). Anything that is due between paychecks gets highlighted and tallied. Half of what remains goes into savings and the other half stays in checking. Every Friday we are to sit down and go over the spreadsheet and update as needed. My goal is to get back at $1000 in our savings by Christmas.
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  #7  
October 2nd, 2013, 04:14 AM
MarylandMama's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Maryland, near DC
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I recommend Dave Ramsay's Financial Peace University. If you can find a live class, that may help with influencing your DH. If not, it is still a book and DVD series. It has budget forms, explains why you need savings, how to best pay off bills. It may help to talk about expert info instead of you just telling him. It's a great system that puts your finances into not only a perspective of today, but also kids going to college in the future and your retirement one day. It's the while picture. Good luck!
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  #8  
October 2nd, 2013, 04:06 PM
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Do you have to buy all the stuff to take the class? It looks expensive :S
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  #9  
October 6th, 2013, 06:16 AM
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Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Cincinnati, OH
Posts: 1,834
Sat down again with all our budget stuff and worked out all our stuff. I told him what our free money was for the next 2 weeks and he was really really confused "That's way too low!" I reworked the math, got the same number. He told me that can't be possible.

I had to explain the number FOUR times. It became apparent to me that he has long been working under the impression that we have much more money than we actually do, lol.

What I did was ignore what we currently have in savings and checking (not much anyway) and operate as if we were living from a zero balance. I took all the debts owed between each different paycheck period. So, between Oct 4 and Oct 18 all the debts deducted from Oct 4th's paycheck. Then I take that remaining balance and divide it into 3 groups: Savings, credit card, checking. With checking being the free money. At the second paycheck of the month all the money set aside for the credit card gets pooled and we have our credit card payment. According to my math the credit card should be paid off in 3 months.

I told him that the money in checking is what we have to live within means. It is low because our debt is so high. We have to get rid of the debt. And we have to regard savings as sacred, not as an emergency or overflow fund.
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  #10  
October 6th, 2013, 07:31 AM
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Join Date: Apr 2012
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It sounds like you're off to a really good start. That's pretty much what the budget program we use does.
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