Stephenie's TTC Journal

Cait&AngelAbove · #**241** February 25th, 2011, 04:40 PM

Steph I am so sorry!!! My heart hurts for you!! You are right; it is not fair at all. It is not fair that month after month we try and try but then women who are not trying get pregnant accidentally. I am so sorry that you are hurting! I hope you can be with DH soon and I hope he is able to make you feel better! You have my number if you need anything! I wish I could teleport to you and give you a great big giant hug!

Lorena26 · #**242** February 25th, 2011, 05:48 PM

You know I've been having similar feelings lately, my friend who has been married for only a few months and has only been ttc for one cycle is making it sound like she's preg already...totally not fair. I'm absolutely feelin' your pain.

Girl IS my name · #**243** February 28th, 2011, 06:22 AM

Well, I'm feeling a little better today. Still not overly happy, but there's nothing I can do and I don't want to ruin my friendship over this. We'll see how it goes.

Girl IS my name · #**244** February 28th, 2011, 12:20 PM

I just can't get un-mad. Everytime I think I'm ok and start moving on something else happens. I have a friend who is pregnant right now (and she's extremely high risk and lucky to be pregnant at all so I am happy for her). Well I told her I wanted to be a hostess at her shower and to get me her sister's number so I could give her a call, well she never did. I found out the other day that MY sister IS a hostess and no one (not even my sister) even thought to ask me about it. Well I ran into this friend the other day at a Susan G Komen benefit and it was like pulling teeth to get her to even talk to me. Then I find out today that my 8 month pregnant friend went out dancing this weekend...at a bar... And I know she wasn't drinking, but it's a smoke-filled, crazy, drunk-*** cowboy filled place. I dunno...It could just be jealousy, but that seems slightly irresponsible to me. I got to looking at her regsitry and all the crap that she registered for is only available online.... I have decided that I'm not even going to go to her shower. I know it's immature, but I can't help it, and I don't think I can handle it gracefully if I'm there.

P.S. I know I've been complaining a lot, and I'm sorry. I'm just in a funk, and I don't know what to do to get out of it.... I think I might need more chocolate in my diet since, clearly, more sex isn't doing the trick...

Cait&AngelAbove · #**245** February 28th, 2011, 12:54 PM

Steph I am so so so sorry that you are having to go through this!!! It breaks my heart!

I do not understand why we cannot just catch a break! Was your friend trying to get pregnant? It sounds like she might be feeling awkward around you and maybe somewhat guilty. There was a girl where I worked before who was pregnant. When I had the m/c she stopped talking to me. Still now nothing because she does not know how to talk to me. It hurt me but it is her loss. Just like it is your friend's loss because you would have thrown one **** of a baby shower for her. I think it is probably better for you not to go to her shower. It would be hard for you and you would have a hard time putting on a mask. Please do not torture yourself. And it does sound like your friend is being extremely irresponsible. Feel free to vent! That is what we are here for! Go do something for yourself and make yourself feel better! Please know that I am thinking about you and praying for you!!!

Girl IS my name · #**246** February 28th, 2011, 01:08 PM

Thanks, Caitlin... No they weren't trying and it's extremely dangerous for her to even be pregnant cause she's all flipped around inside. I think it's going to be a Winnie the Pooh night. (That's my duct tape for the soul movie.) It always makes me feel better.

Cait&AngelAbove · #**247** February 28th, 2011, 06:11 PM

You're welcome. Will she have to have a c-section? Shrek always makes me feel better!

Girl IS my name · #**248** March 1st, 2011, 06:34 AM

She probably will.

I didn't get to watch either. However, DH did take me bra shopping. I know, exciting right? I went to JC Penny and tried on like 10 bras and by the time I was done trying them on my self esteem was pretty low. NOT a single one of them fit. So DH was like, "Well let's go to Victoria's Secret." He just wanted to look at the fun stuff. He doesn't think about the practical stuff there. Well they re-sized me, turns out the girl at JC Penny sized me a cup size lower than I am. They gave me a bra to try on and it was perfect! I'll never underestimate the need for a good supportive bra again. I put it on and the "girls" were just like YAAAAY! Haha.... It was a $50 bra but it's totally worth it. I got it in bright pink. (Not so practical, but oh well.) As soon as I can afford more colors, I'm going to get them.

Cait&AngelAbove · #**249** March 1st, 2011, 07:00 AM

I hate bra shopping! It is always frustrating! It makes it even harder when they size you wrong. I am sorry that you had a tough time at JC Penneys. But hey a good bra is worth its weight in gold so I do not think that fifty dollars is too much. I love Victoria's Secret!

Servilia · #**250** March 1st, 2011, 07:26 AM

Yay for bra shopping! I'm a lingerie fanatic

I love Victoria's Secret! And frankly, the less practical the better

I'm glad Dh took you shopping!

But yeah I can relate with the self esteem part, sometimes it gets downright depressing!

Girl IS my name · #**251** March 1st, 2011, 08:18 AM

Oh...and I still haven't O'd. I'm sure that's a big surprise to everyone...

Judy, DH even encouraged me to pick the pink one...good thing I wear colored tank tops under my white shirts anyway!!!

Cait&AngelAbove · #**252** March 1st, 2011, 09:29 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ready_for_BabyMcD

Oh...and I still haven't O'd. I'm sure that's a big surprise to everyone...

Judy, DH even encouraged me to pick the pink one...good thing I wear colored tank tops under my white shirts anyway!!!

I am sorry you still have not Oed stuff! I hate our bodies when they do not cooperate!

I love pretty bras!!!

Girl IS my name · #**253** March 2nd, 2011, 01:11 PM

Alright...I'm complaining again. And I think that it's a result of no O. It makes me crabby. I want a baby so bad that sometimes I can't breathe when I think about it. I can't have a baby if my freakin body won't do what it's supposed to do. DH and I have decided that since this cycle is pretty much, almost for sure, a bust (I mean why wouldn't it be. I haven't O'd. And when I do O, even though we DTD a ton, that's no guarantee that it will result in a pregnancy) that I'm going to call the doctor and tell her I want to change the plan. I want her to go ahead and schedule us an appointment with the RE. I mean, if I have to wait, it's not like I still can't do the provera. It's better than doing the provera and then still having to wait 3 months to see the specialist. That's 6 months. No, I can't do that. I'm not emotionally strong enough for this anymore. I want answers. I want to know why two healthy, YOUNG individuals, have been trying for a year with zippo. So, as soon as AF gets here (and who knows when the hell that will be) I'm calling my doctor to tell her I have changed my mind about the plan. I'm tired of waiting. I want a baby already. It shouldn't be so much to ask for. ****!!!!!

JewJewB · #**254** March 2nd, 2011, 02:02 PM

I agree!! I sure doesn't hurt to get the ball rolling! I really really hope it happens for you soon...

Girl IS my name · #**255** March 2nd, 2011, 02:06 PM

I already called my NP, she's out on vacation, but the nurse sent me to the referral desk (and I had to leave a message), but surely if they sent me to the referral desk, that means that they're going to give me a referral right?? (So much for waiting...hahaha). DH just said to do whatever I needed to do to be happy.

JewJewB · #**256** March 2nd, 2011, 03:23 PM

Sounds like my DH. HAHA!! I would definitely think it means they're going to give you a referral! YAY!!!

Cait&AngelAbove · #**257** March 2nd, 2011, 07:39 PM

Steph you complain as much as you want to! I know I do! hahaha. Definately get the ball rolling. Go find out what is going on. I want you to have a baby now as well! You deserve it! I know how you feel. You are not alone. We are all here for you. So push for it. Push the doctors to do what you want and figure out what is going. I hope you can get seen soon!

Servilia · #**258** March 2nd, 2011, 09:07 PM

Steph I agree you should push to see an RE, I really think they can do more for you. Look into clomid to help you O it's a lot better than provera for that because that's what it's made for and I've seen others have success with it

I really hope they get the ball rolling!!

Girl IS my name · #**259** March 3rd, 2011, 06:29 AM

I hope they call me back today!!! I'm nervous now, haha!!

Girl IS my name · #**260** March 3rd, 2011, 09:50 AM

Ok, I have an appointment! I hope my insurance covers it. It's April 19th (day after my b-day a sign? I think so!!!) I couldn't get ahold of my doc's referral desk so I did it myself. The first doctor (the initial doctor) didn't have appointments till November. This new doctor is the one my step sister went to. So I hope she's good. I'm in a hurry, but I'll be back tomorrow!