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Sheila's TTC Journal


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  #1  
September 8th, 2010, 10:48 PM
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Location: Omaha, NE
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Hello everyone!

This is my TTC journal, which I am now writing 6 1/2 hours before I need to be at work, also, should be in bed right now. Anyhow! I suppose this is where I introduce myself and tell you a brief summery of my TTC journey.

My name is Sheila, and my DH is Amos. We are a recently married couple, coming up on our first anniversary on November 8th. 2010. Amos is 20, and I am 19, so I suppose that you could say that we are incredibly young as well. I groom dogs, and currently, DH is doing construction at the new ball stadium here in Omaha, NE.

Just recently, my dear Amos and I have gone through a horrible time. As some of you may know from the AIP boards, I thought I was pregnant, as currently my AF is late by 8 days. Amos and I were frustrated, hurt, and not quite sure where to go from here, as all of the pregnancy tests are BFN.

We talked and DH decided that he did not want to try until we had paid a dear friend off for a loan we had taken a long time ago...I was heartbroken, seeing as I had saved the most money, and tried to pay.

BUT, as of, about, oh, *blush* 45 minutes ago, we decided to TTC. He has decided that we can make it, that we want this, and that we are ready for this next step. I could not be more ecstatic! So, here I am, here we are!

Tell me - What do you chart, how does it look? How do we start this process?
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  #2  
September 9th, 2010, 03:47 PM
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Today is day 2 of TTC! HOORAY!

Today, however, was also very challenging. Today at work I was talking to my friend Mel about myself trying to get pregnant. She was very supportive of it, despite Amos and I's age. However, just then, my Manager, we'll call her V, came in and asked us what was up. Then came in manager #2, we'll call her C. Once C was told by V what we were talking about, she simply looked at me in horror and asked:

"Did you guys even think about this?"

It made my blood boil. I was so angry and frustrated in that moment that I just wanted to shout: "YES! IN FACT WE HAVE, for like, THE PAST 5 MONTHS OR SO."

Outside of that, work was good.

However, I came home to find out that DH was laid off of his job today. :/ For a split second my heart sank - I had just gone out and got prenatal pills and a graph pad to start charting my cycles. (I even bought markers so I could decorate my charts all cute like...) Hubby saved the day, however, when he informed me that his old boss (our cousin), is hiring him back and he starts tomorrow. Lawncare again. MMMM. I loved it when he came home smelling like dirt and fresh cut grass. Plus, it's a $10.00+/hr job at 40+ hours a week, so, we'll be well off as far as money goes.

As far as charting goes, I'm a little confused. It's been 38 days since my last AF, yet no sign of her. Instead, I'm getting a lot of O signs....VERY. Very. very. confused. Blah.

Will keep you all updated!
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  #3  
September 10th, 2010, 03:41 PM
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HI Sheila and welcome.

It's great you started a journal - you might also want to join us on the main board. We have lots of fun and give advice.

My name is Judy and the host of the Newlyweds TTC board. I am also currently 6 weeks pregnant
I charted the whole time I was TTC. I'm going to recommend you put away that graph pad and simply sign up at fertilityfriend.com for charting. It makes it much easier.

Welcome and I hope your stay is short and sweet!
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  #4  
September 10th, 2010, 10:50 PM
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(Thanks so much for the reply, and the info was so helpful!)

Hello again!
Today is day 3 of the insane journey! Yesterday, a few friends and I got together and hung out (Who knew that sonic on the wii could be so darn hard?!), anyhow, it was really nice to get a night out and not worry about AF, or trying to have a baby. Well, as it happens to be, AF came along that very night. =D

So, although I am sad that I am not preggers, I think this will be a great opportunity to start a new chart, do my research, and get this show on the road! I took some good advice (see above), and started a chart on fertility friend, which is actually really easy to use!

So, hubby and I are praying desperately that this will be our cycle and that our TTC journey will be short and sweet. THIS WILL BE OUR CYCLE! Just gotta keep thinking those baby thoughts.

Also - Got a book today: The mother of all pregnancy books.

It covers conception and whoooobooooy! That's a lot of info to absorb!

Seeing as it's almost one o clock though, I need to get to bed!

Night ladies!
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  #5  
September 12th, 2010, 04:14 PM
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Hello all!

Today went well, left, so that's totally good. I am so glad to have really short AF visits. Sometimes I think all I have to do is will it away, and usually the next day it is gone. I keep reading more in my pregnancy book and the more I think about it, the more I think I would like a home delivery. It sounds so much more comforting, and I want to go natural - What's more natural than home?

However, there's a part of me that's very scared of this concept. I'm a /very/ small girl. 96lbs, 5"2. I'm thin, but, due to my job as a dog groomer I'm actually quite muscular. I'm very scared that my size will limit my birthing options - That because I'm little I will have to have a C-section. Definitely not something I want.

DH and I are getting along well, although, there have been a few times where I've wanted to give him a good shaking up on this adventure. TTC surely changes many things in a relationship - Suddenly everything is about the baby and what to do to make sure I'm in my best shape, we're good financially...whew! I'm already exhausted!
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  #6  
September 13th, 2010, 08:48 PM
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Today AF just randomly decided to pop in to say hello, and then POOF, she was gone again, just like magic. I'm really hoping that this is the last time I have to see her ugliness for 9 or so months. That would be just lovely, thank you. =D

DH and I are really catching onto this TTC thing, it's bringing us a lot closer as a couple. I find that we talk alot about what we'll do when we find out we're preggers, what we hope for, dream for. He and I are so ready for this, so happy that we could seriously explode sometimes. I cannot wait for the moment that I have my big belly!

Today is day 5 of my cycle and I'm starting to get excited. Every day I count, every day I wish I was closer to O so that I can get working on that baby! But, most of all there is one really important thing that I need to remember:

Closeness with my spouse. Sometimes I get so caught up in all of this that I forget what BD is all about...Closeness. I want a baby so bad that I forget the most important thing, intimacy and love with DH. I know that now, more than ever, I need to show him that I love him. We pass love off so often as a word, but it also needs to be an action. So, I made a vow to myself that through this whole thing, while I am trying for a baby, I also need to be attentive to my spouses needs and emotions - Not just waving a pee-stick in his face and begging him to take his clothes off.

(Although....LOL, not sure if he'd argue some days...)
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  #7  
September 13th, 2010, 09:49 PM
PinkCloud's Avatar It's a girl!!!
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Hey Sheila, I'm glad you started a journal. I have one, too - over in the TTC#1 section of the board. I find myself writing in it everyday - it's a good place to write what you're thinking and get it off your chest. This is my 1st month TTC, too. It's all very exciting and if you're impatient, like I am, it's hard to wait. I have been temping (which is hard because I work night shift) and doing OPKs.

Good luck to you and your hubby in your TTC journey. I hope you get your bfp really soon.
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  #8  
September 15th, 2010, 08:24 PM
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TODAY HAS BEEN INSANE!

First off - I went to work at 12:30 today. When I went into the salon, I learned that one of the Humane Society volunteers that works in our store brought a gun with him! Apparently it was loaded and he hid it in the trash can in our break room. The police have not yet released what he intended to do with the gun, but I am so thankful that they caught him before anything bad happened - I hate to think how horribly things could have gone today.

Then when I left work it was storming so bad! The drive home was very scary, and though it normally takes 15 minutes, it took me half an hour to get home. The streets were flooded and sometimes there was water halfway up my tires!

Yesterday Amos and I went to Nebraska Furniture Mart as sort of a mini-date. We looked at the cribs and all I could think about was how excited I am to start this new part of our lives - I CANNOT WAIT!

I wish I could think of more to write, but currently, nothing comes to mind!
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  #9  
September 15th, 2010, 08:44 PM
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Oh no that's so scary about the gun! Glad he was caught!
Yay for looking at baby furniture! Isn't it fun?
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  #10  
September 16th, 2010, 04:27 AM
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OMG! So fun! Haha. We found so much stuff that we liked, and the awesome thing is that if you buy furniture there and do payments on it, you get credit, which we desperately need! We don't have any credit just because we are terrified of credit cards...
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  #11  
September 18th, 2010, 06:06 PM
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Wow. It's been...3 days since my last update. Wow, my life must have been boring the past couple of days -

Not a lot going on here - Nebraska is getting colder, today it was less than 60 degrees here. We're getting into hoodie season! HOORAY! Hubby and I are doing great, although charting is getting a little confusing. I'm having a hard time waking up at the same time every day to do my charting - VERY frustrating. Also, I had a HUGE temperature dip today, like, one degree different than normal. Not sure what to make of it...
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  #12  
September 22nd, 2010, 10:34 PM
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Sleeping on the couch tonight.

Having a very rough couple of days - I guess I should start with why I'm angry, which goes back to 10 months ago. Ten months ago, I got married to the love of my life. I am still happily married, but, we got married under hard circumstances. You see, Amos and I started dating when I was 16. We had known each other since we were 13. 2 years after we started dating, Amos proposed. I was 18, engaged, and excited. We both still lived with our parents, but knew we would do what we could to get prepared for our marriage a year down the road.

My step-father, though, ruined everything. 2 weeks after I got engaged, he admitted to molesting me back when I was a drug addict. Needless to say, I moved out of my house - Using all of my wedding savings to get an apartment. Amos would stay with me over the weekends, (of course, we were having sex.), and pretty soon, people found out and started talking. We became outcasts at our church, and Amos's parents insisted that we get married as soon as possible.

I had used all of my wedding money - So, we caved. We eloped, and although it was the happiest day of my life, it was also the most sad. My mother refused to come (she is still with my step-dad), and Amos's parents did not come because they did not want to cause problems between the two families. So, the only people present were 2 friends, my sister, her husband, and Amos's sister, Ethne. I did not get the wedding I wished for ever since I was a little girl. I went to work the day after I got married - Working just as hard as usual. The night of my wedding? We went to the parents house and ate.

Fast forward: I'm sleeping on the couch.
Amos's sisters, Hosanna and Sophie are getting married this October, along with my dear friend Emilie. I have a huge emotional scar, and weddings tend to make me sob and become deeply depressed. I only have gone to one since we were married, and even then, I only went to the reception and only lasted 10 minutes before we had to leave.

I do not like Amos's sister, Hosanna. Not at all. So, add this in to going to a wedding, Amos's parents blabbing about both weddings non-stop, and the stress of TTC, and I want to rip my hair out. I'm losing sleep, I'm depressed, I can't handle it. I tried talking to Amos about it again tonight, told him I would go to the wedding - And he was happy, but, I felt so upset and sick to my stomach. This is not what I want. I don't want to go, I will hate going, it will hurt so badly....
He started to fall asleep while I was trying to talk about this. In fact - He fell asleep. So, I asked him if I should just let him sleep, and so he is. I can't.

But I'm sleeping on the couch. I don't want to be near him, I don't want to do anything. I love him, but I'm so hurt. There's so much going on that I just want to rip my hair out...I'm crying, I have to work in 6 hours....I don't know what to do. I hope things get better...I know that in an hour or so I still won't be able to sleep, I'll be scared of how dark the living room is at night and I'll crawl back into bed, but...I want to stick this out. I'm so intensely angry.
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  #13  
September 28th, 2010, 03:12 PM
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Things are much better now! Things were hard for the past couple of nights, it seemed like Amos and I were mad at each other for everything! So, for the past couple of days it's just been void of BD. We were just so stressed and tired of each other.

However - We had a talk and are much better. So, since we hadn't BD'ed in a while, I was really upset when I had a huge temp spike this morning - Thinking that I ovulated yesterday. Well, I was in luck! I ovulated 3 days ago, and even better - Amos and I BD'd the two days leading up to and the day of! So, I'm thinking our chances are good, right?
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  #14  
September 28th, 2010, 05:25 PM
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Hi Sheila I am Caitlin. I got married at 19 as well. DH was 22. I turned 20 this year. I am so sorry about everything you are going through. Here is a huge hug!
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  #15  
September 29th, 2010, 09:29 AM
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I am still immensely sick, and have to work an 8 1/2 hour shift today. All of my congestion is gone, but I'm hacking up mucous and have a sore throat that is making my neck swell up 2 times its size. I can't call in sick to work because I already have a special day off this week for Hosanna's wedding, and because I'm the only groomer closing tonight.

I think I'm going to lose my brain. It looks like this 2WW is going to be spent in bed with a ton of tissues and cough medicine. Not to mention weddings and getting ready for Halloween. I am going crazy!!!!! Hopefully here soon, though, I'll be able to get some sleep.

So, Amos and I talked last night and I figured out how I'm going to tell him I'm pregnant (which I hope I am, and I have a good feeling about this cycle...). When we first thought I was pregnant last month, he started calling me his little panda, and when we found out I wasn't preggo (most likely a miscarriage), I haven't worn this panda shirt that I have. I wore it ALOT when I thought I was preggo.

So, the day that I find out I'm pregnant, I'm going to wear my panda shirt and surprise him when he comes home. =D I am very, very, very excited for this.

1)It's a cute shirt...
2)I'll be preggo.
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  #16  
October 15th, 2010, 09:28 AM
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Well, it's been a while since I updated. As many of you know, AF came and I was not preggo, so we are now in cycle #2. Things have been going alright here, I still enjoy being married and I'm getting to relax with friends a lot more, which is really nice.

My schedule at work got really messed up recently, which is frustrating, but something that I really need to accept and just keep doing my best. Next week I'll be applying to get my GED and then I'll start taking some graphic design classes which will be super awesome! I'm definitely excited about that one.

Other than that, not a lot going on here. Hubby and I have been doing great, although last night we had some issues that needed to be worked through, and I'm not sure if they really were, but, other than that, things are great.
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