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  #1  
June 5th, 2006, 07:51 PM
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Monday June 5,2006

I want to O already. My left side was hurting most of the day so I think it is around the corner. I hope it hasn't gotten too big. We are going to bd once more tonight and pray for a temp rise in the am. I am getting tired of bd'ing.
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  #2  
June 6th, 2006, 08:32 AM
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Tuesday June 6,2006

I feel so frustrated with my body. It is not cooperating at all. I just knew I would O yesterday with all the pain in my side but my temp has not went up yet. My monitor is driving me crazy. It usually lines up with my opk's but not right now. I just don't know what to think. I have never O'd this late. Going crazy here!
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  #3  
June 7th, 2006, 05:58 AM
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Wednesday June 7,2006

I am sure my temp rise is from O. Gosh, I am so happy. AND I didn't bd last night. DH was so tired from work and I was just tired of bd'ing. Lord please let this month work.

Oh and my monitor didn't work at all this month. I wasted so many sticks. I'm sure glad I bought those opk's and didn't go with only my monitor as planned.

I am in such a good mood. Even though I start my Geography class tonight. yuck! I kind of wish I hadn't dropped it past spring so I could have all summer free. Oh well.
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  #4  
June 8th, 2006, 05:56 AM
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Thursday June 8,2006

Now that I have finally O'd now I can obsess during the 2ww. Something did happen last night that was a little weird. I went to pee and wiped and there was some pinkish mucus on the tp. I wiped again and nothing. I have spotted before at O time but not after and it was blood before not like this. I think it is too early for implantation, no I know it is too early just wishful thinking lol already. Who knows, time will tell.

My baby is going away with his friend for 2 WHOLE WEEKS. I am going to miss him so much.
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  #5  
June 12th, 2006, 06:55 AM
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Monday June 12,2006

I worked Friday and Saturday for 13 hours each day. Wore me out. No time to obsess over symptoms. lol. Britt is visiting from Florida so that has kept my mind mostly occupied.

Just got back from having my progesterone checked. I should know the results sometime this afternoon. I pray they are high indicating ovulation. I just don't have a good feeling about it. I don't feel that I O'd really strong as with the clomid and I'm afraid the follie was too big when I did O making the quality bad. We shall see. My bbs are hurting today, started last night. This is the way they always hurt after O pg or not. I want to test already. If my progesterone comes back well I will probably start testing tomorrow at 8dpo as usual. Will update with the progesterone later.
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  #6  
June 13th, 2006, 10:10 AM
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Tuesday June 13,2006

Well my progesterone came back at 12.5. Not bad but not great either. It means I didn't respond to the medication very well. Oh well, on to injectibles if I don't get a bfp this cycle. Well, I am only 8dpo and of course I started poas. Well low and behold there is a very very very faint line. Evap? It seems like dejavue. I never get even a evap with a bfn so of course my heart is pounding. I'm not going to tell dh and just retest tomorrow or the next day if I can wait. It would be so awesome to give him the news on Fathers Day.

OK, OK I did another test this afternoon because I just couldn't wait until the morning and it has a faint, faint line as well. Different kind of test. What's the chances of 2 evaps. Usually I don't even get a evap. I will have to wait until tomorrow to retest.
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  #7  
June 14th, 2006, 06:44 AM
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Wednesday June 14,2006


Well retested this am and not even an evap so I guess it was evaps yesterday. I don't know why I torture myself like this. It is still way early and I shouldn't even be testing. I get so frustrated at myself. This whole journey is really starting to take its toll. I am beginning to think I'm not supposed to have anymore children and that I should just accept it and focus on my career. I feel really down today.
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  #8  
June 15th, 2006, 05:40 AM
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Thursday June 15,2006

I resisted the urge to test again this morning but gosh I sure do want to now. I truly believe I need a 12 step program for this obsession. lol. I am not going to be crushed if I am not pg this month. Maybe disappointed but not crushed. If I conceived this cycle I would be due Feb. 27. School would be out for spring break the first week of March during my last semester. It would be do-able but I still would need quite a bit of time off for having a C-Section. But all in all I told Dr. Assad that I would prefer to get pg in July or August so that I would graduate school and just take a few months off to enjoy the baby before beginning my career advancement. Though this was the plan for last year so I would be having it this summer's break. Oh but if only life worked the way we "plan" it. Just another thing I have to hand to God and tell him to take control.
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  #9  
June 19th, 2006, 05:55 AM
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Monday June 18,2006

Well, it's back to the drawing board. The witch showed up last night. I have called RE this morning to start on the injectibles. Me and DH talked last night about this step. I considered just giving up and focusing on my career but we both mutally agreed to go forward. I don't know how many cycles I will try this but I guess I will know more after I talk to the Dr. I'm not reeeeeaaaaal down because if that bfp comes at august that would be perfect. I would graduate in May 2007 and the baby would be due then too and I would just take about 4 months off work and enjoy. I am having faith and just leaving this situation in God's hands.

Just talked to my RE and we are going to start the injectibles on Wed. I will have baseline bloodwork done on Wed. and bloodwork and get started. Yay, I can throw away the thermometer, opk's and monitor. No use for those this cycle.
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  #10  
June 25th, 2006, 09:28 AM
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Sunday June 25, 2006

I am just sitting here reflecting on my ttc journey. Who would have thunk that it would have been so hard? I thought I would get my tubes reversed and WHAM! preggo. 15 months later, I am giving myself injections in the stomach, going for 2 ultrasounds a week, bloodwork every other day. I just can't believe I am at this point. At the drop of a hat, when my RE calls me, DH will have to "produce" for the IUI. I'm just feeling a little low and wondering how much further I will go and how much more money we will spend. Oh when, oh when will I get a bfp????????????????????
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  #11  
June 26th, 2006, 08:02 AM
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Monday June 26, 2006

Went to see RE for my progress check. My ultrasound showed 1 large follie on the right and 2 growing ones on the left. That is really good news being we think that my right side is not open. I have to go back on Wed. to see when I will need to trigger. I am a little stressed about working around this process. I was supposed to go to a class for work on Wednesday. And I will have to see if I can find someone to cover for me a few hours on the day we inseminate either Friday or Saturday. I should have talked to my boss before I began this process. I don't know what she will say. This class was pretty important. It is 2 days with the second one being next month. Oh well, it will work out.

I have had to resist the urge to use an opk. It would be totally useless with the ultrasounds and the meds manipulating my ovaries. I just feel like I should do something.
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  #12  
June 28th, 2006, 06:43 PM
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Wednesday June 28,2003

I took my last injection in my tummy today, thank God. My tummy is black and blue all over. I went for another ultrasound today. My right side has a beautiful follie (my right tube is blocked . My RE thought I had 2 on my right on Monday but at todays ultrasound he couldn't tell what was going on with my left side????????????? what is up with that? We are going to trigger tomorrow night and shoot for the iui on Saturday. I'm not real hopeful now. I am just finding it so hard to be hopeful anymore. I will know tomorrow at my ultrasound what is going on (hopefully). I have come to a decision. If I don't get pg this cycle, I am not taking anymore meds. I told dh that what would happen is that I would give up and go full steam ahead for my career and wham I will get pg when I am 40. That would be so crazy. Anyway, I am just starting to come to terms with the fact that I may never have dh's baby.
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  #13  
July 3rd, 2006, 06:03 AM
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Monday July 3,2006

I feel a little better today. We talked last night about the whole ttc process. I have decided that I don't want to go any further. This has been a very emotional, stressful year. I know the hormone medication is speaking alot through me but I know that I am tired. So if there is no bfp this cycle then that is it for me.
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  #14  
July 27th, 2006, 05:52 PM
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Thursday July 27,2006


Dear journal: I haven't written in awhile. There doesn't ever seem to be anything really new in this process. Wait to O, Wait for test results, wait for Dr. appt. then wait to see if I got pg. It is really been a super long journey. 16 months to be exact. I never dreamed it would take so long. I am excited and bummed at the same time about tomorrow. I will be having my iui and dh won't be there. He has to drop his sample off and go to work. He is soooo busy with work. He has tons of it right now. I know he would come with me but I really don't want to ask him. It just saddens me to think I might get pg with him no where around. It doesn't really matter how our baby is concieved, I just had this crazy fantasy about getting pg while making love to my husband who means more to me than anyone besides my children. Anywho, I have to work tomorrow and go from there in the am for the insemination. I really am excited. I feel hopeful with the 3 good size follies on my left and 1 on my right. Surely those dumb little spermies can hit one of those targets for heaven sakes. OK, I'm gonna go shower and RELAX so my eggies will be relaxed.
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  #15  
July 28th, 2006, 07:18 PM
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Friday June 28,2006

Dear journal:

OK, had the insemination. I believe I got pg today. It was so simple and I had been worrying about it. I was more concerned for Lynn and him collecting his sample. To my knowledge he does not "take care of business" by himself. I told him for all I knew he did it all the time, and OMG he didn't comment. lol Anywho, he got it with no difficulty and got it to the RE's office on time and I was so proud of him. That stupid Dr. that washed it told him, the problem was definitely not with him. HMMMMMPPPHHHH! I said no, the problem is not with your sperm but lack of it in my cervix. We have to have sex to get pg. He was excited that he got to see his guys under the microscope swimming all around. He was so funny talking about it. I am just so proud of him this month. He told me this was the least he could do for all I have been through to get pg. Especially since he hasn't been putting the effort into it like he should. OMG, I love him so very much.
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  #16  
July 30th, 2006, 09:52 AM
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Sunday July 30,2006

Dear journal:

Oh but oh the 2ww. Time is going to pass so slowly. I know I will be happy just when this trigger shot leaves my system. It should be tomorrow or Tues. I will be twidling my thumbs alot. I have a class tomorrow so that is good, will keep me busy and I am going to go ahead and set up my horseback riding classes for sometime this week.
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  #17  
July 31st, 2006, 02:11 PM
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Monday July 31, 2006

Dear journal:

This 2ww is going to draaaaaag by. Had a class this morning that kept me busy all day but nothing the rest of the week. What am I going to do?

OMG, how long is this hcg going to be in my system. My nipples still hurt sooooo bad. AND still had a very bfp! I took the trigger wednesday nigh so I would have thought it would be gone by 5 days.

Symptoms to obsess about but is too soon Lol
3dpo: lower abdomen cramping. Not really like af but uncomfortable all day. Nothing to do with making a baby probably but no other symptoms. And time rolls on sloooooooooowwwwwwwwwlllllllllyyyyyyyy!
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  #18  
August 2nd, 2006, 01:46 PM
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Wednesday August 2,2006

Dear journal:

5 DPO. I think time has stopped. Just 9 more days to test. Yeah right, I will start testing asap. In fact, I am doing just what I said I wouldn't-test this stupid trigger out. It is still there. Last month it was gone after 11 days but I took 10,000 units. It has been 7 days and I only took 5,000units. I just want a bfn so I will know when the real deal comes. going to stop at walmart and stock up on some tests tonight. I am such a bad girl. So dh wants to bd but I feel so yucky after the progesterone suppositories which by the way are making me so tired, sleepy and dizzy. Until next time journal..........
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