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I don't know what on earth is going on with the whole charting thing. This is the 1st time I have ever tried it, and the temps seem to be all over the place. I don't know. I have been pretty hormonal the past couple of days. Hopefully that is a good sign of o'ing. I know I shouldn't be impatient, but I can't help it. It's my nature. I want what I want, and now.
DH has been great so far for all of this. When I say, lets go, he does. And the two times AF came and I had to deal with the disappointment, he was supportive and sweet. Today is supposed to be O day, so I will soon be approaching the 2ww. I HATE that part sooo much!! Every twinge and tingle in my body freaks me out....Could I be pg, I constantly ask about it.
It is also really hard because we haven't told any family we are ttc. It would be a lot of pressure from DH's family, and I don't know how mine will react. They are not always so supportive. I am not the kind of person who keeps things in, so its pretty tough. And for some reason DH's family seems to be bringing up kids more now than ever. Its wierd.
Its funny how your not supposed to be stressed when ttc, but it seems its one of the most stressful things I've ever done!! Ironic.
I am excited!! I get to see my niece today!! Now that my sister moved to Texas, I have only been seeing her once a year. Pretty soon she will be too busy to want to visit being that she's in those lovely adolescent years.
B) I wish the boys could've come up also, but maybe sometime soon. I hope she has fun.
I am exhausted!! I really didn't sleep last night and I think thats it. It doesn't feel anything totally abnormal. Also, my boobs are a tiny bit sore, but they have been for a week or so. Probably nothing.
Well, I have been pretty tired on and off for the past few days. I am not abnormally tired though. Also my nips are the same amount sore as they were. They haven't really gotten worse, and I would think if I were pg, they would have. The symptoms could be the same as AF, thats the tough part. I hate reading too much into them, and getting my hopes up. I did that the first cycle we tried. Anyway, my niece is here and you would think that would help keep my mind off of this 2ww, but not really. It seems lately that everywhere I turn, the people who don't know I'm ttc start talking to me about kids, and telling me how I should wait and not have them yet. Its strange, these people act like I'm 14 and not married!! There's no reason Mike and I shouldn't want kids now, except me being in school, which is not that much of an obstacle. Tons of women do more than school while pg. I can do it too. Oh, a couple of nights ago, I had a dream that I took a pg test and got a bfp. It was wierd, cuz normally pregnancy dreams are of me being big and pg. This one was a bit different. Maybe it means something, but I doubt it. I am more hopeful this month than last month though. Hope AF doesn't come!!!
These temps are making me nuts!! They don't make any sense. According to the fertility friend chart, I would have o'd on cycle day 18, which is wierd because my microscope said my ovulation was right where it was supposed to be. I don't know. Charting seems to be stressing me out more than anything. I do think I'm not temping right, because I've had to switch the times, and I don't think the thermometer is basal body. Anyway, I'm still tired. I can't shake it, but I also started camp this week. Its probably just adjustment phase. My boobs are still a bit sore, and yesterday I had this achiness in my lower area. Its still there a little bit, but not as bad as last night. Its probably just AF symptoms. *Sigh* I won't test until after I am late.
OMG, I am stressed. I have been thoroughly exhausted the past few days. I want to know whats going on. I tested this afternoon, but I used an old test that expires this month, and I am at least 3 days early for testing. It was negative. I didn't even let it sit the whole time, I just said forget it. My ovulation microscope is showing ferning, still. I don't know whats up with that. Its been showing ferning like every other day. I can't wait until Friday. This is making me nuts!! Please let me get that bfp!!
Well, all the tests including a blood test at the doctors have been negative. I have been crazily tired and am probably going to lose my job because I haven't been to work. I am now 2 days late with AF. That is pretty abnormal for me, but I won't test again for a couple more days. I have an appt. with my regular doctor on Tuesday anyway. *Sigh* I wonder what is going on with me. I really think I am starting to believe that I am nuts. I have an appt with a new gyno on Friday, so maybe she will have some answers.
Well, the doctor thinks my exhaustion is due to stress. Thats just great. Now I have more stress because I have lost my job because of it. How can a 6 week camp use me if I don't know when I will have the energy to get there and chase after all those kids? Anyway, I am super stressed also because I found out that I didn't get my full loan amount for school. I have to try to take out loans from other places. Mike says stop thinking about it. No matter what he will make school work for me, even if we have to dip in our savings. Which of course I refuse to do. I feel bad for him. Every day he comes home from work and here I am in pajamas and sad. I think today I will try to look nice for him. I've just been so tired by that time of day, that I can't even make myself dinner. The other day he was going to get food at his parents, but he got out of work late, so he called and asked me to make him something. I had already made myself something, and I was so tired that I just gave him my food, and I didn't eat. I see the gyno on Friday, so maybe I can ask her about the pain in my right side and the constant ferny spit. I hope everythings ok. I am impatient enough, I don't need a problem making this take longer. Next time we bd, maybe I will drink a couple glasses of wine first to try to relax.
I am soo tired!! I went to see the OB today, (a new one) and she is really nice. I definitely like her more than the old one. She just seemed like she knew more about what she was talking about. Plus she is a woman, I have never had a woman ob before. Well, she told me to hide all my charting stuff and my saliva predictor. She said we should bd every other day, not every day. She said "I don't want to tell you to relax, but..." I get it. She doesn't want me to stress out about it. She said there is no reason to think anything would be wrong, and it takes lots of people a year. Not that it was what I wanted to hear, but I trust her opinions. I guess I will just chillax about the whole thing, and make sure to pay attention to my cycle. I think it will be very hard not to obsess during the 2 week wait, but it may make things easier for the next month if I don't. I will try to be more easygoing, I don't know if I can.
I am thinking about ttc a lot. I'm on cd 9, and we have begun bd'ing. I don't want to be thinking about it all that much, because that makes me more stressed. I just want to take it easy so the eggie can get caught. DH's 30th b-day is this weekend, and I have some planning to do. I'm not throwing him a party, but I think I will invite his family over for cake. Him not being social makes my life easy. I hope its a nice b-day for him. I will do my best.
I am still very tired a lot of the time. It comes in spurts still. I go to the dr wednesday to get checked for sleep disorders. I've also been kinda irritable. Mostly with DH, but out of nowhere I get snippy. Ugh! Hormones are annoying.
So far, I've been thinking about getting pg more this cycle than any other. I know that is not good, but how am I supposed to turn it off? I won't let myself read the books I got, the only thing I do, is come on this site, and bd. I even try not to talk about it too much. I really hope it happens soon, because then I won't have to take any breaks from school. I don't want to take a semester off. I know that means it will be hard, but I'd rather tough it out pg in class, than have to take time off. I guess God has a plan for me, and I should just go with it. But its soo hard!!
OMG, this weekend has been stressful. It was DH's 30th b-day yesterday, and I put together a very small surprise party. Just his family. I had told them it was a surprise, and his mom called and said "See you later tonight". I don't know why she did that. Sometimes I feel like she flat out doesn't listen to me. So he found out about that. I also found out that my BIL who is like my brother, tried to kill himself the other night. I am so freaked out. He almost died, and now he is in a hospital. They are far away, and there is nothing I can do. He has been in my life since I was like 2 yrs old, and I don't remember him not being there. I really am worried about him. I don't want them to let him home, but I think they are going to. I am worried about bd'ing. I really want this to be the month. Tomorrow is supposedly O day, so we are skipping today and bd'ing tomorrow. I am worried if that is the smart thing to do. I just know we are supposed to skip a day, and we bd'ed two days in a row. It shouldn't be a big deal, there's no reason to think that sperm should be low. But I am anal about everything. Maybe I could give my family some good news soon, and that would help cheer them up. I know it would make my niece happy. I am worried about her for seeing her father go through this. Ugh! I was hoping for less stress soon, but things are not getting better!
Goodness, I feel like I have never been more stressed in my life than the past couple months. It just seems to never end!! I didn't get my personal loan, so now I need a co-signer. Not a biggie, but these loans I have to pay right away. They are not student loans, so by the end of the next couple years, the monthly payments will have built up astronomically. My goodness!! Anyway, I just feel not good.
I'm worried about my BIL and I can't stop the baby thinking. I just wish I could turn it off so that I could chill out. When I'm not thinking about those things, I'm worrying about school stuff...the loans, the assessment test I need to take right away. At this rate I'll never get pg if stress really is a big factor.
Well, although I am still a full week away from AF's due date, I just have a feeling I am out. I don't have the feeling like I am pg. *Sigh* When will we get our baby?
Also I just got this new laptop, and I love it, but I can't figure out how to get the printer working from it. Maybe Adam can help. I dunno. They said I didn't have to buy a new one, so I'd better be able to use the one I have. They had a deal that if you buy a computer you get the printer for ten bucks. I'll make them honor that if I can't get this to work. I HATE technology sometimes! Its great when it works, but it can be really frustrating!