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Well today is CD1 of cycle number 8 and my LP of my last cycle was two days shorter than it usually is. Because of that and my frustrations, I have decided to track my TTC journey.
A little bit about my DH and myself. I am 24 and DH is 30. I work at a call center for Directv and he works with vending machines. I am also currently taking a break from school and I plan to go back in Fall 2012 to pursue a degree in Veterinary Technology since I love animals.
We have been married since October 2011 and we stopped using birth control in August 2011 when DH turned 30. We decided that if we were getting married that what is the point in using it? The first couple of months we didn't try; we were just in the stage, not trying and not preventing. So, of course, BFN's. I don't think I have POAS since Nov 2011. I just wait for my expected AF. If she comes, on to the next cycle. If not I test and I haven't been late yet, just early the past two months.
Anyways. Like I mentioned at the beginning of this post, we are starting cycle number 8 and I will be trying the pineapple thing and see what that does.
Today is CD 8. I will start using OPK's this cycle and DH is willing to start a multi-vitamin YAY! He's so great.
So last time I was a little worried because my LP seemed to have shortened, but one of the JM girls mentioned that it looked like I O'd on CD 14, so that could explain get AF early: FF wasn't right this time
Today I am on CD 10 and I had a baby dream. I had a baby dream one other time and of course, I wasn't pregnant that month.
I was holding a newborn baby boy in my arms and his little hair peaked over the blanket. He was sleeping. Oh how I want this so bad! And when I have these dreams they tend to be pretty vivid.
I am tired of the whole TTC game. I am tired of waiting to O and I am tired of waiting for AF, because after so long of TTC, I expect nothing more than AF every month. Makes me kinda sad to admit that because it makes me feel like it will never happen. I do pray to God and I am relaxing more this month, as well as doing a few other things to try and make this pregnancy happen... but why does it have to be this difficult?! Why can't I just get knocked up?
I prayed to God the other day, telling Him to take my wanting away if it is not time for me and my DH to have a child. Well, my wanting hasn't gone away.... when will it happen for me?
I know I haven't O'd yet, but I am losing hope because well... it just feels like it will never happen. My DH and I are both a little overweight and that's the reason it feels like it will never happen. We are newlyweds but we don't have sex that much :/ Sometimes there are months where we have sex maybe once a week, whereas, there are other months where we have sex every other week and this past month, well the last time we had sex was the day I O'd and it looks like it will happen again this month...
I am ready to give up TTC... My husband said he wants to but he said his body doesn't want to cooperate. Work leaves his body aching, could be due to all the driving he does on a daily basis. His weight could also be a contributing factor. It's always a "we'll see" or "maybe" when it comes to sex and BD'ing.
I bought an OPK which I have been using every morning until I start to see it go positive and I think I may have wasted my money on it. I even bought my DH multivitamins and myself a pineapple.... and I think it's probably going to be a waste.
I am tired of trying because of these things. Because sex is a maybe. It sucks and if it doesn't happen this month I want God to take away my wanting of a child.
CD11. Hubby is still taking the vitamins and I am still doing the OPK. I feel better today about TTC since I had a talk with hubby.
He said he wants a family but he said sometimes his body is too tired to cooperate. I understand that since he drives a truck a few hours a day to fill vending machines, not everyday, but still it's understandable that he is too tired. He is also a bit over weight, as I mentioned before, which is possibly the biggest issue.
We are supposed to be moving at the end of May out to his parents until we can get ourselves a mobile home, which shouldn't be too long since we have a little bit saved. It's not much, but it is some. We decided around the beginning of the new year that we didn't want to rent anymore and pay a ridiculous amount for an apartment that we will never own, which is why we decided to look into a mobile home. I am excited about that! I am also looking forward to moving out there because they live out in the country, kinda, which means we can be more active We can go for walks, be outside doing yard work (especially when we get our own home), play ball. This stuff we don't feel like doing now because there is a lot of people and we aren't the most social of people.
Hopefully, by doing this, it will help our TTC journey because we won't be so lazy, but I am still hoping THIS will be THE month
CD15. My opk is getting darker. I am already losing hope though because my husband is stressing and his performance is easily affected by stress. So, there is a slim to none chance that I will get pregnant this month :/ *sigh*
I am tired of this TTC stuff. It's just not fun anymore. Feels like I am wasting money on tracking something that doesn't really matter since my DH is stressing lately.
Update... DH and I have decided to stop trying but we aren't preventing either. We have just been under stress with work and not feeling this whole TTC thing. Especially me since we have been trying for over 8 months.
We will be moving out of the city next month and hopefully we will be more active which will help with the TTC. For now, just trying not to think of babies even though I want one badly at times.
I want a baby badly. I feel like crying sometimes because of it and I honestly can't stand it. All this waiting to be disappointed every month. I know I said DH and I were going to stop trying, I want to try.
But it always seems like no use. I wish I didn't want a baby so bad.
CD 1 of Cycle #10. Boo. Now into double digits of how long we have been trying. Hubby told me last night he wants me to start doing OPK's again so we have a higher chance since it looks like we missed the egg this last cycle due to the fact that I started early and I wasn't charting temps. So, I don't know when I ovulated this last month and I had hoped and prayed we caught it last month, but we didn't. Oh well. Nothing I can do now other than move on to this cycle.
I really hope that it happens for us this month because if it doesn't happen this month, who knows when it will happen because we will be moving in with my in-laws until we get our home and hubby doesn't feel comfortable BD'ing under his parents roof. Idk if I will either. I will be praying my heart out this month so we can hopefully conceive! If not I'm not sure when we can start again if it doesn't happen so I am just gonna have a lot of hope and pray a lot this month!
CD 23. Waiting for AF because it didn't happen this month. Hubby was stressing out about moving and money so he wasn't in the mood for TTC. Oh well...
We are now living at my in-laws until we get our own place, which MIGHT be as early as December... even as late as next tax season. At that time is when we discussed trying again. I am a little sad about it, but not much I can do at this point. So we are at the NTNP at this point... I will update once in awhile, but for now... AF needs to come already.
Hubby and I have come to the conclusion that we aren't in control of having a child right, so we are no longer trying or preventing. We just hope that a pregnancy will come... eventually. All I can do for now is... just pray and maybe it will come.
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