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  #1  
May 20th, 2012, 09:35 AM
*Mrs.ToyaJae*'s Avatar Super Mommy
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: South Carolina
Posts: 964
I am baaaaaaaaaaaaaaack!!!! Well, not officially. But my hubby (Leroy) told me that we could officially start ntnp. I missed writing on JM and socializing with the other mommies. Zion and Jamel keep me so busy. Ok, well...guess I'll tell you Huey's how this decision came up.

After Zion was born, at my six week appointment, I got a Paragard IUD inserted. 1 month later it partially expelled itself and had to be removed. I was put on the mini pill for 6 months, but it started making me severely dizzy so I stopped taking it, ordered the Implanon and went for months without anything. In April they finally inserted the Implanon. I only had it for about two weeks.... (lol I know I know) it had to be removed because it was causing my arm to tingle and go numb because it was rubbing a nerve. I was given a prescription for the patch used it for ten days and now I'm on my period because I removed the patch prematurally 4 days ago. I couldn't take the leg cramp, nausea and headache. So to just end the birth control drama we decided to ntnp.

I would say I'm CD1 but I'm not sure if this is a real period or maybe just withdrawal bleeding. I have a lot I want to write but I will come back later and tell you all. <3 promise.
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~*Mommy To Zion 6.23.11 & Jamel 9.1.08*~



My. Two. FAVORITE. Little. Men.


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  #2  
May 20th, 2012, 12:23 PM
swtneka's Avatar Praying for a miracle
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Location: Hattiesburg, Ms
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Toya so glad your back. I hope your journey is short n sweet
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  #3  
May 21st, 2012, 11:46 AM
*Mrs.ToyaJae*'s Avatar Super Mommy
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I AM SO SHOCKED TO SEE THAT MY POST IS NOT UP...I POSTED IT AND IT'S NOT THERE =( man, we'll I'll recap it in this one... grr!!!

I'm guess this is... CD 2

I came here yesterday and wrote, because I promise that I would be back...I wonder what happened to my post. *sigh* oh well. It was a bunch of jibberish anyway.

The key things that I wrote about yesterday was that I had just found out that my sister in law is pregnant. She came over and I was congratulating her, all the while thinking in my head 'Do I really have to watch her go through this pregnancy and listen to her talk about this pregnancy when I secretly, so badly want my own?' It's going to be hard to try not to go over board and become obsessive.

I also talked about the fact that I haven't told anyone that I know that we are officially N.O.T preventing anymore. I don't want to hear anyone's negative comments. I know that everyone will be focusing on the fact that my last son is just shy a month of being a year old, so I just haven't opened my mouth. Especially to my mom. She just made a rude comment about my cousin's wife about wanting another child. Her last child and Zion share the same birthday and she's turning 2. I don't think that that's bad spacing and her oldest child is 6 so I don't think that's bad in any way shape or form. My mom thinks anything over 2 is a lot of kids. However, she has 3 kids...but only 2 of us are living so I don't understand why she feels like that's a lot. Her spacing isn't that far apart either. Me and my living sister are barely 4 years apart and she's only barely 3 years apart from our deceased sister. My mom is just off sometimes. *insert heavy eye roll here.*

--

..FAST>>>forward

You know what? I honestly have NO idea what it is that I'm supposed to be doing while NTNP. LOL. Never went down this road before. It definitely will be an experience for me I tell you that much. As long as I don't have to wake up, chart, temp and none of that I'm FINE. I'll keep up with what Cycle Day I'm on and that's about it. *laughs hysterically* WHO am I lying to. I'm going to be at least checking CM. *snickering*

A few things have changed since the last time I was around. I went vegan, gave that up. I couldn't do it, the food choices were just horrible, that is until I've tasted some great things and found some new recipes however, I'm still not a vegan at heart. My husband and Jamel are and Zion will be as soon as this last can of Good Start is gone. Also, I cut my hair =) I was relaxed (chemically straightened) but now I'm letting my natural hair grow. <--I have had many insults, evil eyes, and even disapproval about this. It's just hair. If the world doesn't know it by now that some ethnicity of people have hair texture that ACTUALLY grows and looks like this...then I don't know what to say. I wasn't born with straight hair and I was tried of trying to maintain it, tired of buying relaxers...tired of the scalp burns, it just became all too much. Enough about my hair I can go on about it. Another thing that has happened is, Leroy has decided to go back to school and he wants to go and major in Theology. He want's to teach. So he's gotten accepted to Southern University in Tennessee. The only thing we are waiting on is housing...so hopefully that works out, we'll know in a few weeks or so if Tennessee will be our new home that's what we're aiming for. If we can't get housing out there...it basically just won't work out. =/

I still go to my Adventist church. What's going on with that though is, our lease is out on the building that we rent and we have less than 2 months to move because the other church that rents there on Sunday wants the building on Saturday as well and since they OWN the place...we have to go. =( So, just a little stressed out about that...it was a shock to everyone to walk into church and see the sanctuary draped with plastic and the building being remodeled. Just keeping that in prayer. A long with Tennessee.

Well!!!

My lunch is ready, so I'm going to go and eat. I don't know how long I'll be around this time. My stay wasn't VERY long last time. It may be longer and me it be SHORTER. However long the stay is, I'll try my best to update as much as possible. =)...until the time.
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~*Mommy To Zion 6.23.11 & Jamel 9.1.08*~



My. Two. FAVORITE. Little. Men.



Last edited by *Mrs.ToyaJae*; May 21st, 2012 at 05:48 PM.
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  #4  
May 21st, 2012, 02:20 PM
Jakaira s Mom's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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I am very glad you are back!!!!! Come on #3!!!!!!

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  #5  
May 21st, 2012, 05:35 PM
*Mrs.ToyaJae*'s Avatar Super Mommy
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Location: South Carolina
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Hey Nayomi nice to see you...how are things going with you???
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My. Two. FAVORITE. Little. Men.


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  #6  
May 22nd, 2012, 09:10 AM
swtneka's Avatar Praying for a miracle
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k now that i am all caught up but some i already knew but so glad that u r tryin again and that i hope this one is agirl. wow Tennesse i heard its nice out there. i will pray that u get your housing approvied. and a vegan can we say gross. lol anyway cant w8 til i hear bout your bfp that i am sure will be soon. and i am so happy that u r back i do miss u around here but its strange that u r tryin for #3 and here i havent even had mine.... lol missed u girl
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  #7  
May 22nd, 2012, 11:18 AM
Jakaira s Mom's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Doing really good and very glad to see you back here.
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  #8  
May 24th, 2012, 10:21 AM
*Mrs.ToyaJae*'s Avatar Super Mommy
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Location: South Carolina
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Sonica, I said the same thing...I was like man, she's supposed to be holding her baby by now. It'll all work out though, I believe you're going to get your bfp on my son's birthday. =) June 23rd, I'm really hoping that you do. And Vegan is BEYOND nasty, lol...I found some things I like, but some things I'm like seriously you can NOT substitute everything with TOFU!

May 24, 2012 CD 5!

Sorry that I skipped a day. Yesterday was so hot, I was drained. All I wanted to do was just get some sleep. This morning, we woke up extra early got the kids ready and we went walking at the park. I don't know how many times Jamel has been to the park we went to this morning, but he was so fascinated with the waterfall...as if he'd never seen it before. He just kept saying, "OoOoh, mommy I like it!" It was cute. I wanted to get some pictures of it with him standing by it, but I wouldn't have been able to get him close enough to it without freaking out and falling over into the rushing water beneath the bridge...so I X'd that idea out fast.

After the park we went out to eat lunch. There were so many pregnant, I won't call them women...teenagers. Some were in their cap and gowns just graduating from high school. Everyone of them looked miserable and only one of them was there with her boyfriend. He was dressed in his military uniform. I felt sorry for them all. That must be something to be big and pregnant on graduation day. At least they graduated from high school. =/ I saw a few older young ladies there and they didn't look any happier one was holding a baby not older than Zion, maybe a year old or a little younger and she looked like she was IN LABOR trying to hold her baby and fix her food at the same time. Normally, I'd look at these woman and go "Oh, cute I want that again." But today I said, wow this all looks scary. Maybe the heat has them all looking miserable and defeated, the young girls were probably just upset about something else. I did have a quick moment of "awww." But soon as Zion slapped my Sierra Mist into my lap that "Aww" Faded into "I can't be serious am I?" lol.

Well, so far we are just waiting on one last thing with housing. Yay! Looks like we're headed to Tennessee in July. I'm ready to move. I don't want to go because my family is here, but I'm ready for a change in scenery. You'd think I'm moving from one Country state to the next, but the mountains in Tennessee are so beautiful and it's definitely a different look from the woods in South Carolina. My sister in law wants to move to Atlanta which isn't really that far from the area in Tennessee that we're moving to. I said NOOOOOOOOOOO! It's under 2 hours she'll be willing to drive over and NOOOOOOOOOOO. I want to definitely get away. I'm like why wait until we do...if you want to move, then move. Ugh! Her second option is Florida. I'm like yeah, sounds a little more like it. lol.

So, AF is gone. =) she disappeared sometime yesterday afternoon. Wasn't as bad as I predicted it to be. My second AF this year and 2nd since I had Zion. The mini pill had taken it completely away. It came on for the first time after Implanon was inserted. Went off and came back on when I took the patch off. So hopefully it stays on track and it's not all over the place.

Back to vegan. There is this on thing called the black bean patty. It was good. A friend at church made it for me so I'm going to get the recipe and see if I can make it. I know the first time I'm going to butcher the thing to pieces, but you have to start somewhere right? I don't know, I said that this pregnancy I wanted to be a much healthier me...but I really don't know how long I can do this. Why is healthy food always nasty unless you add bad things to it to make it taste better? Maybe it's the seasoning. Most of it just taste really fake and bland. Like that tofu, definitely tastes like playdough sometimes. I'm like Bleck!!! you can't possibly want me to think this is chicken right??? Use this in my stirfry? Are you out of your MIND?! o_O My husband is all into drinking Rice Milk and Almond Milk. I just can't. I use 2% and call it a day. He uses vegan cheese I'm like please, give me shredded Kraft and I'll talk to you later. I don't know, he gets on me about it sometimes or tosses me a look, but really some of the stuff Vegans have out there...smh.

I don't have anything else planned for the day except take a nap, look up some recipes, and find something to read. Hopefully, Leroy's sister doesn't come over with all that noise she brings. Those two girls of hers are so W.I.L.D! I don't know how she's going to manage this next baby. If she doesn't get those two together they're liable to kidnap it and have it swinging from the ceiling fan or something. Horrible but those kids are just beyond bad.

Well, until I have something interesting to update about. I'm going to go lay down. Excuse typo's...this is food and sleep talking. =)
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My. Two. FAVORITE. Little. Men.


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  #9  
May 27th, 2012, 01:40 PM
*Mrs.ToyaJae*'s Avatar Super Mommy
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May 27, 2012 CD8

I was sick. So sick. I had to go to the hospital yesterday morning. It started Wednesday night and just got worse and worse. I lost my appetite, became nauseous, dizzy and a horrible headache. I couldn't function. I got up Saturday to go to church and I just couldn't go. Leroy was going to take both of the kids, but for some smart reason decided to leave Zion. He wasn't even gone for twenty minutes I had to call him and tell him to come back home so that I can go to the hospital. I was so dizzy the room was spinning. LITERALLY.

When I got to the hospital they took me right back and hooked me up to an IV and shot me up with Benydrill (spell check), some type of nausea medicine and an anti-inflammatory medicine. Gave me a warm blanket (felt so nice I was shivering from that cold IV drip) and turned the lights out. I was so high from the meds, I had no idea what was going on. Finally after a couple of hours my headache was gone and the dizziness. They let me go home and I went right back to sleep. It was all bad. I have no idea what was wrong. Maybe dehydration or something. I know that I feel ONE thousand times better today than I did those past few days.

Nothing else new. Nothing has happened. Still so early in the cycle...nothing is showing but a little bit of creamy cm...hopefully I see some changes in it this month and it's not like the previous months where it just went from creamy to sticky then back to dry. =( I thought after the mini pill things would be normal but I guess just having synthetic hormones in your body messes things up no matter how low the dose is. I don't know how things are going to look after being on Implanon which was maybe only about three weeks and being on the patch for about 10 days. Maybe it won't be a big factor. I don't ever just "Fall" pregnant like that anyway. My aunt on the other hand. I'm happy she finally had her tubes tied after her last little girl. If you looked at her and spelled sex she'd get pregnant. *insert eye roll here* Some women just have it easy like that I guess.

Well, I did forget to update you guys on one thing. April, I enrolled at Virginia College. I was taking up medical assisting. The advisors and administrators told me that the courses that I was taking would branch over into nursing. Which is what I want to eventually do. So I get in to class...I'm there for about 3 weeks and I notice everyone is dropping out. What's going on? I ask myself. Oh well, I go on about my business until I hear this one girl just going off. She's yelling about how she cant take her state exam for the certification because the school isn't accredited. =O I immediately begin to look into it for myself and the school is actually in a legal situation now over their accreditation and my cousin just graduated from the one in Florida and is having the same issues with getting her certification for surgical tech because the school isn't accredited. I withdrew and decided that I'd wait until we move to Tennessee and join the school there for the RN program. I can't believe I was lied to in such a way. 50 people dropped out the same week I did. Not counting the ones that left before that. Then the councilor had the nerve to say, even though we're not accredited you can always join another school take some extra classes when you're done then you can become certified. I just looked at her like she had 5 heads. I'm not taking out all of those loans just to become a medical assistant are you crazy, the program was already 36,000 dollars I don't think so. Nursing school in tennesse at the same school my husband is going to isn't even going for that much. I just couldn't take it. I was very angry and discouraged, but life moves on and I WILL get back into school no matter what. That little fluke will not stop me.

So I still haven't told anybody about me and hubby NTNP. They'll just find out when it happens. I probably won't even be in South Carolina, so I won't have to deal with any of them anyway. Me and my mom aren't exactly on the best terms right now. We had a huge argument a few months ago and it just hasn't been the same. She's said some rude things about me and about Leroy. She called me stupid, dumb and pathetic and some other things I won't mention. And she just ran Leroy under the bus. I have no idea why she felt like those things were okay for her to say. Then the next week I go to her house to drop off some money to my grand father and she says. "I meant those things I said. I don't apologize for them...but I apologize for how they were said." I just shook my head. What do you mean you apologize for HOW they were said, but NOT WHAT was said? It was just ugly. You don't say the things she said to people especially not your own child. And I was trying so hard to work on things with her, but that just took the cake. As far as I'm concerned, she doesn't have to worry about me coming around or calling her very often. My sister is even into it with her right now. I don't know what's wrong with my mom. Maybe one day she'll wake up and realize that she doesn't deserve "MOM of the year award" and admit that she hasn't done us very right these past few years and just own up to what she's done.

Sorry to ramble and dump my problems off. It was just on my mind. Well...I'm going to go. The kids are taking a nap and it's quite so I'm going to spend some time with Leroy. Until I have something new to update you guys with. =) <3
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~*Mommy To Zion 6.23.11 & Jamel 9.1.08*~



My. Two. FAVORITE. Little. Men.


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  #10  
May 28th, 2012, 10:24 AM
swtneka's Avatar Praying for a miracle
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Hattiesburg, Ms
Posts: 7,661
So w8 36,000 for medical assistant! That's ridiculous! Sorry bout your mom just pray on it.
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  #11  
May 28th, 2012, 12:43 PM
*Mrs.ToyaJae*'s Avatar Super Mommy
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Sonica...lol you don't know the half. Then they were trying to get me to go 2 years for an associates degree....IN MEDICAL ASSISTING. *insert eye roll here* And all I can do about my mom is PRAY. =/

May 28th, 2012 CD 9

Nothing new to report. Just wanted to stop by and say HELLO! I just finished watching RedTails with Leroy while the boys were sleeping. Zion is growing his a third tooth down at the bottom, so he's so fussy lately. I can't wait until that tooth is all the way out. He's not in the best of moods right now.

Funny CM report though. *insert deep thought face* So I checked it this morning and it's almost like it's transitioning already???? It was still creamy, but had some wet...not exactly stretchy but getting there type of mucus mixed in. (TMI I KNOW I KNOW) I didn't think it would be already though...it has to be the birth control just messing me up and having me all out of whack.

Well. I probably won't be around until later tomorrow night or Wednesday. So, I'm going to go enjoy the rest of this rainy, yet sunny and HOT day. Don't know how this is even possible, but today it's happening! =)
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~*Mommy To Zion 6.23.11 & Jamel 9.1.08*~



My. Two. FAVORITE. Little. Men.


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  #12  
June 1st, 2012, 09:04 AM
*Mrs.ToyaJae*'s Avatar Super Mommy
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Location: South Carolina
Posts: 964
June 1, 2012 CD 13

I'm cooking, twisting my hair, and trying to write an update on JM. Nothing much has really happened. Except, the day before yesterday I just felt really overwhelmed. I think I was having a melt down of some kind. Zion was just extra cranky because of this heat and his tooth. Jamel was bouncing off of the wall. Leroy was frustrated because of the heat; I just started thinking -that I couldn't possibly handle another baby- It just made me so upset. When things calmed down I just tried to think it all through. I got the kids to calm down and take a nap. It was raining and I was just looking out of the window trying to make sense of how I was feeling. Finally I just decided to talk to Leroy and he told me I just think to much and let things take over me. True. In the last two years I have lost all of my patients. I have so much on my mind I lost all of my WIC vouchers, my license and my DEBIT card. I was so upset. I was just crying I felt like everything was crumbling around me. I don't know why, but everytime we think about getting pregnant I get sucked into this black hole and get over taken by depression. I don't want that this time. I just want to forget that we even agreed to NTNP and just be normal. I hate the worrying and the anxiety and the "OH, that's a symptom ! Hmmm 'AM I PREGNANT?'" lol.

I said that I was going to pick up a hobby. It will be writing. I haven't wrote anything that I truly felt dedicated to in AGES. It's mostly for entertainment purposes. I don't plan on trying to get edited or anything. I just like to write. I've let Leroy read some, and a couple of friends. I just think my own imagination is better than some of the stuff that I've read in the past few years. Except for this one book by James Patterson called The Quickie the title is very deceptive. It's NOTHING PERVERTED. lol. It took a lot of me convincing my husband and my mom I wasn't getting into pornographic novels. It's definitely a very interesting read. I walked past the book store inside the mall the other day and didn't even want to walk inside. All of the Urban novels were at the front of the store. (I don't read these anymore by the way) and all of the illustrations were the same, half naked women, guys with guns and all of the titles sound the same. I was like really?

Ok, enough about writing and reading. I'm trying beef bouillon cubes in my jasmine rice for the first time. Hopefully this turns out the way that I'm imagining that it will. *scared face* lol. I'm not really a chef. I'm into experimenting right now. If anyone has any recipes feel free to drop them off. =) I'm tired of the same food everyday all day and if my husband requests spaghetti one more time I'm going to throw him into a pot of spaghetti. I mean he must eat it at least twice a week. I don't get it. I just get disgusted at the thought of spaghetti. Oh, and if his MOM REQUESTS SALMON AND RICE ONE MORE TIME I'M GOING TO GO APE!!!! I honestly don't know how they can eat the same thing over and over again like that. She just sent Jamel in here to ask me if I can make her some. *insert eye roll here*

Well, my sister in law has been coming over to do her mom's afternoon care and I've been avoiding her and her kids. I don't want to get involved with all of that screaming, crying, growling and misbehaving. I also don't want to listen to her talk about how she's pregnant and struggling so hard with her marriage and having things together. *smh* I just can't. I don't even want to hear her talk about the pregnancy. I'm exhausted with her. It's a little depressing you know. I know that you can't really PLAN for a baby. You can have an idea of when you want to have a child and how things should be, but with the surprise of how quickly things shift and turn around you just never know how it'll truly turn out. However, her situation is just beyond a one for words right now. =(

Well, I don't want to scorch my rice. So I'm going to go now. Hopefully it's not going to make my tongue want to fall off. =( Until I have something new to talk about....<3
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~*Mommy To Zion 6.23.11 & Jamel 9.1.08*~



My. Two. FAVORITE. Little. Men.


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  #13  
June 4th, 2012, 04:34 PM
*Mrs.ToyaJae*'s Avatar Super Mommy
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June 4 CD 16

I'm very irritable, cramping, and over all just not having a great day. I woke up, my day rushed ahead and I have yet to catch up yet. I'm not sure if I'm ovulating or not but it feels like it. I'm getting EWCM which started about 2 days ago and now I'm cramping in my right ovary. It almost feel like a HEAT type cramping like when I got pregnant with Zion, however...I've had it back in April when I thought I was pregnant because I wasn't on BC and I took a test and it was CLEARY an early BFP on both test...and I took a third and a fourth and those two were BFNs and then my period came on. =/ don't know what that was about either fluked tests or I was just having some pms symptoms that mimicked my last pregnancy. *shrugs*

I guess what today did to me was...we let my mom have Dish Network in our name and she hasn't paid a SINGLE bill since April. I call her earlier today and she's non-chalantly on the phone telling me how she'll pay some of it when she can. She had no concern for the fact that we were upset and actually knew nothing about her being late on the bill until we just decided to check online. She made a small payment earlier and claimed she'd keep paying the bill, but I don't believe her. Then, my sister in law (yes the pregnant one *insert eyeroll here*) has a line with us on T-mobile. SHE NEVER PAYS HER HALF OF THE BILL on time! Today we get a phone call saying that our bill is almost 400 dollars are you serious?! And that if we don't pay it's getting disconnected. We call her and she gives us the same non-chalant attitude MY MOM gives us. I'm like cut her line off make her pay her 200 dollar early disconnect fee and let her find her own service I'm sick of this foolishness. I can't believe it. She tells us. "Oh, I don't know when I'll be able to pay. I have no money and blah blah blah blah." I was upset. I just wanted to scream!!!!

>>Deep sigh>>

Right now, I'm listening to a sermon by a pastor named Jeremiah Davis. He's talking about the Christian home and the last days and the attack of Satan on children and parents and husband and wife. If Satan's attacks prevail on the husband and wife, they WILL on the children who are our responsibility and it will bleed over into the church and Satan will have a trained army ready to work. It's a very interesting topic. It's also helping to get my mind off of the foolishness that happened earlier.

(I'm sitting here trying to type and listen at the same time, the sermon is keeping me from staying focused...I wish you guys can listen. Well...you can look it up on youtube - Jeremiah Davis - For Such A Time As This - 01 - Home Religion & The Last Generation - YouTube ) ; for those of you who actually look and listen I hope you enjoy. <3

I called myself working out earlier today. Just trying to tone up a few areas...I'm fairly thin so I wasn't trying to LOSE weight. (don't need anymore of that going on) and I had no idea how out of breath you could get from running in place for 60secs...lol I called that cardio I ALMOST STROKED OUT!!! I definitely need to get myself in shape! If I don't do anything else...even if I DON'T END UP PREGNANT during this journey...I'm going to SHAPE UP! I was looking pitiful. My sons could run circles around me. It was sad you guys. I really hope the neighbors didn't see me. smh.

Well, I have to finish listening to this sermon. So I'm going to go. I may be back tonight. If not I'll be back soon. Until I am, I hope this was good enough for you guys. Sorry I'm so boring. =(
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~*Mommy To Zion 6.23.11 & Jamel 9.1.08*~



My. Two. FAVORITE. Little. Men.


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  #14  
June 4th, 2012, 05:57 PM
swtneka's Avatar Praying for a miracle
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Wow what a interesting day u had. That's y I don't lend my name out on credit cuz it always come back to bite u n d butt. Fx u o'n n make that lil girl.
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  #15  
June 6th, 2012, 07:11 AM
*Mrs.ToyaJae*'s Avatar Super Mommy
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June 6th, 2012 CD18

yesterday, I almost body slammed my husbands niece. Teresa is the name of his pregnant sister, we call her Tee. She was over doing her mom's afternoon care and once again her kids were flipping out. So I go to get Jamel because I'm thinking no way he's about to be in their company with them showing out like this. As I'm telling the oldest girl to get her mess together the younger one who is only 4, flies around the corner and demandingly tells me to put her shoe on. I was like uhm, no ma'am. She takes her shoe and puts her hand inside of it and punches me in the stomach with it, before I knew it the little girl was off the floor dangling in the air looking at me like she was gonna pass out. I had to go outside because I was so mad. Those little girls have no manners rude as Satan. I have no idea why she won't stop them. She said nothing to the little girl. I have no idea why she thinks this is ok. I cannot wait to move!!! We came here to help save money for our move and it's killing me. Come on July, pleeeeeeease.

-deep BREATH >>FAST forward>

On to better things. I think I'm in the window of ovulation. Wish I had some opks or something. Yesterday I had abundant EWCM and I started cramping more on my right ovary. This morning the cramping is pretty annoying over on the right. I checked cm this morning and it's going back to creamy. I don't see a trace of EWCM. :/ not sure I will check again later. We did get a chance to BD yesterday afternoon. *insert blushing here. *

That's another thing I hate about staying here. It's no real privacy last night. I go into his mom's room and she's like... "so, y'all trying for that girl I see." o_O what? I just looked at her. Our room is by the kitchen and you can always hear someone tip toeing in there and they"ll stand right by the fridge. I'm like what's wrong with these people. The other night his sister from across the street, Shannon...her boyfriend Q comes over it was maybe 10:30 he uses our wi-fi so I knew that's what he was over so late for...he doesn't knock on our room door he just stands there....and I'm like Leroy someone's out there...he's just ignores me and keeps going. Finally he walks away but then tee comes tipping in the kitchen quietly pulls the fridge open and just stands in it. I'm like what??? Why is everyone so concerned. And then when you get up to open the door they quickly try to leave the kitchen before you can say anything....it's so annoying.

Well, hope I ovulated. I'm pretty sure I did. I don't plan to be pregnant this cycle so it won't be a let down. However I still am going to hate the countdown to my next cycle. Alright....Leroy is ready for me to start reading for this morning's devotion so I am going to go. Hope to be back soon. <3
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Last edited by *Mrs.ToyaJae*; June 6th, 2012 at 07:14 AM.
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  #16  
June 8th, 2012, 11:00 AM
*Mrs.ToyaJae*'s Avatar Super Mommy
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June 8th, 2012 CD 20

A.N.X.I.E.T.Y


Is the only word I can describe how I feel. Time is winding down for the move and my mind is all over the place. I have to do this I have to do that. UGH! I'm going to explode if I don't get these emotions under control. I called my mom yesterday, big mistake, and was telling her how I felt and she just snorted at me and made a rude comment like "Oh, you're still moving?" I ended up hanging up the phone with her. She's upset because she thinks Leroy has sucked the life out of me and I can't make decisions for myself. There isn't a thing here in South Carolina for my family why would I stay? I don't have to agree with my mom on everything. She feels like the way she raised me and mys sister is fine and she's confused on why I raise my children so differently. When me and my sister tried explaining how she RUINED our lives she just says... "I'm not perfect and neither are the two of you. I did the best I could and I'm tired of giving my life away to people." o_O I give up. I honestly don't understand why I keep trying time and time again with her. I'm just going to move on with my life. You can't force someone to be a good person regardless if they're your parent or not.

>>MOVING.on>>

..Yesterday afternoon..

I wrote God a letter. I told him everything that was on my heart. It ended up being two and a half pages. I would've probably kept writing if my hand didn't start hurting. I'm not a big writer. I guess being out of school for so long and the technology of laptops and Ipads, I just don't write much anymore. Anyway, I felt so much better when I was done. Today I don't have a lot of getting pregnant on my mind. I'm not sad like I was yesterday. All the thoughts of what if I can't get pregnant again. What if it won't happen right away. And what if Leroy decides to change his mind again and he doesn't want to have another baby. I was beginning to lose myself in the black hole. Then I remembered that I always have one ear that will listen no matter how long I go on rambling and that's Jesus. I told him everything. It's nothing that he doesn't know anyway. So I feel much better.

I'm making tacos today. Unfortunately they'll be vegan taco's... :rolleye: lol, but at least I don't have a problem with the Morning Star crumbles that I use to substitute the ground beef with. As long as it's not TOFU I don't care what I have to use as a beef substitute.

I will be back a little later to add another update. Hopefully I'll be back. :rolleye: I need to get my children together before they lose ALL of their senses and DESTROY each other. smh.
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My. Two. FAVORITE. Little. Men.


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  #17  
June 8th, 2012, 05:45 PM
*Mrs.ToyaJae*'s Avatar Super Mommy
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I am returning because I said that I would. Im on my phone so it may not be long. I just got off of facebook from hacking my husband's page. I cant wait until he sees it. He's so busy showing his sister's boyfriend these youtube videos. Im ready to put these kids to bed so that we can spend some time alone. We havent really spent any time together today. Hes been out and about while i have in the room mostly all day avoiding associating with anyone. Its just been one of those days. Oh, hubby is checking fb....lol.

The tacos were so good earlier all the seasoning you could barely tell it was vegan. I dont have a clue what Im cooking tomorrow i just know that i want something good. Well, my phone is becoming annoting to type on so Im going to close out. Good night and Happy Sabbath.
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My. Two. FAVORITE. Little. Men.


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  #18  
June 9th, 2012, 07:05 PM
FishermansWife4's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Popping in to say hi. You're not alone in your parental struggles. I'm facing issues with my own mother and I've decided I have to let her go. You spoke the truth, you can't make someone want to be a good person or be anything they don't want to be. It's sad your mom can't recognize you for the beautiful woman you are. I pray that one day your issues will be resolved and you can live your life peacefully
....and that God sees fit to bless you with another amazing gift from above.
*Mrs.ToyaJae* likes this.
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  #19  
June 9th, 2012, 07:17 PM
*Mrs.ToyaJae*'s Avatar Super Mommy
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Thank you so much. I pray you get blessed with your little miracle soon as well.
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My. Two. FAVORITE. Little. Men.


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  #20  
June 10th, 2012, 02:46 PM
FishermansWife4's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Thank you
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"No freedom til' we're equal. D*mn right I support it." - Macklemore "Same love"
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