[HTJM]

Where to start? My name is Hanna 31 and dh is Jay 39. We have been TTC for 16 months now...however i just start charting for only 3 months...ever since I started to chart...my cycles become irregular..weird huh...I was always 29 give or take 1 day...now.I am on cd 34 last month was 28....don't know what to think anymore...i love how I could see my body change by charting and using opk..but..honesty..it haven't help me much at all...I found myself worry and wondering more...the doctors drive me crazy with their rules...cant really find a good ob gyn that would listen to what I tell them..they were all..you need to be patient and try more...duh..I know that..but there is something wrong..otherwuse i should be knock off by now..giving the amount if bd we are having..lol...well that is it for today post...

[HTJM]

Well....another month has passed and I still get bfn....couldn't hold it till af show...so I tested today at 13dpo and hoping for bfp but.got bfn instead...I guess I am out again...feel so tire and frustrated..want to just give up...it has been too long...I am tire of trying, of hearing people asking when will we plan to have kids...no one know that we have been trying for almost year and a half now...haizzz.....there goes my plan of giving dh a perfect bd gift....crying...

[HTJM]

It has been awhile since i last posted here...still not pregnant .....finally get to see an RE...and started on Clomid this cycle...but it looks like I will be out soon....lots of cramp today...feel like crying...why is it so hard? What is wrong with me?..

[mrsb1029]

I'm sorry, dear!

I know how it is! My husband and I have been trying for 14 months now and I already know I am out again. I am 25 and my DH is 31. We haven't gone to the doctor yet, but DH says we will probably go in another 6 months if I don't get pregnant naturally.

Keep your head up, dear. You will get your miracle!

[HTJM]

Thanks Mrsb1029 for your kind words...
So this is what happenned to me last night.....I was completely losing it for the very first time...found out this girl got pregnant....i mean I would be happy for her if she wasn't a heavy drinker and smoker...I don't know why tears keep on falling down last night when I went to bed...and I couldn't stop...dh freaked out...i told him...I don't know why I can't stop crying but I will be ok in the morning...and I honestly don't know why...maybe because once again i feel like af will arrive any time soon and that i couldn't figure out what is wrong with me..all my tests came back normal and good..yet...we try everything and nothing happen...I am so ready to give up....both of us r getting older and I honestly can't take it anymore...maybe it wasnt meant to be...

[Hanisain]

Dear htjm dont loose hopes i have read ur last mag thts is the same situation happening to me althogh this my second cycle for ttc#2, only first tym ur effort ruined u hurt inside alot. When ever i alone i cant stop my tears i can feel how much u guys are feel stressing but i see one thing never notice abt it just try regularly just skip one day in betweens. And plz dont think like this u r getting older u know one of my cousin who had 3 miscarriages n she had lost her hopes can u belive it she deliverd a baby boy after 8yrs in 33yrs of age n with in next 13months she delivered a baby girl.childrens are miracles just pray for healthy n obedient child. Hopefully all of us get bfp soon lots of baby dusts to all of u.

[HTJM]

Haven't been on here in the longest time....I am avoiding it...Nothing change...except found out that DH has a low motility and a 1% morphology...the RE told us straight out that our ONLY chance is IVF...what am I to do? What next? Feel so defeat....so hopeless..so ready to give up...maybe we aren't mean to have kids.....I am o tire....poor DH...he feels so bad and been taking more herbs, change diet..to hope increasing his #...i am on the other hand...so tired....

[HTJM]

I have tons of friends and family that recently gave birth to healthy boys and girls....and I am happy for them...I really am...but to hear they making comment like " I am so tire, craving for 8hour of sleep" I just want to tell them" you don't know how bad I am craving for missing sleep and being tire..cause that I when I know my dream of being a mom come true..." Yet, here I am..still wishing and hoping, and praying that one day I have the opportunity to be"lack of sleep" for my child...I will be supper happy to be lack of sleep...oh life.............

[HTJM]

Dh second SA came back worse...some how all the # decreased so bad...I dont know but I think our journey of ever having kid is end here....I gave up...this coming may will be our 5 years anniversary and 4 years of NTNP....3 years of active trying....I am defeat....tire of keeping hope alive..and be disappointed each and every month.....tire of it all....