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  #21  
October 19th, 2012, 05:55 PM
Frozenoj's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Thank you! I got some little debbie brownies and that helped a little.

I'm having what I think are good symptoms but I'm so scared to test now. I really don't want to see another negative test and I'm wondering if my symptoms are just because I'm getting stressed out over this. Or they are phantom symptoms because I want this so much.

This is what FF is saying for my symptoms, the number is % who had the symptom at 11 dpo and were pregnant vs weren't. This number includes pregnancies that resulted in miscarriage.

Headache - 82%
Nausea - 84.4%
Food aversion - FF doesn't have it available to choose on the early signs estimator, but CTP shows about 75%

I also had nausea last month and got a BFN but the other two are new. I have other symptoms too but I had them last cycle as well as they don't seem any stronger than before so I'm going to count them as progesterone symptoms. The nausea is worse though. I ate about half a bowl of mac and cheese (the only thing I could think about eating) and now I seriously feel like I'm going to be sick.

I'm also really, really tired. Like inexplicably so. I feel like I've been up about 30 hours even though I totally took a nap earlier, and even if I didn't I would have only been up about 12 hours. I think I'm going to go to bed as early as I can get away with tonight so I can test in the morning.
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  #22  
October 24th, 2012, 08:58 AM
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I guess I need to update this. I don't feel like typing it all out again so I'm just going to c&p what I put on my blog.

Thursday morning (10DPO) I tested and got a really super faint line. I kept testing all weekend and got some BFNs and some BFMs (Big Fat Maybe). Finally on Sunday morning I got what I have been waiting so long for - a clear BFP with a faint but definitely pink second line. I was so over joyed. I had some very definite pregnancy symptoms along with the same TWW symptoms from last time. Starting on Friday I developed an aversion to meat. I knew food aversions were typical but I didn't know meat specifically was common. It made deciding on dinner quite difficult but it was worth it. Sunday morning I developed a strong sense of smell. I did not expect this as I never heard of that being a symptom before. I never actually vomited but I was nauseous and did dry heave a few times. Yay the joys of morning sickness! I was too happy to complain about any of this stuff.

Unfortunately Sunday afternoon I started bleeding. It was heartbreaking seeing that first streak of blood. I started crying and told my husband who urged me to call my doctor. Since she is also a family friend I have her cell phone number so I was able to call her directly despite it being Sunday. She said some bleeding in early pregnancy can be normal but I could also be miscarrying. I was to go to the office in the morning and get betas done to check my numbers. The bleeding continued throughout the night and cramping would come and go as well.

Monday was so nerve wracking. I got my betas done about 11:30am and was told if the numbers were fine I would not get a call and I was to get more done on Wednesday. If it was bad news I would receive a call by the end of business day. In case of a threatened miscarriage I just sat in the recliner with my feet up and hung out with my mom and little sister for support.

My doctor called at about 4pm to break the news.

My mother knew what it meant if I received a call so as I was talking to Dr. E she let DH know so he could come home from work. He is taking it badly but at the same time trying to be strong for me. I didn't have the heart to tell anyone else. Thankfully my mother took it upon herself to notify my older sister and a few other people without me even asking her. I am very thankful for that.

She took us out to eat at a Mongolian Barbecue place that was very good. I had a mini break down at the table though because my symptoms had started to fade. I was eating meat. My aversion had gone away.

Today I am still devastated and heart broken. I feel like a piece of me has been ripped out. I know it was only with us a short time and the heart hadn't even started beating yet but it was still my child. My child that was taken from me too soon and that I will never meet. Even if I get pregnant again nothing could replace this child.

DH and I talked about it and we will be NTNP (not trying, not preventing) this cycle. I am not allowed to take Clomid again until my first AF after the loss and that is perfectly fine by me. I would take this cycle off completely but DH wants to get back on the horse. Even though it is hard for me to consider right now I know he is right and this is what I would have wanted to do in hindsight after my grief starts to fade. So he is saving me from that regret. I am still going to temp so I will know if I ovulated or not but I won't be using OPKs or anything like that.
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  #23  
October 24th, 2012, 07:18 PM
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Sigh. I thought the bleeding had stopped since there wasn't anything this morning, but it has started up again. This time it's had some big clots when there was only really small ones before. I really wish it would stop because I feel like it's a reminder of what we lost every time I use the bathroom.
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  #24  
October 27th, 2012, 08:05 AM
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This cycle has been so weird! CD4 my temp shoots up to post-O levels, and high post-O at that. Then yesterday CD6 I started having EWCM. Normally I don't get EWCM till CD15-17, and I'll go through the progression of sticky, creamy, wet first. But I went straight from being sticky for the first time that morning to EWCM that night.

In a way I'm glad my cycle is wonky. It confirms for me I really was pregnant. All my tests were so iffy and I never got a blood test before I lost it and a few people have hinted that they weren't sure I was ever pregnant to begin with. To be honest I almost started to doubt myself even though I had pretty strong symptoms that I've never had before and just felt pregnant. But you can't deny this.
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  #25  
October 28th, 2012, 10:21 AM
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Since the loss I haven't been sleeping well. I started taking Tylenol PM and that definitely helped. Last night we got home so late and I was really tired so I went to bed without taking it. I really missed having it later in the night when I started sleeping badly. I guess even if I am starting to feel a little better emotionally I still need it.

Can't believe it's been a week already.
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  #26  
November 11th, 2012, 03:06 PM
swtneka's Avatar Praying for a miracle
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Hey Tasha I hope all is well with u but I wanted to share a dream I had bout u. I dreamt that u posted a post about getting a bfp n u wanted to share with us ladies what u did different n u said in d post to click the link if u want to know. So I kept trying to click d link n a box would show up with your name n pic (like an IM) but I couldn't open it. It kept moving so then all of d sudden u appeared n pressed d box with your hand like u were tired of it running away. Weird dream yes i know but thought I'd share. Fx d bfp part 4 u happens soon.
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  #27  
November 12th, 2012, 05:34 PM
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I hope your dream is a good sign and it will happen soon! Looks like I may be out this cycle, still no ovulation and if I don't O in the next few days I'm supposed to take provera to induce AF so I can move on to next cycle.
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  #28  
November 16th, 2012, 08:12 PM
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Not o'ing is super frustrating. I pray you o or the provera kicks butt soon!
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  #29  
November 20th, 2012, 12:34 PM
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I love checking my CM and seeing creamy instead of the EWCM I've had most of my cycle. My boobs hurt and that sucks but I'll take it if it means I really did O. We just so happen to have some pineapple in the fridge so I'm going to eat some of that just in case. I'm going to be really flipping mad if my temp goes down tomorrow.
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  #30  
November 20th, 2012, 09:58 PM
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What the flying flamingos?! EWCM is back again. Had creamy all day yesterday and most of today and now it's back.
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  #31  
November 28th, 2012, 10:37 PM
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10 Signs You're Suffering From Baby Fever | The Stir

I really should learn not to read the comments on these things. The article alone made me upset because it's like I feel trivialized by what was posted. You joke about crying when someone posts a pregnancy announcement, when that is my life. Ugh. But then, I read the comments...

"My husband had baby fever and we have three girls so I decided to try for a boy one more time, and and now I am pregnant with twins for the second time. No fair!!"

Are you serious?! You're right, it's NOT fair. You're upset about having twins when you already have three kids, yet here I am wishing with all I have just to have ONE!

I think I need to find a new board called "bitter infertiles".
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  #32  
December 2nd, 2012, 08:50 PM
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Tested today and BFN so I decided not to take anymore provera. I've taken it 10 days which is all that's required. Normally I take it the full 13 but I'm scared if I do that i'm going to have AF on our cruise. Here's the breakdown in dates stopping today: AF arrives on the 5th. O on Christmas. AF arrives on Jan 7/8, ends the day we leave for the cruise. That's cutting it pretty close! If I take it three more days, it pushes everything back, and I'll end up have AF for three out of 7 days of our vacation. So not fun! Obviously I'm hoping I will get a BFP around Jan 4-6 but I can't count on that. I'm actually really hoping I get AF earlier than normal after stopping provera so I have an extra day or two to work with. Going to try and not stress as best as I can this cycle coming up because stress pushes back O. Maybe, just maybe, the 250mg of Clomid will result in an earlier O than 150 or 200 did. I actually have 200mg of Clomid left over from other cycles (so four pills) and I've considered taking them so my dose would be 300mg 4 out of 5 days, but I won't. I know that's just me being crazy. Those are my backup pills in case I vomit shortly after taking them one day, as it does make me nauseous.

alert!
All day and part of yesterday I've been having a really... drippy feeling. I keep thinking AF has somehow arrived already, but she hasn't. I guess it's just CM? I don't know. It's really weird.
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  #33  
December 3rd, 2012, 11:35 AM
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I'm sorry you're going through this. I pray to God your plan works and you have an AF free vacation! Praying also you get your Christmas Miracle Rainbow Baby if you O around Christmas. Please keep us posted. Lots and lots of super sticky dust to you, Tasha
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  #34  
December 3rd, 2012, 04:50 PM
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Thank you, Amber!
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  #35  
December 8th, 2012, 10:56 PM
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Well AF showed up a few days ago. I've been cramping so bad I haven't been on much. I hate being in this much pain but I'm glad to be moving forward.
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  #36  
December 9th, 2012, 05:10 PM
swtneka's Avatar Praying for a miracle
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Fx u o for xmas n get a bfp b4 your cruise
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  #37  
December 15th, 2012, 03:20 PM
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Man my AF was bad this cycle. Possibly the worse one ever. And while I was taking Clomid, the side effects were kicking my butt! Thankfully they aren't nearly as bad now that I've finished my pills. Still have periodic nausea especially when I lay down. The hot flashes havn't been happening as often, and they aren't as intense. I do think I may be dealing with a bit of SAD though which has nothing to do with TTC. I just can't seem to wake up anymore. I've also been feeling a little, well, sad haha. This is probably the only time I'm glad I live in Florida. We have about two hours more daylight a day than up north and I'm sure that helps it from affecting me as bad. My mom has it too.

Anyway back to TTC... we haven't been BD'ing that much but hope to start EOD tonight. DH has been really busy with finals but school is officially out for the semester! My OPK today is over half as dark as the control which hopefully means things are starting to happen. Since I'm taking more Clomid and I started it a day earlier (4-8 instead of 5-9) I am hoping to see a +OPK around Thursday. I'll be happy as long as I get one by next Saturday though.
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  #38  
December 15th, 2012, 03:26 PM
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Oh and I decided not to save or take pictures of my OPKs this cycle. The last few cycles they've gone dark and back light again before seeing a positive so I think it's more stressful to analyze every single test and whether it's darker or lighter than the last one. So we're going to give this a try and I guess we will see if I miss having the pictures next week.
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  #39  
December 22nd, 2012, 08:26 PM
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I think I ovulated yesterday! I need two more high temps to confirm but I'm feeling pretty confident. That means I O'd on CD17 which is three days earlier than normal! Yay! I could potentially find out whether we got our Christmas miracle before the end of the month. AF is due on the 4th so I shouldn't have her on our cruise which is just wonderful. I probably won't be fertile either so during our vacation we can just have fun and not worry about it. Well hopefully we caught this egg so we really won't have to worry about it haha. FF is only giving us a good score since they only count O-3 to O+1. Since CTP counts the five days before O we have a very high score from them! This is very similar to the month we conceived so I am currently feeling very hopeful.
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  #40  
December 23rd, 2012, 12:59 PM
swtneka's Avatar Praying for a miracle
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Fx Tasha!
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