Ramblings of a mad white woman

Frozenoj · #1 September 20th, 2012, 11:34 AM

A week or so ago I told myself I was going to start a journal if I got AF so here I am! I already have a TTC blog that I update weekly with big updates so I probably won't be doing that here. I often have little short TTC thoughts and no one to tell them to so that will be what this is for. Like the status updates of TTC or something.

But first, a recap!

I'm Tasha (24) DH is Josh (26) we have been actively TTC since October 2011. If I ever get pregnant it will be kid #1 for both of us. I have PCOS and Endo though so that's a big if. I have been on Clomid of varying doses since February 2012 (Cycle 3) but have only ovulated twice so far, both BFN. As of this writing I am also on 1500mg Metformin, 500mg DHA (w/72mg EPA), 500mg Calcium, 400 I.U. Vitamin D, and prenatals. I should be starting EPO to help with CM in a few days. DH says my desk looks like a pharmacy. I think that about covers it. I may be forgetting something but I'm on quite a bit of pain medication for cramps at the moment so my mind is a little fuzzy.

Frozenoj · #2 September 22nd, 2012, 07:51 PM

Two of my friends on Facebook recently gave birth and I've having a hard time seeing their updates and the pictures and stuff. I just kinda scroll past them quickly whenever I see their name. Feel kinda bad that I haven't really congratulated them, but we aren't very close. Another friend is having a baby shower next Saturday (so a week from today) but I don't think I'm going to go.

Frozenoj · #3 September 24th, 2012, 09:10 PM

Found out that Clomid tastes terrible if you take too long to swallow it.

Need to remember that for the future.

swtneka · #4 September 24th, 2012, 11:12 PM

Hi Tasha glad u started a journal. I think its funny that your dh called your desk an pharmacy. My dh said d samething bout me once apon a time ago. I had every vitamin known to ttc. I hope your journal is short n d new dose gets u your bfp.

Oh n love the title!

Frozenoj · #5 September 25th, 2012, 12:17 AM

Thank you!

Frozenoj · #6 September 25th, 2012, 08:35 PM

Took my first opk of the cycle today. Had a little moment where I felt really down about it. I want to go back to the days I didn't have to pee in a cup.

swtneka · #7 September 25th, 2012, 11:35 PM

Yes those were d days

mrsb1029 · #8 September 26th, 2012, 08:47 AM

Peeing in a cup makes me anxious sometimes.

Frozenoj · #9 September 26th, 2012, 01:57 PM

Haha I'm glad I'm not the only one!

Frozenoj · #10 September 27th, 2012, 08:00 PM

The Clomid has started to effect my moods. I was watching My Fair Wedding and pretty much started crying. I never cry because of TV/Movies unless something is going on. Thankfully I've only gone in that direction rather than all

like last month. Of course there is still plenty of time...

Frozenoj · #11 September 30th, 2012, 01:07 PM

CM went from being wet the last few days to being creamy. My OPK today is also lighter than they have been. The same thing happened last cycle though so I'm not too concerned. I don't think I'm going to O at the "right" time like I hoped, it's still going to be late. Maybe not as late as last month though which will be an improvement. I wonder if it only moves up a few days if my doctor will want to increase the Clomid again. I think it can only be increased one more time.

Ugh look at me there. The idea that I may get preg this cycle and not have another one never even crossed my mind. I automatically think about what will happen next cycle.

Frozenoj · #12 October 4th, 2012, 05:52 PM

All of a sudden the clomid side effects have crashed into me. I've been having hot flashes, and nausea, and mood swings and I feel awful in general. I just want to curl up in a ball and cry until my OPK turns positive.

mrsb1029 · #13 October 4th, 2012, 07:13 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Frozenoj

Ugh look at me there. The idea that I may get preg this cycle and not have another one never even crossed my mind. I automatically think about what will happen next cycle.

I do the same thing. I hope you get your BFP this cycle! Good luck, Tasha!

Frozenoj · #14 October 4th, 2012, 09:06 PM

Thank you.

swtneka · #15 October 5th, 2012, 07:10 AM

Those s/e from clomid is no joke n i think the same way as well. Gl this cycle

Frozenoj · #16 October 7th, 2012, 11:53 AM

So got my +OPK yesterday!!!

I set my O day as today temporarily in FF and it only gave me a "good" rating for BD timing but countdown to pregnancy is giving me a "very high" rating. I think FF only counts like three days before O though so I'm going to go with countdown's rating and feel optimistic about our chances.

All of a sudden last night I had this wave of nausea hit me. It almost kept me from BDing but I was determined. DH said if I wanted a baby I better not puke on him because otherwise it wasn't going to happen.

I'm still nauseous today and have no appetite. I've been up like 4 hours and have only had a few ounces of water because I can't stand the thought of anything more than that.

swtneka · #17 October 7th, 2012, 01:46 PM

Gl hope u caught that egg.

Frozenoj · #18 October 8th, 2012, 05:10 PM

Think I O'd today. Was hoping for yesterday but what's done is done. I guess my body was really set on CD20. Last night I had some pains near my right ovary that felt like a cyst, I was hoping it was my O but now I'm not sure. I heard you can get O pains before O so that could have been it or it could have been a cyst. This morning I was still getting fertile signs: a high, soft, but closed cervix and really thin creamy CM that I think would have been watery had I taken any EPO yesterday. My actual temp was the same as yesterday's but I took it a few hours later than normal so it should be lower. I was playing around with FF trying to see when they would give me CH's, and they gave me dotted ones for CD17 since my temp was lower that day then the last two. Since I know that's not right I went ahead and used the adjuster on today's temp so it would be closer to what it should have been, and now FF should give them to me today if my temp is up the next three days.

Since I O'd today instead of yesterday our BD on CD14 most likely doesn't count. So countdown to pregnancy has downgraded my very high rating to only high. I hope that is good enough.

Frozenoj · #19 October 19th, 2012, 07:38 AM

I have been really ill over the last week so I haven't been on here much. Yesterday was testing day, and I got a very faint line with FMU! Tested again SMU, got three lines.

Re-dipped with the same urine and got a BFN. Tested again at 11pm and got another faint line, although it was in a different place than the first one. I'm trying to convince myself that's just because of it being from a different batch but deep down I think at least one of them was an indent. This morning FMU was a BFN.

I feel utterly devastated by this morning's test. I should have at least another faint line, right? But I don't. I bet they were both indents which is so dumb. That would have been three faulty tests in the same day. If AF shows I might complain.

I just want to be a mom, is that really too much to ask? Why can 16 year olds get knocked up but not me? How does my highschool friend who is a lesbian have a child from one night's drunken mistake but I can't after a year of actively trying and much longer than that NTNP with my wonderful husband?

Yesterday after the second faint line I started to think about pregnancy announcements. I came up with three. One for a limited number of people on FB who I want to know right away as I would want their support should I suffer a loss. Since I've been sick and it's almost Halloween I was going to say something like "You know how I've been so sick? Well it turns out I have the Egyptian Flu! It's just going to get worse over the next 9 months and then I'll turn into a mummy.

" Then one for my friends on G+, a great deal of them whovians. It was going to be something like "Guess who has two hearts but isn't a Time Lord? This girl! Our new companion due July 1, 2013." If I made it till Thanksgiving I was going to make my big announcement then, even though I'd only be like 9 weeks or so. It would say something like "This Thanksgiving DH and I are thankful for each other, but most of all the turkey we are slow cooking to perfection. Should be done around the first of July." Now I feel really dumb for going through the trouble of coming up with things I probably won't be able to use. Why do I do this to myself?

I need some chocolate and a hug.

mrsb1029 · #20 October 19th, 2012, 10:46 AM

I'm so sorry, Tasha! I have everything crossed for you! You deserve this!!!

I know how you feel. Everybody so easily getting pregnant but us. It's quite ridiculous.

I love all those ideas and I hope you get to use them.

... I would give you chocolate but the heat of my computer might melt it.