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Forgive me if I ramble, my fine & gross motor skills are a mess. I can't drive, I can't walk w/ out assistance of a person or cane, I can't wash my kids clothes, I can put my babies to bed at night, I can't be intimate w/ my husband, I can't wash my hair & try to look pretty.
I had the surgery the Monday before Thanksgiving. I woke up just praying that I would hear, that no matter what, I needed to be able to hear my children cry, laugh & tell me "mommy, your beautiful" or "I love you, you're the best mom ever". Knowing that I can hear them is great, not as well as the norm but it's better than nothing.
Becca came to help, God I love that girl, she's better than me & me & Mark keep asking "when is Becca coming back?" she's a God's sent, and honestly, the most helpful, giving person I've ever met. My boys LOVED her to death. They keep asking "where is Miss Becca?" I show them pictures of her & they really miss her. I wish we lived closer, I miss her a lot too.
After Becca had to go home () My "family"... well, they came to "help" my kids while I recovered for a week, as of today, they told me that I'd have to figure it out on our own (me & my husband). Firstly, we bought a wifi for the home so that my mother could work out of the house as she does in her house. My aunt, has no job, doesn't have anything to do & there is no reason for her not to be here to help. Their idea of "help" is giving them pudding for breakfast, keeping them in stinky diapers all day & letting the babies bring milk into the family room, the room that the off white carpet USUALLY looks lovely, but now is covered in stains from the milk.
While I layed in my bed, no one offered me food. I did eat lots of saltines & water. I am on lots of pain meds & try to take them only when very necessary. The doc has me on a new pain med, I took it this morning, but only half of it, I have to get better, not sleep all day, even thought that's what the doc wants.
My husband is has become a new man, angry I guess is the best word to use. Aside from working all day long, he comes home to a mess (my family dones't clean), he has to do laundry (has a load a day, at least), then cook us a meal (he's doing a great job at that), then try to get the kids baths (again, doing a wonderful job). He's said "when are you going to get better?" the doctors looked at him & said "your wife has had major surgery, this isn't something to take lightly & it's going to be a long recovery"... they told me months, not days, weeks, but months. I can honestly say that this is a worst recovery than having children. Yes, that I realize that it's hard for my husband & he's now seeing how much it truly takes to raise a bunch of children, some w/ special needs & cook/clean, it's exhausting & he's angry w/ everyone, me, the kids, snaps a lot, I hate him this way. I never asked him for this, I never wanted to be sick, why is he so mad at me? I want to get better, I walk around w/ my cane as much as possible (even though I am suppose to stay sitting/lying down, and I am pushing myself to do more so I can move again. Yesterday was the first day I left my house. For post-op, he said I was healing well, but I need to get more antibiotics, pain meds & no strenuous activities. Fine by me. Just hard not being able to dress mylsef w/ out help. I feel ashamed.
Do I feel sorry for myself? Heck yeah! I want my body to recover, I want to be active & able to drive again, I want to be able to do my own laundry (never thought I'd actually want to do launry but I do).
I know a lot of this is rambling. I am unable to exercise or carry anything over 5 pouds, my kids all exceed 30lbs. I want my life back. I just want to be the way I was. My husband thinks this surgery was to "fix" all my problems that I have been experiencing, but it was explained to him by both the surgeon "and" the nurses that the purpose of the surgery was to fix the spinal fluid abscess & then remove the "infected bone" that would have spread to my brain & eventually caused brain damage, stroke, and even death. The point of the surgery was to keep me alive, all the rest is a bonus. The surgeon told me that I might have certain symptoms that are worst than others & some will get better or some will stay the same, but the goal was to remove the disease that was spreading through my skull.
I have so much more to "blog" about... but it's hard to type (one of my set backs). I'll write more later. And I want support & a big kick in my behind to get back on track ASAP once the doc allows me too.
Well...so that's it in a nutshell. I wanted to post, say hello & let you know that I will remain MIA until I can truly get back on track. Just wanted to touch basis w/ you all. Hope you are okay.
Aww hun! i'm glad the surgery went well..And I'm sorry your "family" isn't much help. especially if you got wifi for your mom so she could work from home and help, and your aunt doesn't work, than she has no excuse. I wish they were more of a help to you especially in your time of need. It's not like you are just being lazy and not wanting to recover, this is a long recovery, and they should be more understanding. I hope your hubby starts being nicer and understanding that this is just as hard on you not being able to do anything. As far as him snapping, he's probably just really overwhelmed right now, so he gets angry easily, he has to work full time and come home and work some more, even if it's taking care of the family, but it's still work, as you know you've done. hopefully he'll adjust to it and be fine soon. hugs hun..