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Arguing over when to tell... :(


Forum: July 2013 Playroom

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  • 1 Post By soaringphoenix

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  #1  
December 5th, 2012, 12:28 PM
Twin Mama
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: California
Posts: 2,230
DH and I are arguing over when to tell everyone about our pregnancy. DH is excited and wants to tell the world after our 8w 1d scan Monday, including putting a picture of the babies (blobs) on a Christmas card. Me on the other hand while excited... am very hesitant and would like to wait until after the 1st tri the longer I think about it.

With my lack of consistent/any symptoms and this being a 1st pregnancy, I'm so scared of loosing one or both. Vanishing twin rates go down after 12w, as does the risk of loosing the PG so I feel like it's the safer time to tell the world. DH thinks why not share as long as Monday shows everything on track. He also says "well we told our parents who are keeping it secret right now, how long can they wait?" I asked him if he would be OK telling the world bad news and he said yes but he doesn't think that will happen.. I wish I could think that way!

I feel guilty and crazy for being so pessimistic. I have not spotted since the day of my IUI, no horrible cramps, nothing outward that would indicate a loss. But I'm on progesterone suppositories and could hide a loss by keeping my progesterone levels up falsely. I know it's highly unlikely, but still... my brain went there the second I got my positive. I also feel selfish for being pessimistic and wanting to keep this secret.

Should I cave to DH and tell Monday? The 6w 1d scan showed both at the same growth and both with a HB (couldn't measure it yet), if Monday is just as good what would you do?
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  #2  
December 5th, 2012, 01:01 PM
momology's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Location: Houston, Texas
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It is such a tricky topic!! I know my DH is so excited too and wants to tell people but I have not given in and am planning to wait for 12 weeks. I just don't think I could handle the way people would look at me and I know I wouldn't want to tell them. DH wants me to be more positive too and I am trying. I think you just need to do whatever is best for you!!

I did cave and agreed to tell some close friends especially since I am on partial bed rest so people who we have seen would know something was up anyway.
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  #3  
December 5th, 2012, 01:09 PM
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I personally would wait. The pain of my friends who have miscarried having to go through it publicly because they posted about it on facebook or something has been so tough. Its just best for everyone to wait I believe!
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  #4  
December 5th, 2012, 01:29 PM
Emvious's Avatar Mom to 2+2+1 in the oven
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I'm waiting...if you are nervous about it, you just are. Everyone knew nearly as soon as I had a positive last December, my family is a bunch of big mouths and I was with them when I found out...then lost it a month and a half later and no one said anything. When I got pregnant in July, we only told dh's parents (he really pushed to tell) since they are the ones who took care of me during the miscarriage. Then miscarried a week and a half later. This time I've kept it to us! I'm just not ready to let the world in on my secret! It's not about untelling people that scares me, its dealing with my feelings on a daily basis.
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  #5  
December 5th, 2012, 01:42 PM
ninja_mommy's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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DH and I had differences too. I wanted to tell earlier, even after having the two losses. For me, it was harder because I didn't have support from our families and they didn't know for awhile why I was acting so different. We each eventually told family about the losses when they weren't so fresh.
We are planning on announcing at Christmas. I will be about 11 weeks then. It's a hard choice, but it's too bad that DH doesn't respect where you are coming from. Is there a compromise you can make?
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  #6  
December 5th, 2012, 01:43 PM
soaringphoenix's Avatar Mother Reborn
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I don't think its gonna be any right answer. You're both in this together. The best advice I would give, is to keep talking about, try to find a middle ground (maybe 10wks), instead of his 8 and your 12. Remember that he is also very much involved and has emotions the same as you. But above all, try not to let it stress you out, and keep a happy smile on your face. Hope everything turns out ok.
Emvious likes this.
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  #7  
December 5th, 2012, 01:44 PM
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I would wait, but it's such a personal decision. Could you compromise and just tell some close friends that you can trust to keep a secret? But really, if you're not comfortable telling then he should respect that. It's only a very few weeks in the grand scheme of things.
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  #8  
December 5th, 2012, 01:50 PM
Shea131's Avatar Peyton Rylee's Mommy!!
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I like the compromise idea. Maybe tell at 10 weeks. I also like what the previous person said that he could wait just a few more weeks because in the grand scheme of things a couple weeks is nothing.
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  #9  
December 5th, 2012, 05:38 PM
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thank you for the input ladies. it's so hard and personal but i really do think im going to wait until the 2nd trimester. that's January 13th we have to wait until. i have told our parents, so if we need suport i know we have them and each other. i just keep thinking about it and if we tell the world now, i dont think i could bear telling everyone something went wrong. keeping my FX monday brings us good news about my babies!
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  #10  
December 5th, 2012, 06:54 PM
doodoosmom's Avatar 4 kids?! Who's counting!
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I would wait, just because you don't feel comfortable with it and if something were to go wrong it would make it that much harder on you.

Me and DH are totally opposites for you and your DH. I want to tell and he doesn't. Actually, my close family knows because my mom came to visit last week and I had terrible morning sickness so she guessed and then she blabbed to my aunts and my Grandma, etc. My sister knew because I told her as soon as I took the test. None of DH's family knows so I can't say anything on FB until he is ready to tell and since all my family knows it's hard to keep from saying something on FB!
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  #11  
December 5th, 2012, 11:03 PM
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I have had several miscarriages, all early and none after seeing a good heartbeat. When we see a good heartbeat and everything looks good at 8 weeks we tell everyone. Parents already know before then. I even put the ultrasound pics on Facebook. Yes, there is still risk in the first trimester but the risk of miscarriage drops after you see a good heartbeat. Besides, if I lost the baby at this point, I would be to devastated to hide it since I'm now at the point where I feel safe (past my losses).
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  #12  
December 6th, 2012, 06:00 AM
tela's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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i had a 10 week loss (the baby had a HB and then passed). so, i personally don't feel comfortable announcing until 12 weeks. i always tell close family and my BFF right away - they are the ones who supported me with my loss. as for the rest of the world, i am more of a private person and wouldn't want that all over FB. a friend asked if we were going to announce on our christmas cards (i'll be 12 weeks on 12/19). no way!!! i'm just too superstitious. but it's a very personal decision based on YOUR feelings and history. GL!
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