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vent about my stupid FL


Forum: July 2013 Playroom

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  #1  
March 31st, 2013, 06:17 PM
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Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 101
So this weekend, my husband and I along with our DS went upnorth shopping with my husbands family. What should have been a nice afternoon shopping and walking around turned into me crying and refusing to ever be in the same room as my father in law....
A little background info is needed to get where im coming from....
With my DS who was born at 32 wks; we had complications from the beginning and I was put on bed rest from the time I was 14 wks. (Suchornionic hematoma, gestational diabetes, gestational hypertension, IUGR, oligo) so basically my son was born at 32 wks at 3 lbs... small but still healthy... we spent a month in the NICU and he has been a trooper right from day one.... Throughout my DS`s pregnancy my inlaws somehow thought it was my fault... That my DS was small because I didnt eat... I tried to explain to them numerous times along with my husbands attempts but its like hitting your head on a brick wall...
For those of you who arent familiar with IUGR in a nut shell it basically means that my placenta didnt work properly so my son in utero wasnt getting the nurtrition he needed etc....
So picture this, Im alone at the table with my FL and he turns and asks how the baby is doing (talking about the one in my tummy) and I say everything is going well. He asked if I feel him moving. I said no not really but its still early. His response, well if you ate what ur suppose to and not just when you are hungry the baby would be growing and kicking all the time. all i said in response was Im sure ill feel him soon. Then he went on to say, the family doesnt want to end up crying again because I dont want to eat and feed my baby. I turned to him and said I dont think I understood you. He said yes you do, I know you heard me, Tristan was small because you didnt do what you were suppose to. I turned to him looked him dead in the face and said maybe thats your perception of things but you arent living obviously in the same reality as I am and walked away.... I was fuming.. My husband was off in the bathroom and then when my father in law left the table I told my husband that that was the last time I will ever talk to him again. Im still pissed and hurt by what happened... My husband was upset but didnt even say anything to his father. He said to me that there isnt a point that we`ve tried so many times they dont believe us... I just feel like screaming at his dad how ignorant he is... Being uneducated is one thing but ignorant is something else.
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  #2  
March 31st, 2013, 06:35 PM
Gini_3boys's Avatar Super Mommy
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Missouri
Posts: 635
Oh man I would be livid and hurt too. I'm sorry you have people like that in your life, it's really not fair. And how frustrating you can't even reason with him, it seems like he has the mind set of a toddler. I don't blame you at all for not wanting to see him ever again, what a jerk!
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  #3  
March 31st, 2013, 07:16 PM
pearlica's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Posts: 2,442
wow that's awful...what an a$$hole!
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  #4  
March 31st, 2013, 07:27 PM
Kiam's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Sep 2012
Posts: 1,951
Ugh, there is nothing worse than when ignorant people who refuse to educate themselves of things correctly think they are entitled to an opinion.

I don't blame you for not wanting to talk to him.
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  #5  
March 31st, 2013, 08:29 PM
LittleMomma09's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Location: Tennessee
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I am sorry he done you like that. I wouldn't want to talk to him anymore. I would print out all the stuff explaining the medical stuff with your DS and if you see him again give it to him and walk away. Highlight what you have always said to your in-laws. Though it sounds like that wouldn't even get through to him.
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  #6  
March 31st, 2013, 09:11 PM
Twin Mama
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: California
Posts: 2,230
I am so sorry you have to deal with that. I don't blame you for wanting to cut him out, I would too. It is ignorant and incredibly rude for them to say such things especially after you have tried to educate them.
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  #7  
March 31st, 2013, 10:10 PM
doodoosmom's Avatar 4 kids?! Who's counting!
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: California
Posts: 8,008
Wow, that was awful of him to say. I'm sure it was scary & bad enough having a preemie without the added stress of family blaming you for it! I don't blame you for wanting to cut him out of your life, I would too!
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  #8  
April 1st, 2013, 05:55 AM
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Posts: 101
Quote:
Originally Posted by LittleMomma09 View Post
I am sorry he done you like that. I wouldn't want to talk to him anymore. I would print out all the stuff explaining the medical stuff with your DS and if you see him again give it to him and walk away. Highlight what you have always said to your in-laws. Though it sounds like that wouldn't even get through to him.
That was what I was thinking of doing but I cant find the information in Spanish.... I can find tons in english and french but dont even know where to begin to get the informaiton online in spanish.
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  #9  
April 1st, 2013, 06:18 AM
bklynfinest77's Avatar Super Mommy
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Posts: 722
wow .. he really was being a ***** .. i would have been upset too ..
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  #10  
April 1st, 2013, 07:26 AM
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Posts: 352
Wow... This is atrocious. As if you, as the mother, would ever do anything to jeopardize your baby's health. Honestly, I'm not sure there's much that you can do to change his mind on this. I would be livid and think your reaction to this is pretty appropriate.
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  #11  
April 1st, 2013, 08:04 AM
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Thanks ladies... My husband spoke to his mother this morning and told her the story and all she had to say was that I have to be patient with him, that he didn't mean to insult me, that he just wants everything to be ok. REALLY.... how is that suppose to make me feel any better.... I really don't want to be around him and I don't want him around my son. If he talks about me that way to my face what does he say behind my back or even worse he probably has no class and will say stuff to my son... (not that my DS who is only 14 months would understand) but the point is, if I just let this go and pretend he didnt say something so out of line when will he learn....
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  #12  
April 1st, 2013, 10:12 AM
MamaLemonade's Avatar ~~Whitney~~
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I'm so sorry you have been amazingly patient and you've held your tongue better then I would have. I hope the situation gets better
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  #13  
April 1st, 2013, 01:40 PM
NinjaCakes's Avatar Awesomesauce
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Location: Illinois
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Didn't mean to insult you? If that isn't a bold faced lie I've never heard one. I'd be fuming, too!
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  #14  
April 1st, 2013, 01:45 PM
captivate's Avatar Sticky thoughts please...
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Stockport UK
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For gods sake, thats the old school way of looking at it.

Some people are just too stubborn to realise things have changed over the years and the real reasons for what they used to think in your FIL time was not actually the reason.

Sigh. I am sorry you have had to cope with that.

I wish we could all have a stress free pregnancy x
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  #15  
April 1st, 2013, 07:01 PM
.:fearless:.'s Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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What a freaking jerk! I am really sorry he is so hurtful to you over this
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  #16  
April 3rd, 2013, 06:07 AM
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and to top it off, I tried to talk to my husband last night about it and my husband doesnt want to talk about it anymore. He says there is nothing to do. That only upsets me more, I would expect my husband to defend me, I tried to explain to him how hurtful that was and that he is questioning my ability as a mom to care for my children. My husband was being so defensive, I understand its his father but Im his wife. In the end my husband says that I should talk directly to his father.... I completely disagree If my family were to treat him horribly Id be the first to jump in and set them straight.... after 14 years of being together u`d think I`d be use to my inlaws and there "opinions".... grrrrrr
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  #17  
April 3rd, 2013, 11:48 AM
mommamuffin's Avatar Super Mommy
Join Date: Jul 2011
Posts: 761
I'm definitely not on your husbands side on this, but I feel bad for both of you. You are in a terrible position, and I agree - if I were you, I wouldn't want to spend any time with them or around them knowing what they think of me. However, your husband is awful in a terrible position - it must be awkward for him because that is his family and he probably feels helpless as to how to fix the situation. That being said, you are, again, right - he should stand up for you. :hugs: thinking of you and hoping your stress free in other things! xo
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  #18  
April 3rd, 2013, 02:41 PM
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what a jerk!! I wouldn't want to have a conversation with him either if that's how he is going to act
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