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I laughed so hard I just about fell out of my chair reading this this morning and had to share. Jaylen's been really into Cinderella lately and with Nicole making those princess dresses......
Cinderella Schools Her Fairy Godmother on Fashion Apps We enter a scene already in progress. Cinderella's Fairy Godmother has just transformed the rag-wearing girl into a shimmering Princess.
Fairy Godmother: Isn't it the most beautiful gown you have ever seen?
Cinderella (looking in the mirror): Mmm-hmm.
Fairy Godmother (bewildered): Is there a problem?
Fairy Godmother: That sounds like a yes. What's wrong?
Cinderella: Nothing, it's a beautiful dress. A beautiful dress….
Fairy Godmother: But?
Cinderella: I don't want to seem ungrateful. I mean, I don't even own a pair of shoes.
Fairy Godmother: Yeah, yeah, but —
Cinderella: It's my arms. Well, the sleeves, to be more precise.
Fairy Godmother: What's wrong with the sleeves? Look at those details. My best tiny fairy babies embroidered those sleeves.
Cinderella: And they did an exquisite job, but puffy cap sleeves? Not flattering on broader shoulders and developed arms.
Fairy Godmother: True, your arms are pretty buff.
Cinderella: That's from lifting bales of hay for the horses, bags of potatoes for the cook, and the stepsisters when they don't feel like walking.
Cinderella takes out her smartphone.
Fairy Godmother: What are you doing?
Cinderella: Uploading a picture of me in my dress to Go Try It On so I can receive helpful advice from fashion strangers and my mice. (Pause.) Oh.
Fairy Godmother: What did they say?
Cinderella: They don't like the skirt. They say that I'm an apple shape and that….
Fairy Godmother: Wait a second. You don't own a pair of shoes but you have a smartphone?
Cinderella: Stepmom's cruel, not inhuman. Besides, I use the Stylebook app to organize her closet. Plus I use the calendar to track the outfits she wears to her evil events. She hates repetition. Most evil people do.
The Fairy Godmother looks at the picture of Cinderella's stepmother in the phone.
Fairy Godmother: I love that coat. Is it fur?
Cinderella: It's a kitten coat.
Fairy Godmother: That's dark.
Fairy Godmother: What other fashion apps do you have on that?
Cinderella: Well, I read all the latest styles for the stepsisters at chicfeed.
Fairy Godmother: Well, while I'm mighty impressed with your app-titude …
Fairy Godmother: Forget it. Time's a wasting and we need to get you ready for the….
Cinderella shows her another app.
Cinderella: Look at this one! The Cut on the Runway. It shows current runways and shows from every fashion week around the world. Oh, and then I use the Lustr Fashion Finder to locate sales and promotions near the castle for everyone to enjoy but me.
Fairy Godmother: Speaking of you, what are we going to do about your dress? This is the only dress design I know. It's the standard "Rags to Riches Princess Dress."
Cinderella: No worries. I'll just consult with an expert on Ask a Stylist! I can ask them what might be the best look for a formal affair for a young woman with large arms who wants to make a statement.
Fairy Godmother: Do they have any recommendations for pear-shaped Fairy Godmothers?
Cinderella: Let me check.
Fairy Godmother: Later. Right now I can give you the Rags to Riches number or, better yet, I could possibly turn your stepsisters into frogs.
Cinderella: I'm going to take the recommendations I got online so I can secretly raid my stepsisters' closets. Whatever I find might need some adjustments here and there, but the mice are itching for something to do.
Fairy Godmother: But what happens when your stepsisters recognize their clothing on you?
Cinderella: They won't notice me. They only know me as a little waif in rags. As Coco Chanel said, "Dress shabbily and they remember the dress; dress impeccably and they remember the woman."
Fairy Godmother: Nice. I think I'll use that at my next stop.
Cinderella: I'll text you a picture from the ball. In the meantime, you can get a jump on the coachmen and carriage. The pumpkins are over there. Just let the mice finish their alterations first.