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When to tell


Forum: August 2013 Playroom

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  #1  
December 11th, 2012, 08:48 AM
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Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: WI
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When I found out I was expecting, the first person I called was my mom. Since I wanted to do something special for my SO. So my mom knew right away... and so did my older sister.

Once I told my SO, he has decided to wait to tell his parents until Febuary when the pregnancy is full force.

Wouldnt you think we would tell both sets of parents sooner? Before annoucing it to everyone when the 2nd tri hits?

I just dont know if I can keep it a secret that long to his mom.... but I will not break the news without my SO's blessing.

When did you tell both sets of parents?
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  #2  
December 11th, 2012, 08:53 AM
JessKeller24's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: PA
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No one knows but online friends. I'm waiting until at least 8 weeks. Not sure how to tell my mom, I may buy a onesie that says I love grandma and give it to her.
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  #3  
December 11th, 2012, 08:55 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Mom2RickyRanaJavier View Post
No one knows but online friends. I'm waiting until at least 8 weeks. Not sure how to tell my mom, I may buy a onesie that says I love grandma and give it to her.
Thats such a cute idea!

So you think waiting until it's more advanced is a good idea?
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  #4  
December 11th, 2012, 08:59 AM
KnitterLaurel's Avatar Super Mommy
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: Richmond, VA
Posts: 562
I haven't told anyone yet, not even DH. I will be putting a little pair of knit baby socks in his stocking. If I can hold out that long anyway. lol

I will also probably tell my Mom and sisters over the phone on Christmas Day. I leave it up to DH to tell his family when he wants too. I don't ever talk to them so it won't get "blabbed" before he wants them to know.
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  #5  
December 11th, 2012, 09:18 AM
mrskfet's Avatar Super Mommy
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Indiana
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I understand why your SO doesnt want to tell anybody until youre in the 2nd tri because thats the "safe zone". Chances of a m/c are much lower then. As for myself, I've already told my closest friends, my mom, and we're telling his parents on Christmas. I wish we would have waited a bit but neither of us are very good at keeping secrets lol just depends on what you two want to do
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  #6  
December 11th, 2012, 09:28 AM
JessKeller24's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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For me I'd rather wait because I don't want all the people to know if I were to have a miscarriage. And because everyone thought 2 was enough and we can't really afford a 4th so they are just gonna judge. They are lucky they'll find out before I'm giving birth, haha.
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  #7  
December 11th, 2012, 09:38 AM
mrskfet's Avatar Super Mommy
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Mom2RickyRanaJavier View Post
For me I'd rather wait because I don't want all the people to know if I were to have a miscarriage. And because everyone thought 2 was enough and we can't really afford a 4th so they are just gonna judge. They are lucky they'll find out before I'm giving birth, haha.
Judging is the exact reason I'm terrified to tell DH's parents and my dad. Since we got married my MIL has been telling us to wait until I finish college to even think about kids, and I've been a stay at home wife so we dont really have the money to have a baby either. Not even going to go into details about my dad lol why cant people just be happy for us?
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  #8  
December 11th, 2012, 10:09 AM
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I think it's a very personal choice when to tell. Some people are fine with telling right away, but others worry about a possible miscarriage and how difficult it would be to tell person after person about it when you are dealing with the grief of one.

Then there's the judging thing, which depends on your situation and whether you feel up to dealing with it or not.

There's definitely not a right or wrong choice, but here's my experience:
We told immediately family and close friends right away with the two boys. With my mc in September we didn't tell anyone and it was a lot easier for me that way.

However, this time, I've told the few people I think will be very supportive regardless of what happens and who can keep a secret. I think some people will make annoying comments and judge because my last pregnancy was really complicated and Cole is only 7 months old. But it's our life and this is what DH and I wanted so ha!
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  #9  
December 11th, 2012, 10:18 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mrskfet View Post
Judging is the exact reason I'm terrified to tell DH's parents and my dad. Since we got married my MIL has been telling us to wait until I finish college to even think about kids, and I've been a stay at home wife so we dont really have the money to have a baby either. Not even going to go into details about my dad lol why cant people just be happy for us?
I think you'll do great!! I finished up my masters and student teaching while pregnant with Chase, and then when he was a baby. It wasn't as hard as everyone thought. It was kind of nice because you get a lot of breaks in school, can somewhat choose your schedule, and if your baby gets sick and you have class, you skip class, which isn't nearly as stressful as calling out of work and potentially losing money. As long as you are determined nothing will stop you and it will make graduating an even prouder moment!
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  #10  
December 11th, 2012, 10:19 AM
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My sister knows and you ladies but we won't be telling the rest of our families, or anyone else, until the 12 week mark
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  #11  
December 11th, 2012, 10:28 AM
Crystals InK's Avatar Regular
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Florida
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Same here, my mother knows but SO's mother doesnt and I dont know when I should tell. Last time I was pregnant we waited to tell ANYONE and at 9weeks I misscarried..So it was kind of a good thing that I didnt tell everyone I guess :/ it saves alot of broken hearts
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  #12  
December 11th, 2012, 10:38 AM
Mrshall84's Avatar Regular
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: Maine
Posts: 72
I too have been wondering when to tell. My husband doesnt even know I have had a bpf yet! He wants me to wait until this weekend as I have just barely missed af. I how ever could not wait so I snuck a test while at work lol I have had all the signs so far and I keep reasuing him that everything is ok so far him and I have talked about it, I think he is just scared to get a bfp as I recently had 2 misscariages and fears that will happen again.

I have no clue how and when to tell my family I fear my mom will be very upset.
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  #13  
December 11th, 2012, 10:58 AM
Diamond2009's Avatar Boss Mama
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I havent told my parents or his yet. We were going to tell them Christmas but because we wont be having an ultrasound until the 27th i dont feel comfortable telling just yet. So if everything is fine at the ultrasound i will probably tell them New Years. As far as everyone else probably after the gender scan since i already had a 2nd trimester loss in July i dont want to tell anyone until after that time
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  #14  
December 11th, 2012, 12:14 PM
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I'm not telling anyone. They will know when they figure it out, some people may not even notice unless they count the kids in August.
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  #15  
December 11th, 2012, 12:23 PM
jessicag's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Nobody except our close friends and you ladies know about our pregnancy. If we see a nice healthy heart beat on the 19th, we will tell our parents on christmas. But we will not announce to everyone else until the second trimester :-)
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  #16  
December 11th, 2012, 01:33 PM
Momma2Chase's Avatar August 2013 DDC Co-Host
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We were up in the air about sharing... we told a couple of close friends, my mom and my sister last week but that was it.
Yesterday we decided we didn't want to hold it back anymore, after getting more positive labs from the doctor we decided we would just bite the bullet and announce on Facebook (all the close people knew already so there was no concern of making someone mad by letting the news out via FB lol)...
I was still thinking on it to be sure I wanted to do it, and DH posted "Jamie has a OVbunEN!" lmao! So needless to say, I had to post too. haha
Everyone is happy/excited- except ONE chick, that I hardly even talk to. She's my mom's exes neice... and apparently has been reporting things that my mom and I write on FB to her family. She wrote on my status, "Jamie is pregnant. Just found out and posted on FB" >.< I think she was being snarky about the fact that I didn't wait until 40 weeks to announce my pregnancy like she always does.

But... *** it. i don't care. I'm not unfriending her, but I made everything I post invisible to her lol
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  #17  
December 11th, 2012, 01:42 PM
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I told my DH parents days away after i found out that i was expecting. But DH was the first to know that i was pregnant at that time, then my parents and sister and lastly DH's family.
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  #18  
December 11th, 2012, 06:18 PM
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Join Date: Sep 2012
Posts: 376
That's hard. I don't think there's any right answer. Here's my experience:

Baby #1 - told family pretty quickly. Too naive to really worry! Told general public around 11-12 weeks.
Baby #2 - Told my family probably around 6 weeks. Had to wait a few weeks to tell my husbands family since we were going to see them all in person at a holiday. It felt weird that several friends knew before they even knew.
Loss #1 - Had told a few friends and immediate family. They were all people I'd share the news of a loss with so that part wasn't a big deal.
Loss #2 - Same as loss #1. I've told quite a few more people about the losses than even knew I was pregnant as I wanted to share that grief.

This time, my husband knows and my sister knows. Otherwise, I hope to not tell anyone until an awesome ultrasound and maybe even well into the second trimester. Not that I wouldn't tell close friends about another miscarriage, but for me it comes down to:
1. Not letting myself get too carried away with excitement. I know if I'm talking about it with friends, I'll only get more excited about this baby.
2. My family has had a lot of grief lately and I don't want to add to that.
3. We found out we'll be making a big move in early July and then found out I was pregnant two days later (I haven't cycled since my latest miscarriage). I can't wrap my mind around it yet, so I'm sure some family members might not think well of our planning.
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  #19  
December 11th, 2012, 06:39 PM
KeLLiC09's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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We told my Mom and my Hubby's Mom & Step Dad. I like having the support like I did last time with my chemical.
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  #20  
December 11th, 2012, 06:42 PM
BabyFever23's Avatar Proud mama & Wife
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: NYC
Posts: 156
Quote:
Originally Posted by UrbanMomma View Post
I'm not telling anyone. They will know when they figure it out, some people may not even notice unless they count the kids in August.
Lmfaoo that really made me laugh because I said the same. If it was up to me ppl wont know till they see me walking around with a 3rd baby lololol I just dont wanna hear bullcrap comments from people. Some of my family knows like my parents and bff and they made little side comments like "oh I really hope this is the girl so you can be done" like they have a say so in how many kids we choose to have smh. I so dont wanna tell his family because I know they are so gonna talk crap specially his brother and his girlfriend. DH doesnt want to tell them either so hopefully he wont lol
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