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I have been getting mad about everything lately. Not only that, It feels like nothing is going right around me. I am having a hard time, keeping calm when I need to. Alot of this has to do with my boyfriend becoming a first time father and not quite knowing how to be there for me. I am trying as best as I can to cut out the negativity in my life, but I feel like I am getting nowhere and I have nobody to talk to about it. I am suppose to be relaxing and keeping it cool for the baby, but I feel like riping someones head off and shoving it up their Its making me feel depressed and I dont like it
Well, where do I start. I was married for 9 years (I know that sounds like a long time considering my age "26" but he was my high school sweet heart) In that time we had My daughter in 05 & My son in 09. Long story short, it just wasnt there anymore so I moved on in 2010 and got a divorce. The guy I am currently with was a prior fling back in 07..We hooked up again in april of 2011 and although we've known eachother for quite some time now, we have only been together going on 2 years in April.
I dont really like to put my business out there in fear of being judged but like I said I feel I have nobody else to talk to about these things. The main thing we have an issue with is his lack of maturity. He is an only child, and has never had to do much of anything on his own without having it given to him first. No matter what the situation is, he wants to be informed first, have the first say, and if anyone (friends or even my mom) is included first no matter how simple it may be he has this instant feeling of "being left out". I dont know where the hell this comes from, but I am more grown up than that. I would like to sit down sometimes and have a grown up conversation without him feeling like he cant give me his opinion because whatever it is that I am talking about happened without him being present. Its just plain ridiculous.
Another BIG problem is, he likes to smoke pot. I never had a problem with it, like I do now. I am over the fact that he cant have a good time, or go a day without thinking of the next time to blaze one up. It seems like no matter how far away from bad things I try to get, they always seem to stick around. As a matter of fact "Right now" as I am sitting here typing this him and his friend just walked in the door and they are both "red eyed" smelling like CRAP! He looks down and sees some of what I am typing and says "reeeeaaaallllllyy"???? LOL, YEAH REALLY!!! I dont know what to do to make him see me as important enough to just stop. The last time he said he was going to stop, he did for only 2 days and the continued behind my back. I am so fed up with it, all it ever leads to is a fight...and when we start its not easy to stop..Especially me being pregnant I tend to say things very bluntly not caring AT ALL!
Thats what we are here for is to vent to. I'm sorry your SO is being a jerk sometimes. I suggest you sit down and talk to him about it....tell him how much it bothers you and hopefully he can cut down the pot smoking like only smoking weekends or something. Being pregnant and having all the hormones makes everything so much worse . I'm sorry you are going through this Hopefully he realizes that its time for him to grow up
Your SO sounds like my ex-husband-- very immature, had a lot of issues with him because of it. He caused a lot of fights because of it, to be honest.
And he was a huge stoner. Prior to being pregnant, it didn't bother me... he would always ask if it was okay to smoke around me and I would say it was fine. Then when I got pregnant, I told him I didn't want it around me anymore and he just didn't care by that point. He got to the point that he was MAD at me that I didn't want to be around it and he just wouldn't come home from work because he'd go to a friends house for hours to smoke with him. He would spend all the money in our bank account (had a joint account, which was a bad idea in retrospect) on smoking- I specifically remember one time when I was supposed to go grocery shopping after work and got to the store and figured out that jerk got out of work early and spent EVERYTHING in the bank account! I had to ask my mom for money, of course covering for him 100%.
Then when I was 9 weeks pregnant we split up... and then months later he claimed he changed and we got back together the month before our son was born. I quickly learned it was a lie and people like him DON'T change. He went right back to smoking and drinking all the time. Spending all the money and disappearing for days. We were still married and living together but essentially broken up at some point. He wouldn't give me a cent of money to help me out, so I had to pay all these bills and by the time they were paid I had no money left over (he had a much better paying job), and the 2nd time around we had separate bank accounts so I had no access to his money. He wouldn't help me buy food or formula for our son. I asked him one day and he told me he didn't have any extra money... and then a mutual friend told me that right after he told me that, he went and signed up to go SKYDIVING. I ended up having to lie to WIC and pretend we were officially broken up and I wasn't living with him because combined we made too much money even though he wasn't helping.
Ahh sorry, didn't mean to get so much into talking about my ex! I just hate him, if you can't tell lol
You definitely need to talk to him and make him realize this change needs to happen soon because of the baby coming. If you're not happy with it now, you're going to really hate and resent him after the baby comes and he hasn't changed.
I completely agree with what the above ladies said! You really do need to sit down and talk with him as hard as it may be. He may not even listen but all you can do is try. You can’t make someone change; he has to want to change! If you are unhappy and he is not willing to work hard and try and improve things then maybe its time to move on. Staying together just because of the baby is not a good reason. You will end up being resentful and if you are arguing all the time that is not a good environment for a baby to be raised. Maybe time apart would be good from him, maybe he will realize what is important to him and step. Just think long and hard and do what is best for you and your little one in the end!
Good luck and remember we are here to vent to!
Wow, I really thought I was the only one. Its nice to know, that im not the only one. I dont know how I am going to handle this, but I do know one thing. YOur right when you say "being pregnant" doesnt mean we have to stay together. I cannot live in misery, and if he doesnt realize this than HE is just not worth my time :/ I will keep you ladies posted on what happens...& Thank you all for your advice/response, it means alot!