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Forum: August 2013 Playroom

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  • 1 Post By onemoremakesfour
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  #1  
January 7th, 2013, 11:37 AM
onemoremakesfour's Avatar ThreeBoys
Join Date: Nov 2012
Posts: 416
Hello everyone! New here, been visiting this site for a little while and officially making my first post. A little bit about me... I am 36 years due August 16th with my 4th child. I have DS 14, DS 9, and DS 5. I have had 2 previous miscarriages June 2001 and March 2012. I was with my ex-husband 16 years with 12 of those years being married. We separated about 3 years ago, filed for divorce a little over 2 years ago and it finally officially ended last September. Yes...it was a nice long drawn out divorce and in the end he wanted less than what I tried to give him in the beginning. I have been with my SO for roughly 2 years now and it took a while, but the oldest DS no longer has issues with me seeing someone else. I became pregnant early last year while I was on an antibiotic, but miscarried at 9 weeks. I never did tell my children and felt horrible because I felt it was awful timing and then when that happened I felt it was my fault (which I know it wasn't). Now that I am pregnant again I fear telling my oldest son. I don't want him to hate me. I want him to be accepting of his brother or sister even though they will have different fathers. Today I go in for my first u/s and I am very nervous. A part of me feels like this is still not the right timing, but I would cry my eyeballs out if anything happened. I want my children to be the first to know so I have no one to talk to about this. My SO says he feels my son will not have a problem with it, but I am so scared. My two youngest children love him to death and the 9 year old calls him his other dad. We were already looking at houses to buy in June and now he has started moving in. My 14 year old knew we were going to buy a house together this year and said he had no issues with it. They get along a lot now and even went on a baseball trip together last June, but I still feel like he will hate me. I have 3 sisters and I'm even scared to tell one of them. My sister and her husband have been trying for 7 years and she has PCOS. My BIL had 3 children prior to their relationship and she has made not very nice comments about me even having three. I don't want to upset her with this news either. I feel so stressed out when I know this should be a happy time. I'm also worried about work and people talking about me being pregnant and wondering who Im seeing (I've worked here over 15 years and only a few even know I got a divorce, out of those few no one even knows Im been with someone because its not their business)...

My goodness!! I just need someone to talk to so I can feel better!! My appt is in an hour and a half and I hope seeing the baby will make me feel better.
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  #2  
January 9th, 2013, 03:32 PM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jun 2006
Posts: 1,574
Just wanted to say good luck with everything
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  #3  
January 9th, 2013, 03:41 PM
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Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 1,795
Well Welcome hon! If you ever need someone to talk to feel free to send me a PM. Good luck on your appointment and just know that no matter what you decide when you tell the kids, it will be the right choice. Maybe take your oldest out for dinner and let him know that way. This way it's a one on one environment and he doesn't feel like he has to give a certain reaction because of the other two or the new man in your life. Plus, if you take him out, he can't really storm off to his room if he gets upset. Just an idea.
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  #4  
January 9th, 2013, 04:09 PM
Mommy of 3
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: NY
Posts: 2,240
Good luck. Hope your appointment went ok
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  #5  
January 9th, 2013, 04:25 PM
miniRazz's Avatar <3 my rainbow baby
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: BC, Canada
Posts: 931
Welcome! How did your appointment go? I'm sure your oldest son will be happy about it once you tell him. Coming from split up parents I know I wasn't exactly happy about my mom or dad dating again, plus I was 14 at the time as well, given time I got used to it cause I realized that all that mattered was that my parents were happy, together or apart.
Take care and hope the appointment went well.
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  #6  
January 9th, 2013, 07:59 PM
annabelpolo's Avatar SAHMommy expecting #2
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: MI, USA
Posts: 427
Welcome and congrats! I hope your appointment went well

I think maybe if you sit down and talk to your son somewhere were he cant storm off if he gets mad would be best. As for everybody else, I think if you feel like they wont be supportive, then maybe you dont have to tell them. After all, it is your pregnancy and your relationship. Good luck and let us know how your appointment went
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  #7  
January 10th, 2013, 03:37 AM
Papasgirl's Avatar Down Syndrome Pregnancy
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: Boston, Ma
Posts: 4,503
it is so hard, but you have every right to feel happy about this pregnancy. I understand your concern about your son. He is your child and you will always worry, but you are a person too, and you deserve to be happy. Co-workers and sisters have no say and no business in it. My family has been less than wow-ed with my last two successful pregnancies and that is why they don't know anything about my last three losses or this pregnancy now. You deserve your happiness.
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  #8  
January 10th, 2013, 05:58 AM
BeachMum's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jan 2011
Posts: 4,219
Welcome and congratulations!!! I'm sure your son will be excited, especially if you make a big deal that you're telling him first.
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  #9  
January 10th, 2013, 06:10 AM
Hesperleigh's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: Florida
Posts: 2,925
First of all, congrats! I was worried about how my stepsons would take the news of another baby, but they really surprised me. They are genuinely excited. I was afraid they would think that they were sort of being replaced, but it wasn't the case. Maybe if you sit down and tell him first, away from the other two? Tell him how proud you are of how he has given the new guy a chance and how grown up he is? Maybe that will help. Just make sure he knows you are all on the same team? I don't know... hope that helps. Hope it all goes better than you are expecting!
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  #10  
January 10th, 2013, 06:11 AM
Husher's Avatar B & E complete me.
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: NH
Posts: 10,622
Welcome! I agree that telling your oldest first is a good idea. It's not easy, but try to just be happy. You deserve to enjoy the pregnancy and not worry about what everyone else thinks. Can't wait to hear how your appointment went!
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  #11  
January 10th, 2013, 06:50 AM
onemoremakesfour's Avatar ThreeBoys
Join Date: Nov 2012
Posts: 416
Thank you everyone!!! Just reading all these comments makes me want to cry! I think I'm going to talk to my oldest this weekend. This u/s went great! Found out my little bean was 9 weeks and 5 days on Monday with a little heartbeat of 178. I posted pics ! My next appt is this coming Monday. Thank you for the taking him out to dinner idea, I think I will pick his favorite place! I want him to be the first to know. I think once I tell him I will feel so much better.
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  #12  
January 10th, 2013, 02:37 PM
IvyMommy's Avatar Veteran
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 498
Congrats on #4 . I think some time has passed so your son is now used ot the idea of this guy and he will be ok with it .....My two keep asking when their step dad and I are having one ..if they only knew.. Congrats on a healthy appt. Don't let your sister get you down a baby is a blessing and it itsn't your fault she had had fertility issues ...We had been trying over a year and a half with one loss...and I still was happy for my friends that got pregnant
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