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Sorry I have to vent. Because I dont know how to feel and Im starting to hate her.
I dont have family here, they are in Peru. My husband is peruvian too but he has all his family around us. When I was pregnant with the twins I was the centre of attention, nobody in both families had twins before.. two months after we found out, my sister in law told the world she was pregnant too, she has a 8 y/old girl who has always been my MIL's loved one. MIL was thrilled about to have 3 more grandbabies and I cant complain she was always by side. I had a very rough pregnancy, I stayed 44 days @ hospital before my babies arrived. She was always with me. I really needed my mom but she wasnt able to come here so MIL took her place. I have to say she was very nice and I am not going to forget what she did. When the twins were born (premiees) she tried to take care of them more than me. She said I had a csection and that I wasnt going to be able to do all what I was supposed to do with both babies, so she decided to stay with us and omg everything changed from that moment. DH was so happy because HIS MOM was staying with us and in charge of everything!! She started buying formula diapers clothes for the babies.. she didnt want me to get out fo bed and wanted to do everything.In that moment I thought that my MIL home invasion process was going to last a few more weeks.. I was so ready to take care of my babies but she never left. I think one day she realized about how I was feeling so she told us she was going back to work and I was so happy she did but she started calling home every 2 hrs and txtd me like crazy asking for the twins like if I was doing nothing to have time to start chatting with her. Everytime she visited us.. she was always complaining about sth.. the milk is not warm enough, those diapers are so small, she wanted to take the twins to ER almost everyday.. she was so worried I was not doing everyhting right all the time. One day she called to asked me what kind of nipples had the bottles I was using. I said why are you asking? she wanted to buy fast flow nipples when my babies were doing so well with the slow ones.. I told her to do not buy anything because we were doing perfectly with what we already had. That was enough!! She blamed my babies were shocking when drinking his bottles. She got upset and never called back again. That was last july and she never asked for my babies again. My sister in law's baby were born a few weeks after that and she went over to her place and started doing the same she did here. But the thing is, my SIL let her do whatever she wanted without complains although she was feeling like me.. MIL spent all those months with them and did not care about my babies anymore. We went to visit her for xmas and she was not even remotely surprised, she was taling about her other grandbabyson all the time.. she is posting pictures of them in FB everyday, she never posted a picture of mine. My small twin had a surgery a week ago and she asked DH how was it? by sending a simple TXT msg. DH invited her to come to see the baby last week and she came and stayed 20 min because she said she had to take his grandbabyson to his checkup appointment.. Do you think I am overreacting about all this? I dont know how to feel, ahh and she doesnt care about this new baby either. uggghhh
I'm sorry you have to deal with that! I think it's awful that she was so involved and totally backed off from the boys It's clear that she's taking out any anger or issues with you/DH on them too. It's sad that a grandmother could (and would) do that, but I hope she wises up to her mistakes soon!
Wow she sounds like a nut. She wants control and at first she had it so everything was happy then when she felt like she was loosing it she didnt like that and moved on. I dont think your overacting at all. I think you were very patient with her. I would have flipped out first week. My mil is a crazy. She calls me 8 times a day (no joke) and asks me what the kids eat and what time they slept ect. I dont answer cause she is annoying. It is very sad that she would treat you that way and worse treat her grandchildren that way. Im sorry you have to put up with that.
I think with any person who is helping you out, asked or of their own accord, it's a fine line you have to walk. Whether it's venting to your DH when they aren't around or just sucking it up. If you want to salvage any possibility of a relationship with her, you may have to sit her down and talk to her. Explain where you were coming from and how you felt so appreciative that she was there when your mom was not, but how you wanted to try to be as good of a mom to your babies as she is a grandmother. Sugar coating and compliments go a long way with mother in laws! Even if all you are doing is blowing smoke up her bum, it will hopefully build a bridge that will lead her back into your lives in a more controlled and appropriate manner.
Location: McDonough, GA by way of Charlotte, NC and my home NY!!!!
I can totally relate that is how my daughter's grandmother was but I had to put a stop to it before my mother did (because that wouldnot have been good)!! With that being said is it possible for you 2 to sit down an have a conversation about how you are feeling? It seems like you were graeful for her help but you just felt slighted as the mom like she did not want you to do anything and she just turned into a monster after that!!! You want her to be a grandmother to the boys and some grandparents do not understand what that means as a grandparent they can spoil the kids and all of tet stuff but give them back (is what my mom likes to call it), you are the mother and just dont want her to overstep her boundaries not to confuse that with you not wanting her in your children's lives. I think you should speak your peace to her because it is clear that she is taking out her anger on the kids and that is not fair...sometimes letting them know we still need you as grandma but not as mommy/daddy helps that sense of being needed is really all they want. I bet you as much as she does for your SIL (she probably complains about it later) like if she wasnt around SIL would be lost! Don't fret about it honestly she sounds like my daughter's grandmother and when I told her that we need you as grandma not as mommy/daddy it helped a lot she just really likes to be neede and I knew that
Sorry you have to deal with all that! Crazy!! Plus pregnancy hormones will make you feel worse about the situation.. Sounds like she is lonely if she doesnt have her own life to live.. I hope she changes soon.
Wow, thats really sad that she would do that to the boys I hope she realizes that she is missing out on them, and that you want her to have a close grandparent relationship with your kids, but you are the mom and can meet their needs. It doesnt need to be all or nothing. Maybe send her an email or text explaining that you didnt mean to offend her and you very much want her to be a part of the kids lives, but you need to be able to take care of the kids and be their mommy. Its such a touch situation, and I would feel very hurt/sad/frustrated/angry too. Sorry you are going through this!
ooohh thank you so much for reading this vent. Id really would love to talk to her and tell her so many things but she is so proud and she says things that hurt my feelings. You are right, these pregnancy hormones are making me crazy. Ive been crying and crying thinking about why my babies dont have a "normal" grandma. My mom is not like that, she is different and I miss her so much. I always talk to the twins about her and hope to be able to go back soon with them so they can meet each other. That would make me sooo happy.
Thank you for letting me vent but there is something else I am worried too much about. I'm getting really jealous about SIL and her baby MIL only talk about them and I think she loves her more than me. ugggg again..Jealousy is such a terrible monster.. and I hate to fee likel that!!! (((
Would you be able to Skype with your mom in Peru? That way she can see the babies, they can see her and you can talk to her on a normal basis? I do this with DH who's deployed and with my MIL so that way they are still both actively involved in the kids lives even though they aren't here.
That all sounds really passive aggressive. Sorry you're having to deal with that. My MIL has a lot of issues and, for now, isn't much of a part of my life or my kids lives. I'm sad when I hear about other people who have these amazing relationships with their kids grandparents, but we've also learned that you just can't change other people and can only manage how you respond to them (hard to do when you are tired and hormonal). I'd love to see major change in my MILs life, but I can't make it happen - only she can.
I hope you or your husband has the opportunity to be honest with her (We tend to let each spouse manage their own parents. and your relationship can be mended. And that it doesn't create distance between you and your SIL. With our family drama, it's been important to my husband and his siblings that they don't let parental issues cause rifts between them.
Can you skype with your mom? My mom thinks my kids hung the moon so whenever I want to talk to someone about them, I know she'll be their #1 fan.