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Need some advice and I need to rant! *long*


Forum: August 2013 Playroom

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  #1  
April 24th, 2013, 04:29 PM
KeLLiC09's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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We're in the middle of potty training Nate. He was doing well and then just stopped. It went down hill completely. He wouldn't use the potty, would lie to us about being wet, etc. We've been reading books, anything we can find about potty training and we've tried it but nothing is working. Monday, I put him in big boy underwear because I was home with him all day and we wanted to start new. He didn't pee in the underwear once but we had a few skid marks in the underwear which is kind of normal for little kids, I get. Tuesday I drop Nate off at my Mom & Sister's because she watches him while I work. I told her that he had no accidents on Monday and that he needs to go to the potty every 30 mins to an hour. I expected her to help out and follow my rules. I pick Nate up and she tells me he went to the potty 3 times. I'm thinking, okay he only pee'd on the potty 3 times and that's okay. She says "No, he only pee'd once. He only went to the potty 3 times." W T H?! I asked her Why and her response was "We were outside playing and she didn't want to lug 3 kids up 2 flights of stairs (3rd floor of apt.) and she had to make lunch. Really? Because it looked like Facebook had your attention all day. She's lazy and I know I shouldn't expect her to do anything with Nate since she doesn't do anything with her own 2 kids. She has a 5 year old and a 3 year old both in DIAPERS!

The grandparents don't help either. DH's Step Dad will buy Nate anything! He caves into him and will take him to the toy store and buy him pretty much whatever he wants. He needs to stop. DH's Dad does the same thing.

Fast forward to today - Nate was doing well with the potty, still wouldn't poop. He did later on and I didn't know. I told him to go up to the potty and pee. He comes down with no pants on (normal for him) and I'm seeing something on his leg. He pooped, sat down upstairs trying to put his pants on and wiped poop all on my carpet. He then stepped in it and just smeared it all in. It was all over his legs, hands, clothes, carpet, etc. I took his iPad away, video games away, no toys to be bought, no sweets (ice cream, etc.) and we were planning on taking him to a carnival on Saturday but that's not happening either.

Here's a question though: My sister always gets her kids and Nate a slurpee at 7-11 pretty much everyday (yeah, she's THAT kind of person) and then they get ice cream every afternoon around 4 from the ice cream truck. How do I tell her Nate is not to get any (due to the rules I'm doing now) while her kids are allowed to get them and I know she would hide it from me anyways. WWYD?
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  #2  
April 24th, 2013, 05:00 PM
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When he's not with you, all you can do is ask her to respect your wishes as his mother and do what you ask.

I babysit my niece/nephew and and I never give the kids things I've been specifically asked not to.
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  #3  
April 24th, 2013, 05:11 PM
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Well you can ask but as you stated she wouldnt tell you either way. For one of my boys, i started coating his rump with vaseline putting underwear on and his pullup on top and he did not like the feel of being wet. I tried the privedges thing but i got the kid that will entertain himself with a piece of string. Instead i worked backwards. My gran would spoil him rotten when i was at work. Icouldnt tell her stop so instead i made it a point to have dessert and juice each night for dinner. He had to be wearing the same undies i dropped him off in. My son was fully aware he needed to go potty he just was choosing not to go.
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  #4  
April 24th, 2013, 05:17 PM
KeLLiC09's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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He knows he has to go but he's just got other things to do.
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  #5  
April 24th, 2013, 05:39 PM
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Honestly I'm a believer of the whole "it just clicks one day" theory. My kids were similar and they knew when they had to go etc but still had accidents and refused using the potty. I drove myself crazy with dd exhausting every single suggestion possible, every trick, etc. She was potty trained a few weeks after her 4th bday. It was so stressful and agonizing. Then one day, it just became something she decided to do. Ds was trained by 3. Same type situation but for him it clicked earlier.

I don't know what you should do about your sister. I guess just nicely but forcefully explain the situation. Tell her you expect her to respect your wishes.
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Last edited by Dandelion; April 24th, 2013 at 05:45 PM.
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  #6  
April 24th, 2013, 05:44 PM
alittlelost's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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He'll get the potty training. No need to push it As for your sister, if you don't like how she watches Nate, don't let her watch him. If she only watches him because she's all you can afford, just try to keep in mind you "get what you pay for" so sometimes when something is free you have to deal with it not being perfect. That's not to say she can treat your kid however she wants, but just that it's up to YOU to decide what is okay with you and if she won't honor that, it's up to YOU to find someone else to watch your kids.
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  #7  
April 24th, 2013, 05:47 PM
Honestlymonique's Avatar mommy of three
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I'm trying to potty my 2 soon to be 3 year old in June. We had to wait on her speech to get better since it was hard to communicate. She will potty(pee) pretty good but there are times she won't tell you. I can't get her to do the other but she has an medical issue with that.

It's kinda hard to get people go with your rules especially people who think they know better than u
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  #8  
April 25th, 2013, 06:35 PM
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How did things work today with your sister?

It doesn't sound like she'd be really receptive to denying your son a treat she's getting her kids already (and dealing with his response). Has she had some major issues with potty training her own children, or has it just not been a priority? Either way, I can imagine her not being on board would make things really difficult to give your son the consistency needed. I'm wondering if there's anything you can do to change that situation with your sister other than looking for other childcare options.

Do you have any time of work that you could commit to working solely on potty training? It sounds like he has the skill, just maybe not the desire. Also, we do a lot of incentives. Like if ipad time is something he really values, could you let him earn 10 minutes of ipad time for each successful potty trip? Like mrsmckenzie suggested, maybe you can come up with rewards/consequences that only you can control. We've been potty training my second son and it's been harder to find his "currency" but he's started really clicking recently. I hope you guys turn a corner soon.
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  #9  
April 26th, 2013, 06:21 AM
KeLLiC09's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Quote:
Originally Posted by alittlelost View Post
He'll get the potty training. No need to push it As for your sister, if you don't like how she watches Nate, don't let her watch him. If she only watches him because she's all you can afford, just try to keep in mind you "get what you pay for" so sometimes when something is free you have to deal with it not being perfect. That's not to say she can treat your kid however she wants, but just that it's up to YOU to decide what is okay with you and if she won't honor that, it's up to YOU to find someone else to watch your kids.
You are right, I do get what I pay for. I don't get paid that much and I'm trying to save up as much as I can before I leave since I won't be getting paid or going back until next season. I pay her to watch Nate and I even take over food for him. All I ask her to do is put him on the potty more than once a day. He's not at the point of telling anyone he has to go yet. If I were watching her kids and she asked me to do something for her kids, I'd respect and honor that.

But come June 11th, My MIL will be watching Nate for me since school will be out (the school he will be attending) and she said she wouldn't charge me anything to watch him. She also said that some of the kids in the 3's class still have accidents and not to stress over the potty training stuff because all they will need to do is send them to the nurse and and she will clean them up. Or my MIL will be called and she will clean him up for us. I'm feeling better about it now after she talked to the school and all.
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  #10  
April 26th, 2013, 06:27 AM
KeLLiC09's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Babsbabies View Post
How did things work today with your sister?

It doesn't sound like she'd be really receptive to denying your son a treat she's getting her kids already (and dealing with his response). Has she had some major issues with potty training her own children, or has it just not been a priority? Either way, I can imagine her not being on board would make things really difficult to give your son the consistency needed. I'm wondering if there's anything you can do to change that situation with your sister other than looking for other childcare options.

Do you have any time of work that you could commit to working solely on potty training? It sounds like he has the skill, just maybe not the desire. Also, we do a lot of incentives. Like if ipad time is something he really values, could you let him earn 10 minutes of ipad time for each successful potty trip? Like mrsmckenzie suggested, maybe you can come up with rewards/consequences that only you can control. We've been potty training my second son and it's been harder to find his "currency" but he's started really clicking recently. I hope you guys turn a corner soon.
Nate told me he sat on the potty 4 times yesterday but he never went. She didn't tell me anything. I told her yesterday morning when I dropped him off that he needs to use the potty. Here is my sister's problem... she's lazy. She has a 5 year old who was just diagnosed with a mild form of autism. He is capable of going to the potty, etc. But she won't work with him so he's still in diapers. She also has a 3 year old. She doesn't take them to the potty at all. She's always posting on facebook throughout the day so I know she's not busy. If I call her or text her throughout the day and say "Hey, put Nate on the potty" she will get mad and take it out on him. That's not fair to him. Everyone but my Mom and Sister make Nate use the potty. They just don't care. When he's with me, I tell him he has to use it or there will be no TV or iPad or video games. And he's fine.
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  #11  
April 26th, 2013, 06:49 AM
BeachMum's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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I'm sorry. I too am a believer in it just clicks. My first two pt'ned themselves in 3 days. We went straight to underwear and never did the pullup thing. My 1st was 26 months old my 2nd was 22 months old. My #3 though was different. He knew what he was supposed to do but because I worked and he went to my Grandma's, he didn't do it consistently with her and I just gave up until he asked me again and he didn't have an accident after that, he literally went from diapers to underwear in a day.
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  #12  
April 26th, 2013, 06:58 AM
Husher's Avatar B & E complete me.
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I know how much you can stress yourself out when you really just want the little ones to use the potty, but we also believe they tend to do it when they are ready. We never punished for accidents, but always heavily rewarded for using the potty. Good luck!
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  #13  
April 26th, 2013, 07:06 AM
alittlelost's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Quote:
Originally Posted by KeLLiC09 View Post
You are right, I do get what I pay for. I don't get paid that much and I'm trying to save up as much as I can before I leave since I won't be getting paid or going back until next season. I pay her to watch Nate and I even take over food for him. All I ask her to do is put him on the potty more than once a day. He's not at the point of telling anyone he has to go yet. If I were watching her kids and she asked me to do something for her kids, I'd respect and honor that.

But come June 11th, My MIL will be watching Nate for me since school will be out (the school he will be attending) and she said she wouldn't charge me anything to watch him. She also said that some of the kids in the 3's class still have accidents and not to stress over the potty training stuff because all they will need to do is send them to the nurse and and she will clean them up. Or my MIL will be called and she will clean him up for us. I'm feeling better about it now after she talked to the school and all.
I would see if you can pay someone else if you don't like her methods.

My sons have a mild form of autism also. They potty trained at about 4ish maybe 4 1/2 and 3. It's harder to train a child with autism, though. When you said her child was 5 and still not potty trained I assumed it was related to special needs. I'm not saying her suspected laziness isn't a problem, though, but if you are concerned I would find someone else to watch your kids.
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  #14  
April 27th, 2013, 12:19 PM
KeLLiC09's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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After talking with my MIL and having her talk to the school, it's eased my mind and stressing over him being completely potty trained since she told me that not all of the kids there are fully potty trained and they have accidents. And when they do, they go to the nurse and the nurse changes them.

Starting June 11th, my MIL will be watching Nate for me while I work so she will be able to work with him. As for my sister, she is full blown lazy. My Mom has to get on her to do things. It's like she's a teenager. I'm not saying her oldest sons autism doesn't play a part in the potty training, but her not working with him at all plays a huge part. He will tell my Mom when he has to go and will go in the potty for her but my sister doesn't take him. I only have to deal with the month of May and then the end of July to the 2nd week in August and I'll be home with the boys until next season and that will give me time to figure out what I want to do and who I can get to watch the kids.
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