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my angel (sorry thoughts all over the place)


Forum: August 2013 Playroom

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  #1  
April 25th, 2013, 07:38 AM
Honestlymonique's Avatar mommy of three
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: Mobile, AL
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My angel dd is June 16 (fathers day) n its been on my mind a lot lately. I got pregnant pretty soon after my miscarriage but it still hurts that my lil one is not here with me. I feel guilty sometimes cause I'm happy to have this one but I still want the one I lost (I hope that sounds how it should) I want both put it that way but I know that if my angel would have been here I wouldnt have this one, And I feel guilty about having one n not the other. I hope I sound sane, cause my thoughts are all over the place. I wish I could go to the Long Island Medium (Teresa) I seen her help a woman in the same position. I feel like I will never have closure. Sometimes I think its harder when u loose a child n you never got to see its face, or have any memories, or to even know if its a boy or girl so your child can be named. Dh has been very supportive though, cause I been a lil crazy lately the slightest pain in I'm freaking out n he calms me down. good thing our lil man is very active cause when I start to worry he gives me a kick like calm down crazy woman, I'm fine. nothing like going through what I went through to make u appreciate those lil kicks n hearts beats all the more.
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  #2  
April 25th, 2013, 07:45 AM
mrsmckenzie1's Avatar Veteran
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I do not know if you are religous at all if not my apologies but God had a greater plan for your lost one but blessed you with another.
If you are not religous than maybe it wasn't in the stars for you then, but now everything is aligned for a successful pregnancy. I hope i dont sound weird or offensive at all..
Once your little boy gets here you can tell him all about his guardian angel.
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  #3  
April 25th, 2013, 07:51 AM
Honestlymonique's Avatar mommy of three
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I'm not religious but I do believe in a higher power, and what u said was not offensive at all and thank you.
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  #4  
April 25th, 2013, 07:58 AM
BeachMum's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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I understand where you're coming from. I had a miscarriage in November and my due date would have been July 4, 2013, as it gets closer, I get nervous and anxious. It was our 4th miscarriage and it still hurts. When I hear others say they are due in July it hurts a little, even though I'm pregnant again and quickly, it's just so surreal. {HUGS} hang in there.
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  #5  
April 25th, 2013, 09:16 AM
Husher's Avatar B & E complete me.
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I'm so sorry that you're still hurting for your lost little one. I imagine that pain will never truly go away, and maybe it's not supposed to. It's not easy to lose someone we want so badly in our lives, especially a child, and missing the baby you lost doesn't mean anything negative to the little one on the way now. We can't help but love all our babies, even the ones who never make it here to live with us. Sending you all my hugs!
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  #6  
April 25th, 2013, 09:21 AM
mamalamb's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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(((((((((((Hugs))))))))))))
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  #7  
April 25th, 2013, 10:00 AM
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We lost a baby 2 years ago, end of April, and as the day looms closer I feel torn between grieving for him/her and celebrating the new little one I carry. <3 I definitely know where you're coming from and will keep you in my thoughts.
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  #8  
April 25th, 2013, 10:58 AM
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my thoughts and prayers are with you. i lost a baby 9 yrs ago, my son's twin at 13 weeks, i don't talk about it much b/c i was shocked i was having twins at 21 and to hear one of them passed away, i was scared for my son the entire pregnancy, even when i fell in the shower tripped on soap suds, that was scary, but he kicked and let me know he was ok & i had him 1 day before his due date. now he's 9 yrs old and awesome kid. i can't imagine my life with out him. i can't imagine how your feeling, just know you are thought about. ~hugs~
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  #9  
April 25th, 2013, 11:02 AM
Jhendrickson's Avatar Veteran
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We lost ours in July and his due date just passed in March...I have to stop myself from thinking thoughts like "I would have a baby right NOW if it had worked out"...just makes me feel guilty for not appreciating what I have.
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  #10  
April 25th, 2013, 11:07 AM
mirdeemrlvs's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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I know you said your "not religious" but there is a book by Todd Burpo called "Heaven is for real" and it's about a little boy who went to heaven. It has some amazing info in it that I think would really help you. I beleive with all my heart that you little on is in heaven waiting for you, as mine (two) are. I had a blighted ovum when my oldest daughter was only 3 months old, and I still feel the loss of that little one. There is a big gap that I feel an emptiness. I feel guilt too, because I had a 5 yr old, 3 month old, and my husband was due to go to Korea for a year. I really was horrified at the thought of being pregnant, but was sad when I lost him/her.
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  #11  
April 25th, 2013, 11:26 AM
UrbanMomma's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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That is a good book.

I am so sorry for your loss. (((hugs))) I don't think there is any wrong or right way to grieve the loss of your baby.

It is hard. I lost one March 4th 2011, at 10 weeks. That baby would have been my #10 baby. Since I had nine children already absolutely no one thought it was a big deal. It was very heartbreaking, the fact I lost my baby and that everyone around me ignored it.

Even though you said you aren't religious, I will say a prayer for you.
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  #12  
April 25th, 2013, 01:23 PM
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I think a lot of us are in the same boat. I lost two babies before getting pregnant with this little one. One would have been born at the end of February or early March and the other would have been due in just a few weeks (mid May). I know that feeling of being happy and grateful and sad at the same time. I think it's just fine. I had a lot of friends who were due close to my due dates and even though I've been pregnant through these due dates and as my friends have had their babies, I still miss the babies that I would have been holding (or about to hold) right now and feel tinges of jealousy as they have their babies (even though I don't want their baby and I'm so thankful for baby girl that I can feel kicking right now). You aren't alone! I thankfully have a few close friends who know what it's like too and we can talk about it as each person's due date comes and goes.
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  #13  
April 25th, 2013, 01:33 PM
soccermamatomany's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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I have also gone through many losses, the most recent one in March 2012. I do feel sadness sometimes too, but know that God has a greater plan for all of us, and the baby I am carrying now is the one that was meant to be our earthly child.
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  #14  
April 25th, 2013, 01:40 PM
Momma2Chase's Avatar August 2013 DDC Co-Host
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I am so sorry It is definitely a hard thing to deal with- a lot of people brush miscarriage off without realizing how badly it hurts us.


You're in good company at least- like the ladies above have mentioned, a lot of us (unfortunately) have also had miscarriages. I haven't had one as recently but I have been thinking about the last one because with that baby I was due 8/15 and this baby is due 8/13. Definitely makes me wonder!

I've always heard that you get your baby "back" after a miscarriage. It was true for my mom (she had a miscarriage, then my sister, then a miscarriage, and then me) and then for me as well. I had a miscarriage, then had Chase, then a miscarriage, and now this little girl
I definitely believe that our babies come back to us somehow!
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  #15  
April 25th, 2013, 03:04 PM
Honestlymonique's Avatar mommy of three
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Thank you ladies. I welcome the prayers, just because I'm not religious doesn't mean I don't respect them. I believe in God n prayer but that is far as it goes with me but I wanna thank u for all the kind words.

@momma2chase after I had my miscarriage I asked Dh about that. Do you think they can come back to us. We strongly believed it was a boy n to turn around n get pregnant again with one made us think about it. I soon decided that, that baby is gone n I was trying to grab on to anything that brought ne comfort.

On people brushing off miscarriages: I seen it too many times and I hate when they say u will have another n u will be fine like that takes away the pain of loosing a child. And I hate the fact the when u have a miscarriage the Dr just send u home to deal with the clean up. That traumatized me. I cried everyday seeing what I had to see (natural). I think there should be a better way to handle it.
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  #16  
April 25th, 2013, 03:29 PM
IvyMommy's Avatar Veteran
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I understand where you are coming from .... our dd was april 20th and baby would have turned a year this year its still a little sad to think about and I still worry about losing this little guy too but I feel so blessed for this pregnancy and that we are healthy so far
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  #17  
April 25th, 2013, 04:26 PM
Momma2Chase's Avatar August 2013 DDC Co-Host
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Honestlymonique View Post
Thank you ladies. I welcome the prayers, just because I'm not religious doesn't mean I don't respect them. I believe in God n prayer but that is far as it goes with me but I wanna thank u for all the kind words.

@momma2chase after I had my miscarriage I asked Dh about that. Do you think they can come back to us. We strongly believed it was a boy n to turn around n get pregnant again with one made us think about it. I soon decided that, that baby is gone n I was trying to grab on to anything that brought ne comfort.

On people brushing off miscarriages: I seen it too many times and I hate when they say u will have another n u will be fine like that takes away the pain of loosing a child. And I hate the fact the when u have a miscarriage the Dr just send u home to deal with the clean up. That traumatized me. I cried everyday seeing what I had to see (natural). I think there should be a better way to handle it.
*hugs* It is awful! Both of my m/c's they had me "handle it naturally" too and it's so hard to sit around and wait for that to happen... and then to actually deal with the process of it happening. Not that a d&c is any easier, I'm sure, but just the whole process is a bit traumatizing

And I bet this is your angel baby boy coming back to you!
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  #18  
April 25th, 2013, 04:29 PM
Dirtroads's Avatar Facta Non Verba
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Just want to thank you for sharing what you're feeling, I haven't had a miscarriage but I have two close friends that have and I feel like I can better understand what they might be feeling now.
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  #19  
April 25th, 2013, 07:12 PM
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I'm so sorry for your loss, my baby boys' angel anniversaries are in June too. Its always bitter sweet when June comes around, my faith makes it a lot different for me in dealing with my boys not being here with me. Sadness doesn't overtake me like it did when it first happened. I know where my babies are and I know that they are waiting for me, one day I will hold them :0) Best thing someone said to me after my first loss was that as a mom there a 2 really important things you can do. 1- love and care for your child as best as you are able for as long as you are able 2- pray that someday they will be with God. I can place a check mark next to both my boys.
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  #20  
April 25th, 2013, 09:19 PM
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im so sorry i started crying after reading this post. i had a miscarriage after four years of never getting pregnant thinking i couldnt, a month after the miscarriage i was pregnant with my son and i always thought i wish i could have them both. i remember crying in my now husbands arms saying i want it back i just want it back. no one understood the pain i was going through and i got a lot of rude nasty mean comments and mean comments behind my back, the only support i truly had was my husband. it is very heartbreaking to go through something like that and unless you have gone through it no one understands the big deal about an early loss. after my son was born time really did heal my wounds, i remember that whole pregnancy i worried over EVERYTHING also and again people didnt understand and i was crazy. i still think about that baby from time to time and wonder what life would of been like. but im more at peace with it. i hope you can find some closure. someone gave me some good advice something she had done, she wrote a letter to the baby just saying what she thought the baby would have looked like or what the baby could have been just secret thoughts and she buried the letter and it helped her, i just wrote a poem to baby. maybe something like that could help you through it. im always here to talk if you need to vent.
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