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Forum: August 2013 Playroom

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  #1  
April 26th, 2013, 01:01 PM
Honestlymonique's Avatar mommy of three
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I'm so freaking tired of people telling me how bad lil boys are. Everyone talks about how active and all over the place they are. So a very active child is suppose to make me not want one. What am I suppose to do now, magically make baby into a girl. I have wanted this little boy since forever n I don't get why people say things like they trying to talk me out of it. When I say I'm having a boy everyone always go "whew u gone have your hands full" I just wanna say have u met my two year old girl, plus I help raise my lil brother n all he wanted was video games, food, n to play outside. Even my dd2 speech therapist was like "boys r just a lot to handle". I don't get why everyone acts like this. When did having a son become too much. When I was growing up or well in my family were they r way more girls than boys (out of 22 grandkids only 7 are boys). Everyone wanted a boy. Boys were easier n you had less to worry about. Does anyone else get this, boys r bad stuff from people? To the ones who have boys do u feel this way too?
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  #2  
April 26th, 2013, 01:31 PM
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Some people just don't think before they speak! I'm sorry you're having to hear that all the time, how upsetting! What do they expect you to say back?! "Oh yeah you're right, I'm going to be miserable.." Umm no... I'm pregnant with a girl and I wanted a boy soooooooooooo bad! I'm a tomboy myself so I was worried about not connecting as much with a girl than a boy. Of course I'm excited and can't wait to meet her in a few months but kids in general are a hand full! My brother's daughter is THE BIGGEST diva you will ever meet omg... we have no idea where she gets it from bc neither her mom or dad act that way or let her watch things like that on TV but she just has this biggest attitude! Lol I love her to death but omg sometimes I'm like, "Oooh where is your mommy and daddy to come pick you up...?" LOL!

I know people mean well but seriously... think before you speak lol
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  #3  
April 26th, 2013, 01:56 PM
Hesperleigh's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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I think some people just like to be contrary. I have a very active little boy who just turned four and yeah, he wears me out like the dickens, but he is awesome! Kinda funny because I just took him for his well visit and the doc started talking to me about discipline because Haeden was acting up in the office as soon as the doc came in... basically because he is an attention hog. He told me I needed to get it under control before the baby comes because it will get worse. Oy vey! I'm trying!!! I really thing he has more energy than the average boy though. He just never stops. It's not like there aren't little girls that are the same way!

Everyone tells me how horrible girls are when they get older, so looks like we can never win, right?!
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  #4  
April 26th, 2013, 02:27 PM
yvee80's Avatar SmileyMom
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My nephews are a handful (when I say this in reference to them i am speaking about them being daredevils and not being scared of anything...not negatively)and very active but i feel like kids are like that in general!!!!
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  #5  
April 26th, 2013, 02:38 PM
mamalamb's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Ha, yeah I keep getting the same thing. I also keep getting the "Boys are LOUD. It's going to be LOUD.". I'm like, um, obviously you have never met either of my daughters lmao.

I am looking forward to all the action and mischief and a break from some of the DRAMA that is little girls LOL!!!!
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  #6  
April 26th, 2013, 02:46 PM
mrsmckenzie1's Avatar Veteran
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I have both and I will say that my boys are more active but my girl is more sneaky and has a way worse attitude. All kids girl or boy have their own personality. I wanted a girl this time because I miss the girl stuff. However I have 4 boys, one girl. and while it makes getting ready in the morning easier with boys (no hair to comb), I can't have a girls day with manis and pedis with my boys... Its more like soccer in the backyard and bandaids! LOL but you can have a girl that is just as rambunctious, or a boy that is just as calm.
Enjoy your boy :-)
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  #7  
April 26th, 2013, 03:15 PM
Honestlymonique's Avatar mommy of three
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MommyPenguin4 View Post
I'm pregnant with a girl and I wanted a boy soooooooooooo bad! I'm a tomboy myself so I was worried about not connecting as much with a girl than a boy.
I am the biggest tom boy lol especially when I was lil. Whenever I pictured myself having kids I thought all boys no girls. I was the same as you like I hate dressing up n tea parties n hate hate doing hair (I still hate it lol). There is the girl stuff u have to worry about like periods n boys n pregnancy. Then what happen, I had two girls first. Lol crazy thing is Dh wanted a girl first. Now what am I doing, having tea parties n doing hair n watching these corny princess movies (well I like beauty n the beast) n my first dd is very much the girly girl n second seem like she gone be more like me. I can honestly say once I had them I can't see it any other way. But I was super excited this one was a boy because I probably would have went crazy with another head to do lol.
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  #8  
April 26th, 2013, 03:35 PM
alittlelost's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Well . . . IME, boys are WAY harder in every way imaginable, but so what? Can't have a world full of girls and you always wanted a boy and now that is happening--so THAT is what people should be focusing on. I think you are gonna love having a son and you'll have fun doing all the boy things you've never gotten to do before

Besides, it's not like ALL girls are easy and ALL boys are hard. Maybe you'll have a really laid back little boy. I know tons of people who do! And I know people who have girls that drive them crazy. Yes, from what I've seen, boys are more LIKELY to be harder, but kids are still individuals
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  #9  
April 26th, 2013, 03:50 PM
UrbanMomma's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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I have seven boys, 3 girls, I wouldn't trade my boys. Each child has their own personality quirks and differences. I wouldn't say boys are harder, nor would I say girls are either.
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  #10  
April 26th, 2013, 03:58 PM
mom2K&G's Avatar Certified Dog Trainer
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I'm so sorry you feel this way and people are saying these things to you. I KNOW exactly how you feel. I have DS and now this baby is another boy. YES My son is a handful, can't take your eyes of off him for a SECOND. BUT... boys are so much fun! They have the best imaginations and love their mama's so much.

I wanted a girl, but unfortunately that isn't in my cards, It does scared me to know I will have two boys, (twice the trouble) But I think there are pro's and con's with boys and girls!

However with that being said, I am so happy that you are having your boy! I know he will be loved very much and spoiled. Try not to let what other people say upset you or make you think differently. You will soon see how amazing little boys can be!
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  #11  
April 26th, 2013, 05:05 PM
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I have one of each and by far, my girl was SO much harder then my boy! She's all drama and he's very sensitive, he's just now entering the sassing stage where she's been at it for years! lol!!

I for one can't wait for this sweet boy
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  #12  
April 26th, 2013, 05:32 PM
Anchored's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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I freaking LOVE my little guy to pieces, I would never ever say he's a "handful." I was told that a lot when I was pregnant with him and I was a little nervous of having a boy... but he has been such a joy to me. He's funny and silly, he's sweet, he's a little wild but he always makes me smile!
I really wanted a little girl this time for the experience of having a daughter but I absolutely 100% would love to have another boy one day!


ANNNNNNNND for the record, everyone has been telling ME that "girls are so hard!" haha!
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  #13  
April 26th, 2013, 10:12 PM
BirdsWifey's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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This drives me completely insane!!!!!! I have one who is calm as can be and my other one is active. Also neither one have ever hit or pushed a kid on the playground yet both have been hit or kicked and by little girls no less. I think kids are kids and that is all there is to it! I don't buy too much into gender stereotypes! I think a lot of it is just personality and both genders come with huge variations of personality!
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  #14  
April 26th, 2013, 11:22 PM
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i just think it really depends on every individual child. you can see one little boy who is just sweet and shy and see another one who's running around screaming and is just king of the playground, same with girls some girls are soft spoken and very independent and friendly then you see other little girls with attitude and going to take on the world by telling it what to do, lol like my sister and i we are as different as day and night and my two brothers are too. i have a son and he is just a little angel so sweet and fun i wouldnt worry about stupid comments.
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  #15  
April 27th, 2013, 07:52 AM
Dandelion's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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People live in this make believe mindset that little girls are dainty, calm, mild tempered and boys are destructive, loud, semi-angry tornadoes. WHAT A DUMB STEREOTYPE. When it comes to my children, I called them my sweet & sours. Lol my son is the sweet one (not that dd isn't sweet!) And my dd is the "sour" sassy one. she's dramatic, sassy, and strong willed. Ds is a little lover. It is probably just the age difference. They are both equally sneaky, destructive, and loud. Hehehe yea.
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  #16  
April 27th, 2013, 07:54 AM
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I stopped listening to other people's comments a long time ago. I don't have anything to compare it to but my son is active 24/7, and it's not too hard to handle, and it's not a bad thing, he's fun company
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  #17  
April 27th, 2013, 10:23 AM
alittlelost's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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I think the stereptype might also stem from boys being 2-4x more likely than girls to have ADHD and 5x more likely than girls to have autism. SO we have a society with more boys with behavioral issues than girls on that alone, not to mention to other things and other factors. Perhaps if they compared "typical" girls and boys, the hyperactive and behavioral issues would be more even, ya know? I get that stereotypes exist for a reason (somethings ARE more common based on gender) but that doesn't mean it's always true. For example, GENETICALLY it is more COMMON for boys to be stronger/taller/etc than girls. That doesn't mean every boy is stronger than every girl, though! My 6 year old daughter is stronger than her 7 year old brother and she (a white belt) can beat an older boy (who's a yellow belt) at Jiu Jitsu. So yeah, more commonly (ie: statistically) boys are harder IF you think more behavioral issues and hyperactivity is harder, but that doesn't mean your boy will fall onto that side of the statistics. I also find, statistically, girls are more likely to be dramatic, whiny, emotional, etc--and it goes right down to genetics!--but tat doesn't mean all girls are dramatic or whiny or emotional or that boys are never that way!

Just try to keep in mind that most people saying this to you are obvioulsy commenting based on STATISTICS and NOT on your child as an individual. Just because statistics show boys are harder (and that can only be because most people think it's "harder" to deal with the things that genetics usually influence in boys) doesn't mean that YOUR son will be on that side of the statistic.

I hope that makes sense.

Here is a great article:
Is it harder to raise boys or girls? - CNN.com

It talks about how some people say girls are harder and some say boys, and how it has more to do with what WE find harder and what boys or girls are more likely to do. So, girls are more likely to be dramatic or whiny and boys are more likely to be hyper or harder to discipline/teach. So, if you have kids that fit into the majority that creates these stereotypes, it then becomes about what is harder FOR YOU.

Some snippets from the article:

[Stereotyping, or large kernels of truth? "I think parents use 'which is harder?' as an expression of whatever our frustration is at the moment," says family therapist Michael Gurian, author of "Nurture the Nature." "Boys and girls are each harder in different ways."]

[But it's also true that each gender's brain, and growth, unfolds at a different rate, influencing behavior. Leonard Sax, M.D., author of "Boys Adrift," believes parents raise girls and boys differently because girls and boys are so different from birth -- their brains aren't wired the same way.]

The article explains why GENETICALLY boys or girls are harder in different situations. That doesn't mean all boys or all girls fall into their gender stereotypes, but it better helps understand why the stereotypes exist (because some things are more common in one gender than another) and that this has everything to do with GENETICS.

[DISCIPLINE: Who's harder? Boys

Why don't boys seem to listen? Turns out their hearing is not as good as girls' right from birth, and this difference only gets greater as kids get older. Girls' hearing is more sensitive in the frequency range critical to speech discrimination, and the verbal centers in their brains develop more quickly. That means a girl is likely to respond better to discipline strategies such as praise or warnings like "Don't do that" or "Use your words."

"Boys tend to be more tactile -- they may need to be picked up and plunked in a time-out chair," Gurian says. They're also less verbal and more impulsive, he adds, which is especially evident in the toddler and preschool years.]

[PHYSICAL SAFETY: Who's harder? Boys

In general, boys are more rambunctious and aggressive, experts say. Taking risks lights up the pleasure centers of their brains.]

[COMMUNICATION Who's harder? First boys, then girls

From birth, a girl baby tends to be more interested in looking at colors and textures, like those on the human face, while a boy baby is drawn more to movement, like a whirling mobile, says Dr. Sax. (These differences play out in the way kids draw: Girls tend to use a rainbow of hues to draw nouns, while boys lean toward blue, black, and silver for their more verblike pictures of vehicles crashing and wars.)

In a nutshell, girls are rigged to be people-oriented, boys to be action-oriented. Because girls study faces so intently, they're better at reading nonverbal signals, such as expression and tone of voice. Boys not only learn to talk later than girls and use more limited vocabularies, they also have more trouble connecting feelings with words.

As girls get to be 8 or so, things can get harder: The flip side of being so adept at communicating is that girls exert a lot of energy on it. There can be a great deal of drama around who's mad at whom, who said what and why, and more. Start when your daughter's a toddler to establish an open communication, so she learns she can come to you for advice.]

[SELF-ESTEEM: Who's harder? Girls

As the more compliant and people-oriented gender, girls tend to grow up less confident and more insecure than boys, researchers say.]

[SCHOOL: Who's harder? Mostly boys

Boys and modern education are not an idyllic match. An indoor-based day and an early emphasis on academics and visual-auditory (as opposed to hands-on) learning ask a lot of a group that arrives at school less mature. In their early years, most boys lag behind girls in developing attentiveness, self-control, and language and fine motor skills.

The relatively recent acceleration of the pre-K and kindergarten curricula has occurred without awareness that the brain develops at different sequences in girls and boys, Dr. Sax says. Music, clay work, finger painting, and physical exercise -- early-ed activities that once helped lively kids acclimate to school -- are vanishing. Few teachers are trained in handling the problems that result.

One area where girls do less well in school concerns spatial learning, such as geometry. Girls may use different parts of their brains to process space perceptions.]

[The bottom line? On balance, the general consensus seems to be that boys are more of a handful early on, and girls more challenging beginning in the preteen years.]

Anyway, while I don't think all boys and all girls are the same, I think it helps to understand where these stereotypes come from: DIFFERENCES IN BRAIN DEVELOPMENT. Can't argue with that Not to mention not ALL kids will be wired the same just because of their gender. But in the event a child does fit the "norm" for their gender, that doesn't mean they will be harder or easier--that is up to you and what YOU perceive to be harder or easier. This is why some moms claim boys are easier and some claim girls are. For me, I can deal with whining and drama as long as the child is receptive to discipline and discussion, so I've found my daughter to be a lot easier, as she is a "typical girl". But my boys could have fallen on the other side of the statistics for their gender and been just as easy for me, OR to someone else my boys might be easier because they find drama and whining harder to deal with.

I hope that all makes sense But long story short, NO ONE can know what your son will be like before he gets here nor can ANYONE know what will be harder or easier for YOU.
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  #18  
April 27th, 2013, 10:23 AM
alittlelost's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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dble post
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Last edited by alittlelost; April 27th, 2013 at 10:25 AM.
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  #19  
April 27th, 2013, 11:21 AM
Dandelion's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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I've yet to talk to the dr. but I'm pretty sure my dd has an attention disorder such as adhd. She's quite difficult at times and it takes a ton of patience on my behalf. She's suffering in kindergarten because of these issues and may have to repeat it. sigh.
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  #20  
April 27th, 2013, 01:21 PM
alittlelost's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Dandelion View Post
I've yet to talk to the dr. but I'm pretty sure my dd has an attention disorder such as adhd. She's quite difficult at times and it takes a ton of patience on my behalf. She's suffering in kindergarten because of these issues and may have to repeat it. sigh.
Hopefully you can find out if it ADD or ADHD so you can get her the help she needs. Just because ADD/ADHD is more common in boys doesn't mean it never happens with girls (same with autism--it's more common with boys, but I *personally* know two little girls that have it, too, so I actually know just as many girls with it as boys, even though there are more boys out there with it).
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