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Friends Disappearing? :'(


Forum: August 2013 Playroom

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  • 1 Post By ElliotsMommy13
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  #1  
April 29th, 2013, 01:45 PM
Super Mommy
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Thornton, Colorado
Posts: 508
Sorry this is kind of "high school-ish drama" so I do apologize but it's something that has really started to get to me recently!

Has anyone else noticed some of their friends have disappeared since being pregnant? I know I should be looking it as being better because then they weren't really my friends to begin with but I can't help but feel so hurt!

It started when my Sister and I sent out the baby shower invitations through email. I did a mass Facebook message to the people I wanted to invite asking for their email addresses and you know how it shows when certain people have "seen" the message? Well there were more than a handful that saw it but never responded. No big deal, I wasn't bothered then. It wasn't until later when I sent out another message to everyone saying I had sent out the invite and if you didn't receive one to let me know and again, certain people read it but didn't respond. So then that annoying little insecure voice in the back of my head was like, "Maybe they don't want to go? Or CAN'T go?!!" Ughhhh lol

Some people started RSVPing that I knew were friends with the "disappearing" friends and I got worried they might just show up with them! Since my Sister is making all the food herself I didn't want to run out because we had unexpected people show up you know?! So I sent ONE LAST message asking people to RSVP as soon as they could so we can get food arrangements going and hoping to see them all there and you guessed it! People read the message but didn't respond..

Anywho this is becoming a long story lol I reached out to two of said friends that used to hang out with me all the time and we worked together and were really good friends and I asked them how they were doing and that I missed them and hoped to see them when I came down for my baby shower... asked if they were going to be able to make it and no reply... NOTHING! No text back or anything! And I can't help but feel so hurt that these people I thought were my good friends and enjoyed being around me didn't even have the decency to respond back to me anymore :'(

I know it's soooo immature of me, not to mention INSECURE of myself to let something so dumb bother me but since I moved to Colorado I don't know ANYONE here. So I get really lonely being at home all day with just my dog and even depressed sometimes and so to have some of my friends back home not even responding to me anymore really sucks. I thought they would be happy for me but instead couldn't care less! :'(

I'm going to try to get into a mom's group here once we get our second car to us that we had to leave in Arizona but until then my friends back home (and now YOU LADIES) are the only people I have besides my BF of course. Now I'm worried about my baby shower and what if these people do show up? I know I would be upset if they did! Ummm you can't even respond to my messages or texts and you're just going to show up like it's ok?! It's the principal you know? I get that from my mom... lol But I would seriously want to say something b*itchy like, "Oh hi! Yeah... you weren't sent an invitation so... BYE! " LOL!!! I would NEVER do that but I would want to ;-P
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  #2  
April 29th, 2013, 01:54 PM
ElliotsMommy13's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Seattle
Posts: 2,668
I feel the EXACT same way!! I left my ex in NY back in July.. I came here and got back in touch with a group of girls I used to know when I was here before (I lived here like 11 months after college).. well, I got pregnant and they stopped responding to texts or stopped talking to me so much.. not inviting me out like they used to when doing dinner or something.. sooo, when it came down to a baby shower invite, nobody RSVPd after 2 weeks of being out there.. so I just cancelled the whole thing. I would rather NOT do a baby shower than to plan for people I dont care so much to see anymore. I cant wait to join a mommies group.. I just might feel a little left out being single and most mommy groups are stay at home moms with husbands at home so they never want to get together without the guy. I miss social interaction.. Thats why Im on here a lot. This group keeps me sane when most of my friends are all over the world and not here (I grew up in a military family)
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  #3  
April 29th, 2013, 02:09 PM
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Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Thornton, Colorado
Posts: 508
Oh I'm so sorry we're both going through it but also GLAD! I just couldn't believe they would just be like, "Oh you're pregnant now?! Well have a nice life!" It hurts!

Yes I can't wait to find a mommy group too that's right for me, I'm very open minded and a goofball so some women are put off by that lol not to mention my willingness to talk about anything! I'm an open book!

I'm so sorry about your baby shower! I would have done the same thing! Why have a party if everyone going to be there are people that don't even matter, "fake friends." I'm thankful BF and I have such loving and supportive families because that's most of who's going to be there at mine.
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  #4  
April 29th, 2013, 02:14 PM
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Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Thornton, Colorado
Posts: 508
I am thankful for the friends I have but I can't help but have that nagging voice in my head saying well are they really my friends? I thought these ones were... they're my friends now but for how long? Even my best friend and I don't talk that much anymore... she's pregnant too but having a hard time and she's just so negative and overwhelmingly emotional... she brings me down! She came to visit for a few days and sadly I couldn't wait for her to go! She's gained a loooooot of weight with the pregnancy and would keep telling me how much she hated how skinny I looked, that it didn't even look like I was pregnant and after a while I wanted to scream at her! "Then STOP eating everything in site OMG! I'm sorry I'm taking care of my body!!" Ugh it was bad lol
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  #5  
April 29th, 2013, 02:17 PM
ElliotsMommy13's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Ehh, its cool. I just want to eventually make it back to the East coast.. and I will someday.. most of my real friends are all over there along the whole coast. For now, though.. just waiting it out for a mommy group... also.. after Ive recovered some from little man's entry into the world I can get back into the dating world! Being alone through this is both awesome (not having to cater to anyone or share a bed) and incredibly frustrating (not having someone to go to the store or give backrubs)..

I think there have got to be good mom groups out there for both of us! Making friends as adults is soo incredibly frustrating!

That best friend would drive me crazy!! Well, if you ever want to rant or talk, feel free to PM me or let me know and I will give you my facebook. (it goes to my phone)
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  #6  
April 29th, 2013, 02:23 PM
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Location: Thornton, Colorado
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Quote:
Originally Posted by melissamarie247 View Post
Being alone through this is both awesome (not having to cater to anyone or share a bed)

I think there have got to be good mom groups out there for both of us! Making friends as adults is soo incredibly frustrating!
Omg yes, not having to share a bed is AMAZING! One of my favorite things about being here visiting my mother lol I'm sure BF has enjoyed it too because I become this Demonic Bubble Enforcer at night and if he gets too close to me I will literally push him away.. so MEAN! I don't know what comes over me lol

I agree! Why is it so difficult to find TRUE, SINCERE friends as adults! I HATE drama and people who feel like there's this constant battle to be better than you.. it's like omg... can't we just go get some drinks and laugh?!! >_<
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  #7  
April 29th, 2013, 03:04 PM
soccermamatomany's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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This is why for me it is better to have a handful of good friends, than a bunch of "friends" that only pretend to be your friend to find out information about you to gossip.

Hang in there. I hope you have a lovely baby shower!
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  #8  
April 29th, 2013, 03:12 PM
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Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Thornton, Colorado
Posts: 508
Quote:
Originally Posted by soccermamatomany View Post
This is why for me it is better to have a handful of good friends, than a bunch of "friends" that only pretend to be your friend to find out information about you to gossip.

Hang in there. I hope you have a lovely baby shower!
Thank you! I'm really excited :") It's next week and I've missed my Sister so much I can't wait to see her!

That's my problem though, I don't know which are my GOOD friends! I thought I knew but I was wrong.. these are people I used to work with and go out dancing with, all that fun stuff and now they don't want anything to do with me. I've been told I'm too trusting and willing to open up to people too fast so maybe that's what happened? Idk... :/ I know people have their own lives and things that keep them busy but for me I always make sure to keep in touch with people I care about. Why can't I expect the same in return?! Booooo
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  #9  
April 29th, 2013, 04:10 PM
alittlelost's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Jul 2012
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could be they opened it, read it, planned to respond later, then forgot.
or could be that they can't go, and some people only respond if they CAN go (to be honest, I never RSVP'd to something I WASN'T planning on going to, and I don't think people owe me an excuse why they can't go).
Another possibility is they can't go and they feel BAD about it and are too scared to say they can't go.
Or maybe they have been TTC for years and can't conceive and are having a hard time dealing with you being pregnant.
OR maybe they are just jerks, in which case, forget them and enjoy your baby shower with the people who do care enough to come.

*hugs*
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  #10  
April 29th, 2013, 04:35 PM
mirdeemrlvs's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Posts: 1,464
ugh! That's so frustrating. It gets me really mad when people don't respond to numerous invites.. I can relate to your situation somewhat as my mom and sister live across the country and I grew up there. I live all the way on the other side of the U.S. (can't get any further away) since my husband grew up here. It is real lonely because dh's family couldn't care less about me or our kids. They never and I mean never respond to any fb posts no "like" for their neices, nothing. They very rarely show up at their birthday parties and just generally act like they don't care. Yet, I am expected to attend every birthday party and baby shower they throw even though they don't talk to me or acknowledge my presence, etc.. it's irritating. I recall when I left the army and all the friends I thought I had slowly disappeared. If you aren't part of their work environment, they write you off very quickly. I hope you make some great friends who are mommies too!!
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  #11  
April 29th, 2013, 04:46 PM
mirdeemrlvs's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Quote:
Originally Posted by melissamarie247 View Post
I feel the EXACT same way!! I left my ex in NY back in July.. I came here and got back in touch with a group of girls I used to know when I was here before (I lived here like 11 months after college).. well, I got pregnant and they stopped responding to texts or stopped talking to me so much.. not inviting me out like they used to when doing dinner or something.. sooo, when it came down to a baby shower invite, nobody RSVPd after 2 weeks of being out there.. so I just cancelled the whole thing. I would rather NOT do a baby shower than to plan for people I dont care so much to see anymore. I cant wait to join a mommies group.. I just might feel a little left out being single and most mommy groups are stay at home moms with husbands at home so they never want to get together without the guy. I miss social interaction.. Thats why Im on here a lot. This group keeps me sane when most of my friends are all over the world and not here (I grew up in a military family)
I'm a stay at home mom and would love to get together with another mom occasionally for lunch, etc.. but- I don't have anyone who likes to do that, or can't etc.. I miss social interaction too!!!! dh doesn't like to go out at all, and he is NOT a good communicator. Makes for a very lonely life, I agree.
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  #12  
April 29th, 2013, 08:21 PM
cypressmama's Avatar Super Mommy
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Location: TX
Posts: 551
Girl I totally relate to you and it sucks so bad.

I actually had my best friend flat out tell me she couldn't be my friend anymore because her husband didn't like me and she was choosing him over me. (of course I'm going to choose my husband over a friend, but my husband would never make me choose between him and someone I love...)

I do know for some people who are either suffering from a recent loss or inability to conceive, that baby showers and pregnancy updates are too hard to deal with but they don't want to rain on your parade either so they just don't say anything.. I am sure my fb is super annoying to anyone not able to conceive cause everything I post is about my kid and or my pregnancy..
But that doesn't make it any less painful when people you love don't show more concern for you. I just figure if they don't have the decency to rsvp for the shower then they don't need to eat.

The other thing is that even if there are only five people at your shower they are five people who chose to honor you and wanted to be there to make your day special. Try to enjoy the people who celebrate you and your sweet one.

I had to tell myself this since out of the 80 people I invited only 6 people have rsvpd... so I wont spend much on the food and will just try to enjoy the people who are there. Haters gonna hate
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  #13  
April 29th, 2013, 09:30 PM
BabyT_heart_beat's Avatar Baby girl Londyn 8/13
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Nashville, TN
Posts: 354
I'm so sorry you are going through this and feeling this way. That is precisely why I keep my circle small...so small we don't even make a circle . I know they will be there and they always are and I do the same in return. I go months without talking to them. Haven't seen one in 2 yrs but she is so excited for us. Distance and time shouldn't matter in a true friendship. It could be jealousy but even still a congrats but I can't make it would have sufficed.

You know what they say when you are truly happy that's when you find out who your true friends are.
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  #14  
April 29th, 2013, 09:52 PM
Super Mommy
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Thornton, Colorado
Posts: 508
alittlelost - See I thought that too, there is always another side to every story and yes maybe they are just sad because they want a baby. But still... if you were really someone's friend you wouldn't flat out ignore them!

mirdeemrlvs - omg how horrible for you! I'm so sorry... what the heck is his familie's problem?! I can't imagine how crazy I would get if my BF's family never had contact with me but then expected me to always be there. Why would anyone want to be somewhere where they don't feel wanted? Ugh! Thank you, I hope I find some new mommy friends too

cypressmama - Aww how awful! Yes I agree, my BF would NEVER make me choose between my best friend and him... I can see if like she had drug problems or got into a lot of trouble or something but still that's so sad :/ Yes very true about if only a few people show up, those are the ones that matter and care. I should keep reminding myself that and stop worrying about the ones that don't matter

I knew you ladies would make me feel better!
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