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A good friend of mine for the last 20 years moved back near me 1 1/2 years ago. She had been gone 10 years. I have found that we have both changed a lot and I don't feel as close anymore but she has been my best friend so long that I keep trying. When I first got pg I spontaneously invited her to be in the delivery room without thinking about it. Now I feel even less close to her and don't really talk to her often as my moods are such that I get very annoyed by her. Well yesterday I talked to her and she was talking about being in the delivery room. And how she would be my advocate and ask questions and make sure every thing was proper and take charge....... I didn't even know what to say to her. I don't really want her there and I especially don't want or need her to try to turn my delivery into her ideal situation. I feel completely comfortable with my dr and husband being the ones who are my advocates. They know my wishes and will see to my every need. She seems to think my husband will not just because she is unhappy with her husband. I am very frustrated and yet I don't want to destroy this long term friendship. Part of me worries that my hormones are making me blow this out of proportion and that I just need to relax about it. But right now I am annoyed by her.
Sorry for this long rant. Just really need to get this out its driving me nuts. My hormones are going wacky.
Can you tell her that there is a situation where your doctor feels best that only one other person be in the room and your husband is the first choice? Or, worst case scenario- At my childbirth prep class they said that if there are people you dont want there, the nurses can be your best friend.. you can ask them to make an excuse for you to keep her out of the room. Then when she talks to you later she will say she wanted to be there but the nurse got in the way.. you arent the bad guy then..
either way- I do wish you the best. Thats a tough situation.
I would just tell her the truth. Let her know that you have decided it would be more comfortable for you to be just yourself and hubby in the delivery room. I always try to go with honesty. If she is truly a friend she will understand and get over it.
I agree with urbanmomma. She should understand if you just keep it simple like that and say you want it to be just you guys but that she'll be one of the first to know when baby is here (as long as that's true lol).
Thanks so much *Kiliki* for my awesome summer siggie!
It sounds like she is just trying to be helpful, not make it her ideal situation. If I had a friend that I felt comfortable with I would love for them to be my advocate and make sure they know what I want and relay that to the doctors to make sure it gets done. I prefer my husband paying attention to me and helping me through labor than worrying about what the doctors are doing. Which luckily won't be an issue because we are using a birth center that respects my birth plan. So that's just a thought on why she is saying that, just trying to honestly help. BUT, that said, if you don't feel comfortable with her there (I wouldn't) I would just tell her that you're sorry but you decided you would just like this time to be private with your husband and you. That's what I told my mom with DS and she took it very well. Or do as the other ladies have recommended and blame it on the hospital policies.
I'd try one of two things:
1. Explain to her that as your delivery date approaches, you're more uncomfortable with the thought of ANYONE except your DH and Dr. in the room. That way it's less about not wanting her there and more about not wanting anyone there.
2. Follow the previous advice and use the nurses as the "fall guys". If I were the friend I'd like this less because if she leaves work or moves her life around to accommodate your delivery just to be told to go home, she'd probably be more upset than if she knew weeks previously that being there wasn't an option.