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  • 1 Post By Honestlymonique

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  #1  
July 9th, 2013, 08:31 AM
Honestlymonique's Avatar mommy of three
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My oldest daughter Shaniya is 8. She is very stubborn and selfish. Don't get me wrong there are wonderful things about her but she seem to have got most of the not so good qualities of her father n I. It only seem to get worse as she gets older. I will say it really didn't start till we had our youngest one. Anyway to the subject at hand. she doesn't want to do anything other than play on the phone n the computer which I'm not okay with. She has spent most of her summer doing that. So dh n I decided to have her join something but she doesn't want to do any of it. We asked her about every sport, instrument, horseback riding, dance, any n everything you can think of but she doesn't want to do any of it. she did ask about art classes but they don't have any for kids down here. She just one of those kids that if she not good at it she don't wanna do it. if its scary to her she won't do it. she got her first bike at 3 n wouldn't ride it till she was 6, now her sister who is 3 got a bigger bike than her. she don't want a new one cause that means learning how to ride with no training wheels. she let her fear of not being good (n her stubbornness) keep her from doing regular kid stuff. so i'm asking would you make her join something or would you just let her be. I'm leaning towards making her do something cause I don't want her to go through life like that n I want her to enjoy being a kid.
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  #2  
July 9th, 2013, 08:53 AM
UrbanMomma's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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If she doesn't want to join anything right now, don't make her. I wouldn't allow her to stay on the computer or phone though. Give her a time limit for the day, whenever she uses it up, she has to wait until the next day. She will be forced to find something else she can do, even if it is just reading a book or drawing.
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  #3  
July 9th, 2013, 09:05 AM
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My kids are all about electronics BUT I set a time limit and once they've used their time they have to find something else to do. Both my kids (13 and 8) love to draw, color, play legos, etc but given the option electronics would always come first.
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  #4  
July 9th, 2013, 09:08 AM
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I agree with UM, I wouldn't force her to do something. However I too set time limits to electronics and some days they don't even get to play because we're out doing something that day. But I limit it to 15-20 minutes a day and they know that's all they get. They love to play outside, build with blocks/legos, make tents, etc. My kids are 9, 8, 4 and 1. The 1 year old obviously doesn't play any video games.
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  #5  
July 9th, 2013, 09:20 AM
Honestlymonique's Avatar mommy of three
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I give her a time limit n some days she not allowed to play on them at all. She loves to draw but they keeps her busy for about an hour than she stays up under me n her father. Like literally if we leave the room she follows. She not one to make up stuff to do or use her imitation or anything. I just don't get it. When I was a kid I loved playing by my self or outside with other kids. I never wanted to just be up under my mom for no reason. Like right now I'm in my room on my phone. Tv off, no toys in here n she just laying on the floor doing nothing. Smh
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  #6  
July 9th, 2013, 09:54 AM
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I actually am different than the ladies above- I have 2 kids (ages almost 8 and 9) who want to do nothing but play video games, watch TV, play on iPods... my step daughter is actually gaining a lot of weight quickly due to her inactivity (and because of staying with her mom for a month and a half and literally ate nothing but junk... but that's another story). DH and I are worried, we don't want her becoming unhealthy because she's more interested in this stuff.

We have mandatory "outside" time for them, depending on the weather. They have to get on their bikes or scooters and go play. We don't have a set time limit because if it's too hot we don't want them stuck out there in the heat too long but we do make them stay out awhile.

We also always sign them up for sports. They've both been playing baseball for 2 years, and this year (in the fall) Madison will be switching to girls soft ball while Aaron stays in baseball. Chase is going to t-ball now that he's old enough.
We signed them up without telling them at first because we didn't want protests. They were shy and new to the sport when they started but they picked up quickly and both loved it. Madison's actually very good and was one of the top 3 players on her last team (of all BOYS!)

Soooo... my view is make her do something. If you always give her the option, she'll always say no and then she'll never get the experience (or off the electronics!)

Another option: Every summer we sign the kids up for the library's summer reading program. If your library doesn't have one, you could just take the girls to the library once a week for a couple of books.
To make sure they're actually reading them, we give them little (very simple) worksheets to answer about their books. This also keeps them ready for school
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  #7  
July 9th, 2013, 10:30 AM
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I think a good option would be to give her a list of activities that you have researched in your area and then tell her to choose one. That way she feels like she has a choice and doesn't feel as much that you are "making" her do it. Not choosing one isnt an option, and she just needs to give it a good try. If she doesn't like it, she can choose a different activity next summer

Good luck!!

I'm like Jamie, I just sign Chase up for everything. He's done tball, swim lessons, and will start soccer this fall. So far he has loved them all, but if he ever tries something and isn't really into it I won't make him do another season.
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  #8  
July 9th, 2013, 10:56 AM
BeachMum's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Hmmm well if she's like that then I agree with the list idea that Beachbabies suggested. My kids have always wanted to do the stuff baseball, tball, soccer, etc. I hope you find something that she will love. I also second the library summer reading program. We LOVE that.
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  #9  
July 9th, 2013, 11:09 AM
Dolly Lama's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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I have one like this too! If I leave it up to her, all she will do is watch TV or play on the computer. I tried for so long to get her interested in other things, but nothing ever worked out, and when TV/computer time was over, she'd end up following me around complaining.

Like you, I never had these problems as a kid because we didn't have all of this stuff for one, and secondly, I was more interested in playing outside - riding my bike, skateboarding, climbing trees - everything that my daughter is not interested in.

I haven't figured this out 100% yet, so I'll be following this thread for any suggestions, but what put a stop to some of this is my chore jar. It's a jar full of chores written on little pieces of paper, and if she's bored enough to sit there staring at me or complaining, she gets to pull one out and do the work. Usually after doing just one she will find something to do like reading a book, drawing, or something along these lines. This weekend she got to help with laundry.
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  #10  
July 9th, 2013, 11:22 AM
Dandelion's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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I was a shy kid and wasn't really into anything either. I dk what would have happened If my parents had made me stick to an activity. Who knows, it might have been great for me :-) I am sorta sad I never stuck with one.

My children are not allowed to have any electronics that are meant for adults. It drives me bonkers when I see a little kid( like my 8 year old sister who is a major brat) walking around the grocery store or something with their parents iPhone thinking they are cool lol my kids don't touch our phones or computers/tablets. They do watch tv and have their learning kid computers. Dd has a tablet that is aimed for children to learn things for school.
It's just not something I want my kids to have. Lol I'm no fun.
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  #11  
July 9th, 2013, 11:30 AM
Jenilope's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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I would also try to get her involved in something. My oldest is 5 and she was starting to show signs that she was unwilling to even TRY to do something she didn't already know how to do because she was afraid of not being good at it and being embarrassed. Preschool helped, but I also specifically signed her up for the 3-5 age group activities this summer so she would be the oldest and hopefully have the confidence to try new things and it's helped her so much building her confidence and curiosity. I feel like if I had signed her up for the 5-7 activities the outcome may not have been as positive for her but even her attitude has adjusted for the better with this experience. She is taking dance, tumbling, soccer and swimming and enjoying it all and looking forward to it.

Depending on what is in your area, I would sign her up for a few things, as well as giving her opportunities to explore art that she is interested in at home. If you sign her up for a sport, try to find something with a 6-8 year age group so she'll be the oldest instead of the youngest to help with her confidence. Or maybe consider something that is just for fun, like a week long summer day camp instead of something that is competitive or skill focused.

And maybe think about stopping by the craft store to get some new art mediums to try out--paints, clay, collage materials, jewelry making, model building, ask her to make something for baby's nursery?

Also, I assume she has chores. If you think she's just laying around too much, I would consider giving her a chore chart and letting her earn a ticket or token for every completed chore and turn in the tickets/tokens for time with her computer/phone, say each chore is worth 1 ticket and each ticket is good for 5 minutes of screen time or something like that.

Another option of keeping her busy and harnessing some of her artistic tallents would be to encourage her to maybe develop a family newsletter every month? You could look at the local paper with her and some simple short articles, talk about who what where when and why and encourage her to write and illustrate stories about what your family is doing this summer.

There's also always the chance that she just has a greater need for closeness and security than you other children, they're all different. Maybe she's curious and wants to be close to you to see how a grown up acts, or maybe she just feels best when she's close to you. I understand wanting to increase her independence, but if this is just part of her nature, it might be best to wait for her to feel more secure and interested in going a bit further afield.

Oh and the summer reading program at the library is an excellent idea! It's free and has prizes and I'm assuming she's an independent reader now, so, aside from actually taking her to the library it won't require much from you and will hopefully help teach her to find new ways to entertain herself alone. There are some great lists of books for girls at various reading levels on the internet and pinterest to help guide her selections and find something she'll really dive into.
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  #12  
July 9th, 2013, 11:54 AM
Honestlymonique's Avatar mommy of three
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I gave her a list of things she could do n she decided on dance. mostly cause she is really against cheerleadering. we do the summer reading all the time, even when its not summer. she likes to read but she's like me, she goes through books so quick. I just found two dance schools I'm interested in. now we gotta decided on ballet or hip hop. I think hip hop will push her out her comfort zone a lil more than ballet. So we will try hip hop if she don't like it we will try ballet in the spring if she wants.
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  #13  
July 9th, 2013, 12:05 PM
WorkerBeeMama's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Lurking from October - do you have a JoAnn's or Michael's near you? They are craft stores and they have some classes there for kids.

Also, maybe you can put the word out to see if anyone you know can draw or paint or something and then hire them to come once a week to help her?

Also, Pinterest has some great ideas you could try for art and crafty type stuff that you could do with her.

A couple weeks ago, my 11 year old and I made colored shaving cream, grabbed some paint brushes and a bunch of rocks and made a pastry shop where we decorated the rocks. She had a blast. We just hosed off the patio and rocks afterwards and there was no mess.

It is hard finding stuff for them to do. My kids love TV way too much!

I just signed both my kids up for classes at a nearby place that is run via the city and for 7 classes each kid (14 total) it was $72. I was so stoked to find something inexpensive and the place is really awesome.
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  #14  
July 9th, 2013, 01:47 PM
alittlelost's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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We limit electronics. Time is earned to used them after they have done something we think is important, such as exercise, school work, reading, etc. For example, finishing school work for the day, they get an hour on the computer. You could make it something else. Even give options. If she wants to do art, why not get her supplies to do art at home. Is doesn't need to be a class. Some kids are more afraid than others. That's okay. Be careful not to compare her to her siblings (in heer presence) because that can sometimes exasperate the issue and create feelings of resentment and sibling rivalry.

Love her for what SHE is good it and what HER strengths are. When you do, it will encourage her to do those things more. At first, it might be hard for you to "catch" her doing those things. It might only be once a week or once a month. But show a positive reaction and interest when she does, and slowly it will start to happen more and more.

I personally don't recommend forcing her to do something she doesn't want to do. Might just take a while for her interest in something to grow and take a hold.
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