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Have You Made A Will Yet? I have some questions. *LONG!*


Forum: August 2013 Playroom

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  #1  
July 27th, 2013, 11:30 AM
KeLLiC09's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Location: Baltimore, MD
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Hubby and I finally decided as to who would get the boys IF something ever happened to us. My Mom is in no way financially able to care for them since she has my sister and her 2 boys. Hubby's parents are divorced and both re-married. His Dad and Step Mom absolutely hate his Mom and Step Dad. For what reason, I have no clue. Our decision was pretty much made last year after the whole Nate birthday fiasco (long story short, the year before at Nate's 2nd birthday party, Hubby's Dad and Step Mom said that his Mom & Step Dad "hogged" Nate from them and wouldn't allow him to go near them and then again when Hubby's Grandmother passed away. Hubby's Step Dad fought us on taking Nate to the viewing and funeral because he didn't feel he should have been there and he was too young. Hubby said he wanted him there. That was the end of that. At the funeral home, Nate had no idea what was going on and never went up to see the body. Hubby's Step Dad did keep Nate away from the room as much as possible but for his own reasons as I listed. That set off Hubby's Dad and Step Mom.)

Now on to Nate's 3rd Birthday party, we planned it at a bounce house where there was over 40 people there. Hubby's Step Mom was having a fit because "I never invite her family to his parties". I told her to give me the addresses, etc. and I will. I had no problem with it but because she hasn't spoken to her brothers and sisters in YEARS, why now did she want them there? I didn't care and was going to invite them. Never received addresses, etc. Instead, she said that none of them could make it to his birthday party on that day because of other commitments, etc. so she asked if she could do a small get together with her family and just do some cake and ice cream. I said sure. Heh, I had no idea what I was getting myself into when I said sure. She had planned a HUGE birthday party behind my back, sent out invitations to co-workers, family, friends, you name it and she rented a bounce house for him. She planned this the day after his real birthday party. I caught wind of it and told Hubby that he needs to say something since it's his family. All HELL broke lose when he mentioned it to them. One minute they were going and the next they weren't. It was a battle for about 2 weeks until they decided at the last minute they weren't going. At that point I had no effs to give and thought "You're the ones missing out on your ONLY Grandchild's 3rd Birthday".

Fast forward to last week, Hubby and I were talking about it because in the state of Maryland, if you don't have someone legally appointed to take care of your kids, they will go into Foster Care until someone basically "claims" them which in my case would be a HUGE battle. So Hubby and I decided that if something happened to him and I that the boys would go to his Mom and Step Dad. They aren't the type to not let the others see them. My Mom understands that she wouldn't get them but said as long as she could see them, she would be happy. Now, on to Hubby's Dad and Step Mom - If they got the boys, My Mom would be allowed to see them but Hubby's Mom and Step Dad wouldn't and that's not fair to them. I know there is going to be a HUGE battle with this and we don't plan on telling Hubby's Dad and Step Mom our decision until the Will would be read, so essentially after we're gone.

Here is my question (sorry it was so long): When we do the will, can we put in there that our decision is final and that we do not want any court battles, etc. or are we basically screwed on this? Because we know his Dad and Step Mom will fight Hubby's Mom and Step Dad on it all. And his Mom & Step Dad won't keep the boys from anyone who wants to see them.
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  #2  
July 27th, 2013, 11:43 AM
mirdeemrlvs's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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I think you should go ahead and do the will right away. I don't think that means there won't be any fighting it, but your decision should be put in writing. I guess one positive thing is that you should be happy everyone loves your son so much and wants to spend time with him? I am surrounded by dh's family who could care less and never calls or come over to see how our girls are.
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  #3  
July 27th, 2013, 11:50 AM
KeLLiC09's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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I'm happy they all love them enough to fight for him, but I don't want them to deal with going to court, battling going to one place or the other. It breaks my heart when Nate asks me "Why didn't Grandmom & Pop (Dad & Step Mom) not come to my party?" He sees it and what do you say? I just don't want there to be a huge battle over it. I just didn't know if there was a way in the will we could say "This is final, unless something happens to his Mom & Step Dad, etc." If that makes sense.
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  #4  
July 27th, 2013, 12:38 PM
mirdeemrlvs's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Quote:
Originally Posted by KeLLiC09 View Post
I'm happy they all love them enough to fight for him, but I don't want them to deal with going to court, battling going to one place or the other. It breaks my heart when Nate asks me "Why didn't Grandmom & Pop (Dad & Step Mom) not come to my party?" He sees it and what do you say? I just don't want there to be a huge battle over it. I just didn't know if there was a way in the will we could say "This is final, unless something happens to his Mom & Step Dad, etc." If that makes sense.
I'm pretty sure there is- you'd have to seek some legal advice :-)

Yeah, I know it's not fair they are fighting. I just figured I"d try to give you something to think positive about
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  #5  
July 27th, 2013, 01:09 PM
Txmom4's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Hi, I'm popping in from the Nov DDC, I think a will is a will and nothing can be done about it. It's what you wanted and it has to be abided by. My mom works for a lawyer and my grandma just died and my uncle is throwing a fit
About some stuff, but nothing can be done about it because that is what my grandmother wanted. Just like she wrote a DNR with no feeding tubes and other interventions and I had a major issue with it, but the hospital had to legally abide by her wishes. I would maybe add in a second choice for your boys incase something were to happen to mom and step dad, that way you are covered and they won't default to dad and step mom.
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  #6  
July 27th, 2013, 09:26 PM
KeLLiC09's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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We were planning to do that as well but as of now we were a little worried on the fighting that would happen and we don't want the boys going through that.
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  #7  
July 28th, 2013, 03:47 PM
AprylLynn's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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I dont think they can really battle it out. I believe whatever is on the will is what goes.
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  #8  
July 29th, 2013, 03:52 PM
KeLLiC09's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Hubby's Step Mom will battle anything and everyone all because she's a paralegal. I guess we need to talk to a lawyer about it all.
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  #9  
July 30th, 2013, 05:28 AM
MyFantasticFour's Avatar Mommy of 4
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I haven't but we've talked about his brother taking them...I'm just not sure he's willing to. His bro has two sons but I don't know how he'd feel adding three or four kids to his family size... I guess we should figure that out.
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  #10  
July 30th, 2013, 10:35 AM
soccermamatomany's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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I work in family law, but my firm also does Trusts & Estates. Bottom line, is that nothing is "bullet proof" and there may be a battle that will ensue if something happens to both of you. That being said, your wishes will be weighed heavily by a judge when making a decision of what to do. Make sure those are written out in a will.
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