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So as many of you know on Monday I found out that Vivi was anticipated to be 9.8 lbs or bigger Since I wanted to deliver vaginally my OB and I decided to induce to give me a chance.
Tues night DH and I go in and I start Cervadil at 9:30. (BTW Cervadil incertion on a high and tight cervix KILLS the lady bits. owie). Next am Cervadil came out and nothing really had changed, but I was contracting on my own, which looked like a good sign. At 8am the pitocin started and that's where things got hairy. For 4 hours I contracted painfully and had little rest inbetween. Also the back labor KILLED! Nothing helped for that and it was hard to mentally fight through it. The two things I found useful were my husband pressing his feet into my lower back and listening to "The Producers." Birth music went out the window and in went a soundtrack to a show that I performed years ago. Watching the show in my head helped distract me a bit.
Finally after 4 hours I was checked and still high, tight, 1 cm, and couldn't break my water. At that point I was hysterical. It felt like I had done 4 hours of hard labor for nothing. I realized at that point a C-Section was looking likely and felt freaked out. After talking to my amazing nurse, I decided an epidural was right for me. I had never planned on going natural, but for some reason submitting to pain meds made me feel like a failure. Also, I was afraid of the epi. Turns out I had nothing to fear. An epi is scarier in theory than in practice, nothing more than a shot of novicane. Afterwards it felt like an electric blanket was on my lower body. I actually could doze after the epi and it really helped build some strength. Also, since I was more relaxed, contractions became more successful and I dilated to 2cm and my OB broke my water (aka the Hoover Dam! He had to jump out of the way! LOL). It was looking like a vaginal birth was possible.
Unfortunately 10 hours went by and my contractions became erratic and peetered out. I also stopped dilating. Finally the OB came in at 8:30 and said it was time to make a decision. I could try pitocin longer or I could get a C-Section, but either way that baby was coming out and it most likely wasn't vaginal delivery. I finally had to submit to a C-Section, which I feared the most. But, what did make me feel better and I didn't know is that I could hold my baby right after if things were ok and she could be in recovery with me. Also, you aren't "out of it" like with most surgeries, it's just more of an epi. That put some of my fears at ease.
They waste NO time for C-Sections and within 20 minutes I was prepped and ready to go. Not long after Vivienne was born and honestly having them pull down the curtain to place her where I coudl see her was the most beautiful and surreal moment ever. My first thought was "oh my gosh that is mine" and second was "there is no way she is 10 lbs ). Turns out she was a just above average 8 lbs 5 oz, 19 3/4 inches long. She let out a cry and they brought her over for cleaning while I was stitched up.
This is where things got hairy. The one thing I didn't anticipate for a C-Section was how uncomfortable and almost painful the pushing and tugging can be. Also, my BP dropped from the added epi so I felt like I was going to vomit. At the same time, Vivienne decided to stop breathing so I heard people calling for NICU, which TOTALLY had me petrified. Luckily, she started breathing on her own very quickly but still needed to go for observation for an hour or two. At first I was upset because I wanted to be with her, but honestly, I shook so bad for like an hour after that I would not have been able to hold her if I wanted to. Also, my DH was allowed to go up and help with the bath and bring one person at a time to see her so it made me feel good that someone was with her.
Vivienne is truly a dream. She could have had 8 toes and jowls and I still would have thought she was the most delicious baby in the world. So far she is fairly calm and looks just like her blond haired, blue eyed daddy which is funny considering how dark I am. She is a gorgeous sweet baby and is making the adjustment a lot easier for us into parenthood. My DH has also been a saint. Since I can't really get up yet, he has had to change every diaper, grab her for me to feed, swaddle, clothe, the whole nine yards. He's amazing.
Only downside is breastfeeding is not really working out. I feel bummed about it but I realize, like delivery, sometimes the best laid plans are just that. I have inverted nipples and she's having a hard time latching because of that and I have tough tissue around my nipple. What I have been doing is trying to pump to stimulate the nipples before each feeding, BF her, and most of the times give her formula. I hope when my milk comes in either I can BF her because it's easier to get to my nipple or I can produce enough to bottle feed her. I enjoy BF-ing a lot mroe than I thought I would. It is such a sweet bonding moment that I wouldn't trade for the world. Those little fingers on my chest and the way she looks up at me is an indescribable feeling.
Other than that I leave in another day to go home. C-Section scar is recovering nicely although I had a not so nice moment today where after my catheter was taken out , my urethra swelled up and I couldn't pee and I literally felt like I was going to die. I was SCREAMING in pain and begging to be cath'd. It took 20 minutes to get it in because I was so swollen and they drained 1 liter and that wasn't IT! Luckily I have been able to go since then, but it was honestly up there with the most painful part of the experience.
Also, because I just have to (here are pics of Miss Vivi)
She is precious. I know your birth didn't go as planned, but you have your sweet Vivi. After having a baby, we realize we can't control everything and just go with the flow. enjoy your sweet bundle of joy
It's so true, nothing goes as you expected but it works out. I realized part of my issue was assuming I knew all about C Sections and I didn't. Talking to the OB midday when it looked like it was going that way made things a lot better.
Having a harder time with Breastfeeding and realizing I might not be able to but I also would rather my child eat enough so formula if needed. Also my LC's are beyond amazing. Bringing home a hospital grade pump to try and start my milk flow so she can eat from me and not the formula. Honestly going into Breastfeeding, I wasn't excited but felt I should do it. But after having tried I totally get the bonding and that amazing feeling you only get while Breastfeeding your child.
Trying to just go with the flow though! (No pun intended)
congrats!! she is a sweetheart. as for b/f, just remember to b/f FIRST before offering formula. no matter how much she gets from you, its better than getting now. hang in there ~~~ things will all work out to a smooth rhythm.
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