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On Friday morning I noticed pink in the mucous plug that I had been losing for weeks. That of course got my hopes up that I would be going into labor later that day or night. Of course when bedtime rolled around that night I was a bit disappointed that nothing had happened.
I woke up a couple times in the middle of the night and around 5am decided that I should eat something and put on a liner so that I would stop waking up every time I felt any moisture down there. I got back into bed around 5:30 and felt a small gush. No pop, just warm, wet fluid. I immediately knew it was my water, woke Hubby up and we got ready to go. In about 10 minutes we were dressed, my FIL was there and we were headed out.
We got to the hospital and there was no triage room check and monitor, just straight up to labor and delivery (and I was walking on my own). I guess when you are 40w +2 days and you say your water broke they don’t make you wait!!
We got up there and the midwife met us in the room and did a quick check to see where I was. Dilated to almost 6, 80% effaced and my bag of waters was broken. She moved things around in there to get more fluid out to allow baby girl’s head to come down more. We pretty much just hung out for a while after that. I sat on a birthing ball in my birthing gown which was much more comfy than the hospital ones. I was breathing thru the contractions really well-in fact I was ****** surprised that I wasn’t immediately asking for pain meds. I have always seen myself as kind if a wuss, so to be there calm and collected was a shock to me. The nurses and midwives were pretty surprised to apparently. This went on for a while and when she checked me again I was completely effaced and dilated EXCEPT for this “lip” of cervix in the front. That lip was preventing baby girl’s head from coming down. They gave us the option of waiting a little longer or trying to manually get that piece of cervix to move and by manually I mean the midwife wanted to push it out of the way while I was contracting and giving little pushes. Let me tell you something. That hurt like hell. Never let them talk you into letting them do that. Ever. The cervix does not appreciate being shoved and poked at during an exam and sometimes sex can piss it off. So if you think that it will be fine having someone SHOVE it forcefully while you are contracting and a baby’s head is trying to come down you are insane.
We tried this for a little while. I wanted to crawl out of my skin. I began panicking. I wanted them to stop. Eventually I screamed at the midwife student to stop touching my cervix. I think she got the picture. I decided I wanted my intrathecal. They told me it was too late. That by the time the anesthesiologist arrived I’d be pushing baby out…this did not sit well with me. I spent every contraction begging for relief, screaming that I couldn’t do this and then all out screaming a mixture of high pitched “Dear God this hurts so bad” kind of screams to the low, guttural “ I want this over with now-get the child out of me” screams. In between contractions however I was apologetic to my poor husband whom I knew would do anything for me and felt so terrible that he could not relieve my pain or my fear of the pain. The look in his eyes was so desperate yet strong and I fell in love with him all over again.
Oh and then there is the discomfort of a full bladder during labor. So in the middle of this wonderful pain I had to get up and pee. Yay. Walking is not fun.
Anyways, at some point they gave me oxygen because I was experiencing some tingling in my hands and legs-at one point I could not move my fingers to grab on to DH’s hand. It freaked me out and I apparently almost passed out-my guess was because I was breathing too quickly due to the anxiety of feeling out of control. At one point Hubby told me we would call for the intrathecal and see where we were at when the doctor arrived. I relaxed and breathed thru the next couple of contractions. Then there came this intense burning pain and I knew something had happened. The midwife checked me and sure enough that pain in the *** lip had disappeared. So it was time to push!! DH washed his hands and got positioned next to one of the midwives. I preceded to push during the contraction and beyond all the while screaming for him to get her out. I was planning on getting video of the ordeal but part of me is glad that I did not get video evidence of me screaming like a crazy person. LOL. Dh caught her head and the rest of her squirmy little body as she came out. Her shoulders took a bit more doing than I expected but I think my pushing was not as effective at this point because #1 I was pushing without contractions and #2 I had never felt this particular pain before and I did not like it. I told DH later it was like skinning your knees on concrete and having someone pour alcohol onto them. Once I felt her shoulders come out I felt such relief and the moment her warm, wet little body touched my skin I felt an amazing sense of accomplishment and peace. She was perfect. A little purple, and the nurse was flicking her a bit to get her to cry. Her cord was really thick and on the shorter side. Her skin was covered in white vernix and she felt so soft and wonderful. I laid back and just took these exhausted but satisfied deep breaths. Like after a hard workout. The discomfort was still there, but it was far from the front of my mind. DH cut her cord and we confirmed the name Elizabeth Claire-DH smiling at her calling her his Little Lizzie. With the next contraction they delivered the placenta (which I later got to get a good look at. It was actually pretty ****** interesting to see how my baby spent almost 10 months of her existence in this bag of amniotic fluid, bouncing next to this blob of stuff.) Once that was out I felt even better-it was friggin huge!! Of course after a little while they go and start pushing on my uterus which is not fun when you don’t have an epi-it’s like having this bruised area on your body and someone keeps pushing on it. But again, the pain was not my focus, it was this new person in my arms. I got to hold her and feed her for an hour and a half before they weighed and bathed her. Dh got tons of pictures of that. Most of the pictures of me will require heavy editing due to the fact that the midwife took most of them. I really doubt my friends and family need to see downstairs shots or pics of my boobs hanging out everywhere LOL. I don’t mind too much though. That experience was more about my husband and I. It was an amazing thing to go through. It made me feel like we are so close and so perfect for each other. Even the nurse commented that she could tell we are very much in love. Its great when complete strangers can tell how you feel about one another.
At first I kept asking myself how someone could go thru that more than once on purpose. But now, a few days later, I think I understand. It was painful and scary and I am not one of those people that do well when things are out of my control. But while it was painful and difficult it was also empowering and beautiful and every time I look at her I realize that she was totally worth it. Every second of pain was worth being able to hold her in my arms and kiss her soft little cheeks. I will never again doubt my ability to go thru something like that. I will always KNOW that I did it, that I got thru it that I could do it again if I had to. It also made me appreciate the fact that I have the option of pain relief. I can get the reward of baby snuggles and kisses without having to feel any real pain or even discomfort. I feel so lucky to have that choice. All in all I am so happy and blessed to have had the experience and to have my little Lizzie to hold and snuggle with. In fact, I want a cuddle right now!!
Thanks for reading!!