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On January 17th I was admitted to the hospital to begin the induction process. I was 39 wks 1 day and my body was having a really hard time handling the pregnancy. Since I was 4cm and 50% effaced my OB said that it would take very little pitocin to get everything going.
I had been having irregular contractions for the last 2 weeks and was still having them that morning when they started the pitocin at 9am. It felt like the pitocin wasnt doing anything and then suddenly at 11am I began having regular contractions 1-2min apart, lasting 60-90 seconds. The pain was intense but no worse than my labor contractions with DS1 so I decided to stick it out and go natural so that i could walk around.
At 1pm I was 100% effaced and 5cm so my OB broke my water. When she broke my water SO MUCH fluid came out lol. My OB was drenched along with the entire bed, me, and the floor. She was definitely shocked by the amount of amniotic fluid and my tummy got so much smaller lol
About 30 min after she broke my water my contractions were right on top of each other and the pain was pretty terrible The nurse checked me and I was still only a 5. Right after she walked out of the room I started feeling the urge to push so I called her back in and she checked me again and found that I was now 6cm.
The urge to push was so overwhelming that my body started doing it naturally and with each push I had relief from the pain. The nurse FREAKED and told me that I couldnt push because I would tear my cervix. It took everything that I had to resist the urge to push and the pain was excruciating. I wanted to curl up die. By 2pm my OB had arrived and I was pretty delirious from the pain; she thought i was for sure at 10cm but when she checked me I was still only a 7. I could not take it anymore and completely lost control over my body and over the pain. I didnt understand why I needed to push so badly when I was still only 7cm.
They upped the pitocin and by 2:30 i was 9cm which my OB then stretched to a 10. She gave me the go ahead to push but by then I was in too much pain, too exhausted, and no longer felt the urge to push. The contractions were nonstop with no breaks in between them. I forced myself to push when they told me too but the pushes felt so ineffective and brought me absolutely no relief. I felt like I couldnt breathe so they gave me oxygen (which did nothing). Thankfully after 30 min of pure hell my son Felix was born at 3:01.
That's when I entered an entirely different sort of hell. Felix was completely silent when he was born and when I looked down I saw that he was dark blue and not breathing. The NICU team took him across the room and began to work on him. I was completely terrified and was crying and begging to know what was happening but everyone just kept saying "its gonna be fine" but I couldnt see my son and he still hadnt made a peep. All I could see was the NICU Dr. with an Ambu bag and mask pumping air into my poor little baby. Finally after the longest 5 minutes of my life i heard a tiny little cry from the back of the room. Best sound I have ever heard!
After i realized my baby was ok I started focusing on what my OB was doing. She said I had a few small tears but that they werent as bad as the ones following my first labor. I started to feel dizzy and short of breath and thats when my OB started telling the nurse to give me a bunch of different medications because I had started hemorrhaging and they needed to stop the bleeding. (I had experienced hemorrhaging with DS1 and I almost died and had to have emergency surgery so I was super scared when I realized it was happening again). My OB said that she was going to have to manually clear out some clots and massage my uterus (from inside) in order to attempt to avoid a d&c. It was so terribly painful: I was shaking and screaming, it felt like my insides where being ripped out. :"(
I am so glad Felix ended up being healthy but was so traumatized by the experience. Overall I feel like I completely lost control of my body. I am disappointed in myself and the birth experience. After 2 traumatic labors and deliveries I have given up hope that I will ever have a birth that I can look back on as a peaceful/joyful experience. I want more kids but am terrified of giving birth again and doubt I will ever go through another natural labor if I am blessed with another little one. I had so hoped this experience would be different than my last labor
At the end of the day I remind myself that I am a super lucky mama to now have 2 beautiful little boys and I thank God for blessing me with them. If you are still with me thanks for reading!!! ♥
My third baby crashed after he was born-it's a scary experience! So is hemorrhaging; I did that with all my attended births.
I'm very sorry your birth was traumatic for you, but glad little Felix is well. Wishing you healing.