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OT: EVERYTHING rant


Forum: September 2013 Playroom

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  #1  
March 21st, 2013, 09:49 AM
Grlsshp9's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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I never thought I would do this, because I am usually the one to keep it in. I dont like people to have a preconceived notion of my life, or to judge but I have to get this out. This morning was already going kind of bad, I dropped all of the hair ties, Nick was rushing me this morning and when I got out of the shower I went to close my belly oil and it splashed in my eye. So Nick got in the shower and everything i need is in the bathroom, and he got mad that i had the door open because it was cold. OMG. So then the phone rings and I go answer it and it is CVS calling about my prescription, Nick is like who was that, i told him and then he asks what they called for. WELL WHAT DO YOU THINK THEY CALLED FOR, TO OFFER ME A JOB? So that just started all kinds of ****. He starts calling me names, and just starts low blowing me about dumb irrelevant stuff. I have to depend on him to take me to school everyday because my cars battery decided to go out so every time we argue he loves to pull that "I'm not taking you to school" ****. WHO DOES THAT? I cant wait to not have to depend on him for anything. Who wants to be with someone who isnt dependable, omg so what we got into and arguement, so youre not going to take me to school because of it. HE'S AN *******. He has the worse temper I've ever seen, and one day I'm going to get sick of it and walk out. I just know it. So what I'm grouchy, ignore it and stfu.
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  #2  
March 21st, 2013, 10:03 AM
MamaLaurie's Avatar Veteran
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Sorry you are having a bad day. I really wish men would learn to never argue or pick a fight with a pregnant woman, SERIOUSLY. It never turns out good. Hopefully, by tonite the whole thing will blow over. Sending you
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  #3  
March 21st, 2013, 10:05 AM
TaraJo29's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Oh boy. Arguments are hard. I'm sorry you're having a bad day. Are you married? Just curious about where your relationship is at. My dh is similar in that he will drop me like a rock at any sign of me being irritable and it feels unfair... like my offense was not as bad as his reaction. You guys seems young, though. Maybe he will grow up a bit? I know that doesn't help much right now, but maybe he has a lot of maturing to do. *hugs*
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  #4  
March 21st, 2013, 10:07 AM
Dolly Lama's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Life would be easier if men would learn to be a little more careful when it comes to pregnant woman. We all have crappy days like this - hopefully it all blows over quickly.
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  #5  
March 21st, 2013, 10:14 AM
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That's not cool. Everyone has a bad day, and part of being a couple is that he lifts you up when you feel down - not kicks you Maybe you both were just having a bad day at the same time - it happens sometimes. He should never threaten the whole "I'm not taking you to school now" thing though! Hopefully he is in a better mood this evening and maybe you can get a foot or back massage out of it
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  #6  
March 21st, 2013, 10:16 AM
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I'm sorry you're having a rough day. I'm sure it will all blow over with time. Unfortunately, men don't seem to realize that it doesn't matter that we're only grumpy because we're pregnant.

It's like "Look, I'm growing your spawn in here and it takes a lot of energy so maybe instead of telling me I'm just hormonal and dismissing my concerns, you could stfu and help me out."
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  #7  
March 21st, 2013, 10:16 AM
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I'm sorry you're having a rough day. I'm sure it will all blow over with time. Unfortunately, men don't seem to realize that it doesn't matter that we're only grumpy because we're pregnant.

It's like "Look, I'm growing your spawn in here and it takes a lot of energy so maybe instead of telling me I'm just hormonal and dismissing my concerns, you could stfu and help me out."
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  #8  
March 21st, 2013, 10:24 AM
Grlsshp9's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Thank you all. Me & Nick are not married but I feel like we are. We have been together for 3 and half years in May. We are young, and mens brains dont stop growing until they are 25 so he has a while to go. He apologized to me but it doesn't make it better, his words are still embedded in my brain, i wish he would learn to hold his tongue.
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  #9  
March 21st, 2013, 10:51 AM
kelbert's Avatar a.k.a. Kelli
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Men should not be allowed to speak until they hit 30. No joke. My DH and I used to have arguments all the time.. over the dumbest crap. He would bring up old boyfriends. Seriously? I hadn't had a boyfriend for over a year before I even MET DH.

It took some time but he eventually grew up. He doesn't yell anymore.. if I get mad he just says ok.. and lets it go. Took him forever to learn how to do that!

I am sorry your day started off bad, then he added to it. Saying he won't take you to school is just ridiculous.. But again.. hes a man. They don't think. Its a good thing he apologized, but it doesn't make it go away.

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  #10  
March 21st, 2013, 11:15 AM
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I am glad he apologized at least. But still his behavior is childish. Men!!
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  #11  
March 21st, 2013, 11:15 AM
ValyntineG's Avatar Based on a True Story
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Oh, honey. I'm sorry it's been a rough day.

Just to put things in perspective... him threatening to not take you to school and name calling is technically considered abusive. I'm not saying you should pack your stuff and run for the door. I'm just saying that you should put your foot down and say "Hey. This is not acceptable."

When my husband got out of the Navy, his temper was just... out of control ridiculous. To the point where I had to leave on more than one occasion. It's not something I love talking about... especially since it's such a non issue now... but we did go through that and we made it. It took some therapy on his part, though. And a lot of self reflection. I remember telling him one time that when he yelled at me, he was not only teaching his son that that's how you should treat women... he was teaching his DAUGHTER that she should allow men to treat HER that way.

Pretty big wake up call for him, I think.

Anyway... don't put up with that stuff. It's controlling and mean and you're worth more than that. I think men have a hard time dealing with pregnancy hormones... especially the first time around. You're both stressed out right now. When things calm down and neither of you are angry anymore, sit down and talk to him about what's ok and not ok during a fight.
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  #12  
March 21st, 2013, 11:53 AM
estherm's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Hugs hugs and more hugs..........

Hubby was 19 and I was 20 when I was pregnant the first time.... His parents were also controlling and we were married three months before we got pregnant.... He had a LOT of growing up to do.. Still does and he is turning 26.... That first year of marriage and being pregnant was hard... Very hard...... But we got through it and its worth it!!


Like everyone else said it takes soooooooooo long for men to grow up.. But thankfully we grow up first and learn how to handle them and tweak the relationship.... I learned sooooo much since then too..

Hugs... take a break... Write him a note or email saying how you feel.. Honestly that can work WONDERS sometimes.. Give them time to make and answer and think about it... Without feeling so pissed of and pressured to give a quick answer...

Hope tomorrow is better!
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  #13  
March 21st, 2013, 01:21 PM
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Sorry your SO was being such a jerk I dont get it but my DH seems to argue with me more when Im pregnant... im like "hello?!!! can you just let me be a B! Im super hormonal... dont pick this time to stand your ground!"

Men are stupid...thats all i can say! *hugs!
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  #14  
March 21st, 2013, 01:57 PM
mommy2lilmen's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Grlsshp9 View Post
Thank you all. Me & Nick are not married but I feel like we are. We have been together for 3 and half years in May. We are young, and mens brains dont stop growing until they are 25 so he has a while to go. He apologized to me but it doesn't make it better, his words are still embedded in my brain, i wish he would learn to hold his tongue.
lol Ok I can give you my 2 cents about men, and my fair share. I was with my ex for 12 years, and we had 4 boys together. and now Im with my DH now and we been together 7 years, and we have 3 boys together and have 7 all together, so I know how DUMB men can be. LOL 25 they stop growing their brains? wow I didn't know,where did you hear that?
EIther way, men are the hardest species, they say women are . THey are notorious for turning the table on us, cus its that easy. Women are supposedly trouble makers blah blah. Ignore all the crap he says. Talk about it later when your calm, cus right now you both need each other for babies sake. Hope he smartens up. HUGS
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  #15  
March 21st, 2013, 01:58 PM
Grlsshp9's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Thank you ladies! I really want to go to therapy with him, but I know writting him a letter or talking to him won't work because he will just turn it around on me. We have a lot of things to work on, and im willing to work.
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  #16  
March 21st, 2013, 02:03 PM
Grlsshp9's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mommy2lilmen View Post
lol Ok I can give you my 2 cents about men, and my fair share. I was with my ex for 12 years, and we had 4 boys together. and now Im with my DH now and we been together 7 years, and we have 3 boys together and have 7 all together, so I know how DUMB men can be. LOL 25 they stop growing their brains? wow I didn't know,where did you hear that?
EIther way, men are the hardest species, they say women are . THey are notorious for turning the table on us, cus its that easy. Women are supposedly trouble makers blah blah. Ignore all the crap he says. Talk about it later when your calm, cus right now you both need each other for babies sake. Hope he smartens up. HUGS
Men are difficult, I agree!!! I ignore him to a certain point, but he needs to learn to just stop talking! I heard it on Dr. Phil or something. Lol
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  #17  
March 21st, 2013, 02:08 PM
Dolly Lama's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Men should not be allowed to speak until they hit 30.
Maybe even a little later? lol

Quote:
No joke. My DH and I used to have arguments all the time.. over the dumbest crap. He would bring up old boyfriends.
So typical. Mine is 37 and sometimes STILL brings up the stupidest, most irrelevant things he can possibly think of when we're arguing. It's annoying as h*ll, but overall I see it as a positive thing - it means he's losing and has been reduced to grasping at straws!
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  #18  
March 21st, 2013, 02:29 PM
MandersM's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Men should not be allowed to speak until they hit 30. No joke.
AGREE 100%!!!! And like Dolly said, maybe even longer!!

DH and I had soooo many issues when we first got together. I won't get into the details, but it was definitely emotional abuse, and I would say 95% of women in my situation would have bailed. And if I'm honest, if I did live so far from my family & actually had somewhere to go, I proably would have bailed. But I stuck with him...and eventually he did get some sense about him & stop with the buillsh!t. I also got a lot more confidence in myself when I started talking to my other group of "online friends" about what I was going through. They really helped me stand up for myself to him. Please feel free to vent here all you need. We've got your back.

I'm not saying what I did was ok, even though it worked out in the end. But if you see potential there, and it's worth fighting for, then check out therapy. But do NOT stand for what he is putting you through just because you are having his baby now. You do not want to bring a child into that kind of environment....it is not fair to you or the baby.

I wish you all the best sweetie.
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3rd GP Appt: 02-21 - due to spotting, still no hb
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3rd GP Appt: 03/22 - heard the hb...157!
1st OB Appt: 04/22 - LOVE my OB. She doesn't rush, as is pretty knowledgable about crohn's and pregnancy. hb = 159!
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  #19  
March 21st, 2013, 02:53 PM
Keakie's Avatar Learning to walk in faith
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Aw, I'm sorry today has been so rough, mama. Arguments are tough, especially when they're over such insignificant things.

I did want to echo that name-calling and making threats when he's angry at you is not cool. We all get mad and we all make mistakes (goodness knows I've called dh a name in the heat of the moment before) but it's really not an acceptable way to treat a spouse.

I wanted to add something else too - I obviously don't know a lot about your so's personality so I could be way off, but I'm a *very* sensitive person. I'm emotionally intuitive. I'm a freakin' sponge with those around me. In a lot ways, this is a great thing - I find it easy to be a supportive friend and give a hug when someone is sad, and it's easy for me to share in someone else's joy. If someone else is giving off those emotions, I pick up on them like a radio antenna.

However, there are times when it's not such a good trait and one of those times is when someone IRL needs to vent. It's actually been a cause for some dumb arguments over here the last few weeks. More or less what happens is dh is frustrated with something at work, for example. He'll sit at his desk and will sigh and say things like, "Oh, come on!" and grumble about a colleague or an email. He's really NOT looking for attention - he's just venting it out and blowing off a little steam and isn't taking it out on me or anything. I can *feel* how frustrated he is, though.

Rather than doing what I should do which is calmly ask, "What's up?" or "You having a tough time with work today?" or "I'm sorry you're having a tough time. Can I do anything to help/can I grab you a drink/lunch/whatever?" or something, I do this...

"*irritated sigh right back* What's wrong now?" or "What do you need?" (in a much less sincere tone than what I wrote in the last paragraph). Not cool, Kayla. Understandably, he gets on the defensive because now I sound pissed off at him for no reason besides HE'S frustrated, and it makes him feel like I don't care about his feelings and then we argue. And I know it isn't the right way to respond, and it's something I'm actively working on, but my instinct when I feeeeel that frustration is to be frustrated right back. It's especially tough not to if I'm annoyed at something too, but even when everything is fine I sometimes feel myself absorbing the vibe and reflecting it back in a less-than-supportive way.

It's not that I don't care or that I don't think his frustration is justified (9/10 it is absolutely justified), and I'm sure right now it's made worse by raging hormones - I'm just an emotional lightning rod and it takes conscious effort for me to shut it off. It doesn't happen here as much because we're all online so it's easy for me to read someone else's venty post and not be flustered at all. In person, though... it's something I'm working on.

Like I said - that particular personality trait is something a really, really good thing and when I use it in positive ways it's one of dh's favourite things about me as a partner. It's just a trait that needs to be cultivated so that I can still use the emotional intuition to be the supporter that I really, really want to be.

That doesn't excuse the name calling and threat-making, but I couldn't help but notice that parts of the "I'm frustrated because you're frustrated even though what you're frustrated about has nothing to do with me" thing sounded a little familiar.

In any case, I hope the rest of your day has been better!
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  #20  
March 21st, 2013, 05:12 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ValyntineG View Post
Oh, honey. I'm sorry it's been a rough day.

Just to put things in perspective... him threatening to not take you to school and name calling is technically considered abusive. I'm not saying you should pack your stuff and run for the door. I'm just saying that you should put your foot down and say "Hey. This is not acceptable."

When my husband got out of the Navy, his temper was just... out of control ridiculous. To the point where I had to leave on more than one occasion. It's not something I love talking about... especially since it's such a non issue now... but we did go through that and we made it. It took some therapy on his part, though. And a lot of self reflection. I remember telling him one time that when he yelled at me, he was not only teaching his son that that's how you should treat women... he was teaching his DAUGHTER that she should allow men to treat HER that way.

Pretty big wake up call for him, I think.

Anyway... don't put up with that stuff. It's controlling and mean and you're worth more than that. I think men have a hard time dealing with pregnancy hormones... especially the first time around. You're both stressed out right now. When things calm down and neither of you are angry anymore, sit down and talk to him about what's ok and not ok during a fight.
Awesome advice! Couldn't have said it better myself
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