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DH rant


Forum: September 2013 Playroom

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  • 1 Post By L-SBB
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  #1  
April 4th, 2013, 12:36 PM
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Ugh My DH is being a huge *** the last three days. First off let me say, he has been awesome so far in helping out around the house etc. And I don't blame him if he's just getting tired of it. BUT the last three days even though I've been nauseated still and throw up in the mornings, I am feeling better than I did a couple weeks back. I go the extra length to contribute to the household work whenever I get any burst of energy or just plain breaks in the nausea. To him it looks like I am feeling much better now but still not stepping up and letting him relax. First off we do nothing during the evenings. We have food in the fridge which we just heat up and we leave the dishes etc. to be dealt with during the weekend. The only thing we need to do is spend time with DD if at all she wants us to. She is usually good at entertaining herself.
So the last few days he's been constantly like get DD some snacks, help her out in the bathroom, can you go out and play with her etc. while he is sitting on his *** browsing. I don't mind doing these things at all, even if I feel like puking while doing them, because heck I know he's done a lot, but what bothered me is that he says this in an accusatory way like, ' you are feeling much better now, there's no reason you can't do it' Or 'you can't milk this any longer' I brushed this feeling off initially thinking it was all in my head. But yesterday when I asked him to do something for DD he actually came out and said, " You know you are expecting way too much just because you have this pregnancy excuse" . I about flipped out!!! He didn't use those exact words, because we speak Tamil at home. But that's exactly what it meant. I went off on him and just lost it.

There was this one time he woke up with a dreadful hangover and threw up like 3 or 4 times in a cpl of hours. I tried giving him fluids etc,. but he was just being a big baby. I suggested going to the ER and he immediately agreed and I actually took him to the ER where they just gave him a zofran and a sprite!! After we got home I babied him so much that entire weekend. Now try living through that hangover for 3 ******* months you moron, because that's exactly how I feel everyday!! He thinks carrying his baby is a cakewalk for me now that I am in the second tri. Ugh I am just soooo mad. When I asked him if what he said was really fair, he says ' yeah okay, it was a bit harsh okay' completely un apologetic!!

I dropped the subject went and threw up and just went downstairs, cooked something for DD cleaned up the entire freaking kitchen, did all the dishes, cleaned the living room and threw up again. Because he made me feel like I owed him or something!!

This morning he calls me like nothing happened and started chatting with me. I told him unless he was ready to beg and grovel for forgiveness I wasn't talking to him.

I don't know I might be overreacting here. But I am the pregnant one & No I am still not feeling well and I ******* come to work everyday because we ******* cant afford to lose my job and I do everything possible to make it easy on him. I tell everyone how amazing he is etc. Perhaps I should stop doing that. Ugh I am just mad Rant over!
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Last edited by Anitha; April 4th, 2013 at 12:39 PM.
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  #2  
April 4th, 2013, 01:00 PM
L-SBB's Avatar Bébé Cowgirl
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awww (((((HUGS)))) you totally have every right to be pissed...I think it's entirely possible my husband secretly feels the same way but he's got the good sense to keep his mouth shut cause i'd go bonkers if he told me I was using pregnancy as an excuse (!!!) I do think it's really hard to essentially run household yourself (esp for a guy) even for short periods of time, so when you are feeling better you can give him some "guy time" or whatever but he's got to keep it together for now while you're so sick.

I think you're doing an amazing job - they don't realize how hard it is for us just to get ready, go to work & work all day! I am EXHAUSTED and sick and just over it by the time I get home, and I imagine you are too. Just try to focus on "it will get better soon" and hopefully you'll turn the corner on m/s and start truly feeling better so you don't have to struggle to do the day to day stuff.
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  #3  
April 4th, 2013, 01:21 PM
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Thank you Lara! I understand that it's difficult for him. But how dare he think I am taking advantage or something. Does he have any idea how physically difficult pregnancy is to some women? Thank you again...I really needed someone to validate my feelings!
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  #4  
April 4th, 2013, 01:33 PM
Dolly Lama's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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More validation coming your way - you have every right to be p*ssed!!!!!!

I heard something similar about a month ago and was equally as furious - I literally wanted to throw a plate at his head! That night the nausea came on fast and strong, so I projectile vomited several times in his presence instead of running to a bathroom, and that cured that. He shut up and never said another word!

You're a mom to a young daughter, you work full-time at what I'd assume would be a stressful job, plus you still manage to prepare meals, then you clean when you can - you're doing an amazing job!!! Just for a little comparison: I'm not working and at the height of my MS, still couldn't have managed half of what you do daily.

Hopefully he'll come to his senses, give you an apology and mean it, then maybe follow up with a nice hug...Come on hubby - you owe her at least that!!
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  #5  
April 4th, 2013, 01:43 PM
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Thank you so much Dolly. The problem he is such an egomaniac and I am such a sucker. he can go days without talking to me and I am the one who usually caves and either step down and start acting nice to him or I start the argument again only for him to hurt me more and beat me down (figuratively of course) . Plus now that I am pregnant and even more vulnerable, not to mention physically dependent on him. I determined to not ask for his help until this is over, even if it kills me! But am afraid I will cave emotionally and he will get away with treating me like this yet again. I am going try my ****edest to ignore him until he offers me a genuine apology.
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  #6  
April 4th, 2013, 02:03 PM
Dolly Lama's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Quote:
I determined to not ask for his help until this is over, even if it kills me! But am afraid I will cave emotionally and he will get away with treating me like this yet again. I am going try my ****edest to ignore him until he offers me a genuine apology.
That's an admirable goal, but considering the fact that you still don't feel well, do you think you'll be able to do it? Would it make you feel better to teach him a lesson right now, or would regaining some harmony help more?

The dance that you describe sounds familiar to me. Would a gentle, but direct approach work with him? "Can I talk to you for a moment DH? I'm sure that you were looking forward to me feeling better, as was I, but the fact is that I'm still sick and feeling very weak. It really hurt my feelings when you said _______." Maybe he would apologize at that point? If not, you could go on a little further to ask directly for you want, telling him what you would like for him to do or not do.
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  #7  
April 5th, 2013, 07:27 AM
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Thank you Dolly. I don't know if I would have heeded your advice considering how mad I was with him yesterday - I was beyond thinking rational and being nice. Plus this is exactly what I do almost every time we have a fight! I just wanted it to truly be on him to do his part to end this disagreement this time.
But guess what, last night he came and offered me a super genuine apology. He said he really didn't mean it that way...he just meant that I was getting a bit too irritable and snappy because I am pregnant and it was wearing him down. He said still he should have let me keep on thinking that he accused me of taking advantage of the fact that I am pregnant and that he should have apologized sooner. He was so nice about it that I finally accepted his apology Phew...I am amazed that he did that! He usually draws these things out forever and even when he apologizes he makes it a point to say that I was at fault in some small way too. This time, he took full responsibility and said he felt really bad for hurting me Happy ending afterall

(X-posted most of this)
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  #8  
April 5th, 2013, 08:12 AM
Dolly Lama's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Quote:
I don't know if I would have heeded your advice considering how mad I was with him yesterday - I was beyond thinking rational and being nice. Plus this is exactly what I do almost every time we have a fight! I just wanted it to truly be on him to do his part to end this disagreement this time.
I certainly do understand this! My husband has always been the stubborn one, and I seem to be more like you, peacemaker who always puts out the fires...there are times where I've tried to teach him a lesson like this, but it seems to usually be more punishment for me than for him, then I usually end up caving anyway...

I'm so relieved to hear that your husband came through and apologized. Cheers to happy endings!
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  #9  
April 5th, 2013, 08:14 AM
Keakie's Avatar Learning to walk in faith
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Just seeing this now. I'm so sorry he said that to you - I would have been really hurt too. I'm glad that he gave you an apology, though, and hope you really do start to feel better soon!
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  #10  
April 5th, 2013, 09:51 AM
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I am sorry he was being such an *** but I am glad that you got an apology! Men can just be so clueless because they don't feel what we're feeling. Sometimes, I feel guilty for being so tired and not very motivated but realistically, this is such a short period of time in our lives and I don't want to be miserable through the entire thing.

I hope he is better about understanding from here on out.
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