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Speaking of baby showers...


Forum: September 2013 Playroom

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  • 5 Post By ValyntineG
  • 1 Post By Alpha_allie1010
  • 1 Post By Keakie
  • 5 Post By iCathy
  • 1 Post By ValyntineG

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  #1  
April 20th, 2013, 11:20 PM
ValyntineG's Avatar Based on a True Story
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: Texas and stuff
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Please re-write this letter to make it appropriate and gracious. Thanks.


Dear MIL,

I know you have it in your mind that you will be planning my baby shower. I seem to recall you suggesting that we could throw it in the lobby of your posh apartment complex in Galveston and you could invite your friends from the Junior League.

Please believe me when I say that I would rather stab out my eyes with a rusty screwdriver and staple them to my kitchen wall than attend a baby shower, planned by you, with your stuck up, moronic lady friends.

Just the thought of spending an afternoon watching you use a baby shower as an excuse to show off everything from your home, to your money, to your overpriced furniture makes me want to leap to my death from atop a burning building.

So while I appreciate your false desire to do something nice for me, I'm going to have to pass. You are more than welcome to attend the not-awful baby shower that my husband and I will plan ourselves.

Thank you and have a wonderful day.

- Your loving daughter in law.
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  #2  
April 21st, 2013, 12:35 AM
Alpha_allie1010's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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haha
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  #3  
April 21st, 2013, 12:38 AM
mommy2lilmen's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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oh wow lol
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  #4  
April 21st, 2013, 07:49 AM
Keakie's Avatar Learning to walk in faith
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Quote:
MIL,

I wanted to talk to you about our baby shower. I remember you mentioning that you would like to plan and host it for us. The sentiment is greatly appreciated, but after much consideration Trae and I would really prefer to plan and host the shower ourselves at our home. We hope to see you there! (If you would still like to help us orchestrate things on the day of the shower, you are absolutely welcome to! )

Thank you for understanding,

Brie
It's short, but I think this is one of those situations where it's going to be better to just say "thanks, but we've got it" without delving into the whys or apologizing or whatever. You really don't have to give her an explanation and you aren't doing anything wrong by politely declining her offer. It's not a conversation about it and it's not up for discussion - you guys have decided on something different and are just letting her know politely.

I added the part about helping in parenthesis because I wasn't sure if that was something you'd be okay with. My thought is that if she's just looking to show off herself/her home/whatever she won't have much interest in helping anyway and will likely not bother, but you offered and so she can't claim you don't want her involved. I guess she could always accept and offer to help, but I tried to make it clear that meant on the day of, helping with food and drinks and seating and things like that, not actual planning/location selection/guest list help. Alternatively you could leave it out altogether if that would just be opening a can of worms.
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  #5  
April 21st, 2013, 08:31 AM
321abc
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Just an idea to maybe get her to change her mind.
My family thinks its tacky to throw a shower for someone in their family. My mother or mother in law would never do that. (I don't think it's tacky btw)
But maybe tell her that some people think it is and then she will decide she doesn't want to potentially embarrass herself by hosting your party. Or you could tell her that a friend had already offered. She may take that better than saying you'll do it yourself.
I've had baby shower drama between a new friend and an old friend working on it together. It's gotten better but for a while I wanted to pull my hair out, why is it hard for two grown women to get along and plan a shower? Lol
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  #6  
April 21st, 2013, 08:46 AM
iCathy's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Heck, I'd say let her and her rich snobby friends give you a shower, gather the gifts you are bound to get, then throw your own with DH lol
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  #7  
April 21st, 2013, 08:46 AM
Keakie's Avatar Learning to walk in faith
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*Personally* I think offering up a reason or explanation is more trouble than it's worth. The real reason has to do with the MIL's personality, friends and general tastes - not something that can really be changed and not something that can be approached in a way that can end well.

Offering up a phony reason or explanation really only gives her the floor to argue with the reason or pick it apart or otherwise try to "fix the problem" so that she can still have things her way. If she absolutely insists on getting a reason, even after you've politely said, "We would rather do it this way", I would stick to feelings-based reasons like, "We'd just be more comfortable at home" or "It's our last baby and it's just really important to us to do this the way we want to" because they're hard to contest.

I've only known Brie since our DDC was started, but honestly, I think I'd call bull**** if she said something like, "Some people might think it's tacky for a family member to throw the shower" because she just doesn't strike me as the kind of person who really cares whether or not other people think something is tacky/appropriate/whatever for no reason besides old school traditions and values. I also think it runs the risk of coming off kind of rudely (whether that's the intent or not). Besides, the kind of people who would think it's tacky to throw a shower for a family member would probably also think it's tacky to throw a shower for oneself and so the argument would ring kind of false.

I guess you could say that a friend already offered, but it seems like a needless lie and it opens the door for her to have to keep lying if the MIL asks who offered and what they're planning. The goal is to not have the shower at MIL's place with MIL's friends. You can accomplish that and tastefully say you'd like to do something different without having to make up an elaborate story, IMO.
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  #8  
April 21st, 2013, 10:29 AM
kelbert's Avatar a.k.a. Kelli
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I dunno.. I think the letter is written very well

Seriously though.. I hope you can find a way to get this all worked out. Really tough situation.
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  #9  
April 21st, 2013, 08:30 PM
ValyntineG's Avatar Based on a True Story
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Keaks seems to know more about me than she thinks

I have never been one to make false excuses or lie for my own benefit. It doesn't help the situation and just causes more hurt feelings than necessary. My MIL is a very proud... Yet totally insecure person. She will read into whatever I say, so trying to soften the blow with excuses will only make things worse.

I mostly just want to find a way to be honest with her without being rude. As much as I can't stand the woman, she is family. She's married to my husband's father, so drama with her would cause Trae unnecessary stress and I don't want that.

It's true that since this is our last baby, we want to celebrate it in a way that's very.... Us. And I don't have a problem telling her that and asking her to help with the preparations for a party that's more out speed

I'm just not very good at being polite sometimes and need better ways to word things
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  #10  
April 21st, 2013, 09:09 PM
321abc
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I'm extremely lucky to have a great relationship with my mother in law.
I'm not one to condone lying but I have before to spare feelings. I hate to hurt people's feelings usually THAT gets me in more trouble than just hurting their feelings lol
I'm sure it will all work out!

Last edited by 321abc; April 21st, 2013 at 09:12 PM.
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  #11  
April 21st, 2013, 10:04 PM
ValyntineG's Avatar Based on a True Story
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Haha Skye, I used to do it a lot and it just got me in more trouble! I never want to hurt anyone's feelings... I care a lot more about that than is obvious, I think. But I suck so badly and curbing my actual thoughts that sometimes it happens inadvertently. I've gotten better at expressing myself in a way that's less... a-holey. But it doesn't always work out.
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