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ummm im scratching my head (ex involved)


Forum: September 2013 Playroom

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  • 1 Post By mommy2lilmen
  • 2 Post By islandbaby
  • 1 Post By My3His1
  • 1 Post By Keakie
  • 1 Post By mommy2lilmen
  • 1 Post By Anitha
  • 2 Post By Keakie

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  #1  
April 22nd, 2013, 12:25 AM
mommy2lilmen's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: Delta, BC Canada
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My ex is usually against a lot I do, no matter if he has say or not. I was talking with him about our oldest boy and I got to the subject about the baby. I slipped up and told him its a girl, and hes like your having a girl. So I said uhhhh ya, and I said well now that you know that I will fill you in. Told him of her diagnosis and he says wow I was never lucky to have a girl. and then says your daughter will be beautiful like you. Ummm really? did you just say that? he says she is human just like everyone else. I was stunned. I still am. I know there really isn't any point to this thread, but thought Id share. I guess he does have a heart? I just got worried he would be against it and not want his sons around it and more. It bothered me. Not likei t mattered what he thought but his influence on the boys matters cus they live with me. I bursted into tears cus it was the sweetest thing he has ever said to me in years I cant think how far back. Now Im scared, supersticious now that he knows. Ugh.
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Mommy to 7 boys and 1 girl!
Sean 16, Justin 13, Kevin 11, Jayson 10, Bryce 4, Seth 3 & Kade 1
4 babies 94,95,99, 08~TL April 2003 & Sept 2013 TR May 2008

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Blessed with 1 Autistic and 1 Down Syndrome child
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Alyssa Marie Jade
September 1, 2013 @ 11:01pm 6lb 8oz & 18.5in
Emerg C Sec, Down Syndrome blessing, AVSD, Hirschsprungs, G tube
58 day NICU stay, Sept 1- Oct 29 2013





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  #2  
April 22nd, 2013, 04:56 AM
~ ttc island baby #3 ~
Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 2,334
With everything I have been through (good and bad) the last few months, I have honestly learnt a lot about the people around me. It's amazing how you think you know someone and then all of a sudden you learn/meet a side of them you never expected! I don't know if you remember my 'great-aunt' posts months back, but I met a side of her that thoroughly disappointed me and saddened me as well. Then again, some other people in my life truly surprised me!

I'm really glad that your ex had that reaction! You deserve some positivity from the people in your life and your ex is 100% correct!!! Like I say...some days people will shock and surprise you
mommy2lilmen and Dolly Lama like this.
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  #3  
April 22nd, 2013, 05:33 AM
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weird , isn't it? One of my exes has been nothing but a HUGE pain since I started dating my husband a couple years ago. Got even worse when we got married. He went on and on about how he doesn't want "his" son around "that man" blah blah blah. Well, when I got pregnant, he has suddenly become this nice, reasonable person. He asks how I'm feeling, if we've picked out a name, asks about the midwife, asks about how my husband is feeling about it and if he's excited, etc. He asked me if we were getting a new car (since it would be a struggle to get 3 carseats in the backseat of my camry) and when I said probably, he said to let him know when we're ready to sell my camry because a few of his friends might be interested in buying it. It's crazy. Like he's a completely different person. At first I was SURE he had some ulterior motive, but its gone on for a couple months now and he's the nicest and most reasonable he's been since I got pregnant with my son 6 years ago and he turned crazy. It's almost like he's turned into his old self, the one I was friends with for years and dated.

Anyways, all that to say I understand. You get so used to a person acting a certain way that it really throws you off when they surprise you. Crazy to find support in the last place you'd expect it! I hope this is a sign of things to come with him
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  #4  
April 22nd, 2013, 07:50 AM
Keakie's Avatar Learning to walk in faith
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I'm jealous. Dh's ex has been nothing but miserable, nasty and aggressive since she found out that we were expecting.

In all seriousness, though, I'm glad that he's showing a little kindness. It's always nice when people pleasantly surprise us.
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  #5  
April 22nd, 2013, 12:16 PM
mommy2lilmen's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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my ex was all against me having babies after him in the first place. I mean against. He even crashed my baby shower with my 5th son whome was my husbands baby. Then he threatened to take the kids away when I got pregnant with #6 and then with #7 he started insulting me and saying that the kids will leave and that I cant do it blah blah blah. This time. I refused to tell him I was pregnant. I even went to the extreme to wear unrevealing clothes around everyone, even at the odd times he wouldtake the kids cus I would get out of the vehicle to let them out of the truck. He came over to give me support checks and I was in my normal clothes and spotted the belly. I tried to deny it and told him that he better shut his mouth or I wont be happy. He knew there was complications at that point and I didn't fill him in till last night. Then I did fill him in and he was nothing but nice. BUT I lingered on it all night and wondered what will he do after this, will he inspire the kids to feel they don't belong here and then with my oldest whome the conversation was originally about, will he force him to move on his own regardless I have custody ofhim and know whats best. Its amazing the positive reaction and it sent me into tears cus not many people approve of my large family as it is. I know I can do this. I have that much faith. and I am excited and more.
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Annick
Mommy to 7 boys and 1 girl!
Sean 16, Justin 13, Kevin 11, Jayson 10, Bryce 4, Seth 3 & Kade 1
4 babies 94,95,99, 08~TL April 2003 & Sept 2013 TR May 2008

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Blessed with 1 Autistic and 1 Down Syndrome child
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Alyssa Marie Jade
September 1, 2013 @ 11:01pm 6lb 8oz & 18.5in
Emerg C Sec, Down Syndrome blessing, AVSD, Hirschsprungs, G tube
58 day NICU stay, Sept 1- Oct 29 2013





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  #6  
April 22nd, 2013, 12:18 PM
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You deserve that unexpected splash of positivity in reaction to your baby's girl's diagnosis. To my knowledge ( based on your posts) most people around you have reacted negatively, except your DH. I am glad this ex is showing his kinder side.
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  #7  
April 22nd, 2013, 12:20 PM
mommy2lilmen's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Quote:
Originally Posted by My3His1 View Post
weird , isn't it? One of my exes has been nothing but a HUGE pain since I started dating my husband a couple years ago. Got even worse when we got married. He went on and on about how he doesn't want "his" son around "that man" blah blah blah. Well, when I got pregnant, he has suddenly become this nice, reasonable person. He asks how I'm feeling, if we've picked out a name, asks about the midwife, asks about how my husband is feeling about it and if he's excited, etc. He asked me if we were getting a new car (since it would be a struggle to get 3 carseats in the backseat of my camry) and when I said probably, he said to let him know when we're ready to sell my camry because a few of his friends might be interested in buying it. It's crazy. Like he's a completely different person. At first I was SURE he had some ulterior motive, but its gone on for a couple months now and he's the nicest and most reasonable he's been since I got pregnant with my son 6 years ago and he turned crazy. It's almost like he's turned into his old self, the one I was friends with for years and dated.

Anyways, all that to say I understand. You get so used to a person acting a certain way that it really throws you off when they surprise you. Crazy to find support in the last place you'd expect it! I hope this is a sign of things to come with him
My ex was (can stil be) a nasty a man. I just don't understand him at times. I was with him for 12 years, would be going on 20 years together this fall had we stayed together. We grew together for the most part. He was 20 I was 16, so this tight nit between us, good or bad is no shock. I can almost talk to him about anything. not a good thing cus I can do same with my husband and I don't want to offend my husband. Im juat afraid he will turn. Yes he is nice now, but he has been fighting me to take the kids for years now even tho he makes no time for them. *smacks head* and Im afraid he will cause emotional crap here if you know what I mean.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Anitha View Post
You deserve that unexpected splash of positivity in reaction to your baby's girl's diagnosis. To my knowledge ( based on your posts) most people around you have reacted negatively, except your DH. I am glad this ex is showing his kinder side.
YES !! negative was all I had until I told them tough SH!! and said our life our business. My mom showed some brief negative and my little sister showed denial but not negative, my older sister was very negative and my mil was told last week about baby and was told to drop her negative stuff . FIL and SIL don't even know of baby diagnosis, so we shall see what the reaction will be. My older sister is still so negative and to be honest I didn't expect more than that, but it hurts still. Yes I needed the positive, but don't read much into this, but why couldn't he be positive in the past, when we were together he was against all the babies we had..and talked down to me, put me down and more. It kinda hurt after that he was so positive. maybe him getting remarried now has grown him up, idk.
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Annick
Mommy to 7 boys and 1 girl!
Sean 16, Justin 13, Kevin 11, Jayson 10, Bryce 4, Seth 3 & Kade 1
4 babies 94,95,99, 08~TL April 2003 & Sept 2013 TR May 2008

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Blessed with 1 Autistic and 1 Down Syndrome child
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Alyssa Marie Jade
September 1, 2013 @ 11:01pm 6lb 8oz & 18.5in
Emerg C Sec, Down Syndrome blessing, AVSD, Hirschsprungs, G tube
58 day NICU stay, Sept 1- Oct 29 2013





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  #8  
April 22nd, 2013, 01:21 PM
mirdeemrlvs's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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well, that's wonderful that your ex can have some heartfelt things to say. that definitely would warm any woman's heart. why would you feel superstitious? I'd just take it as a good sign and leave it at that.
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  #9  
April 22nd, 2013, 01:32 PM
Keakie's Avatar Learning to walk in faith
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: Near the land of cream cheese
Posts: 5,567
I understand the concern. It's hard to trust goodwill from people who've previously shown you anything but. My advice, at this point, would be to try not to worry about it - he already knows and you can't un-tell him about the baby. Legally, he can't use that information against you in any way and if he's going to be a jerk with regards to what he says to the kids, well, that would be greatly disappointing but is also out of your control. If you're uncomfortable, I would hesitate from sharing any more information with him or confiding in him in any way, but what he knows, he knows at this point. I know it's much easier said than done, but I would try not to let it psych you out.
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  #10  
April 22nd, 2013, 01:46 PM
mommy2lilmen's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: Delta, BC Canada
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mirdeemrlvs View Post
well, that's wonderful that your ex can have some heartfelt things to say. that definitely would warm any woman's heart. why would you feel superstitious? I'd just take it as a good sign and leave it at that.
because im crazy. I find if I open my mouth about my youngest one having a good night and no wake ups tillmorning the next week hes up all night LOL or if I say the kids were good all day, bam they turn into little brats lol. So I felt if I told him fully of the baby, now I will have badluck. know what I mean? Its stupid.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Keakie View Post
I understand the concern. It's hard to trust goodwill from people who've previously shown you anything but. My advice, at this point, would be to try not to worry about it - he already knows and you can't un-tell him about the baby. Legally, he can't use that information against you in any way and if he's going to be a jerk with regards to what he says to the kids, well, that would be greatly disappointing but is also out of your control. If you're uncomfortable, I would hesitate from sharing any more information with him or confiding in him in any way, but what he knows, he knows at this point. I know it's much easier said than done, but I would try not to let it psych you out.
not gonna let him have control . I know things are out of my control there, and I have come to peace with that for last couple years. I used to get sooooo worked up and so mad that I would panick sending them there. But as long as they don't come home bruised up I cant do anything about what comes out of his mouth.
__________________
Annick
Mommy to 7 boys and 1 girl!
Sean 16, Justin 13, Kevin 11, Jayson 10, Bryce 4, Seth 3 & Kade 1
4 babies 94,95,99, 08~TL April 2003 & Sept 2013 TR May 2008

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Blessed with 1 Autistic and 1 Down Syndrome child
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Alyssa Marie Jade
September 1, 2013 @ 11:01pm 6lb 8oz & 18.5in
Emerg C Sec, Down Syndrome blessing, AVSD, Hirschsprungs, G tube
58 day NICU stay, Sept 1- Oct 29 2013





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