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Forum: September 2013 Playroom

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  • 2 Post By SaraSara
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  #1  
July 30th, 2013, 03:19 AM
mommyof4plus's Avatar Veteran
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Where the grass grows and there's lots of trees
Posts: 415
So I'll be honest and say that during my second and third trimesters, my sex drive is really high. During my first trimester my hubby wanted it far more often than I did, but I reassured him that it'd change, and it has. But now he doesn't want it that often at all and it's really bothering me. I've gained 60 pounds, which I usually do with every pregnancy, but this is my first with this husband. He admitted to me the other day that my large belly bothers him even though he understands that I'm pregnant, it's still a turn off and he's made it clear he expects me to lose weight after I have the baby. That is always my goal, and am already planning to join weight watchers.. but the problem is that my baby weight does not come off right away. I'll be fat looking and unattractive for a while... do I have to weight until I lose all this weight which could take at least a year, if not longer... before I get to feel like he's attracted to me again? As a result I am really insecure and checking up on him, making sure he's not looking for someone else while I'm gone working the night shift. He assures me that he's not, and I really do believe him for the most part, I just feel like if he's not getting that need met by me than surely he's got to have a straying heart. This is really stressful. When I see myself naked with my big belly, I think I'm beautiful. I think it's a beautiful thing. However, he does not share my same enthusiasm.
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  #2  
July 30th, 2013, 05:23 AM
AmbzAsh's Avatar Little Miss Sunshine
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Virginia
Posts: 704
Oh sweetie, I promise you, I could have written this myself. I'm sorry you're going through this....but I am right there in the same boat with you. Except, I haven't been touched in any sort of sexual way in probably 3 months. I, too, am struggling with horrible insecurity, checking up on him...thinking he is looking for/talking to/sleeping with someone else. It is such a horrible feeling. I beg him to have sex with me and there is a different excuse each time....90% of the time, he says that knowing that his baby is in there freaks him out and he just can't do it. Other times he is too tired or "isn't in the mood." This is literally killing our relationship. I don't feel close to him at all and I sometimes wonder if we will make it. I've tried explaining to him that there are other ways to be sexual and intimate without actually having sex....but nope, I still get nothing from him. I seriously feel like I repulse him at times. It hurts...trust me, I know how much it hurts.

The sad part is that I get told by other people (men and women) how beautiful I look and how great I look for being 8 months pregnant....but I don't want to hear it from them....I want to hear it from him.

I'm just trying to get through the rest of this pregnancy feeling "eh" about myself and then get on the road to getting my body back....maybe then he will show some attraction towards me.


I'm sorry hun, no advice available for me to give you....just keep your head up and know that you are not alone in your feelings at all. You are gorgeous and don't let any one make you think differently! Xoxoxoxoxoxo
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  #3  
July 30th, 2013, 06:31 AM
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Join Date: Mar 2011
Posts: 676
Awww I get how you are feeling. After DS was born I did not feel attractive at all and our sex life was pretty much non-existent for a long, long time. I think part of it was the post-partum hormones etc, but I seriously questioned whether DH still found me attractive and whether he still loved me. He has never expressed his feelings overly often, but Let me tell you, when you are unhappy with your post partum body etc, a simple gesture can go along way.

Maybe tell DH that you need some reassurance that he still loves you because you are feeling vulnerable and unattractive because of the pregnancy and his reaction to your weight gain etc? Tell him you need him to show his affection somehow, Even if its not sexual - romance isn't always about sex.

Hopefully things get better for you!
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  #4  
July 30th, 2013, 08:08 AM
manda622's Avatar First Time Mommy-To-Be
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: Beverly, MA
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I'm having the opposite issue- I have little to no interest (or whenever I am interested something happens to put a wrench into things ie. he'll be working til 1 am or I'll end up not feeling well, etc). He, on the other hand, is very interested. Luckily he's very understanding, but I feel like I'm neglecting his needs.

Just wanted to send some hugs your way. I can't imagine how you ladies must be feeling.
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  #5  
July 30th, 2013, 08:36 AM
beckiethedoula's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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I have some choice words I would use toward your DH/ SO's but I'm pretty sure I'd get banned from JM for using them.

You are beautiful and strong and experiencing something they are incapable of doing. Don't let their sh*t attitudes make you think any less of your amazing, miraculous bodies.

They are so lucky to have you growing their babies.
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  #6  
July 30th, 2013, 08:37 AM
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That really bites you guys! I'm feeling unattractive and fat since practically day one with this pregnancy. However I'm fortunate to have a hubby who keeps telling me not to worry about it and that I'm pregnant and it's normal. But I still have a hard time looking at myself and feeling beautiful. I can hardly wait to have the baby and get back to a better weight. I have gained 37.5 pounds with this baby already. So I'll probably end up around 43-45 pounds gained and I know that it's not all baby. The stretch marks all over my thighs reminds me daily. But I allowed this to happen to myself so I have to be ok with it. Being pregnant is draining in so many ways. But it's all for the sake of having a family right? I wouldn't pass that up. Keep your chin up ladies! The time is near for our babies to join us and hopefully things will go back to "normal." HUGS!
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  #7  
July 30th, 2013, 08:42 AM
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^^This is me exactly!! I have gained 37lbs so far and anticipate a 40-50lb total weight gain by the time I go into labor. I always gain about that much though. DH is really great about it, but I am kinda depressed that I will have so much to lose.

I think some guys are really truly intimidated/nervous/scared to have sex during pregnancy. It would still hurt my feelings though so I understand what you are feeling Hopefully things will get better after baby comes....
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  #8  
July 30th, 2013, 09:03 AM
L-SBB's Avatar Bébé Cowgirl
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Texas
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guys can be so weird about sex during pregnancy esp. as you get into 3rd tri and baby is kicking and visibly moving, etc. I'm really sorry you (and you too Amber) are dealing with this...it's hard enough to be pregnant, and feeling big/awkward without then feeling unattractive to your husband too. Hang in there...I will say that my lowest moments were actually immediately after having Savannah and feeling like my body was a perm wreck - I hope your guys do some others things for you to help you feel reconnected soon and try not to stress the weight gain, body changes, etc. they do eventually resolve themselves it just requires some patience (((HUGS)))
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  #9  
July 30th, 2013, 11:33 AM
estherm's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Big big hugs.......
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  #10  
July 30th, 2013, 11:44 AM
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Huge hugs! I am actually mad at your DH/SOs...that is ridiculous that they make you feel this way!!! Do they think they are going to have thier oh-so-perfect bodies forever? How would they feel if a few yrs down the line we start saying things like "hon your paunch/beergut/saggy butt/receding hairline is a turn off and I expect you to get back to your previous appearance, I don't feel the attraction right now"

I am sorry they are being insensitive and I truly hope they see you and your body for what it truly is!! You are amazing. Period!
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  #11  
July 30th, 2013, 12:49 PM
mirdeemrlvs's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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HUGS to all of you ladies!!! Being an "older" mom, I have to say Anitha is right. DH has never given me a hard time about gaining weight, but he's not overly affectionate either. He has no room to say anything, because he almost has a bigger gut than I do!! (he gains weight easily in his gut)... you ladies are beautiful don't let any man tell you differently. It does take a little time to get the pregnancy weight off, but it won't be that long and you will feel like yourself again!!!
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  #12  
July 30th, 2013, 01:47 PM
Keakie's Avatar Learning to walk in faith
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Quote:
Originally Posted by beckiethedoula View Post
I have some choice words I would use toward your DH/ SO's but I'm pretty sure I'd get banned from JM for using them.

You are beautiful and strong and experiencing something they are incapable of doing. Don't let their sh*t attitudes make you think any less of your amazing, miraculous bodies.

They are so lucky to have you growing their babies.
So much word.
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  #13  
July 31st, 2013, 10:59 PM
bevyvuska's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Ditto to what Anitha said.

I want to slap those guys. I don't think I would deal well if my hubby was that way.
Thankfully, my husband finds a pregnant woman to be a beautiful thing (even when I feel like I am just looking like a fat slob). Wish I had some advice for you, other than just to tell them to get over it!. :/
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  #14  
August 1st, 2013, 07:36 AM
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Ditto what Anitha said!
I'm sorry you guys are dealing with this
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  #15  
August 1st, 2013, 08:55 AM
Dolly Lama's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Baltimore, MD
Posts: 1,767
Quote:
Do they think they are going to have thier oh-so-perfect bodies forever? How would they feel if a few yrs down the line we start saying things like "hon your paunch/beergut/saggy butt/receding hairline is a turn off and I expect you to get back to your previous appearance, I don't feel the attraction right now"
Haaa! I couldn't have said it better!! Fortunately for them, we (generally speaking here) are not that superficial.

Big hugs, ladies. Your bodies are beautiful and amazing - never forget that!!!
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  #16  
August 4th, 2013, 07:36 PM
mommyof4plus's Avatar Veteran
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Where the grass grows and there's lots of trees
Posts: 415
Quote:
Originally Posted by AmbzAsh View Post
Oh sweetie, I promise you, I could have written this myself. I'm sorry you're going through this....but I am right there in the same boat with you. Except, I haven't been touched in any sort of sexual way in probably 3 months. I, too, am struggling with horrible insecurity, checking up on him...thinking he is looking for/talking to/sleeping with someone else. It is such a horrible feeling. I beg him to have sex with me and there is a different excuse each time....90% of the time, he says that knowing that his baby is in there freaks him out and he just can't do it. Other times he is too tired or "isn't in the mood." This is literally killing our relationship. I don't feel close to him at all and I sometimes wonder if we will make it. I've tried explaining to him that there are other ways to be sexual and intimate without actually having sex....but nope, I still get nothing from him. I seriously feel like I repulse him at times. It hurts...trust me, I know how much it hurts.

The sad part is that I get told by other people (men and women) how beautiful I look and how great I look for being 8 months pregnant....but I don't want to hear it from them....I want to hear it from him.

I'm just trying to get through the rest of this pregnancy feeling "eh" about myself and then get on the road to getting my body back....maybe then he will show some attraction towards me.


I'm sorry hun, no advice available for me to give you....just keep your head up and know that you are not alone in your feelings at all. You are gorgeous and don't let any one make you think differently! Xoxoxoxoxoxo
Ahh, ty for sharing, and I think you're beautiful too. My husband will touch or have sex with me, but seems he needs help to do it.. I'll leave it at that You look so thin I bet it won't take you long to get your body back. It'll take me a year or two.. it always does but I was already overweight and gained 60 pounds so far. I'm hoping that once I start dieting it'll make a difference. Hugs
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