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Attack of the what ifs


Forum: September 2013 Playroom

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  • 2 Post By manda622
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  #1  
August 20th, 2013, 04:26 AM
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So I am 34 weeks now and honestly can say I couldn't have a better pregnancy. I haven't had any problems what so ever. I know I am very lucky with that. But now with my due date coming faster and faster I find myself in an attack of the what ifs. Please remember this is a high risk pregnancy for me. I am 40 now, though I turn 41 on Thursday. My first pregnancy after 7 years of trying.

What if, while showing no signs of physical deformity, he is mentally challenged? How will I cope?

What if having the best pregnancy ever, I am setting myself up to fail in raising my child?

What if having a great pregnancy means my kid will be difficult, hard to feed, and irritable all the time?

I mean things need to balance out in life, don't they? Something good happens, something bad should follow. Right?
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  #2  
August 20th, 2013, 06:13 AM
manda622's Avatar First Time Mommy-To-Be
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I think this is a natural feeling...I've had a relatively easy pregnancy too, and I keep waiting for the other shoe to drop. Try not to worry too much though- sometimes good things just happen! i say that after 7 years of trying for a baby having a healthy pregnancy AND a healthy baby who grows up well adjusted with an awesome mom would be a good balance!
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  #3  
August 20th, 2013, 09:25 AM
mirdeemrlvs's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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If it's your age that's bothering you, I'm 43 and I've had zero complications. I have never been referred to as a "high risk pregnancy" due to my age. There is always the chance of complications, but you shouldn't worry about your age. Everything will be okay.
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  #4  
August 20th, 2013, 09:38 AM
MamaLaurie's Avatar Veteran
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Location: Wisconsin
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I've been doing the what ifs thing, too. I think it is because of my age, I have never been this bad before. Well, I'd say age and the whole GBS thing which is causing me trouble with UTI's. I'm really trying not to freak out about it, but some days it's really, REALLY hard.
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  #5  
August 20th, 2013, 09:54 AM
Grlsshp9's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Oh wow, the only thought in my head is what if she never comes out, because I am so anxious. You will be a fantastic mother to this baby, and he will be perfect! Don't worry about things like that (I know easier said than done) Everything will fall into place for you! This is almost over, and all the worrying will be out the window, about the pregnancy!
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  #6  
August 20th, 2013, 11:37 AM
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Thanks ladies. I don't try to worry about this much, but sometimes, you know when you're alone in the car, driving where ever and you start thinking of bizarre things like what if. I know its not logical to think like that. You wouldn't do anything if that was all you ever thought it. But sometimes... Those what ifs, pop in.
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  #7  
August 20th, 2013, 11:41 AM
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True! I think we all have those moments. I still can't get the thought of stillbirth out of my head because I never thought this would happen for me after TTC for 3 years. If you believe that things balance out in life, then I think it's save to say that after TTC for 7 years you're owed a complication-free pregnancy and a content baby
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  #8  
August 20th, 2013, 06:31 PM
"Shay-see"
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Uh oh - you pushed my Philosophy Button.

The answer to any "what if" is always "then I'll do my best and simply continue to move forward in life".

Life will always throw challenges in your direction - that's what life is, but you as a person change in every second that you're alive. You are not the same "you" that you were 5 minutes ago. In 5 more minutes, you'll be still different. Life is a continuous and dynamic learning process, and it's impossible to perfectly predict how future-you will handle any part of it, but you *will* handle whatever comes. ... you know? Time won't stop, the world will keep spinning, and you will rise to the occasion, whatever it is.

Unless there's a high probability of any one specific problem cropping up, it's a waste of energy (and happiness) to emotionally prepare yourself for any given scenario. My advice is to enjoy your now (a bird in hand...), and tomorrow's you will take care of herself.
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  #9  
August 20th, 2013, 11:09 PM
bevyvuska's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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I get it. I had a pretty easy pregnancy with my 1st & he was a great baby. This one I worry about being the opposite, but the pregnancy has been pretty easy, even with all the issues I had pre-pregnancy. I just turned 39 & you get told all the statistics of issues increasing exponentially after 35, but you just can't dwell on it, especially if everything keeps looking good. It's a waste of energy.

Just chill & know, after 7 years of trying, you're being blessed with something miraculous!
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  #10  
August 21st, 2013, 04:06 AM
mommyof4plus's Avatar Super Mommy
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Halyanne View Post
So I am 34 weeks now and honestly can say I couldn't have a better pregnancy. I haven't had any problems what so ever. I know I am very lucky with that. But now with my due date coming faster and faster I find myself in an attack of the what ifs. Please remember this is a high risk pregnancy for me. I am 40 now, though I turn 41 on Thursday. My first pregnancy after 7 years of trying.

What if, while showing no signs of physical deformity, he is mentally challenged? How will I cope?

What if having the best pregnancy ever, I am setting myself up to fail in raising my child?

What if having a great pregnancy means my kid will be difficult, hard to feed, and irritable all the time?

I mean things need to balance out in life, don't they? Something good happens, something bad should follow. Right?
It sounds like you are experiencing anxiety... or better defined as the feeling of impending doom. I've heard this is common. Actually, I'm right there with you... I have a bad feeling about the baby, like something will be wrong with her. I've never worried about that with my other babies before, just had so many problems last few years. Like what if she is born still born... or what if she has to go to ICU or part of her brain is missing, or she is mentally retarded... what if I have to spend my whole stay recovering in bed in the hospital while she is hooked up to the machines, and I don't get to hold her in my bed or breast feed her? There have been no indications that any of this will take place.. I've had 4 ultrasounds... however, she is small for her age.. the dr. said she's a slow grower... which probably explains my anxiety, just as your high risk pregnancy probably explains hers. The only comfort I get is reminding myself that they have found nothing wrong with her when doing all the tests... that she is active.. that she should be a least 6 pounds and that is fine... and that I'm probably just afraid... I also figure that if something does happen, I'll manage somehow, with the help of God. I hope and pray nothing happens though. My baby will probably be fine, just as your probably will be. You're life won't be perfect, life never is. But it won't be imperfect all the time. Hoping for your peace of mind! God bless!
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  #11  
August 21st, 2013, 08:47 AM
TaraJo29's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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I have had fears like this, too, and it's not uncommon for your imagination to get a little carried away. So you're definitely not crazy. But you just have to remember that there is NO reason to think any of that will happen, so there is NO reason to concern yourself with it. Odds are very much in your favor. I used to worry every pregnancy that my baby had spina bifida and was paralyzed from the waist down until I could tell definite feet/kicks. LOL It's ridiculous what we put ourselves through because we let our wheels turn too much. (BTW, I notice I have increased anxiety like this when I'm overly tired, so if I notice my mind is wandering into disturbing doubts and scenarios, I head for bed. Just a tip. Worth a try. A rested brain is a more rational brain.)

I definitely do not think that if something good happens that it has to balance out with something bad. Relax, sista. It's all going to be fine. Like a pp said: if anything, after trying for 7 years!!!, maybe your having a perfect pregnancy and happy baby would be the "balancing out"!
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