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  #21  
August 24th, 2013, 08:32 PM
Grlsshp9's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Southern Indiana
Posts: 1,183
Quote:
Originally Posted by skye10 View Post
I said most.
I read two maybe three posts that could have been worded differently but I think your words of reasoning were like a stab to some of the moms who had bad experiences.
& I never put anyone down about experiences they have had. I even told one lady that her experience was horrible and i couldnt imagine going through what she went through. I'm sad that a lot of these women have had bad experiences, its just how many different ways can i say im sorry you went through that, but Im hopeful I will have a good experience. Every time I tried to be postive about it, someone would come along and call me ignorant and doubt that I've done research, and then call me stupid for going along with an induction if I had read on inductions.
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  #22  
August 24th, 2013, 08:35 PM
321abc
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Posts: n/a
I said nothing about how you should feel.
Just know from now on things like inductions, vaccines and circumsisions are crazy topics on JM
  #23  
August 24th, 2013, 08:37 PM
Dolly Lama's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Baltimore, MD
Posts: 1,767
Quote:
I wouldnt keep bugging someone if i knew they had their mind made up, because what would that accomplish? Nothing.
Agreed, and that's basically what the debate that this thread is turning into is accomplishing. Nothing.

Goodbye, Maria. I wish you and your baby girl all the best.
  #24  
August 24th, 2013, 08:37 PM
Keakie's Avatar Learning to walk in faith
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: Near the land of cream cheese
Posts: 5,336
1. My mistake - this is the third time these women have tried to share their experiences to save you from going through the same thing, not the fourth.

2. You shouldn't be happy about being induced because your body and your baby are clearly not ready for it and it's extremely likely that this is going to go badly for you. The fact that your cervix is clamped shut is a sign that your body is not ready. You've stated that you really, really don't want a c/s but your doctor is already giving you a 24ish hour deadline after he starts trying to induce you before you're going to go in for one, and your response is... "Cervix, you better start acting right!" ??? Really? Not, "Maybe I should hold off on this induction thing, then, at least for a little while."

Quote:
Originally Posted by Grlsshp9 View Post
So I shouldn't be happy that I'm getting induced just because other women are or have been through a hard time? That's selfish! & I states that this was the THIRD time not the fourth that I've been picked on about being induced, and I wasnt asking anyone what they thought about it, I was simply stating what IS going to happen because that what you're supposed to do, you know..update. I don't rightly care if people are frustrated that I've been talking about an induction for months, it is my right? If i had a bad experience with something i would share my experience, wish them the best and MOVE ON. I wouldnt keep bugging someone if i knew they had their mind made up, because what would that accomplish? Nothing.
Honestly, Maria, you're the one who wants to keep arguing. I've, I think, fairly patiently explained where everyone is/was coming from and why there's so much frustration in everyone's voices at this point. You can take it or leave it. You've ignored everything I and everyone else has said and continued to throw your tantrums about how you feel justified and everyone else is just a big jerk.

I don't really care. I think what you're doing is foolish, and I think that if you don't have the patience for another week or two of pregnancy, you're in for a rough wake up call when it's time to actually start parenting. I think it's a slap in the face to the mothers here who have had terrible experiences, and I think it's a slap in the face to the mothers here who will have/have had medically necessary inductions, who don't have a choice in the matter and who would LOVE the opportunity to go into labor naturally. I think your responses are insanely immature. I KNOW you haven't done research because I've actually read your posts and it's insanely obvious that your "research" consists of what your intervention-happy doctor says and what your friends say.

But I also know that you're not going to agree with me on any of that because it doesn't fit with your me, me, me desire to be comfortable again (which, guess what, you're still going to be uncomfortable and sore and have trouble sleeping and moving post-partum, especially if you end up with a c/s), so I'm not really interested in arguing with you or trying to convince you.

If you're going to leave, then leave. If you're not, then stop the dramatic hair flip posts.
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Last edited by Keakie; August 24th, 2013 at 08:40 PM.
  #25  
August 24th, 2013, 08:53 PM
"Shay-see"
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: CA
Posts: 1,034
I know this "isn't my forum" and the lack of welcome has been made abundantly clear. In the absence of more support from the ladies of Sept DDC however, I feel compelled to offer mine to Maria.

So here it is:

She made it clear that she was sharing what was going on with her and that she didn't want to be told not to go through with it and that she wasn't interested in oppositional anecdotal stories or other such things. That people insist on "trying to share their experiences with her" is disrespectful of her stated wishes and thereby rude and confrontational. The purpose of participation in this board is to have access to the support of other ladies and their opinions when they're asked for. Since this is such a personal choice for her and she has asked repeatedly not to be discouraged from her choices, maybe the right answer is to leave her choices alone? I mean, say something supportive or kind if you can bring yourself to do it, but otherwise keep it to yourself?

It's not that difficult really, and I have no problem seeing why she's upset/hurt/offended by how she's being treated. This is some of the worst treatment I've seen anyone on JM ever receive, and everyone seems to be acting like it's just an everyday thing to beat someone over the head with unsolicited opinions and she better just suck it up and smile if she doesn't like it.

That isn't right.

I saw a circumcision thread on here a while ago where the OP said she intended to have it done. The casual commentary which followed about strapping infant boys down and cutting pieces of them off made me feel like I wanted to vomit, because *I* have really strong feelings about the practice. It was all I could do NOT to post something really strongly-worded in that thread, but you know what? I didn't. Why? Because it was not a general discussion thread, it was a personal thread about personal choices that the OP is lawfully entitled to make, and I am able to recognize when my $.02 isn't appropriate for the thread (it was approximately when the OP said "no thanks for the $.02 on my personal-decision thread"). I also am able to recognize when my discomfort with someone else's choice is my problem and I don't need to make it theirs.

I think a lot of comment authors on this thread and the other one seriously need to step back and reflect on how they have acted here. While disregarding her explicit requests may not be against the JM TOS, it is against basic tenets of decency.
Grlsshp9 likes this.
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Last edited by Seasaidh; August 24th, 2013 at 08:57 PM.
  #26  
August 24th, 2013, 09:13 PM
AmbzAsh's Avatar Little Miss Sunshine
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Virginia
Posts: 704
Holy wowzers. Man, I've missed a lot! But now that I am caught up, I only have a few things to say.....

1. I truly do wish you the best of luck with your delivery and the health of your baby. Everyone does. I don't think anyone here is evil or would ever want to wish harm upon you or your daughter....that's just plain malicious and cruel....and I don't picture anyone here doing that. So, yes, we do all wish the best for you and Miah. We all want to see you have a healthy baby girl.

2. At 19 years of age, you should have learned one statement at this point. I think I learned this at about 12 or 13. "Opinions are like ********.....everybody has one." Plain and simple. Life is full of hearing other people's opinions and views on things....listening to their experiences and hearing the good and the bad....that's just LIFE. The one thing I do not think that you have grasped yet is that you can't let every single person who doesn't share the same view as you, make you feel like you are being attacked. If you continue to do that, you will never live a happy life. You will constantly be worried about what others think. If you are confident in your decision, that is great. Read/listen to the advice given, take from it what you can and move on. There is no need to constantly strike back with your reasoning as to why you think you are right. It truly does make you look immature. Like I said, if you are THAT confident with your decision, you have nothing to prove to anyone. If you knew that this was the type of response you had gotten in previous posts, why even bring it up again? I understand looking for support....that's what JustMommies is for. BUT, there are certain things that are just sensitive topics....and this is one of them. You are always going to have differing views with people...it's a part of life.

3. I totally get being uncomfortable. Now, while I am also aware that this isn't a pissing contest, I am sure we could all post about how uncomfortable we all are in our ways. Hell, I haven't taken a normal crap in two months, my legs are swollen, I have the walking farts, heartburn is a *****, my compressed sciatic nerve has made me fall down the stairs multiple times, my vagina feels like it has been possessed by an alien who wants to rip me to shreds at times, I haven't slept for more than an hour at a time in 3 months, I pee myself constantly, I work a 40-50 hour work week in a doctor's office where I am the only one who does a **** thing, I come home and have an entire house to clean, dinner to cook, school supplies to shop for, clothes to wash, and groceries to shop for. But you know what means more to me than all of this ridiculous **** that is part of every day life and part of being pregnant? My son's health. Do I want to be comfortable again?! Um, yes, please! Do I want to start getting my body back? Definitely. But my needs can and WILL wait. Just because our children aren't here yet...we are still mothers. Our needs are now the last in line of important things in life.

4. Am I trying to persuade you one way or the other? Nope. Wanna know why? Because I haven't been there and I haven't done that. Shoot, I even talked about an induction with my OB for my actual due date. I could have very easily gotten offended by all of the things said here and in other posts about this topic. But I read everything that the other moms have said and I take from it what I can. I weigh my options, ask questions and truly try to take all of this new information in. I don't pretend to know everything and I know that I never will. This is all new...and I am truly thankful for the BTDT mommies who offer their advice and who share stories that may be difficult for them to share. We are all in this together....so you are either IN or you are OUT...there is no in between.

Last edited by AmbzAsh; August 24th, 2013 at 09:16 PM.
  #27  
August 24th, 2013, 09:22 PM
Keakie's Avatar Learning to walk in faith
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: Near the land of cream cheese
Posts: 5,336
Quote:
Originally Posted by Seasaidh View Post
She made it clear that she was sharing what was going on with her and that she didn't want to be told not to go through with it and that she wasn't interested in oppositional anecdotal stories or other such things. That people insist on "trying to share their experiences with her" is disrespectful of her stated wishes and thereby rude and confrontational. The purpose of participation in this board is to have access to the support of other ladies and their opinions when they're asked for. Since this is such a personal choice for her and she has asked repeatedly not to be discouraged from her choices, maybe the right answer is to leave her choices alone? I mean, say something supportive or kind if you can bring yourself to do it, but otherwise keep it to yourself?

It's not that difficult really, and I have no problem seeing why she's upset/hurt/offended by how she's being treated. This is some of the worst treatment I've seen anyone on JM ever receive, and everyone seems to be acting like it's just an everyday thing to beat someone over the head with unsolicited opinions and she better just suck it up and smile if she doesn't like it.

That isn't right.
The fact that you haven't been an active member of this forum is relevant here, because her repeated initial threads about her induction plans a) started several months ago and b) stated that she was basing her decision on several specific beliefs - I can't remember the exact wording of them and don't have the time or energy to go back and look at the original post right now - but they were blatantly and provably false. For that reason, several members gently shared some links and personal experiences, and acknowledged that if she wanted to make that decision that was hers to own, but if she's basing it on xyz beliefs then she should know that she's very much mistaken.

The thread ended with her stating that "just knows" her baby would be fine, and her baby had more than a 90% chance of surviving if she was born right this second, so surely she would survive if she were born at 37 weeks, and her friends were all doing it, so whatever. The rest of the board backed off because, clearly, the facts weren't making a difference.

She's brought it up repeatedly since then, knowing how many of the women on the board feel about it. I, personally, have done my best to keep it short and sweet (and no, I haven't been very successful tonight), but given the experiences that others have gone through and are going through, I can see why the repeated mentions of how much she HATES being pregnant and she didn't sign up for this and how she still just "knows" her baby will be fine is pretty tough to keep quiet about (and it has been FREQUENT). Most people who are upset by it HAVE kept it to themselves, both today and in the several threads and posts Maria has written over the past several weeks and months. It's asking A LOT to talk about how you can't wait to be induced and you're over it and it's okay because your baby would probably survive in nearly every post you write and expect the mothers who've had NICU babies, who've had traumatic experiences, who are fighting pre-term labor, who are facing inductions for their own medical complications and are desperately hoping that they go into labor naturally so that they can avoid putting their bodies and their babies through that, to read it and not feel angry and upset and frustrated, especially when the person writing them has made it clear that she doesn't want to be bothered by "facts".

The posts that she's written that DON'T contain that kind of talk have been met with nothing but kindness and support.

Quote:
I saw a circumcision thread on here a while ago where the OP said she intended to have it done. The casual commentary which followed about strapping infant boys down and cutting pieces of them off made me feel like I wanted to vomit, because *I* have really strong feelings about the practice. It was all I could do NOT to post something really strongly-worded in that thread, but you know what? I didn't. Why? Because it was not a general discussion thread, it was a personal thread about personal choices that the OP is lawfully entitled to make, and I am able to recognize when my $.02 isn't appropriate for the thread (it was approximately when the OP said "no thanks for the $.02 on my personal-decision thread"). I also am able to recognize when my discomfort with someone else's choice is my problem and I don't need to make it theirs.
And yet you brought it up here and now, even though that particular poster hasn't said a word in this thread or the previous one, and still couldn't leave it at, "I feel strongly about circumcision". You're talking about what a high road you took by keeping it to yourself when someone wrote a thread that you disagreed with, but also taking a moment to make it clear how disgusting and awful you think those mothers are in the process. I'm sorry - how is that any different?

Please. Get off your high horse.
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  #28  
August 24th, 2013, 09:27 PM
Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Oct 2008
Posts: 10,538
The way I see it, is if you WANT the drama, you tend to create it yourself. She knew what she was doing when she started the first thread and she knew it would continue when she started this thread.

I think we've all stated that we truly and honestly wish her and her baby the best but can you REALLY blame people for wanting to potentially save somebody else from the pain and heartache they've been through themselves? I was a first timer once and I learned almost everything I know because of the women on JM. I was either told or it triggered me to research it myself.

Maybe, just maybe, some of us feel that we are offering MORE support by trying to dissuade her than we would by just smiling and moving on, knowing what the consequences of her decision could be. :shrug:
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Last edited by Babybear4; August 24th, 2013 at 09:35 PM.
  #29  
August 24th, 2013, 09:36 PM
Badass
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 195
Quote:
Originally Posted by Seasaidh View Post
On second thought, I don't want any of this.
Then why did you comment further and start things back up again? I'm not trying to be rude, but if you say you are going to stay out of it, it is generally a good idea to do so as you aren't really helping anyone you are just fanning the flames!
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  #30  
August 24th, 2013, 09:39 PM
AmbzAsh's Avatar Little Miss Sunshine
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Virginia
Posts: 704
If I'm not mistaken, I posted something not too long ago about circumcision. So maybe it was me that you are talking about....unless I missed someone else's post...not sure. Either way, I knew when posting that, that circumcision is a touchy subject. Therefore, I made it very clear in my post that if you had negative things to say, to please not comment. I did get a lot of posts that were very helpful and answered my questions. I also got a few posts that were also supportive and helped answer some questions....but the people's views were different than me. Did I throw a **** fit and stomp around and claim that people were calling me a bad mother because I had made the decision to circumcise my son? Nope. Not even close. I realized a long time ago that a PUBLIC FORUM is a place for all types of people with all different opinions and views to come together and share their stories, views, experiences and beliefs. While theirs may be different than mine, they are entitled to them.


On a different note, I honestly cannot say that I have EVER gone to another groups board and considered joining in or putting in my 2 cents in a controversial topic or in a thread that was already a little heated. It just causes more drama that is completely unnecessary and unwanted.

I think I speak for everyone when I say, please take your drama elsewhere. I think you would be pretty ticked if someone came into your DDC and started throwing their opinions around...when they were unwarranted.
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  #31  
August 24th, 2013, 09:52 PM
navywifey2003's Avatar Home Birth Mama
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: Clovis, CA
Posts: 37,186
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I am going to go ahead and close this topic. It's a general rule of thumb to not continue an already locked topic in another thread.
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