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I'm trying not to be upset. After all, my doctor has both my and my baby's best interest at heart. He checked me today, and I'm still only at 2 cm - same as I was 3 weeks ago. I've been walking around about 3 miles a day for the last week with the exception of today and yesterday (I've come down with a cold) Well he said that everything looks great and baby and I are perfectly healthy. He wanted to schedule an induction date, just in case for 41 weeks. That would be October 4th... the day son was born still. I told him absolutely not and explained why. He completely understands, but also doesn't want to induce earlier. I also completely understand him. In fact, I don't want to induce at all. I want things to progress naturally, but I also want to have this baby before the end of September. I don't want an October baby at all.
My emotions are sky high right now, as they always are around this time of the year. I knew it would be hard having this baby's due date so close to the day I lost my first. I didn't know how hard though. I find myself bursting into tears at the most random times. While watching tv, reading my book, driving in my car, taking a shower... I don't even have to be thinking about my son before hand. It's just BAM! Now I'm crying and there's nothing to stop me.
Jake has been wonderful. We hardly talk about it, but that's on me. I have a hard time talking to people about my son unless they were around in my life when I had him. I know he wants in, but I haven't been able to really open that door. He knows the basics. I wish I knew how to tell him more.
So here I am, stuck not wanting to induce but wanting desperately to induce. There is absolutely no medical reason for me to do it. That's why I'm having such a hard time. My little man is happy and healthy. It's my own selfish emotions that are getting in the way and I know it. I need to surrender to God, and I'm trying, truly I am. It's never been easy for me, I struggle with surrendering every day.
10.03.13 8lbs 11oz 21 inches
Excuse my typos, there is either a baby on my boob or sleeping in my arms
Thank you *sharon* for my adorable siggy
Sending you virtual hugs and lots of prayers for you during this time.
I will be praying that your little one comes before they feel the need to induce you.
Remember, human reproduction would be very poorly designed if babies always needed help getting out. Most babies will come out without any prompting if given the chance.
That said...your baby might be an October baby even without inducing. For your sake, ill pray for September baby, but even if not, this is a new little one with a seperate distinct identity from your previous son. Perhaps, if they have close dates, it is so that you are forced, every year, to focus on the good and not the bad at this time of year.
I know I can't understand what you have gone through, but it reminds me of the story of Job. At the end of the book he has more sons and daughters than the ones he lost. Obviously not a replacement, but as a sign that his trials were over.