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I need to get this off my chest so I can let it go!
Let me start by saying I had no issues with my in-laws until we had our first child. I know I am partially to blame because I don't easily forgive, once I'm done I'm done. With that being said my husband asked me this morning if I had spoken with the in-law about our son's first birthday in April? I haven't made exact plans yet so I haven't talked with them about it. Well they have requested we delay his birthday party by 4 days.... because they are snow-birds that go south for the winter and don't want to drive back to Montana by April 12th but they will be back April 16th so we should just wait until then for the party or we will have to have two!!!! Are they joking. They are retired and have all the time in the world but think everyone should work around their schedule. I let this sink in for a few minutes before I responded so I wouldn't say anything I would regret. I reminded my dear husband that the 12th lands on a Friday so a party on the 12th or 13th would be best for the rest of the family, you know the people that have jobs and little kids to work around.
This is just one more issue to add to the stack I guess. Needless to say I have enjoyed my winter sending lots of email pictures and the occasional phone call. I'm not sure how I am going to handle the summer when they return. We haven't told them we are expecting #2 yet, I'm sure we will get the same response as last time "that's nice". Granted they already have a lot of grandkids and even some great-grandkids but this was their youngest son's first child, I expected a little more enthusiasm.
I just need to breath deep and let it go but it really irritates me. Anyone else have difficult in-laws to deal with and advise for doing so?
Eh, it does work out better to have the party on a weekend and not a week day. If you're hosting a party, They will have to RSVP like everybody else. Be totally cool and above it and be surprised if they give you grief. They will change their days if they really want to be there! If not that's ok too - you can have a little cake or whatever they'd like to bring by when they get back and settled.
I agree with Soul-donut, it definitely works better for everyone to have a party on the weekend. If they really need to wait until later, they can bring cake and presents and throw their own little party for just your family.
Cautiously expecting a little one sometime in June, and always remembering my 5 little ones that left too soon.
Oiy vey, yeah I have in-law issues. They mean well but when we first called to tell them we were expecting I got a lecture how I needed to now "put my family first", know that "your baby comes first", and not to take any unnecessary trips off the mountain if I don’t feel well, because again, the baby comes first. I’m 36, DH is 38, pretty sure we don’t need anyone telling us what to do. When I told her I scheduled our first full pre-natal workup so that DH could be there, MIL just had to throw her two sense in by saying "Well I want him there!" with emphasis on what she wanted. I've been really patient with the in-laws but I think I’m done. Its my family, not hers.
I feel like close family sometimes takes for granted that their loved one is grown up and has a family of their own that comes first. If its your party, your family and your child, schedule what works around your schedule. In our situation I feel that if I don't start putting my foot down now and set the presidence, it could get out of control to where I don't even enjoy spending time with them.
i wish you the best I do love my in-laws but right now we are kind off not really on talking terms because of the baby so we are in the same boat with the how to deal with them without hurts your spouse or others
[Jamii 27 Seth 25 mommy of 4 sweet amazing kids and 2 angel babys
Would it be possible to make the party a week from what you planned so it will still fall on a weekend and grandparents can be there too? If that doesn't work then like soul_donut said, could they just come over to see you guys when they get back and maybe just have a few balloons and cake?
I'm sorry they didn't seem excited when you announced you first pregnancy, that really is a shame!
Our problems are not specific to just my dh parents but all his siblings etc as well. He is also the baby of the family and there are other grandchildren and great grandchildren. I have found that they are all bossy to him because they still see him as the baby not 36. Two lessons we learned. #1 All of my communication with them is light chit chat and anything more my husband deals with it. #2 He says no whenever he wants to and doesn't let them make him/us feel bad.
You do what is right for your family first. Heaven knows they are doing what they think is right for themselves!
None of my family or his can ever show at the same time. The only two times was our wedding and the birth of our first. So during birthdays we just save some cake. No, we aren't delaying the party. We will have it with just us, and you can come later. If you wait too long, we will eat your cake. You've been warned. lol
That's ridiculous. Is there some reason they can't return a few days early?
Apperently they won't be coming back in time because my FIL have a very important pizza party for his hiking group to attend!!! I shouldn't be suprised everything in the family is arranged around the FIL wants.