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Maiden/Middle Name Issue


Forum: October 2013 Playroom

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  • 1 Post By YoginiMomma
  • 1 Post By Genipher
  • 1 Post By Spyctre
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  #1  
March 14th, 2013, 02:21 PM
MrsPea's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: Somerville, MA
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I have a pending issue that I know is going to come up again soon. My MIL kept her maiden name and is the only one of her family to carry it on. My DH & SIL both were given her maiden name as their middle name, and now my SIL wants us to use it as our baby's middle name too. (My SIL is 38 and single so probably won't be having kids of her own.) So if we don't use the name it will probably die out.

Now my MIL has not asked this of us, but my SIL is the very determined sort. Up until my SIL mentioned this to my DH I had thought about using my maiden name as their middle name. I REALLY don't like that she is asking this of us. Our children will already have DH's last name, what about my family and it's naming traditions? We haven't even begun to settle on first names let alone middle names, but I don't want to be strong armed into anything.

Has anyone else had an issue like this? How do you resolve it?
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  #2  
March 14th, 2013, 03:31 PM
2Corinthians10:4's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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It's your child and your decision (well your's and Dh's) and that's that. Your SIL should not have any weight in the baby naming decisions. I would tell her if she wants them name to be carried on she needs to jump on the baby making wagon herself, but I am hormonal and have no filter...
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  #3  
March 14th, 2013, 03:38 PM
SierraWinter's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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I have in-laws with strong personalities and opinions. I'm trying to establish now, well before baby is born, boundaries. Its your child and if you want your maiden name as a middle name it should be taken into serious consideration by your DH and should be between you and him only. Its out of line for in-laws to cross these lines, in my opinion.
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  #4  
March 14th, 2013, 03:40 PM
soul_donut's Avatar Melissa
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Florida
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I don't have this issue, but I don't have a problem saying No. If you want to nice it up a little bit, say you haven't decided on a name and will let everyone know on little one's birthday what it is. She may be strong about it but just shut it down. A child's name is a very personal decision made between only two people - the kid's parents. The end. Don't indulge any arguments about it. Good luck to you! I know it's easier said than done, but even if you have to write down a strong sentence and memorize it, do it - if you are wishy washy she'll keep it up.

PS It sounds like the JM posters are all total witches today - I love it.
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  #5  
March 14th, 2013, 03:45 PM
YoginiMomma's Avatar Veteran
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It's your baby you can name it what YOU and your husband want. Do not appease people who try to influence your decisions- it just encourages them- practice saying NO and setting boundaries, in this decision and in life in general.

My MIL is a wreck over the fact that we're having a homebirth with a midwife ("you mean, that's not going to be a DOCTOR??"), and my two SIL's are suggesting we name the baby after their nicknames, which are boring regular sounding names that I would never use. and I KNOW when we go back east to visit this summer I'm going to be bombarded with criticism and nagging about 1. Me being vegan. 2. Our choice to raise our child vegan. 3. Having a homebirth. 4. EVERYTHING.

gotta just ignore them, stand firm in your decision, and tell them to **** off. as nicely as you can while hormonal
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  #6  
March 14th, 2013, 03:54 PM
Julie
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I agree with the rest of the ladies, it's only your decision. You shouldn't feel obligated to do what your SIL wants.
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  #7  
March 14th, 2013, 04:03 PM
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This is a little off-topic--and I mean no disrespect whatsoever. I'm actually just curious...as a vegan, Yogini, will you be breastfeeding?

Also, congrats on your future homebirth! We're about to have our 5th homebirth any day now.
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  #8  
March 14th, 2013, 04:10 PM
YoginiMomma's Avatar Veteran
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Genipher View Post
This is a little off-topic--and I mean no disrespect whatsoever. I'm actually just curious...as a vegan, Yogini, will you be breastfeeding?

Also, congrats on your future homebirth! We're about to have our 5th homebirth any day now.
why wouldn't I??
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  #9  
March 14th, 2013, 04:15 PM
Spyctre's Avatar Arwen
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You're the one putting your body through hell for pregnancy so you're the one that has a say in what he or she is named. If she wants to name babies so badly, she can go and have her own. No one had a problem with my first child's name, Alice Marie, but my mom and brother both didn't like Winter Rose. I let them both know quick who was the parent.
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  #10  
March 14th, 2013, 04:21 PM
MrsPea's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Thanks Ladies! I won't let her strong arm us. My DH actually doesn't want to share baby names until it's born and done with. He hates when people criticize name choices. This issue is just more personal, being his mom and having to stand up to his sister.
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  #11  
March 14th, 2013, 04:21 PM
Spyctre's Avatar Arwen
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Quote:
Originally Posted by YoginiMomma View Post
why wouldn't I??
lol Oh, goodness, I asked someone that as a teen. She probably wonders about milk. If you don't eat animal products, and technically, our bodies are animals, would a vegan breastfeed?

Human milk is natural food for baby humans. Of course vegans would give their children what nature intended. Well, unless they were turned off by breastfeeding for some reason or couldn't. But human milk is definitely on the vegan food list.
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  #12  
March 14th, 2013, 05:20 PM
soul_donut's Avatar Melissa
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Lol @ Genipher - fun/good question! That question should be up there with the tree falling in the woods and the chicken/egg thing. Lololol. I totally see your point.
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  #13  
March 14th, 2013, 06:00 PM
YoginiMomma's Avatar Veteran
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sorry to threadjack--- but yes!! I'm totally breastfeeding my baby- probably until he/she is 2ish and weans him/herself. Breast milk is for baby humans, cow milk is for baby cows!
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  #14  
March 14th, 2013, 07:11 PM
"Shay-see"
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Avoid the confrontation/stress if you can. She maybe just hoped it would be considered as an option, and she will hopefully drop it now that she's satisfied her need to put it on the table - no harm no foul.

If she persists or speaks to you about it directly, just tell her you understand she has desires, but that you intend to negotiate names with your husband and you want to keep your options open. Name discussion over.

Now remind her that she's on a short list that will get the name info first *after* the birth. It will help put her in her place at the same time as show her that her place isn't necessarily unfavorable, so hopefully that will suffice to get the point across without chilling your relationship with her too severely (whatever happens, you still have to put up with her, so might as well try to keep things on an even keel within reason).

Human relations are so darned silly and yet so very complex and important. I'll never really grasp them fully, I think.
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  #15  
March 15th, 2013, 04:12 AM
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I was wondering about the milk thing and vegans. I always breastfeed my babies, too.
I hope I didn't offend you. I wasn't trying to be rude...I was seriously interested in the answer.
I also apologize for thread-jacking.
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  #16  
March 15th, 2013, 09:03 AM
FishermansWife4's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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I agree with the other ladies. It's a personal decision. DH is trying to say I'm a witch for wanting to tell you tell her where to go and how to get there as nicely as possible but totally understandable if you freak out for her sticking her nose where it doesn't belong. HE says your SIL might not want any children or more children and wants to support her family and is just going about it the wrong way. You might want to consider what she has to say and see if you can combine both maidens as a double middle name.

Two opinions for the price of one! I still like mine better
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