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Forum: October 2013 Playroom

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  #1  
April 11th, 2013, 05:47 PM
Rosiegirl7's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Berkeley, CA
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I don't know what it is about today, hormones or what but I'm starting to become really nervous about becoming a mom.

Growing up I was the girl who didn't want kids, loved my independence and then BAM I have a little surprise baby coming. Granted, I am excited for all the fun stuff, cuddling, buying cute baby stuff, etc. but I'm worried I won't be a good mom, or my SO will feel overwhelmed by it all. I read an article about having kids actually makes you LESS happy- which I mean, is relative and who knows what's thats based on.

Anyways, I guess I'm just looking for a little encouragement. Should I brace myself for some tough times ahead or is this really the best thing a woman can experience???

Thanks for letting me share.
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  #2  
April 11th, 2013, 05:59 PM
WorkerBeeMama's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Location: Southern California
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Don't worry, seriously! It will come naturally to you.

I've seen some people that I thought would not be great moms end up being awesome, so sometimes you never know, and once you have a baby, it changes you, but for the better, I think. And the beginning is hard but so rewarding. Just make sure you get naps when you can and you will be fine, I promise
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  #3  
April 11th, 2013, 06:02 PM
sweety_pie's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Canada
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I agree it comes natural! I didn't want kids when I was younger either, when all my friends were babysitting I had NO time for that. LOL But then I had an oopsie baby at age 19 and well it was love at first sight! Your gonna do great!
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  #4  
April 11th, 2013, 06:04 PM
ILoveStorm2011's Avatar Mack :)
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Posts: 2,394
I think the very fact that you are excited says something!
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  #5  
April 11th, 2013, 06:07 PM
Wren's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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It is both great and difficult. You will figure out taking care of the baby pretty quickly, even though it is scary the first day you are home alone with it. My only other tip is that the first 3 to 4 months can be very overwhelming and exhausting with little of the reward that comes with an older, more interactive baby. Those months will pass though. For me I started feeling a lot better about things at 4-6 months. As long as you are not abusive, or a horrible drug addict, you will be a great mother and all the little choices about ways to raise a kid don't matter nearly as much as being there and offering love.
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  #6  
April 11th, 2013, 06:13 PM
BelloFiglioLA's Avatar LAH * CLH
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Location: Pennsylvania
Posts: 2,256
I was in your shoes! I never wanted to have kids and then whoops, got pregnant. It will completely change you. I can't describe the feeling but you will know as soon as you see that little baby who is a part of you! It is absolutely incredible being a parent!! Sure it's hard at times but totally and completely worth every second!
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  #7  
April 11th, 2013, 06:23 PM
SierraWinter's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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I think its normal to have some concerns but it'll kick in and you'll find it comes naturally
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  #8  
April 11th, 2013, 06:24 PM
anothermother's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: Southwest, Missouri
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Don't you worry one bit Once they hand you that baby you will fall head over heels in LOVE with her/him. I, also, have had friends that were very much against kids and then one day decided to make the jump and never regretted it.

Having your own flesh and blood is completely different from other people's kids. Sure, some days are rough. Some days you wonder if you were crazy for doing this.... but the reward *completely* outweighs the rough stuff.

You will get your independence again. But I can tell you that parenting is a great journey.
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  #9  
April 11th, 2013, 06:33 PM
Leah
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: Florida
Posts: 1,874
I liked because I can sympathize. When I was younger I was gung ho about kids. As I got older I settled into me time. I treasure my independence and don't want to lose that. I also worry about the 24/7 aspect of parenting. I have a niece I adore, lots of kids I like, but I hand them back and go home to my quiet home that's all mine. Or did. Now surprise! later and it's me plus, well, two actually. I worry about being all play time, play time, ok, I'm done now I'm going - oh I am home.

I am excited too. It's easy to imagine perfect holidays with cute outfits, or the baby snuggles and baby smells. In a way I worry about getting too excited in case it's not realistic or something.
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  #10  
April 11th, 2013, 06:42 PM
Lemon's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Location: Florida
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It's both the best thing and greatest challenge rolled into one!
The first few months, while are special, amazing and sweet, are also tiring, frustrating and shocking!!
I think it's good to be excited and enjoy every minute! But it's good to also be realistic about the challenges that come with becoming a parent! And by discussing and working together with you SO, you set yourself up for success!!
fludderbye and Wanta.number2 like this.
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  #11  
April 11th, 2013, 06:47 PM
*Lana*'s Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Don't fear the unknown. You could prepare all you want, but when your LO arrives, he/she is going to kind of lead you. Enjoy this journey through pregnancy--you will miss it.
It can be scary, but more than anything, it is wonderful.
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  #12  
April 11th, 2013, 07:01 PM
Julie
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: NY
Posts: 3,079
I admire your honesty, but you will be great! It will just click once that baby is born. You will be overjoyed. Will it be all beer and skittles? No way, but that's what makes it even more rewarding.
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  #13  
April 11th, 2013, 07:03 PM
slmehaffey's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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I would like to add two things to what all the other ladies have said (cause really they got it so right rewards and challenges are the name of the game now)
First- this is not to scare you what so ever, but while the majority of moms fall instantly in love with their babies (especially those who have great births) there are a few moms who don't experience that and love comes more as a choice than just as a natural thing (my best friend is one of these moms, she says she struggles with the mushy stuff in all parts of her life though so maybe this says something about who she is) So IF (and it probably wont happen to you) you don't immediately fall in love with your baby like most people do, DONT feel bad, it happens, I promise! I had a fabulouse instant bond with my son but then two years later when his sister arrived in a scary birth I wondered if she was really mine for weeks, but once I got through that I love her so fiercly that I can't imagine all the doubts I had at first.
the second thing I want to say is that this baby will teach YOU!... one of my other friends really worried about being a mom, and I told her as much as I thought I knew about motherhood before my son was born, I learned (from him) at least 4x more. They start out sleepy and all they need is food and diaper changes and cuddles, and you get to work on mastering that, then once you have that under control your baby will tell you about the next need they have (different for all of them)... it is a challenge and the first 6-12 weeks you can expect fussiness and lack of sleep from both you and baby... but that is about how long it takes for two things, 1. your baby to get comfortable in their new world (they call this the 4th trimester) and 2. for you to learn to read your babies cries and gestures.
It really is a wonderful time, being a mom IS my greatest acheivement and I'm MUCH happier now in this role than I have ever been in my life.
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  #14  
April 11th, 2013, 07:18 PM
Rosiegirl7's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Location: Berkeley, CA
Posts: 1,207
You all are making me instantly feel better about this. I guess like Lana said, it's the fear of the unknown and also people saying to me how drastically my life will change. I'm ready for this, I've traveled, partied, seen a lot I'm ready for this step in my life and prepared to give my all to this little baby.

Thanks again for making me feel super excited once again about all this!
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  #15  
April 11th, 2013, 07:34 PM
anothermother's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: Southwest, Missouri
Posts: 6,062
Quote:
Originally Posted by slmehaffey View Post
I would like to add two things to what all the other ladies have said (cause really they got it so right rewards and challenges are the name of the game now)
First- this is not to scare you what so ever, but while the majority of moms fall instantly in love with their babies (especially those who have great births) there are a few moms who don't experience that and love comes more as a choice than just as a natural thing (my best friend is one of these moms, she says she struggles with the mushy stuff in all parts of her life though so maybe this says something about who she is) So IF (and it probably wont happen to you) you don't immediately fall in love with your baby like most people do, DONT feel bad, it happens, I promise! I had a fabulouse instant bond with my son but then two years later when his sister arrived in a scary birth I wondered if she was really mine for weeks, but once I got through that I love her so fiercly that I can't imagine all the doubts I had at first.
the second thing I want to say is that this baby will teach YOU!... one of my other friends really worried about being a mom, and I told her as much as I thought I knew about motherhood before my son was born, I learned (from him) at least 4x more. They start out sleepy and all they need is food and diaper changes and cuddles, and you get to work on mastering that, then once you have that under control your baby will tell you about the next need they have (different for all of them)... it is a challenge and the first 6-12 weeks you can expect fussiness and lack of sleep from both you and baby... but that is about how long it takes for two things, 1. your baby to get comfortable in their new world (they call this the 4th trimester) and 2. for you to learn to read your babies cries and gestures.
It really is a wonderful time, being a mom IS my greatest acheivement and I'm MUCH happier now in this role than I have ever been in my life.
I take back my first post and agree with this! Yes, yes, yes. This is true also. I've known several women that had this experience. Doesn't mean they don't love their kid less, or that it will never come. It's just different and that is *ok* My mom, actually, said it took 10 days to truly love me. It's hard as a first time mom to know how you will react. Just let it emotions take their time. I know it was quicker/easier for me to get in the groove of love with my second since I knew what to expect.
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  #16  
April 11th, 2013, 11:14 PM
Spyctre's Avatar Arwen
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: Freaking Louisiana
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I instantly bonded with my first. She would cry, I would cry. My second was just hard. Hard pregnancy, hard delivery. When she came out I didn't even care to hold her. When my doctor was done patching up my privates, I told my husband to bring her over since I should stick a boob in her or something.

Taking care of her for the first month was like going by the rules. Make sure you feed her, change her, wash her, etc. Handle her so her brain develops well. When I did bond, I wanted a well adjusted child. Took about 6 weeks to bond fully. She was in the hospital at 4 weeks for silent reflux. I was pretty indifferent about it even then. I didn't want the poor child to be in the hospital, but if she was my first I would have been a crying mess.

I chalk it up to the pregnancy. I lost twins that January, lost a baby due on Christmas, got pregnant with her that cycle, and vomited for 9 months. I was bedridden and depressed. When I gave birth she wasn't my twins, and it hurt! I love her now. It's a good thing she slept so much in the beginning. Didn't have to interact so much.


Anyway, it's alright to be nervous. Kids are the biggest blessing and the biggest aggravation you'll ever have. I love my girls so much I almost want to deck people that try to talk to them or touch them in the store, but an hour later I'll want to toss the girls head first out my front door.

They'll be so sweet and funny, make you so happy! And then you may be cleaning poop out of their nose. And hair. And mouth and clothes. And off your walls, off their toys, out of their bedding, etc. So nasty! Why? Why would someone you carried in your body do that to you??

You will still be able to have fun. You can go to movies, out to eat, to the zoo, to the park to show all the other moms your baby is best, and you can even turn the child into a fashion accessory. Cutest one ever for your hip! And sex becomes an adventure. Buying the newest Sesame Street doesn't quite mean the same to you as it does to them. lol
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  #17  
April 12th, 2013, 05:43 AM
Lotsakids's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Location: Australia
Posts: 5,392
I wasn't having any when I was in high school. Babies didn't interest me whatsoever.

Something certainly changed
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  #18  
April 12th, 2013, 07:31 AM
Veteran
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: southern california
Posts: 290
it is hard being a mom, it's a lot of work and it's that never ending job but in the end it's really all worth it. it literally took a year for it to sink in that i was a mom, i was this child's mother and i was completely responsible for him. i was super excited to do it but also scared too because it was my first and my stupid ex husband wanted nothing to do with my son and he was so controlling he wouldn't even let me talk to my mom when i needed advise etc. but i'll tell you being a mom defiantly came natural, even though i didn't really know what i was doing i still figured it out. you'll just know what to do. hey i've made it for 12 years raising a pretty cool, very energetic, smart, sensitive, caring, independent boy. how i did that, by myself, i don't even know, but i did it and i'm so proud of the person he's grown up to be.

you'll do great
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  #19  
April 12th, 2013, 08:36 AM
Platinum Supermommy
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Location: Iowa
Posts: 5,286
You'll be fine! I think every first time mom feels that way to an extent. I'm going to give you some advice that may seem a little strange. Breastfeed. Start ASAP after birth. Giving birth releases oxytocin (in a huge amount) which is the love hormone. Nursing and holding your ba by skin to skin does it too.

It's Mother Nature's way of making sure you and your baby are addicted to eachother!
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  #20  
April 12th, 2013, 08:50 AM
Wren's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Location: Vermont
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I also had a scary third trimester and scary birth so I didn't feel this amazing love at first sight since I had to recover from the trauma a bit. But my love for my daughter grew every day and continues to grow. Being pregnant with a second I sometimes have doubts about what I am getting myself into, so doubts are totally normal. You will be great!
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