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  • 1 Post By SierraWinter
  • 1 Post By jamieshalon2
  • 3 Post By nina529
  • 1 Post By soul_donut
  • 1 Post By *Lana*

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  #1  
April 22nd, 2013, 05:34 AM
soul_donut's Avatar Melissa
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Florida
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Are you worried about bullying for your kids or for your unborn little one? I didn't have many problems growing up, but reading/watching some things recently really opened my eyes. I'm watching a documentary, Bully, right now and all those little sh!ts giving the kids a hard time make me so angry. And the adults involved don't seem equipped to handle it - I sure hope there is more training and support for teachers and administrators now that this problem is becoming more mainstream and publicized..

About this documentary.. the kids in this doc are so brave and have so much to offer the world. I wish you could offer teenagers a mirror to see into the future, even for just a second because when you're that young it's hard to imagine that things change so much (and the people in school that bully are often the world's real losers in the end).
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  #2  
April 22nd, 2013, 05:42 AM
mamarazzi40's Avatar Veteran
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I actually watched Bully WITH my 13 year old which was so good. The one boy who thought the kids picking on him were his friends was heartbreaking. I was infuriated when the principal just basically blew it all off. And the boy who killed himself...so, so sad!

It's definitely tough with kids and I'm glad that a lot of these things are talked about more, although I do think that sometimes every little thing that is called "bullying" isn't actually the case.

My 13yo hates for people's feelings to be hurt and will never behave in a way that was bullying. On the flip side, he did have a kid pick on him a little bit at the beginning of 6th grade and we armed him with responses to help him, when to go to a teacher/adult etc. Basically role-played to help him feel confident to handle himself with this kid.

Talking with your kids about everything is so important, no matter how uncomfortable! That's been our strategy and so far so good!
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  #3  
April 22nd, 2013, 09:13 AM
*Lana*'s Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Yes! It starts early. My daughter was involved in some at the sitters. She was a follower, but she still participated (stuff like"You're not my friend, "You're not wearing pink so you can't play with us, " etc). I suspected something was up because she started talking negative about her BFF. She was 3 at the time, but I did not tolerate it and if it continued or happened again, she would lose certain privileges. That isn't like something that is like would happen in a middle school, but once this got resolved, the little girl that was getting picked on excitedly told her mom, "__________ was nice to me today!" When my daughter was getting picked on she didn't want to go to the sitter. My nephew was being picked on at the sitter when he was little--he used to cry when they turned on the sitter's Street.

My niece was bullied her junior year. The school said she was just too sensitive. It went as far as Facebook--stuff her dad would not even repeat to me. My niece told her mom that she understood how is commit suicide because of bullying. She didn't do a sport that year and other parents would talk negatively about her because she didn't play (she was one of the stronger players on the team). Things are fabulous this year as the ringleader graduated.
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  #4  
April 22nd, 2013, 09:25 AM
jamieshalon2's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Bullying is such a horrible thing. My oldest son was being bullied at school last year. I was so happy and proud when he stood up for himself. I can't stand to see a child getting bullied. We have to deal with it enough as adults (talking about the workplace here where it unfortunately happens too often when certain personality types get a position of authority). I just want my kids to have a wonderful childhood.
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  #5  
April 22nd, 2013, 09:42 AM
WorkerBeeMama's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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I watched Bully with my 10 year old and my 7 year old. I wanted them to see what it was like for someone who is really getting bullied. We had some good discussions and I'm glad we all watched it together. It was heartbreaking to watch and I wanted to punch some of the teachers/principals. I also got so mad at the parents for not doing anything sooner!!!

I have always taught my kids that if they get bullied, they need to stick up for themselves and let me know about it. I told them even if they get in trouble at school, they will not get in trouble with me at home!

My kids go to a bilingual school and most of the kids there have darker hair and eyes and my oldest and one of her friends were getting picked on because they have light eyes and hair. I won't even tell you the things I told her to say to this one girl in particular. The girls mom was a total bleep so I have a very good notion of where she got it from.
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  #6  
April 22nd, 2013, 09:52 AM
SierraWinter's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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I'm not worried about bullying. Its life. I was picked on as a kid, I really dont think anything has changed in the last 30+ years. Human nature is human nature, I want our kid to learn at a young age that there are difficult people in life, dont feel sorry for yourself, buck up and deal with it. Kids and people can be mean, the younger you learn to deal with it the better off you'll be. I'm more concerned that our child have strength of character to not be a follower and to do the right thing in life. I guess my parents taught us to directly deal with kids that picked on us - the sooner you line someone out the sooner they'll back off.
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  #7  
April 22nd, 2013, 10:39 AM
Lemon's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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It's a scary thing. Cell phones and social media really add to it in ways we didn't deal with as kids.
My son is 7, and hasn't had problems yet. We keep the lines of communication open, and we've try to help him keep his self esteem high! In addition, we try to teach our kids to respect others.
Upper elementary school, middle and high school scare me.
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  #8  
April 22nd, 2013, 10:46 AM
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I agree Angela, it is so different now than it was when we were kids. Things are a lot tougher now that there is social media in the picture.
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  #9  
April 22nd, 2013, 11:28 AM
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of course i worry about my son all the time. i've always thought the whole bullying issue starts at home when children are still young. if parents let their kids get away with being mean to other people they'll think it's okay and bring that with them to school and work and relationships.

i was picked on and bullied in school because i was the short, quiet, fat girl who breasts developed way early. i had one friend and the both of us were always made fun of. it's weird that it wasn't a big deal back then. the only negative, though i never associated it with being bullied in school, i ended up marrying a very controlling/physically abusive person. (he blamed a lot of what he did to me on how his parents raised him.) after i finally got myself and my son out of that situation it took me a long time to accept who i was and be happy with myself.

i've taught my son, since he was very little, it doesn't matter what people look like, what they like, who they like, how big or small they are, how much they have, their color, their gender, etc. people are people and it is not okay to make fun of anyone or treat them different or bully them OR let them do that to you. and i'm very proud that this is something that my son has remembered and lives by. he's very respectful of people and will stick up for friends or classmates getting picked on. he knows not to play/hang out with disrespectful kids/bullies. he'll even tells other kids it's not okay to treat this person like that.
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  #10  
April 22nd, 2013, 11:47 AM
soul_donut's Avatar Melissa
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Quote:
Originally Posted by nina529 View Post
of course i worry about my son all the time. i've always thought the whole bullying issue starts at home when children are still young. if parents let their kids get away with being mean to other people they'll think it's okay and bring that with them to school and work and relationships.

i was picked on and bullied in school because i was the short, quiet, fat girl who breasts developed way early. i had one friend and the both of us were always made fun of. it's weird that it wasn't a big deal back then. the only negative, though i never associated it with being bullied in school, i ended up marrying a very controlling/physically abusive person. (he blamed a lot of what he did to me on how his parents raised him.) after i finally got myself and my son out of that situation it took me a long time to accept who i was and be happy with myself.

i've taught my son, since he was very little, it doesn't matter what people look like, what they like, who they like, how big or small they are, how much they have, their color, their gender, etc. people are people and it is not okay to make fun of anyone or treat them different or bully them OR let them do that to you. and i'm very proud that this is something that my son has remembered and lives by. he's very respectful of people and will stick up for friends or classmates getting picked on. he knows not to play/hang out with disrespectful kids/bullies. he'll even tells other kids it's not okay to treat this person like that.
Thank you for sharing your story.. it's true that things that happen in childhood do manifest themselves later in life. I am happy that you were able to get out of the pattern and raise such a thoughtful young man. KUDOS, mama!
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  #11  
April 22nd, 2013, 12:04 PM
*Lana*'s Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Quote:
Originally Posted by nina529 View Post

i've taught my son, since he was very little, it doesn't matter what people look like, what they like, who they like, how big or small they are, how much they have, their color, their gender, etc. people are people and it is not okay to make fun of anyone or treat them different or bully them OR let them do that to you. and i'm very proud that this is something that my son has remembered and lives by. he's very respectful of people and will stick up for friends or classmates getting picked on. he knows not to play/hang out with disrespectful kids/bullies. he'll even tells other kids it's not okay to treat this person like that.
My daughter occasionally notices that people are different. I use that as an opportunity to educate her. Once she saw someone with an artificial limb. Perfect time to explain that it helped that person to walk and that one of her uncles had two of them. She asked why a child was in a wheelchair once--after that she sees the child and not the chair and smiles at them.
One time she was telling me about the "black girl" at karate. It took a little bit before I realized she was talking about the girl who wore the black uniform.

I've taught her that no one is identical. Everyone is different in their own way. She doesn't have to like activities that her friends do, but she had to be respectful because they don't have to like activities that she does. She's different from her friends--she has straight hair and her friend has curly hair. I wear glasses and she doesn't.

I think bullying is worse now because you can no longer retreat and go home to get away from it. Social Media. Text messages. Phone calls on the child's cell phone. Emails.
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  #12  
April 22nd, 2013, 12:32 PM
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I am worried about it for sure...And I have an added complexity not because I am a 'minority' race, but because I am an immigrant and even though I've een here for 10 years I still have a lot to learn about the culture and norms here. What may have been rude in our culture is acceptable here and vice versa...I struggle and I am very careful about what I teach my daughter. Being a part of a board like this helps me a lot in that respect.

I witnessed my daughter be the bully in pre-school one day I had gone to pick her up and they were playing outside. They had about 3 balls and a few other out door toys. Ther was this one kid that was kind of looking lost and didn't have anything/anyone to play with. DD had a ball that she was playing with and the teacher asked if she could give her ball to this kid as I had come to pick her up. This kid was eagerly looking at the ball & DD looked at that little one and then deliberately walked over to a couple of boys who were playing something else and gave the ball to them My jaw dropped to the floor and I told her right away that that was not a nive thing to do at all. NormallY I would have waited to have that talk with her until we were some place private so that she wouldn't feel insulted/ embarassed. But I wanted her to know right away that what she did was beyond unacceptable. I felt heart broken for that little girl In the car we had a longer talk about being nice and never being mean or hurting other people. I hope I am doing enough! DD is skinny minny and kind of small and I was always afraid she'd be the one picked on - I did not see this coming. I will have to watch her closely.
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  #13  
April 22nd, 2013, 12:43 PM
Rosiegirl7's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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I'm glad you brought this topic up as I have thought about it a lot during my pregnancy. I was bullied a little in Junior High but not to the extreme as some kids. I guess education is what is key here, and even though you can't be with your child 24/7 you have to trust that they are educated to make the right decisions.

I also worry that my kid may get into the wrong "crowd" and they will influence him/her to make bad decisions. Its a scary world out there especially with all the technology at kid's fingertips.
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  #14  
April 22nd, 2013, 09:11 PM
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My oldest was bullied in kindergarten/first grade because she had short hair. We had to cut it off because she went through a phase of pulling her hair out. She was nearly bald on one side. We finally got her to stop after we cut her hair. The kids teased her up and down because of it. Luckily, there were only 3 weeks left in the school year. The next year, only one little girl was an issue still. I confronted the teacher and it was taken care of immediately. They became great friends after that.

This year, my son is bullied. He's far more sensitive and infantile. He came home today with scratches on his face and said a kid did it at recess. I am going to talk to his teacher about it tomorrow, but he seems to handle it just fine. So I guess I'm not too worried about it yet. But the scratches, yeah, that doesn't work for me.

I've drilled it in my kids heads from day one that bullying is not acceptable. I tell them everyday to be nice to everyone. I also tell them, if there is someone who is bullied, or doesn't have friends, that they need to step in and be a friend. I guess there is one girl, who for some reason, is hated by EVERYONE. My girls come home and tell me all the mean things other kids do to her. But, my girls will and do play with her. They don't think it's fair that she doesn't have friends. Hopefully they'll continue!
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  #15  
April 23rd, 2013, 09:26 AM
drewbears's Avatar Mom to 8 AWESOME kids!
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I have had to help a few of my kids deal with some mean kids and such... and it makes me wanna go beat down the parents! They allow their kids to get away with that crap!

I stress to my kids that if they see someone being bullied they need to be the ones to stick up for them and my daughter has!
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