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Forum: October 2013 Playroom

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  #1  
May 3rd, 2013, 06:57 AM
FishermansWife4's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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So when SIL was in last week, I casually dropped the names we had chosen for baby. She flipped. I'm "not allowed" to name our child Helen at all let alone Helen Anne. Apparently she promised her Gram that she'd name her first daughter after Gram when she was 12. Now, although she's not in a position that could cause pregnancy and doesn't plan on having more children, I'm not even "allowed" to use the name Helen. Helen was for BOTH of Dh & my maternal grandmothers. His is still alive so I said okay to honoring her with her middle name. It's really breaking my heart that DH agrees with her and fears reprocussion of arguements or silence from potentially naming our daughter Helen. My Me-Maw raised me. ALL of my children are nameded after her in some way or reference her in some way. I don't want to sound heartless because I do see SIL's point of view but come on! It's a name. It's special to me too. I even tried bending and asking for Elanie which is Greek for Helen. Me-Maw's Mom was 100% Greek, straight off the boat from Crete`. DH said no. So now I'm at a loss.

Any name suggestions that have Helen in the name or mean Helen? How about Jean? My name is Amber. Anyone have any cute gemstone names that could be connected to me, since Me-Maw helped name me? Sigh....Thanks ladies in advance!
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  #2  
May 3rd, 2013, 07:12 AM
soul_donut's Avatar Melissa
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HELEN. That's my suggestion. I have a suggestion for your SIL, but it would get starred out by JM.
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  #3  
May 3rd, 2013, 07:14 AM
mamarazzi40's Avatar Veteran
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I'm with the donut.

HELEN
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  #4  
May 3rd, 2013, 07:15 AM
Julie
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: NY
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You said your sil doesn't plan on having any more kids, so does she already have kids? If so, does she only have boys? If she really doesn't plan on any more kids, I think it's really unfair. Be that as it may, what about Jade? If she doesn't want you to use Elaine, then I'm guessing all variations of Helen, such as Helena, Helaina, Heline, etc would also be out. What about another H name, like Helice-it's Greek for spiral. Hedy is Greek for delightful. Hera is Greek for queen. Oh, Holain is a name I just found in my name book-it's a form of Helen. It could also be Holaina. There are a lot of pretty Greek names. Did you find out for sure you're having a girl?
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  #5  
May 3rd, 2013, 07:15 AM
jamieshalon2's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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I agree, I would just smirk at SIL and name the baby Helen. I can kind of understand how your dh feels though. My SIL my brother's wife) lost a baby about 2 years ago and they named him Robert Miles. She told me that if she has another baby boy that she wants to name him Talon. I will never use any of those 3 names out of respect for her.
If you SIL isn't going to have more kids then I don't understand the problem of you naming your daughter Helen Anne. seems selfish and childish to me.
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  #6  
May 3rd, 2013, 07:27 AM
FishermansWife4's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Thank you ladies! I just adore the name and I love that woman with everything I've got still to this day. She made me who I am, what better way to honor her?

Irishtripletsmommy, I DO suspect I'm having a girl because I've had baby dreams of a girl, but I don't know for sure yet. The one dream, she was blonde, crawled up on my lap and said "I love you Mommy." I woke up crying happy tears. DH also suspects girl because of how hard this pregnancy is on me. Thank you for the suggestions. If he definitely vetos Helen, standing by it and unwavering, and we find out baby is a she, Holain/Holaina is beautiful to me. I'll definitely be writing this one down in the notebook.
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  #7  
May 3rd, 2013, 07:41 AM
Lemon's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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I agree with the other girls. First come first served. If she ever has a girl she can name her Helen also.

Could you use Helen as a middle name?
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  #8  
May 3rd, 2013, 08:12 AM
Wren's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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I would wait until you find out the gender, because you don't want to cause any hard feelings that turn out to be for nothing. While I understand her really wanting it and being disappointed, it is not like you have no connection to the name Helen and just think it is pretty. This is why I say never tell anyone beforehand! How often do you guys see each other? While I know my family is against cousins have the same name too, it really isn't that big a deal to me. If sons can have the exact same name as fathers, why can't two cousins have the same name, if it is special to both of you? It is super ridiculous for her and your husband to veto similar names like Elaine, Ellen, Helene, etc.

I think I mentioned in another post, but I was named Ellen after a combination of my grandmother Helen and my great-aunt Della. My grandma died right before my daughter was born, and my mom really wanted me to name her Helen, but I even though I loved the name I thought it would be too strange to have her have almost the same first name as me, so I used my grandma's maiden name as my daughter's middle name. Could you name your daughter Ann Helen? That way Helen would be in her name but she would never actually be called it.
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  #9  
May 3rd, 2013, 09:32 AM
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That just sucks. I don't know what to suggest. But one piece of advice is just keep the name to yourself until the last minute!! It's ridiculous that you can't even use similar or variations of the same name!!
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  #10  
May 3rd, 2013, 09:49 AM
fancypants27's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Id just go with Helen. If she were pregnant or actively trying to get pregnant it might be a different story. If she ends up having another girl...she could call her helen too.
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  #11  
May 3rd, 2013, 10:29 AM
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That's crazy. Forget about her but not your dh. If you don't name her Helen it will be because of him. Helaina and Helen actually don't sound too much the same and I love the sound of Helaina.
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  #12  
May 3rd, 2013, 01:48 PM
FishermansWife4's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Thank you ladies.
I like Helania. I'm adding it to the notebook too! Thank you for the suggestion, Allison!

I definitely don't want arguements or silent treatment between family so I think I'll take yinz' advice and stay tight lipped about names until baby is here to family. It seems like it'll cause a lot less issues than letting everyone have an opinion on what our child's name is. I also think I'll wait for our anatomy scan to bring up names to DH just because like Wren said, I don't want this to be for nothing, you know? It's less stress on me if I just find variations I can live with and start to love just in case DH decides to side with his sister on the subject.
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  #13  
May 3rd, 2013, 02:50 PM
MrsPea's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Yeah seriously, she doesn't get to own that name and all variations of said name! There is no reason two cousins can't have the same name. It sounds like they will be years apart anyways.

I have a cousin william that is a year older, if I had been a boy I would also have been william. No biggy!
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  #14  
May 3rd, 2013, 04:17 PM
Lotsakids's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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I'd be using it. She doesn't own the name & if she's not having any more children that's just rediculous!
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  #15  
May 3rd, 2013, 04:26 PM
Spyctre's Avatar Arwen
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I would name her Helen Ann, too. I still have name disappointment with my first because I tried to make people happy. She's my kid, and now I am the one that wishes her name was different. =P
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  #16  
May 3rd, 2013, 04:32 PM
chachartier's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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I agree with Allison, the bigger problem is your hubby standing by SIL. It seems really important to you so maybe you could let the dust settle and reapproach it with him when you find out the sex? Wengive our kids original first names, and middle names after the relatives we are close to. Dominic's middle name is Leonard after Keith's grandfather, if we are having a girl her middle name will be Georgia after my grandmother and if it's a boy his middle name will be John after Keith's dad.
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  #17  
May 3rd, 2013, 04:48 PM
WorkerBeeMama's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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FIRST COME, FIRST SERVE!!!

I do not like your SIL and that is putting it mildly. I would tell her that Helen is her name, after YOUR grandma and it's too bad she didn't have a girl first.

So basically you should be heartbroken and choose a name different than what you want because someone who doesn't even have a girl and possibly never will thinks that she owns that name because of what she told her grandma when she was a preteen?

Nope, Helen it is!! Hahaha! People need to learn to get over things!

Sorry if this seems harsh, I tend to be a little overprotective. I don't like nobody messing with my family, friends or even cyber-friends for that matter

Oh and if she did have a girl, she could name her Helen too if she wanted. There is no law that says the same name can't be in the same family at the same time. We have two Conners and two Michaels, lol.
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  #18  
May 3rd, 2013, 09:40 PM
Jackie1122's Avatar Veteran
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I am so sorry to hear that you are having so much controversy over the name. We have a strongly opinionated family and a few family members that had babies recently have chosen not to reveal the name until after baby is here. One made the mistake of telling the family only to be shot down and ended up in tears. Just because you share a name you are considering doesn't mean you need everyone's opinion- especially if it is bad! Hope you find a solution that works for all of you.
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  #19  
May 4th, 2013, 04:02 AM
Druslady96's Avatar Veteran
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Do you like your SIL? I know the name is special to you, but obviously the name is really special to her and you said all your kids were named after your Mema already. I understand your frustration but I know if it were my SIL I wouldn't be that upset and seeing as though your husband agrees... out of respect for both of them it wouldn't be much of an issue for me. I know everyones reaction is quickly to turn to "F-her, just name her Helen" But why create an unnecessary riff? Your gonna love your baby all the same no matter what her (or him, since you don't know) name is and you are going to remember and share your Mema forever as well... IMO it's not worth family beef... IF you like your SIL... If you guys don't have a good relationship... then I might say do whatever and tell her to kick rocks....
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  #20  
May 4th, 2013, 10:38 AM
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I just saw this post and it makes me really angry for you! She does not own the name so she has no right to tell you that you can't use it. Believe me, I've had others tell me that I stole their baby name. Umm...no I didn't. My daughter was born first, years before their baby, plain and simple. I think your SIL is being incredibly selfish and rude. She can tell you all about how she wanted to use the name for a baby etc. (and could technically still use it anyway, regardless!), but if she is not pregnant, giving birth before you, she has no rights to the name, no matter what.

Anyway, that's just my opinion...
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