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Stressed out!!!


Forum: October 2013 Playroom

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  #1  
May 7th, 2013, 05:22 PM
MrsHoot's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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First of all, I walk into my daycare to pick up Sawyer and hear her yelling "sawyer, what am I going to do with you!" This is on top of her telling me yesterday that he was behaving terribly and after the previous' weeks dramatic eye roll and "we'll see about that" when my husband dropped him off and said he thought it would be a good day because Sawyer woke up really happy that day.

Talk about hard blows to momma. I honestly do not feel as though she cares or loves my child, I only ever hear complaints and I am just done after today! I never yell at my first graders even though they drive me up the wall sometimes and I would never say the things that she says to me to a parent. I don't want to be " that" mom who always blames her child's behavior on the teacher/provider...but I feel as though she is partially to blame.

She has 2 infants, 3 or 4 2 year olds depending on the day and 2-4 3 year olds. I'm pretty sure she's over the legal ratio and I don't think she can handle it. I swear Sawyer has learned hitting and pushing from daycare- I know he would have learned it eventually.but I don't think she has the time or patience to teach Sawyer acceptable behavior. We work on it when we have the opportunity at home...but we have 2 adults and just Sawyer- so he really doesn't act out a whole lot for us. She makes me feel like I have a "bad" kid and I don't feel like I do, just a normal 2 year old testing boundaries.

Our last sitter had nothing but positive things to say, but she only had him til he was 15 months and wasn't walking yet. I contacted her and decided to take him there for the rest of the summer because I just don't feel comfortable taking him to our current sitter. So I'm hoping that she still will love him like before and be able to offer him more guidance and not yelling or the like. It will be interesting to see if she has the same issues with him.

Thanks for listening. I could use a margarita and a beach vacation I think.
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  #2  
May 7th, 2013, 05:41 PM
Julie
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I know what you're going through, though my son was a little older than Sawyer when he was having issues at daycare. It is understandable that he would act out more in a larger group since he probably isn't get the attention he needs from her, with all the other kids around. I do believe that the way a child is treated or interacted with will vastly affect his behavior. Hope your son is happier at the otherr sitter.
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  #3  
May 8th, 2013, 04:32 AM
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That really sucks, I am sorry to hear that. It sounds to me like she may be over the legal ratio too. Here in Virginia it is 5 kids per adult. I know this because my aunt does daycare in her home and they do home inspections all the time because she is a registered daycare provider in our area.
I hope that taking him back to his old sitter will help some. Have you noticed a big difference in him at home since he has been with that sitter? Kids that age don't really understand yelling and acting out like that. I admit I did yell at that age if they were getting close to doing something dangerous, but that was mostly to get them away from the situation fast.

I don't think you have a "bad" kid. sounds to me like you have a very normal kid for his age, and she has just taken on more than she can chew.

Hugs and I could share that margarita and beach with you this week, lol.
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  #4  
May 8th, 2013, 06:32 AM
chachartier's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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It sounds to me like she is totally over the legal ratio, and it would only take me walking in on the yelling for me to start searching for someone else. Sorry, but I have yelled in frustration maybe 5 times since Dominic was born, and it is usually in the middle of the night when I have been trying to put him to sleep for 2 or 3 hours, and I walk out of the room and yell, then come back in... I have never lost my patience like that during the day or when he is crying or mad or I have had enough sleep (lol) and I would not tolerate it from a caregiver, especially one that doesn't have him more than 8 hours a day... sorry you are going through that, I know the hell it felt like to find a daycare provider that I trusted with Dominic, and thank goodness, everything has gone beautifully with her! She is even holding her last open spot for our little one that isn't even here yet
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  #5  
May 8th, 2013, 07:17 AM
MrsHoot's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Thanks for the responses! I got a scathing email back from her when I said we would no longer be needing her services. She basically said he is NOT acting like a normal 2 year old because she has two other 2 year olds that don't act like that. And I'm not saying that I haven't raised my voice with Sawyer... obviously there are times of frustration! But as a daycare provider, that's her job and she should have better ways of dealing with children. I am home with him today and he will go to our old sitter tomorrow.
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Last edited by MrsHoot; May 8th, 2013 at 07:41 AM.
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  #6  
May 8th, 2013, 07:24 AM
anothermother's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Oh wow! I'm glad you took him out! Honestly, that situation would scare me-- *2* infants PLUS up to 7 between the ages of 2-4, aw h*ll no. Yeah, that is completely illegal. Does she have help?

I hope he does better with the other sitter!
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  #7  
May 8th, 2013, 07:34 AM
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Good decision on pulling him out. She is clearly not handling it well! Here's a virtual margarita for you
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  #8  
May 8th, 2013, 07:43 AM
MrsHoot's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Thanks for the virtual margarita, that made me smile! She does have another helper that comes in from 9:30-1:30. And I actually really like the helper. She is warm and I can tell she really cares for Sawyer. I am so glad that I pulled him out and we are done with him!
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  #9  
May 8th, 2013, 08:24 AM
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i am curious to find out what she thinks "normal" 2 year old behavior is....
Around age 2 they start testing their boundaries and from my experience they tend to have more tantrums, excitement (like running around like little maniacs, lol), and can be kind of mouthy. Anything within that range is totally normal 2-4 year old behavior, and while things should be corrected at that age so that they do learn respect, discipline and social interaction. It should be done in a certain way and yelling at the children, especially in front of other children is NOT the way to go about it. All it is going to teach the other children at daycare is that it is OK to treat another person with that lack of respect, which in my book isn't ok. Don't get me wrong, a daycare provider should be able to discipline a child while in his/her care, but it should consist of a time out or a loss of a certain toy for a while or something like that. For a child of that age I think a playpen time out for a few minutes or a time out table with no toys or distractions usually works well.
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  #10  
May 8th, 2013, 08:26 AM
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I was glad to see that you pulled him.

If she's yelling when you walk in, there's no telling what she's doing/saying when you're not there. As a teacher, you KNOW what is acceptable and what is not.

Do you teach summer school or are you able to be home with him during the summer?
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  #11  
May 8th, 2013, 08:26 AM
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Good call on moving him. Momma gut knows!!!!
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  #12  
May 8th, 2013, 09:05 AM
MrsHoot's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mamarazzi40 View Post
I was glad to see that you pulled him.

If she's yelling when you walk in, there's no telling what she's doing/saying when you're not there. As a teacher, you KNOW what is acceptable and what is not.

Do you teach summer school or are you able to be home with him during the summer?
Exactly what I was thinking!! I am not teaching summer school, so I'll be home. And she's telling me that hitting is not a typical 2 year old behavior, which I think is baloney. Sawyer isn't able to express how he's feeling with sentences because his communication just isn't there yet. So apparently this is how he's expressing his discontent at day care. I'm not saying he should be hitting, or that it's acceptable. But I believe it is within the realm of normal 2 year old behavior.
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  #13  
May 8th, 2013, 10:03 AM
Lemon's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Yikes. I'm so glad you pulled him. I'd be really tempted to report her because that sounds like way too many kids.

I also worry about how she behaves when parents are not around.

Two is probably one of the craziest ages. They are learning to express themselves, they are learning rules and testing all the boundaries. Your son sounds normal. Of course it's our job to teach them what is okay and what isn't, but it's a long bumpy process, lol.
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  #14  
May 8th, 2013, 10:04 AM
WorkerBeeMama's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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8 is the legal limit in CA I believe. And Yes, I would have pulled him out and never gone back.

I had to do that three times with carious places with my kids.

First time was a similar situation only it was another person's kid she kept yelling at. I could tell she was not the same person behind closed doors as she portrayed. I pulled Maya out immediately.

Second time was after two days and the place had let Sophia sit in her diarrhea for two days with a HORRIBLE rash and she was crying and they acted like nothing had happened. Also she was allergic to grass and I told them that, TWICE, and both times I picked her up she was sitting in grass in her dirty diaper that was KILLING her. She was crying and crying. I ended up changing her immediately, meanwhile I am crying and fuming the whole time, told them my kids would NEVER be back there again, got all their stuff and put a stop payment on the check (I had paid for the full month in advance for both kids).

Third time was after about two months in Tutor Time, Sophia was just not happy there. I could tell there were just too many kids there and she was not getting the care or attention she needed. So after I slowly saw the decline in her happiness I pulled her and Maya out.

Then I found a great place that both kids loved and it worked out great. Finding good daycare is hard! But once you find a good place, hold onto it
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  #15  
May 8th, 2013, 10:20 AM
Rosiegirl7's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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This is exactly why I stress taking my baby to daycare. I think you did the right thing. Plus they don't call them "terrible 2's" for nothing right? That behavior is expected, especially from a little boy so she shouldn't be yelling at your child that way. Poor little guy!
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  #16  
May 8th, 2013, 10:39 AM
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Glad you found a much better alternative. I hope you replied to her email telling her her behavior was unacceptable for a daycare provider!
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  #17  
May 8th, 2013, 10:39 AM
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I'm glad you pulled him out! AND it's WAY unprofessional to be sending scathing responses back to your clients!
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  #18  
May 8th, 2013, 11:27 AM
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It sounds like he has normal 2 year old behavior. I babysit another little one a few days a week. She is like 26 months old and my daughter is like 23 months old. An let me tell you. Although they can communicate some there are days that they hit, push, poke whatever to get the others attention from playing with a toy or eating. I make them say they are sorry an hug each other an explain that its not ok to not be nice to each other. When they are really over the top I have time out corners an I put them each in one for about 2 mins then I bring them back together an explain why they were in time out.

I almost wish she knew what a not normal 2 year old was. My son has had several issues since he was very young and we are waiting for an official diagnose of bi-polar for him. he's going on 8 in December an there are many days he's worse then the 2 year olds.
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  #19  
May 8th, 2013, 03:58 PM
allysmomma's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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I have a two year old and he does all of that, screaming, hitting, crying, throwing tantrums, getting mad, tuning you out and so on. Anyone who says that's not normal, has obviously only dealt with abnormal 2 yr olds...lol!!! I hope you can destress now from moving him to a place you feel more comfortable!!!!
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  #20  
May 8th, 2013, 05:16 PM
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Sounds like she is definitely over ratio. She would have met mama-bear today...grrr! I can't stand it when people treat kids like that... they are just babies!
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