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Not enjoying rude gender comments! (VENT)


Forum: October 2013 Playroom

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  #1  
May 8th, 2013, 04:17 AM
1fabulousfem's Avatar Mommy to Finn + 1!
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: Montreal, Quebec
Posts: 3,502
Hey Ladies!
I wasn't sure if I should post here about it or not but I figure we are all here to support eachother and I can sure use some support.
When David and I talked about having children he always said he just wanted two and I always said I would be happy with three.
As most of you know, we have a wonderful gorgeous son named Finn who is 9 months old and I can honestly tell you I never thought I could love another being this much. He really is precious and he teaches me something new every day.
With this pregnancy I started showing fairly early. From the beginning,David has been convinced that we are having a girl this time because all of his brothers have a boy and a girl. Silly, I know. I am constantly hearing from his family that this is definitely a girl. Strangers off the street have made comments that they hope this is a girl and friends have said they are praying for me. WTH???
I do want a baby girl especially if David is sure he only wants two children. To be honest, I think he may change his mind if I am having another boy but he to refers to the baby as she most of the time.
At our NT scan the tech said may be boy from the pelvic angle but then retracted because she wasn't sure.
I feel like the pressure is on for me to have a girl and as much as I want one this very well may be a boy and I will love him to pieces.
I am starting to feel guilty even though I would be happy with either sex. Worse than that I can't help but feel others are going to have gender disappointment if it is a boy and what happens if I start to feel that?
Someone help clear this up with me. I really just want a healthy baby!!!
Anitha and soul_donut like this.
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  #2  
May 8th, 2013, 04:35 AM
fludderbye's Avatar Super Mommy
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: PA
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we have 3 girls so the pressure from DH parents is on for a boy LOL
and everybody is " are you trying for a boy this time"

I just reply to all those people nope just want a healthy baby

I truly believe That people just dont know what to say so they make casual conversation about lite stuff like gender, when are you due, & how big we look or dont look LOL

DONT STRESS- it is already determined what we are having- nothing can change that LOL-

Just remember that when this baby is born boy or girl youo love that baby just as much if not more then your first- trust me
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  #3  
May 8th, 2013, 04:37 AM
Julie
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: NY
Posts: 3,079
Please try not to let other's feelings affect you, it's not worth it! I had the same pressure when I was carrying my daughter. Her father was so upset she was a girl! I just got so angry, I would not allow myself to be brought down, and I told him that. Then when we found out this one was a boy a few people were disappointed but I realized they were more disappointed than me, and they would just have to get over it. Now my daughter is spoiled rotten by her father, so he definitely got over it. You just kinda have to laugh it off and refuse to let them get to you. I have a friend who has three girls. She then got pregnant with twins. They ended up to be twin girls! So now she has 5 GIRLS! I know she had family and friends who were always saying Ohh, well, at least they are healthy" like it was the end of the world or something, so rude. But she is such a sweetheart and you could never tell that it might have annoyed her. It's mind over matter-think to yourself "it's too bad so and so is disappointed it's another boy, I'm glad I am happy about it, and that's all that matters". Good luck, I know it's easier said than done, but you will be a happy mama no matter what
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  #4  
May 8th, 2013, 04:45 AM
Julie
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: NY
Posts: 3,079
And let me just add how unfair it is that we are made to feel responsible for the gender in any way-the man is the one who contributes the x or y genes! So ridiculous lol.
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  #5  
May 8th, 2013, 04:55 AM
jamieshalon2's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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I get stupid comments like that all the time. People can be so insensitive and ignorant when it comes to gender. I love my 3 boys with all my heart. Yes I do hope this baby is a girl since I know it will be our last (I am getting a tubal after the birth), but I will be so happy with 4 boys also.
The praying thing really gets to me too, pray that my baby is healthy and happy, not a specific gender!!
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  #6  
May 8th, 2013, 05:15 AM
Lemon's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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I got comments like that when I was pregnant with #2. I always told people either would be great! A girl would be fun or a boy would give my son a brother.
I'm sorry people are bugging you. Hopefully they will behave when you announce the gender.
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  #7  
May 8th, 2013, 05:35 AM
jamieshalon2's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Oh I wanted to add here that my oldest son's soccer coach has 8 kids. 7 boys and 1 girl, and the girl is NOT the youngest. This to me goes to prove that not everyone keeps having kids to get a specific gender, some people just want a big family!!
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  #8  
May 8th, 2013, 05:37 AM
sweety_pie's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Location: Canada
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I got those same comments when I was expecting baby #2! I used to feel bad for the baby in my tummy thinking if it was a boy, he would be hurt by so many people saying they wanted a GIRL!! I hated it! A healthy baby is all that matters!
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  #9  
May 8th, 2013, 05:52 AM
1fabulousfem's Avatar Mommy to Finn + 1!
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Location: Montreal, Quebec
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So, I am not the only one who gets this crap? LOL!
It really is messed up. You get what you get. I truly believe you get what you are meant to have.
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  #10  
May 8th, 2013, 06:15 AM
Wren's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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People are really obsessed with everyone having one boy and one girl. I know that my husband wants this to be a boy because we are only having two, but I am happy either way. A girl means my daughter gets a sister, and a boy would be something fun and new. Fortunately I haven't gotten any comments yet from family, but they are pretty good about knowing when to shut their mouths.
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  #11  
May 8th, 2013, 06:18 AM
anothermother's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Yep I got that when I was preg with Alexis too. "You NEED to have a boy-- one of each!". Ha, we had a girl, and I loved having 2 girls in a row. Plenty of people were "pulling" for a boy this time and last time too... but I just wanted a healthy baby.

I guess I don't mind the "oh I hope you have a boy" comments as I do the comments at the end I'm sure I'll get from strangers "Whew, it's a good thing you are having a boy, 3 girls would have been too much!" uh, actually I would have loved 3 girls just the same. Especially after losing a 3rd girl.. I would have loved to have had 3 girls if it meant I'd have Evey. (Not that I would trade one baby for the other, but you get the idea)

Moral of the story: People are dumb
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  #12  
May 8th, 2013, 06:42 AM
jamieshalon2's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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What I hate the most is when I tell people that I am pregnant now. They all want to jokingly say "you know they know what causes that now".
I usually look at them and say in a really sarcastic tone " OMG do they really? I had no f'ing idea?!?!"
that usually shuts them up pretty quickly.
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  #13  
May 8th, 2013, 06:52 AM
2Corinthians10:4's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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We are in the opposite situation where everyone keeps making comments about how we NEED a boy, and are we trying for a boy, etc. YES people, we are hoping for a boy especially since Dh says this is our last one. But in all honesty I will be happy with either, so stop asking. We aren't going to love a girl any less than we would a boy so why fuss over it?
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  #14  
May 8th, 2013, 07:04 AM
Lotsakids's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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I had 3 daughters before I had my first son. People at times were utterly cruel. Honestly it is something that still 'gets to me' when I think back on it & I am fiercely protective of 'single gender' families.

Back when I had DD3 I was coming home from the hospital & had walked in to the local deli with baby in the capsule. A local woman lent in for look & said 'Another little girl? Oh what a shame.'
I didn't know whether to collapse in a pile of hormonally driven tears, or to snot her one.
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  #15  
May 8th, 2013, 07:23 AM
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I definitely hear you on this one. Both the "You do know what causes this" and the "So are you hoping for a girl" comments. Yes, a girl would be nice, but I never say that because there could very well be a little boy in there. Then add in that we have two boys and we arent findi ng out, and I feel like people are going a little nuts.
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  #16  
May 8th, 2013, 07:47 AM
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I remember being annoyed when I was pg with my dd and everyone said "yay a girl! One of each, you're done!" We knew we wanted more than two.
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  #17  
May 8th, 2013, 08:14 AM
soul_donut's Avatar Melissa
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Location: Florida
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I actually had to talk to DH about this a couple weeks ago. I was realizing I wanted a boy just so that he'd be happy, because he'd always make comments here or there about wanting a boy. It really made me sad and guilty, thinking that if we had a little girl she wouldn't be as wanted or something. I know that's not the case, but that's how it made me feel. I demonstrated the ways that he said these things so that he could hear them from my perspective - i don't think he realized he was doing it. He listened and replied thoughtfully and I know now in my heart he won't make these comments again. He hasn't. And that it's ok to want a boy, or a girl, but to not be disparaging about it - it's natural to have a preference!
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  #18  
May 8th, 2013, 08:39 AM
1fabulousfem's Avatar Mommy to Finn + 1!
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A few of Dave's friends have also made comments that even though he has a boy, a little girl would melt his hear and to make matters worse it was said in front of me.
It is hurtful!
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  #19  
May 8th, 2013, 08:48 AM
Heidijens1's Avatar Super Mommy
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ugg it never ends either!! I had 3 girls first, I had somebody ask me right after the last was born if I was going to " try agian" for a boy. Well my 4th was a boy and then I got " are you going to have another one and try to give him a brother? REally some people just say stupid stuff!
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  #20  
May 8th, 2013, 08:51 AM
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Aaagh - I deal with this same stuff. I have a little girl and everyone 'wants' me to have a boy. Actually I have a boy preference too to be honest and that just complicates and adds unnecessary guilt

At the NT scan the u/s tech told me that we was pretty sure its a girl. I 'feel' its a girl too and I am pretty much cool with the idea of two little girls now. But I feel like I have to mentally prepare everyone else for a girl !! The main culprits are my MIL, My dad & this one really stupid comment from a cousin. I have told my MIL and Dad that they officially told me its a girl. Just so I can shut them up with all the I- hope-its-a boy comments. My MIL still says things like " Oh God can still change it, it could still be a boy

As for the cousin & her rude comment, my blood still boils when I think of it.. She said " I hope and I will pray for you that its a boy so that your family can be complete" What the heck??? I just can't even!

The only good thing is DH truly has no preference. And he has even been supportive with helping me deal with my personal gender disappointment feelings.
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