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Forum: October 2013 Playroom

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  #1  
June 5th, 2013, 11:14 AM
jennyrae03's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: Iowa
Posts: 2,606
Okay, this is going to make me sound really pathetic.

Where do you find friends at? Is there some sort of store you can buy them at? lol (Yep, that sounded pathetic). I mean seriously. It seems like over the past few years, I really have lost touch with any friends that I used to have - and even those friends weren't like CLOSE friends that I did things with often. Right now, I have one good friend that I hang out with, and we only see each other once every couple of months.

Last year and the year before that, my husband and I were very good friends with a girl that I met through work, and her husband. Well right before our wedding (which they were BOTH in), she started cheating on her husband with her ex-boyfriend, and filed for divorce. Talk about awkwardness at the wedding. Her now ex-husband has since moved to Oregon, and she has moved an hour away to live with her ex-boyfriend, and we don't talk anymore (mostly because she has no time for me, and I'm not too big a fan of her new life choices).

I have zero close friends aside from the one I mentioned in the beginning of the post. I am ashamed to say this, but I feel kind of lonely sometimes. I want people to talk to, at the very least. I have nobody that I can call or text, or even email.

Where the heck do you find friends as an adult? It's not like middle or high school where you are constantly around people. My work-place is very small, and while I get along with people here, none of them are people I would hang out with outside of work, you know?

Gah I'm such a loser!
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Last edited by jennyrae03; June 5th, 2013 at 11:18 AM.
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  #2  
June 5th, 2013, 11:26 AM
fludderbye's Avatar Super Mommy
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: PA
Posts: 501
I feel the same way- you are sooo not alone-

I have kind of gotten over it- sounds bad but the Friends I went to school with have changed SOOOOOO much they are literally different people.

I have focused my life on my 3 kids soon to be 4 LOL, my husband and church-

You ladies give me the outlet I need for sharing and the such- Granted we cant chat over a nice cup of coffee or wine-

but maybe we could- do we a chat schedule ??
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  #3  
June 5th, 2013, 11:58 AM
Rosiegirl7's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Berkeley, CA
Posts: 1,205
You are so cute, not pathetic at all. Since moving away from my hometown I have felt the same way. My BF and I are attached at the hip. And I feel like all the people that are my age at work already have a close bond and don't want to socialize with "the pregnant girl". I just want girlfriends like Sex and the City is that so hard to ask???

I've thought of taking some classes, like a Prenatal Class tonight actually to meet other moms. I'm sure once the babies get a little older we can meet moms who have stuff in common with us at the kid's schools, etc.
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Last edited by Rosiegirl7; June 5th, 2013 at 12:00 PM.
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  #4  
June 5th, 2013, 12:04 PM
jennyrae03's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: Iowa
Posts: 2,606
I'm glad you don't think I'm pathetic! Maybe when the baby comes, I won't be so sad about not having many friends?

Rosie, I'm like you - my husband really is my best friend and we do everything together! Sometimes though, I just wish I had a girl friend that I could call up once in a while, or meet for coffee or something you know?

I do love that I can talk with you ladies here - it would be fun to do a chat sometime!
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  #5  
June 5th, 2013, 12:05 PM
Spyctre's Avatar Arwen
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: Freaking Louisiana
Posts: 7,707
I'll be your friend, Jenny! But I am far far from Iowa.

Same problem here. I had a couple close friends in town I could hang out with. We all became REAL adults with jobs or husbands, and all of the sudden one was in another state, and one was in another country! There is another not as close friend in the next town over, but with gas prices the way they are, we do not see each other in person often. I don't have much in common with anyone at church. Well, except Jesus.

I end up talking to people a lot on the phone or going once or twice a year to visit people HOURS away. I get to visit one friend next Thursday, and she's 4 hours from here. Being a grown-up is lonely and hard!
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  #6  
June 5th, 2013, 12:11 PM
sweety_pie's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Canada
Posts: 10,764
I feel the exact same way!! I have one close friend but about 6 years ago we moved pretty far apart, so we now only keep in contact online really! Theres days where it gets AWFUL lonely around here. Sure its nice having DH as a best friend, but theres time when you need that GIRL friend kinda feeling! lol Its pretty much just me the kids and DH!
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  #7  
June 5th, 2013, 12:18 PM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: Dallas, Texas
Posts: 1,430
The friends we have now that we hang out with are from my sons old daycare. It was a small in-home day care and we were all friends on facebook for daycare purposes (daycare lady was the common friend). Then the daycare lady went crazy on some parents and that brought the group of moms together. Someone asked we we wanted to do a mom's night and we all agreed. The first couple were awkward...getting to know you questions and so on. Well, three years later we are all pretty close. We have different jobs, backgrounds and such, but our kids are around the same age and we are going through the same kinds of things (dealing with our DH's, kids, jobs, sex, families. So, try that once baby comes. They also have play groups that provide info on-line. It's just so much easier hanging out with people who have kids. They get that you cant "party" and birthday's and holidays gives you the perfect excuse to get together. Oh, I forgot to mention...the guys have guys nights sometimes to and my DH loves it. I think it's harder for guys to make friends....

Ok. Done.
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  #8  
June 5th, 2013, 12:24 PM
BelloFiglioLA's Avatar LAH * CLH
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: Pennsylvania
Posts: 2,255
Did you move away from your hometown? The close girlfriends that I have now are all from high school and college. My 2 BFFs still live here but my other 3 closest friends moved out of state. It's hard to keep up with everyone states away. I hang out with my sister and parents more than my friends nowadays though. Lame lol I know a lot of people meet friends at their job. Not sure where else you find friends as adults. Church? They need a "dating" site for friends haha
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  #9  
June 5th, 2013, 12:36 PM
jennyrae03's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: Iowa
Posts: 2,606
Quote:
Originally Posted by BelloFiglioLA View Post
They need a "dating" site for friends haha
I say this all the time!!! lol

I actually moved BACK to my hometown, after moving away for 5 or 6 years. However, I really only had a couple of close friends in high school as well, so that doesn't do me a whole lot of good. I had a good friend for a few years when I lived in Des Moines, but she got pregnant a couple of years ago and her baby-daddy doesn't like me for whatever reason, and doesn't let her talk to me. I don't understand it. Whatever.

Maybe I'll find more friends after the baby comes, and I attend child-birth classes, or things like that. Maybe having something in common with other moms will open some more doors for me?
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  #10  
June 5th, 2013, 01:11 PM
Julie
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: NY
Posts: 3,079
Nooo, you are not pathetic! I have a small group of friends I've known since like 4th grade I still see occasionally. I'd see them a lot more if I didn't have so many kids. Only 1 of them have a kid so It's not like their gonna hang out with me and the kids at my house, unless we're having a bday party. You will probably just want more sleep for the first 3 months after baby comes.
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  #11  
June 5th, 2013, 01:50 PM
Veteran
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 154
Are there new mom groups in your town. When my daughter was born we had the option of joining the community new moms group. It was a bunch of moms that had just had their babies. I know that some of the women in the group became good friends and still meet.
I have met all my friends that I have had in the last 10 years at work.
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  #12  
June 5th, 2013, 01:52 PM
happywife's Avatar Super Mommy
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Florida
Posts: 725
I feel the same way...

I have 1 really super BFF, and a newer BFF, but were all three BFF's. However, I am probably the most unsocial person ever, largely due to my trust issues which isolates me from meeting new people. I would love to be more social, but the walls I live behind wont allow that. My DH is a social butterfly and God love him for putting up with me... he has never met a stranger.

I wish I had some positive advice...
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  #13  
June 5th, 2013, 03:07 PM
Lemon's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: Florida
Posts: 3,087


We still keep up with some of our high school and college friends.
Believe it or not, a lot of the people we hang out with now are families with met through kid #1 at preschool and elem. We are more likely to do things as a family on the weekend, so it's nice to do it with a family with kids our kids get along with.
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  #14  
June 5th, 2013, 03:27 PM
Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: May 2005
Posts: 5,298
I only have two close friends and they live in other states. I joined a moms club here and managed to make some friends but we aren't super close. My dh is going overseas next month and won't be back until September I am scared about something going wrong (baby) and I will be alone for it. I will probably have to call one of the moms and ask for help which will not be easy. One of the close friends is 9 hours away but said she will make it in 7 hours and to call.

Good friends are not easy to come by!
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  #15  
June 5th, 2013, 03:56 PM
*Lana*'s Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Mar 2008
Posts: 7,279
I made a friend in my neighborhood--she saw my walking with my daughter and approached me. She had since moved a few miles away, but we still see each other. Her daughter is the same age as mine. My biggest thing is that I don't want to talk about the kids. It helps having them in common, but all the people I've done play dates with talk about the kids. Kids get compared. One parent feels like their kid is behind, etc. We discuss the kids here and there and that is what brought us together, but we talk about other stuff 90% off the time. We ended up working for the same company too, but neither of us like talking about work.
Aside from her, I don't have anything but work friends and we mainly socialize at work. My DDC from my daughter branched off from JM and having them is like having 40+ friends, even though I've only met a few of them.
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  #16  
June 5th, 2013, 05:13 PM
Jackie1122's Avatar Veteran
Join Date: Dec 2009
Posts: 396
I know how you feel, I want friends to! We lost most of our friends when I got pregnant with my first son. A year or so after he was born we bought a wake board boat and lo and behold we all of a sudden had friends wanting to hang out . We have become pretty comfortable doing things as a family, or with other family members. My husband has 2 brothers with kids so we often hang out. I did make friends with one of my neighbors and loved sitting outside having her to talk to. She moved though so now I am back to square one
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  #17  
June 5th, 2013, 06:30 PM
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Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: southern california
Posts: 290
omg you're not pathetic or a loser. but i completely understand where you're coming from and i do feel like that myself sometimes.

i'm really quiet and shy and i don't talk to many people in general. i dont have any friends. on facebook i have a lot of "friends" that i went to elementary and high school with but no one that i'm even remotely close to. i don't even talk to my family much.

i met my best friend when i was 12. we've known each other for like 23 years. i still talk to her every once in a while but i don't feel close to her anymore. i don't really consider her my friend. a few years ago she kinda went a little crazy and got way into spirits and ghosts, psychic stuff, hearing voices and all that. i'm very open minded so i was cool with it at first but it got to be too much and i started to feel really uncomfortable around her.

anyway i'd love a friend to hang out with or just someone to text or email or call one in a while.
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  #18  
June 5th, 2013, 07:38 PM
slmehaffey's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Nov 2012
Posts: 1,795
Since graduating from high school (I didn't go to college except for one semester and I don't talk to any of the people I met there any more) I have moved 8 times. (in ten years mind you).... and I've done a pretty good job keeping up with all the friends I've made but I have two observations... 1. it is EXHAUSTING to keep up with so many people and 2. keeping up with people is not the same as seeing them face to face.
Since moving to the place we live now (population in 2000 according to Wikepedia was 992) I've met a few mom's who are super friendly and I love hanging out with them but the RARELY have time... I have no idea what keeps these people so busy, there is nothing to do out here... which doubles my loneliness.
I'll e-mail you if you want an e-mail friend... it is unlikely we'd ever meet considering our location but who knows what the future holds (especially considering my past 10 years and 8 moves!)

just found more recent data... in 2010 there were all of 903 people here...
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  #19  
June 5th, 2013, 07:51 PM
ILoveStorm2011's Avatar Mack :)
Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 2,360
Uhhh no you are not pathetic!! I am in the same boat. I really only have one friend and she is over a thousand miles away. Dh is my best friend and once I was invited to a girl's night...I tried to bring him. . Now that he's gone I am SUPER lonely. It's why I started back at work - if I didn't I would probably just sit at home watching TV all the time.
What's worse is that even if I make friends I'll be moving again soonish so it's not even worth it and the girls back in our old base are all drama filled.
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  #20  
June 6th, 2013, 04:25 AM
jamieshalon2's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Location: Virginia
Posts: 3,116
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I felt the same way after I got married. All of my "old" friends just went their own ways. It was like they were done with me then. I felt really strange about it. My 3 best friends are my SIL (my brother's wife), I really lucked out there. She is awesome. I also met 2 girls at work that I have become really close with. 1 of them has been layed off, but we still keep in touch and meet up all the time for lunch and dinner. It is much harder making friends as adults.

I do know that there is kind of a dating site where you can meet just friends. It is called plenty of fish... you can go in and put what gender and that you are just looking for friends. Just an idea since I did see someone say something about a dating site above.
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