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Forum: October 2013 Playroom

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  #1  
June 12th, 2013, 06:03 AM
jamieshalon2's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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I don't know if it is just pregnancy hormones making me feel this way or not. I have a feeling it is not.

My cousin is 11 months younger than I am and we have never really gotten along very well. Honestly I think it is because I was the first born grandchild and she is jealous of that. Let me explain....
She is the type of person that has to out-do every one around her. What ever you have she will go out and make sure that she buys the "one step up from that version". She is in nursing school right now and her dh is making the money in the family. They have 2 teenage (ages 12 and 14), a mortgage payment, credit card payments out the wazoo, 2 truck payments, an outstanding loan to her paternal grandmother (she is my cousin on our maternal grandmothers side) for over 10k for an RV that the woman bought for her. Her dh told my grandmother that they are over 75k in debt. She threw a fit not too long ago because her dh wouldn't help her purchase a $65k car. Not sure what kind it was, but I thought that was ridiculous. Her and her dh are both raging alcoholics. Honestly neither one of them go more than a day or two without getting drop to the floor drunk. Oh and she will ONLY talk to me at family functions if she is drunk. Otherwise she sticks her nose up in the air and won't acknowledge me. Her dh on the other hand has a real problem keeping his hands to himself. One Thanksgiving day I was walking into my aunts house with a very hot dish of food for our dinner. My hands were totally full. He came up behind me and grabbed both of my breasts. He is disgusting and I can't stand being around him.

I personally don't agree with the way that she raises her kids. Yes they do get on the honor roll every semester, but if they don't then she will spank them. I mean really spank them too. She is really big on spanking. If they do or say something that she doesn't like she will haul off and backhand them through the face. I can't imagine living that way.

Her mom on the other hand is my aunt and one of my very close friends. When her hubby left her about 10 years ago she would confide in me all the time instead of her daughter, which I am sure you can imagine made her dislike me even more. Her mom is the sweetest person and wouldn't dream of mistreating a child. She will discipline, but it is done fairly and logically.

Well last Wednesday night my oldest son asked if he could go spend the night with Sean (my mean cousin's son, they are the same age). He told me that they would not be going to her house to stay, but would be staying at my aunts house. I was fine with that. I just do not want him in my cousin's house if I am not there. I was under the impression that everything went fine. I get a text later in the day on Thursday from mean cousin that she wants Tristen to call Sean when he gets home from school. OK, we can do that. I hear Tristen's conversation and he keeps telling Sean the same thing over and over and has a very confused look on his face. Apparently my aunt had let them go to my cousins house for about an hour that day before she brought Tristen home.

About an hour later my cousin shows up at my grandmothers house (the grandma that had 3 heart attacks the Thursday before this). She said that she was bringing Tristen's cell phone home because he told me he had left it at her house. I had asked her to give it to her mom to bring to me over the weekend. I don't let Tristen go to friend's houses unless he has his cell phone and he was supposed to go to a big bday sleepover for his best friend on Friday night.

She proceeds to tell us that Tristen had cracked the screen on her son's Ipod, and it wasn't the first time that he had done something like that and lied about it. Now that right there was strange to me. I have never heard Tristen lie about anything. He is actually a horrible liar. He has tried to lie to me before and he just can't do it. His voice gets all funny and his face has a silly look on it. He is just a bad liar, plus I had heard the convo with Sean on the phone and I was pretty darn sure that Tristen hadn't done it. He told Sean that the Ipod was laying beside his bed on the floor and when Tristen saw it he picked it up to play some games on it. He said the screen was already cracked then. We asked her how she knew that Tristen had done it and it wasn't already done. Her response was "because I beat it out of Sean, just like last time when the PSP got broken".

WTH, I would have lied and said someone else did it too if someone was beating it out of me. I would have came up with any excuse I could think of to make her stop.

I asked Tristen about the PSP when I went home and he told me that Sean had told him that he dropped it off the top bunk in the RV while they were camping and that's how it got broken. Tristen doesn't go camping with them, he isn't allowed. I think Sean broke it, brought it home and when his mom started "beating it out of him" he told her that Tristen had done it since he had been at a family bbq down there the same day that she found it broken.

I have now decided that I will never have anything to do with her again. I will not speak to her or include her in any family oriented thing that I do. My children will not be allowed to play with hers anymore. If I can't trust my aunt to keep him at her house when she says that is where they are going then I don't think that I should let my aunt have much to do with their lives either.

Am I over reacting here by still being super pissed off? Am I acting like a totally irrational momma bear?
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Jamie age 36-Married to Widget age 33 for 13 years
Tristen James born 10-28-00
Logan Boyce born 1-19-04
Brayden Monroe born 8/2/07
Sophia Elizabeth born 10-4-2103
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  #2  
June 12th, 2013, 06:16 AM
Jackie1122's Avatar Veteran
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I don't think so at all, I would be reacting the same way! It sounds like your cousin has some serious issues and keeping her a part of your life involves lots of drama. I have people in my life like this and sometimes it is easier to just cut your ties with them instead of stress yourself out trying to have a relationship. That is too bad that you can't even trust the aunt to keep the kids at her house when she says she will.

I know some parents roll their eyes when a family member goes against what they say for example a grandmother giving your kids candy and sugar after you said not to. I am not one of those parents. I am a pretty firm believer that I am responsible for my own kids and if I am going to trust someone else to temporarily be responsible for them, they better respect my wishes! If I told someone not to allow my child to do something and they did anyway, I would seriously reconsider allowing my child to go back over. Even if it is something small, I think it is a majorly disrespectful to go against a parents wishes. It might start out as something small but once that trust is gone it would be hard for me to feel comfortable in that situation for awhile.
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  #3  
June 12th, 2013, 07:37 AM
Julie
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I don't think you are overreacting at all. I will say that it is super annoying when you aren't sure whether your kid is lying about something or not. It doesn't sound like you are unsure about Tristen, but I have been in a situation where I truly wasn't sure who was telling the truth and I hate that. Yourcousin really doesn't have enough proof to blame your son, so she needs to just drop it or she should have approached her son about it differently. In regard to you cutting yourself off completely from your aunt, I understand your anger at her for letting tristen go to your cousin's house, but maybe sleep on that decision and talk to her about how you feel? My kids' paternal grandmother constantly gives my kids candy and toys when I tell her not to, it is so annoying. I also feel she openly favors my daughter and that is unfair to my boys. I guess I feel that it would be too extreme and cause a major problem if I refused to let her see them, and my daughter would be devastated, and I don't have big enough balls to do it either lol. But anyway, that's just me. If you feel it is necessary to also cut off your aunt and are sure you can't trust her, that's what you should do. Good luck.
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  #4  
June 12th, 2013, 07:47 AM
jamieshalon2's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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I should have worded that differently. I don't plan on cutting my aunt completely out of their lives, but just not letting them spend the night down there anymore. She knows how I feel about my cousin and it does kind of hurt that she let him go there anyway knowing that I wouldn't like it.
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Jamie age 36-Married to Widget age 33 for 13 years
Tristen James born 10-28-00
Logan Boyce born 1-19-04
Brayden Monroe born 8/2/07
Sophia Elizabeth born 10-4-2103
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  #5  
June 12th, 2013, 08:34 AM
FishermansWife4's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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I don't think you're overreacting at all. We all raise our children to the best of our ability and when we make rules, they're not meant to be broken ESPECIALLY when we're entrusting our most precious gifts from God to be cared for by someone else, no matter the length of time. I'd be furious if I were you and it sounds to me like your cousin is just trying to get money out of you for whatever reason because she doesn't want to replace the items. TOTALLY BOGUS OF HER btw. I'd distance myself in your situation too. Like I said before, you're entrusting your Aunt to watch out for your child. In my opinion, she broke trust big time and it'll take time to heal. I'm sorry you're going through this, Jamie and I hope it all works out for the best with you and the whole situation You know your child best and if you trust that he's not lying, no one else's word should matter.
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  #6  
June 12th, 2013, 08:48 AM
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I'm not against spanking but 12 and 14 year olds are too old to be spanked. My kids are turning 12 and 14 this month and I can't imagine even lightly patting their behinds. They are at an age where they need to be learning adult responsibilities and consequences. Broken iPod? Ok, his loss, oh well. If he wants a new one he can earn the money to buy it. End of story.

I don't blame you for cutting ties with your cousin. That is a weird situation. Be totally open with your son about it and he's old enough to keep himself away from that situation as well.
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  #7  
June 12th, 2013, 09:21 AM
Lemon's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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She sounds terrible and I don't blame you at all!

I would have a very hard time spending time around something who spanks and beats their kids routinely. It turns my stomach.
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  #8  
June 12th, 2013, 09:50 AM
Leah
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I think it's wise to not allow your kids over there and if by extension that has to include your aunt, then so be it. The flip side that sucks is the kids having less contact, but I doubt there's much of a way around it.

I know they're family, but I'd consider an anonymous call to DCF or whoever your local agency is. Having an alcoholic parent can be life long damaging and while odds are they wouldn't remove them, maybe the kids can get some counseling out of it. They may be making good grades, but I guarantee she's/ they're screwing them up royally.
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  #9  
June 12th, 2013, 09:55 AM
Rosiegirl7's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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You have every right to feel that way. Since this is my first child,Ii often worry about things like this once they are older and hang out with other little kids who can be manipulative. I agree that you should be done with her and letting your son hang with her kids- just seems like more drama than its worth!
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  #10  
June 12th, 2013, 10:07 AM
2Corinthians10:4's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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I don't think you are over reacting at all. I do think that woman needs therapy but that's a whole other ball game. If I were you I would sit down and explain to your kids why you are doing this though, because at the age they are they more than likely know something is going on. Being honest with them about it will hopefully stop them from trying to go over there. If you just say no, your not allowed to associate with them anymore without an explanation they are more likely to rebel against it. That's just my experience with crazy family drama at least.
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  #11  
June 12th, 2013, 12:37 PM
jamieshalon2's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Tristen is the only one that ever hung out with them since he is the only one in that age group. I did talk with him about it. He totally understands why I told him that he will not be hanging with them anymore. It wasn't like we did very often anyway. Maybe once or twice a year honestly, so it won't be a drastic change for them.
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Jamie age 36-Married to Widget age 33 for 13 years
Tristen James born 10-28-00
Logan Boyce born 1-19-04
Brayden Monroe born 8/2/07
Sophia Elizabeth born 10-4-2103
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