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On the fence about trying BF'ing again


Forum: October 2013 Playroom

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  #1  
June 19th, 2013, 09:45 AM
jamieshalon2's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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I would really love to try breastfeed again, but I am so scared that I will fail again and go into another depression over it.
With my first son I could only keep my milk supply up for about a month. With my second and my third pregnancies it never did come in.
I want to try again, but I became so depressed the second and third times that it was really hard on me. I just don't know what to do. My body just doesn't want to cooperate when it comes to feeding my kids.
I'm just venting here. I don't think there is anything else I can try. I did everything the lactation consultant said to do, plus some other tips that I got from other moms. None of them worked.
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  #2  
June 19th, 2013, 09:56 AM
OrangeHope's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Have you ever tried mothers milk tea? I have never tried it but lots of women say it works.
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  #3  
June 19th, 2013, 10:07 AM
Julie
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Sorry you feel that way, I would be upset as well. at least you know you have tried your best! I do enjoy breastfeeding, but a large reason why I do it is because it is so cheap and the babys poop doesn't smell so bad lol. Try not to get down on yourself for not wanting to try again, especially since you've had such a hard time in the past. To be honest if that happened to me once, I would most likely never try again. Kudos to you for even considering it.
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  #4  
June 19th, 2013, 10:20 AM
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aww i'm with you on this one. when i had my son i was only able to breastfeed him for 6 weeks. i just wasn't making enough milk and it also got too painful for me. i could never get him to latch on right. i was married at the time to a huge jerk, he got so angry with me for not being able to feed my son longer than i did. i tried different vitamins and that tea too but it didn't work for me. it was really hard on me because i felt like i was letting everyone down.
my plan is to try breastfeeding again and hopefully it'll work out better this time. but, if it doesn't it doesn't. we can only do so much right.
best of luck
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  #5  
June 19th, 2013, 10:26 AM
sweety_pie's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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I'm trying again, this will be my 3rd attempt! I always come down hard on myself when I "fail" as well. Try really hard to not get too hung up on it, and just give it one last shot, you never know. That's how I'm going to think about it anyways, I fed 2 of my babies formula so far and they are perfectly healthy, no reason to be so hard on ourselves! Plus I figure even 3-4 days of that beginning colostrum is better then none?!? lol
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  #6  
June 19th, 2013, 10:32 AM
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Well do not be hard on your self.. You tried twice and that's more than many can say! If you do decide to try again, know that we will all cheer you on and support you no matter what..Oh that didn't come out right...we will support you regardless less of whether you choose to try again or not!!

Also make a list of all the things you tried last time. See if you missed any of these:
Mothers milk tea,
Oatmeal , oatmeal cookies,
Garlic boiled in milk (you've got to drink the milk and eat up the garlic - like 5 pods of it - every night. Its sooo gross, but works miracles with milk supply)
Fenugreek - you can get the supplement, but the actual seeds are more effective. You get them at Indian grocery stores - I can send them to you if you don't have a store near by - you need to swallow abt 2 - 3 teaspoonfuls every couple of days at night.
Pumping after every feeding session - Insurance now has to at least partially cover good quality pumps - in many cases even 100% - you might get a free pump.
Salted Dry fish (International grocery markets) or any low mercury fish if dry fish is not available - every few days.
Any meat bone soup - 1 bowl everyday- make a big batch and drink some everyday.
As a drastic measure, if you milk does not seem to come at all after 4 or 5 days a cup of dark barley based fresh(tap) beer - works for many moms!! Of course you might want to dump that first batch at the minimum

Hugs! Its hard and I am dreading it too especially since I will be going back to work full time after 6 weeks!
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  #7  
June 19th, 2013, 10:38 AM
Rosiegirl7's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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I've been looking into this, but have no feelings one way or another about it but what about placenta encapsulation? It's supposed to help with milk flow. I don't think I will do this, but I've heard good things when reading about other people's experiences.
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  #8  
June 19th, 2013, 11:16 AM
BostonmamaSue12's Avatar Veteran
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This will be my 3rd attempt as well. With my first, I didn't try and regretted it. With my second, it only happened for a few weeks. She was ill and losing weight. I will try again but I done have high hopes...maybe third time is a charm though?
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  #9  
June 19th, 2013, 11:38 AM
jamieshalon2's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Anitha, I have tried some of those, but not all. I may take a lot of that into consideration. I am going to have a good sit down chat with DH and see what he thinks too. I know it is ultimately my decision, but I want to include him on it. I just really don't like the thought of failing and getting depressed from it again. We have a mother's room at work, so if I do decide to try it and I am successful I can still pump while I am at work. There is only one other girl here who is pregnant, and has been pregnant for a long time, so I know the room won't be very busy, lol.
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Brayden Monroe born 8/2/07
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  #10  
June 19th, 2013, 11:40 AM
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If it is something you want to try and not want to do because of fear of failure, then I think you should do it!
Try!
I think people should be more upset at themselves for failing to try rather than failing after the really try. We are all not going to be perfect at everything and there will be lots of things in life that we will just not be able to do. And that is ok.
But if it something that your heart and brain are telling you that you should try and you don’t want to because you are scared of failing, then pooy! It is OK to fail, don’t let that get you down. And as for your body not working, if it doesn’t work then it doesn’t work...your baby will not starve! Just think, you already know the drill...try try try and then move on. Good luck with your decision. (excuse all the typos- on a plane using my phone).
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  #11  
June 19th, 2013, 11:41 AM
Lemon's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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All I can offer is encouragement! If you decide to go for it, we will be here to cheer you on.
Maybe try a different LC this time?

I have a recipe for lactation cookies. I'm planning to make and freeze a bunch before baby comes. I hear they help a lot....and it's a good excuse to eat cookies, lol.
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  #12  
June 19th, 2013, 11:54 AM
WorkerBeeMama's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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I completely understand. I breastfed Maya for 2 months and then I supplemented for 2 months once I went back to work. Once I went back to work it was so stressful because I could not produce enough milk to feed her I never saw a LC so I think if I had I might have fared better, but it was what it was.

With Sophia I breastfed exclusively for 6 weeks and it was hard. She did not like my milk and was very colicky, etc. At 6 weeks old I kicked my ex husband out of our place and filed for divorce. It was too stressful and I struggled to just keep up with producing and I wasn't pumping. I gave up. I switched her to formula and she was a completely different kid from that point on.

This time, I plan to exclusively breastfeed for 6 months - that is my goal. I will pump starting around 2-3 weeks (maybe once or twice before that if I become seriously engorged) and I will try to build up a freezer stash before I return to work (if I have a job to come back to, but that is another story). I also plan to eat a small snack each time I feed her and at least 8 ounces of water. I HATE water. never drank it with my other kids. I think that might be a source for why I don't produce a lot. I am constantly nearing the verge of dehydration. I am just like that for some reason. I also plan on making lactation cookies and eating a lot of oatmeal and papaya and other stuff that is supposed to be good for you. I might take fenugreek if that will help but I need to read more on that.

If things get hairy and I need help, I will go to La Leche League meetings and see an LC.

If I try all these things and it just is not working out, then I will go buy some formula and call it a day. I do not need to beat myself up. I will try and do the best I can and that is good enough.

My point being, if you want to try, then go for it, but just realize it may not happen, and that is okay. If you just want to go for formula off the bat, then go for it. No one can judge you unless they have been in your shoes before.

Hugs!
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  #13  
June 19th, 2013, 12:51 PM
slmehaffey's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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all the other ladies have had wonderful things to say, and ultimately it is your choice and including your husband in that choice is a very good thing for you to do, especially if you go for it, that way he can be the most support for you during that time while you try to get it going.
Does your hospital offer a lactation consultant at birth? If they do you should talk to her, maybe even contact her before the birth to see what kind of support she offers and what she would say about your situation and being on the fence about trying again. Also I would suggest if you think there is a possibility of making it work for you, then find your local LLL and attend some meetings before having your baby. It would be good to have them already in support of you if you decide to go ahead and try.
I'm sorry that things didn't work out for you in the past, and I understand the pain and frustration of trying and not succeeding, do either of your other children have lip or tongue ties? my daughter was checked multiple times for a toungue tie but no one ever looked to see if she had a lip tie, had we gotten that corrected I think we would have been able to succeed at breastfeeding. (I breastfed my first for a year, my second for two months unsucessfully, I tried everything, even supplementing my breastmilk while breastfeeding through a tube taped to my breast... nothing helped, she couldn't latch at all, it was never painful so if I were not such a fanatic about it I wouldn't have known that she wasn't latching right and would have thought something was wrong with my body, production, or her.)
Anyway, good luck with your decision, and like I said my best advice would be to try to set up a really good support system before baby is born so that if you decide to go for it you have lots of help, and encouragement no mater how it turns out.
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  #14  
June 19th, 2013, 12:53 PM
jamieshalon2's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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No, none of my kids had that. I just didn't produce for some reason. It was disappointing. It may take me up until the time of birth to make this decision, lol.
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  #15  
June 19th, 2013, 01:09 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by nina529 View Post
aww i'm with you on this one. when i had my son i was only able to breastfeed him for 6 weeks. i just wasn't making enough milk and it also got too painful for me. i could never get him to latch on right. i was married at the time to a huge jerk, he got so angry with me for not being able to feed my son longer than i did. i tried different vitamins and that tea too but it didn't work for me. it was really hard on me because i felt like i was letting everyone down.
my plan is to try breastfeeding again and hopefully it'll work out better this time. but, if it doesn't it doesn't. we can only do so much right.
best of luck
Nina, I am so sorry you went through that! What a jerk!! Nothing worse than an unsupportive partner when you are a new mom!!
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  #16  
June 19th, 2013, 01:12 PM
slmehaffey's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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take your time deciding... it isn't easy to l like a failure when it comes to doing things for your kids. There are the rare people who just don't produce well, and oddly enough they are usually women with large breasts (though not always)... People can be awfully mean about what they say when you do or don't try. You make your best decision based on what YOU know and feel comfortable with... you could always look into milk banks, or breastmilk donors if that is something you are comfortable with...
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  #17  
June 19th, 2013, 01:13 PM
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Well I do have large breasts, lol. I rock a 34DD now
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Tristen James born 10-28-00
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  #18  
June 19th, 2013, 03:04 PM
Dolly Lama's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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This will be my 3rd attempt - I've never been successful in the past.

With my first, I gave it a half hearted attempt - the LC explained to me how to do it in the hospital and that was it. I very quickly gave up due to pain and the fact that I was convinced that I wasn't making enough milk. In hindsight I think I was - it was probably just new mommy paranoia.

With my second, I worked with a LC in the hospital and was making milk, but I couldn't get past the PAIN. OMG the pain. Every time I saw my little baby rooting around, I would just look at her with dread, then would feel so guilty. I switched over to formula after a week or two.

This time I feel more prepared. I have a nice thread going on the Sept board where I've gotten good advice about BF supplies - I'm going to be as prepared as I can be this time so I'll be able to experience this at least once. My back up plan is to pump and bottle feed.

Best of luck to you whatever you decide, and btw, I'm in the DD club too - what I get up to when my milk comes in, I can't even tell you. All I know is that they're very Dolly Partonish and I have to wear sports bras because nothing fits.
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  #19  
June 19th, 2013, 03:52 PM
Lemon's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Dolly Lama View Post
This will be my 3rd attempt - I've never been successful in the past.

With my first, I gave it a half hearted attempt - the LC explained to me how to do it in the hospital and that was it. I very quickly gave up due to pain and the fact that I was convinced that I wasn't making enough milk. In hindsight I think I was - it was probably just new mommy paranoia.

With my second, I worked with a LC in the hospital and was making milk, but I couldn't get past the PAIN. OMG the pain. Every time I saw my little baby rooting around, I would just look at her with dread, then would feel so guilty. I switched over to formula after a week or two.

This time I feel more prepared. I have a nice thread going on the Sept board where I've gotten good advice about BF supplies - I'm going to be as prepared as I can be this time so I'll be able to experience this at least once. My back up plan is to pump and bottle feed.

Best of luck to you whatever you decide, and btw, I'm in the DD club too - what I get up to when my milk comes in, I can't even tell you. All I know is that they're very Dolly Partonish and I have to wear sports bras because nothing fits.
Sounds like you have a great plan!!

I really wanted to give up with my son the first few weeks. I was miserable. If my mother hasn't constantly encouraged me I think I would have quit.

Also, DH came to the bfing class at the hospital and was great at calming me down in the middle of the night when I would get frustrated.

Give it 6 weeks! All boob (especially if you've had a rough go in the past), no bottles or formula.

And stock up on lotions and potions to ease the pain. I ordered a bunch of Earth Mama Angel Baby breastfeeding things. I'm really excited to use them.
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  #20  
June 19th, 2013, 05:38 PM
Spyctre's Avatar Arwen
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I have always had an easy time with it so I would just say try. If it doesn't work, just go with that. My sister tried very hard to nurse her second, and it didn't work because of something about her latching. A nurse kept telling her to keep it up, but she wasn't eating and was so hungry and cranky. The LC actually told my sister to switch. Lol So when she had her third, she automatically went into it doing both. A nurse had the audacity to tell her she wasn't doing right and would be sorry. My sister told her that last time she checked she was the mom, she was the one that gave birth, and the nurse had no say in how her child was raised.

Why not be prepared for both? If you can nurse, be plesantly surprised. If you cannot, it's ok to be disappointed, but you will really be doing what is best for baby. Don't let anyone make you feel bad about it. The only reason I do well is because I stay at home. Pumping dries me up. I'm glad I stopped working because I wouldn't be able to pump. I was allergic to all formula so I wanted to nurse just so they didn't throw up as much as I did. Only reason in the beginning. Now I like to because I'm just lazy. Nursing is so easy. No mixing, no extra dishes!
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