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  #1  
July 15th, 2013, 02:39 PM
Rosiegirl7's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Location: Berkeley, CA
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So I don't want to turn this into a hot topic, but I am on the fence with something. I am scheduled to work until the end of August, I really love my job but we are moving and I haven't told them yet.

I've decided (along with my SO) that it's best that I stay home with the baby for at least the first two years. If my work doesn't allow me to work from home, I'll quit. I think we can swing this financially but it may be a little tough.

I just feel very strongly that a child needs their mother present in those first few years. I even read studies that children of working moms get worse grades when they start school and have significant social set-backs. Granted, I don't know how accurate that is, and I totally understand not working for some moms just isn't an option.

I'm sure in a few years I will work again, maybe part-time to contribute but right now I feel very strongly, that if I can stay home I should. I have a really great job though, full benefits, stock options, great pay..I started from the bottom and they have given me significant promotions to get me where I am now and I will be forever grateful. But this baby is changin my mentality now.

Any advice, thoughts, suggestions are appreciated..

Thank you!

Also- my co-worker just got back from maternity leave (she is a higher position than me), she has a nanny watching her baby while she is at work and she mentioned that the baby looks for the nanny now more than her. I just couldn't deal with that!!
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  #2  
July 15th, 2013, 02:59 PM
MrsPea's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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I am leaving the workforce to stay home and raise this child and any potential future children. I'm hoping to have time to do some part time creative work to sell on Etsy, which I've already started doing, but it's hard to gain momentum. I'm hoping to go back to a professional career when the kids are 2-3, so we can afford to send them to private schools.

It's a really personal choice and only one you can make!
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  #3  
July 15th, 2013, 03:02 PM
Iluvmybabies*'s Avatar Proud Mama to 5 girls
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I believe 100% a child needs there mother the first few years, we are not rich in any way shape or form and we do struggle but I would much rather that then anyone but me raise my kids

I don't judge any mom that chooses to work it is deffinetly a very personal choice to be made!!!!
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  #4  
July 15th, 2013, 03:13 PM
WorkerBeeMama's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Location: Southern California
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I think for the first two years if you can afford to stay home, then it is best for baby. After two I found that my kids really like the social aspects of being in childcare. I did not have the option with Maya. I went back when she was 9 weeks old It broke my heart and there were a lot of problems because of it (she was CONSTANTLY sick and so was I).

With Sophia, I stayed home for 11 months which was all I could manage (I was laid off after maternity leave so I was on unemployment for 6 months and then managed to stay home for another 2 months without pay. I loved it but I was happy to go back at 11 months and talk to adults, etc.

With this one, I am planning on taking 4 months off. 3 months paid and one month unpaid. It is all I can get with still having my job protected. DH and I cannot afford for me to be a SAHM, so I will need to work. When I do return to work I will be working from home one day a week and so that will make it better. Also, DH will be watching the baby one day a week so baby will only need daycare 3 days a week (which is better than 5).

Bottomline, if you can do it, do it. If it will really put a strain on your marriage and finances, then maybe reconsider. I do believe it is best for baby to be with mama!
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  #5  
July 15th, 2013, 03:29 PM
sweety_pie's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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We are by no means wealthy, but I stayed home with all our babies so far and will with this one for at least 2 years too. I think its totally worth it. This time I will start taking a 2 year online course to get ready to head to work after baby is 2-3 years old.
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  #6  
July 15th, 2013, 03:40 PM
ILoveStorm2011's Avatar Mack :)
Join Date: Feb 2013
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I'm going to stay home after baby is born also. It will be difficult, but with Dh in the Army and me not having a good job anyways it was best for us.
However! I will say that not working and not making an income has been hard on me. I started back at my old job part time just to feel independent again. So, just be careful that you will be okay not making any substantial money for a while.
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  #7  
July 15th, 2013, 03:43 PM
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Location: Montana
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I quit my job last year when we had our first baby. It was hard to walk away from the pay and benefits but soooo worth it. We have made certain choices to live on one income but won't have it any other way, I do occasionally do some bookwork for clients from home. I still can't imagine putting my 15 month old in daycare now let alone as a newborn! No judgement for moms who want to/have to but that just wasn't the right choice for us. I will say I am a little nervous abouth the thought of rejoining the workforce after a long leave but will deal with that when the time comes. I will also say I struggled at first being a SAHM, I had had a job since I was 16 and always had my own money, I also thought I would be getting so much more done around the house. I am now but it took SEVERAL months to get into the right groove!
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  #8  
July 15th, 2013, 03:57 PM
Spyctre's Avatar Arwen
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I also used to work before my first. We have to stick to a budget now for sure! I miss the extra money the most. DH can cover all the bills and most of the food with his check. My check was fun money. Electronics, movies, eating out, traveling, and all that good stuff. We don't do that much now. I was planning on getting a job or going to school this August, and I got pregnant. =P
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  #9  
July 15th, 2013, 03:59 PM
Heidijens1's Avatar Super Mommy
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I have been a SAHM from the time I had my 1st 9 years ago. I wouldn't trade it for anything!! I love being there for my kids and raising them. I am the one who sees all their 1st's. Not to mention my kids are very rarely sick, I make sure they do stuff with other kids such as playgroup so they get to interact with other kids.
I will admit it can be tough at times, but the benefits of having me stay at home with my kids greatly out number working. And no my DH doesn't have some super high paying job but we manage and it is something that is important to us.
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  #10  
July 15th, 2013, 04:03 PM
Rosiegirl7's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Thanks everyone! Its definitely reaffirming my decision to stay home..its sacrifice for sure but I think in the end its best for the baby.

Some things I'm stressed about:
Lag time of no employment
Disappointing my boss
Little to no adult interaction
Less money for vacations, mani/pedi, fun stuff
Asking my hubby for money

But when the baby goes to school hopefully I will have a good plan to make some money, maybe start a business or something..
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  #11  
July 15th, 2013, 04:58 PM
Julie
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: NY
Posts: 3,079
I can understand your concerns. It can be lonely being a sahm, and you will also probably feel isolated and bored at times. However, you should not let anyone else's opinion (your boss) affect your decision. This is your life and family and only you can make that decision. The bond you will have with your child will be very satisfying and worth it. You won't have to worry about how your child is being raised because you will be totally in charge of that. I always think about how lucky I am that my SO does not give me a hard time when I ask him for money. I don't work at all, but I do get support for my older three kids. However, I still need extra money for things and he is always willing to give me money if he has it. You have to remind yourself that your new job is to raise your child, clean, cook, and do all the other stuff your SO can't do at home while he's working. You deserve money for things you need, or want, as long as it's in your budget. Good luck with your decision!
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  #12  
July 15th, 2013, 05:18 PM
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Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: CA
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Different strokes for different folks - you have to follow your heart, and that's all there is to it. Your happiness plays a huge and dramatic role in the development of your child. If your heart was with your career and you left it to be a SAHM and were trying to fit a square peg in a round hole that way, that would also be suboptimal for both of you; you know? There's not a right answer and a wrong answer that is the same across the board; there's a different answer for every family/individual.

It sounds like you know what to do and you want people to tell you that it's okay to do it. Yes, by all means necessary; do it. If it's what you feel is right and you can make it work, do it and don't look back.

Going forward, there are ways to contribute financially from home in your downtime (if you have any) and that you might find rewarding if that's what you want to do. This isn't a copout or a way of giving up - it's a new path and a new form of contribution and it's valuable. Do as you see fit, and all will be well.
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  #13  
July 15th, 2013, 05:50 PM
MrsHoot's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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I would kill to be a SAHM! It's for sure not an "easy" job, but definitely worth it. I am a teacher so I am grateful that I get summers/holidays off and my workday is a little shorter. But my heart is always with my son and that's where I want to be! I'm taking my 12 weeks with this one and then I have everything crossed that my husband can beta higher paying job somewhere else and we can afford for me to SAH. If you guys can swing it, and its important to you then it's a no brainer!
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  #14  
July 15th, 2013, 06:20 PM
soul_donut's Avatar Melissa
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Location: Florida
Posts: 3,110
You know what's good about that plan? You can always change your mind and look for a job. You can look for a job when your children go to school. I had a low paying job and got laid off and I have really ramped up what I do at home - when you put a price tag on supporting a house and family and all the work that goes along with it, it's actually pretty significant. I do all the things that we used to cram into weekends during the week, so our free time together is really well spent. I don't know what I plan on doing long term, but I know for now we are happy with an arrangement like you describe. My DH and I haven't really had a mine/yours relationship.. we each really have carved our roles in the relationship and done our best to keep the operation running smoothly. Best wishes to you! Do what feels right, especially if you have the means to do it! You can always change your mind, but you can't turn back time.
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  #15  
July 15th, 2013, 10:15 PM
ILoveStorm2011's Avatar Mack :)
Join Date: Feb 2013
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Talk with your SO about the money thing. I do not ask my Dh for money unless its a big purchase and we need to discuss it or unless money is low in the account.
I know other SAHMs that had their hubbies put money on the counter or something so they never had to ask.
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  #16  
July 16th, 2013, 05:03 AM
Lemon's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Location: Florida
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I've been at home since our oldest was born 7 years ago. It's been fantastic and I've never regretted a minute! When the kids are older I might do something part time at home or out of the house, or possibly go back full time. I really enjoy being here for everything.
And by being at home, I've always been able to get the errands and cleaning done during the week so we can have fun together on the weekends.
We are lucky that DH can more than cover the bills with his income, but we are still mindful of our spending. Everything money related is a joint effort. I've never asked DH for money.

It's a really rewarding experience. You do sacrifice things, but it's a once on a life time thing. If it's important to you guys then it will work out.

With my first I joined a meetup group when he was a baby, and went to story time at the library to keep us both social. Now that they are in school, I meet moms through there.

Good luck!
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  #17  
July 16th, 2013, 05:14 AM
jamieshalon2's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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I would LOVE to be a SAHM again. I did it with my first 2 for the first 2 years and it was wonderful. Unfortunately I am the main bread winner in the family now. I don't have an option anymore, but it was great when I was able to. Honestly when I came back into the work force the place that I applied to (and still work for) had no problems at all with my 2 year lapse when explained that I was at home raising my kids during that time.
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  #18  
July 16th, 2013, 05:26 AM
Cccbb61013's Avatar Veteran
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Posts: 491
Quote:
Originally Posted by Rosiegirl7 View Post
Thanks everyone! Its definitely reaffirming my decision to stay home..its sacrifice for sure but I think in the end its best for the baby.

Some things I'm stressed about:
Lag time of no employment
Disappointing my boss
Little to no adult interaction
Less money for vacations, mani/pedi, fun stuff
Asking my hubby for money

But when the baby goes to school hopefully I will have a good plan to make some money, maybe start a business or something..

When I had my son 4 years ago, there was nothing more I wanted than to stay home but at the time it was financially impossible. My mom was a stay at home mom & her involvement in every aspect of our lives was worth so much more to me than maybe not having $200 sneakers, etc. Luckily when I was working full time my husband was working unconventional hours & was home a lot so my son was home a lot. A month before my son turned 1, my husband landed a job making almost double both of our combined incomes. I resigned as soon as the medical insurance kicked in. I was a stay at home mom for about a year & 1/2, then went back to work part time (1 full day & 1 1/2 day a week & I make my own schedule) but I still consider myself a SAHM. My hubby still makes about 25x what I make a week (lol) but every little bit helps & I'm happy with things right not. Plus my hubby only works 2 weeks a month so it's awesome we both have so much time off. I've always wanted to be a SAHM but I know a lot of well rounded kids of working mothers. I think it just depends on how you spend your time with your child when you are off. A working mother who spends time off interacting & cuddling with their child will likely have a closer relationship than the SAHM who is on the Internet all the time.


When I went back to work I simply explained my lapse in employment as staying home with my son. I beat out 90 other people for the same position.

Do you have family you can interact with? I would get my fill of my adult interaction at picnics & birthday parties.

I still had $ for fun stuff but when we bought a new house & our bills sky rocketed, that's when I went back to work. I felt guilty. A pet peeve of mine is when people stay home & cannot afford it. Of course most have to cut corners & things change, but unfortunately staying home is a luxury, not a right (wish it was!). It really bothers me when people who CHOOSE to stay home take advantage of government assistance & programs.

I don't ask my husband for $. I manage the $ & I manage our home, therefore it is OUR $. I take what I need when I need it & poor hubby has to ask before he makes certain purchases (not for permission, just if it is financially ok to do so). But SAHM or not, I'd go back to work full time before I ask someone for $. We share everything.

Enjoy staying home with your baby. It'll be the best choice you ever made!
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  #19  
July 16th, 2013, 06:31 AM
MrsPea's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Location: Somerville, MA
Posts: 1,946
The money thing is always weird at first, but you have to stop thinking of it as his money or your money, it's the family's money. You may not get a paycheck as a SAHM but it is a job and it is work. In our budget, we have allotted pocket money for each of us, outside of gas, groceries, and baby's expenses, it's to be spent however we see fit (i.e. fun stuff). If it's a larger purchase or a vacation then we both look at finances and decide when and how to make that purchase.

It's good you are moving back closer to family & friends, that will help with adult interaction. I plan on joining a meet up group for new mommies, there are SO many in my area. I also hope to set up play dates with some of my friends and their kids.

As for your boss, you'll get over that very shortly after telling them!
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  #20  
July 16th, 2013, 06:42 AM
Jackie1122's Avatar Veteran
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Posts: 396
I am a big believer in staying home with your kids if it is the best thing for you and your family. I went to work when my son was 6 months because I needed the money. Unfortunately, my perfectly healthy baby was sick, and sick again, and again, and again! I was missing so much work that eventually I ran out of vacation and sick time and was taking unpaid leave which was frowned upon. I was also still having to pay day care for the full week even if he was missing days so I ended up losing money in the long run! My son finally had to have surgery to have tubes put in his ears, and that is where I drew the line. He has one stomach virus now in the 2 years I have been home with him, that is it! I wish I would have quit much sooner but we really thought we needed the income.

We have had to make some cuts to our budget but it is worth it to me. I do miss adult interaction but I have made friends and try to meet up with them often. For awhile I worked nights on the weekends to bring in extra money but have quit since becoming pregnant. I do struggle with the fact that my husband is the sole provider but I view my position as a stay at home mom as an equally important job now. I am a list person and make a list of chores and errands I want to get done each day. It gives me a goal to work towards and I always feel like I got something done. My husbands loves coming home to a clean house, healthy kid, and sometimes I even have dinner ready
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