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OT: I don't understand child support


Forum: October 2013 Playroom

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  #1  
July 16th, 2013, 10:30 AM
Spyctre's Avatar Arwen
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At least I think I don't because this sounds screwy. My cousin is going through a divorce, and he and his ex are having joint custody. He gets them 50% of the time, she gets them 50% of the time. I was told they would be switching parents on a weekly basis.

So 50/50...that means no child support, correct? At least that makes sense to me. If I was doing my fair share, why should I pay child support? But he is! He's keeping the children 50% of the time AND paying $500 a month. His mother told me it was because his ex didn't have a job. I don't see how that's his problem. He's doing his 50%. Am I missing something?

The divorce is happening because she committed adultery. They have proof by the other man's baby in her. So it's not like she's innocent in all of this. She can't get alimony when she cheated. So what gives? Does this make sense to anyone else? I'm really confused.
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  #2  
July 16th, 2013, 10:42 AM
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I don't understand that either. I have a friend here whose ex-hubby pays her less each month because he has their kid every other week for 4 or 5 days instead of just every other weekend. If he had him more, then the amount would go down again. He he had him less then the amount would go up. I didn't think 50/50 in a situation like you mentioned above meant that either parent pays child support.
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  #3  
July 16th, 2013, 10:42 AM
jennyrae03's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Wow that makes zero sense to me. Seems like if they have equal parts in caring for the child, that should cancel out any need for one person to support the other?

I will never understand how they come up with these figures. And of course, each state is different in their child support laws and how they add it all up. So confusing.
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  #4  
July 16th, 2013, 10:44 AM
Julie
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At least she isn't getting alimony! Anyway, back to CS-that does sound strange. I can't help becausein my situation, the kids live with me full time, and we have joint custody of two of them. _My ex just sees them when he feels like it, and hardly ever overnight. He has always made more money than me, and has always had to pay me child support.
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  #5  
July 16th, 2013, 10:45 AM
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I know that my uncle has to pay my aunt alimony until she either remarries or dies because he cheated on her and left her when she had been a SAHM for their whole marriage (they married and had children very young, so she never had an out of the home job). Not the same thing, but just putting this in there.
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  #6  
July 16th, 2013, 11:05 AM
Rosiegirl7's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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If she doesn't have a job and can't support him while the child is in her care even for 50% of the time I'm pretty sure the law says he needs to send her money to help. Doesn't seem fair though at all..especially because of her infidelity.
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  #7  
July 16th, 2013, 11:20 AM
Leah
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It differs state to state, but here if you're 50/50 physical time - "time sharing" - only counting overnights, then you go to a theoretical even platform. After that they look at the incomes of each. If one makes more than the other, then you get into support. You also factor in if one parent pays for childcare or insurance and so on. If time is less than 50%, you pay more. For instance, my brother has his daughter Fri-Sun nights 3 weekends a month, plus Wed nights. Because he made a little more than her mom, he pays a little bit. If he made a lot more, she could go back and ask for more.

It doesn't seem fair, but they changed to this in our state to try and get rid of drawn out, bitter custody disputes. Infidelity and any marital issues cannot play a role in the amount ordered. That's for the divorce.
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  #8  
July 16th, 2013, 12:04 PM
WorkerBeeMama's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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I agree, it makes no sense.

My ex husband owed me $20k+ about 4 years ago. I stopped the order cause I was so annoyed at seeing my annual statement and how much he owed me. I know I will never get a penny - he is such a loser.

I have full physical and legal custody and he sees them about twice a month, so it really irks me that I have had to struggle so hard a single mom without a dime of help and other people get so much help when they don't do half of what I do. But I will stop venting. Such is life, I guess.
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  #9  
July 16th, 2013, 12:21 PM
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You all are working moms, right? It makes sense to me because I'm a SAHM. Remove the adultery part...if my dh and I were to divorce I could not earn enough money to support myself and provide a home to care for my kids 50% of the time. To say because I can't I deserve less custody of my kids would be pretty sad since I devote 100% of my life/time to caring for them currently.
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  #10  
July 16th, 2013, 12:48 PM
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I guess its because if they were still married he would still being paying 100% for the children right? She had no job right. So when it comes to the expenses of the child he is still responsible 100% I am not sure though if things would change if she were to get a job.
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  #11  
July 16th, 2013, 01:02 PM
"Shay-see"
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I took a survey course in family law in my senior year of college. From what I understand, the court reviews the financial setup prior to the split to guess best how to care for the baby (which is the point of child support). If mom made 0% of the money and did all the care, then she has lost out in what is called "opportunity cost". Instead of developing her career, she invested her time in the child and can't be expected to go out and make a living wage for both of them right now and have it be comparable to her husband's.

The court's reasoning is that the child is adversely affected by the mother living in an impoverished state, and since she has the right to 50% custody, it's in the child's best interests that the father help out and ensure that the kids aren't starving for the half of their lives they spend with their mother.

That said, if - in the spare time she has from dad having them half the time - she develops her career and becomes a multi-thousandaire, he can ask the court to review the situation and he might not have to continue paying after that if the judge decides the kids don't need that money to go to their mother anymore.
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  #12  
July 16th, 2013, 01:25 PM
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That doesn't make sense to me and I've been in this custody mess since 2007. I have joint custody of my oldest three, but I am the primary conservator, meaning they live with me, I make all medical/schooling decisions etc. My ex pays $800 a month, and is supposed to see them twice to three times a year. He lives in TX and at the end of August it will be a year since he has seen them (ZERO COMPLAINTS - he is sociopath by the very definition). So my situation is entirely different. Does our brother have a good lawyer? I know that Florida laws concerning this are easily found on the internet, maybe they are for your state too? I would definitely look into it.
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  #13  
July 16th, 2013, 01:34 PM
Wren's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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While it definitely isn't fair to him, they are looking at what is fair to the kids. If she had 100% custody, I assume he would be paying something like $1000 a month. If she made an equivalent income, then I doubt he would be paying anything, but as a SAHM she is earning zero and has been out of the work force for a while and doesn't necessarily have the ability to earn right away.
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  #14  
July 16th, 2013, 01:38 PM
soul_donut's Avatar Melissa
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It's not "fair" but it seems that it is what it is. She should get a job on the days she doesn't have the kids and earn her fair share, but if she wants to manipulate the system, it seems like she certainly can. It would make me very angry to be cheated on and then have to pay that party.. Karma though. I wouldn't be able to look my friends and family in the face until I righted something in that situation, if I were her.
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  #15  
July 16th, 2013, 01:49 PM
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My friends dh has an ex that works the system. They have been divorced 8 years but she is still a SAHM and has made no effort to better herself, college, job etc. her kids are preteens now and spend 50% of the time with dad. That means every two weeks she gets a heck of a lot of "me" time.
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  #16  
July 16th, 2013, 02:15 PM
Spyctre's Avatar Arwen
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She was a SAHM. I would get more into her character here, but it would be a mess. I will say that when she has the kids, she drops them off at grandma's or a day care. She doesn't take care of them. He's paying for daycare.

I just don't understand now why he couldn't stand up and give the judge a run down of her character. She's living with the new guy so she is supported. It's not like she has no money. She can gold dig with the best of them.

Still doesn't seem fair! Louisiana has no alimony. Found that out.
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  #17  
July 16th, 2013, 02:40 PM
WorkerBeeMama's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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I think there should be a time limit though post break up - so say two years to get on your feet. I feel this way about alimony as well. And for the record I don't receive either or pay either, I just have known some shady people in the past that are too lazy to do anything and think someone else should have to pay for their life. I also knew a couple women that every time their kid would get close to entering kindergarten they would say "well, I should have another kid or I'll have to start working". I guess I just think things should be more equal or fair among a couple (minus being a SAHM when your babies are young and it is a joint decision).

Shoot, I feel guilty just asking DH to help pick up the extra slack money wise while I will be on maternity leave. Maybe I am just too independent for my own good.
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  #18  
July 16th, 2013, 02:50 PM
Rosiegirl7's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Karma indeed....when that kid turns 18 and she's never held a job in her life and her cash cow (aka ex husband who she cheated on) runs out she is forced to start a life for herself.
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  #19  
July 16th, 2013, 06:28 PM
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Yikes this could teeter on a SAHM vs WM debate
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  #20  
July 16th, 2013, 06:37 PM
Leah
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I don't know about there, but here the character of the parent doesn't matter unless it's harmful to the child - neglectful or abusive. They want all that he said-she said out of custody arrangements. It's literally broken down into a table format for support amounts.

But yep, sure will bite her in the cheeks come time when he no longer has to pay.
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