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How to keep strangers away from the baby.


Forum: October 2013 Playroom

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  #1  
August 25th, 2013, 07:20 PM
Spyctre's Avatar Arwen
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: Freaking Louisiana
Posts: 7,707
Probably every BTDT parent has had this happen in the store or some other place. Some stranger comes up and tried to touch your baby. Why? I have no clue. You'd think some people never saw a miniature human before. This is what I do when it happens.

*someone comes up to the buggy* "Awww! Aren't you the cutest thing ever!" *reaches out a hand*

I step between them quickly, chopping an hand between the stranger digits and the baby while summoning my best look of panic. "Ringworms! You don't want them, too!"

Never fail, the person looks suitably terrified, and they back the hell away from my child in a hurry. lol I picked this up after a stranger touched my child for the first time, a stranger with a bandaid on her face, and a ringworm mysteriously appeared a day later where she was touched. The truth worked like a charm so I've lied about it every other time to this day.




Some people are more direct. "Do not touch my child. Do you know where your hands have been?"



So BTDT mamas, what have you done in the past? Has your child ever gotten sick from a stranger? The worst mine got was from a Rita refugee. I was looking away during the reach. =P Some dude from New Orleans touched DD1 on the nose, and she vomited bile the next 7 days. A stomach virus came up with the people running from that hurricane. My FIL interacted with a family of them and also got it. DD1 was only 8 months. Poor baby was so so sick.
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  #2  
August 25th, 2013, 07:58 PM
east to west coast's Avatar ~Melissa~
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The worst mine got was from a Rita refugee. I was looking away during the reach. =P Some dude from New Orleans touched DD1 on the nose, and she vomited bile the next 7 days. A stomach virus came up with the people running from that hurricane. My FIL interacted with a family of them and also got it. DD1 was only 8 months. Poor baby was so so sick.


Omg! What a terrible story!!!!

This was a huge stressor for me with my daughter. I actually wasn't aware how common it was for people to want to touch babies until I had her, and I'm not good at confrontation. So, for the first month or so after she was born, I would walk away from those kind of situations so stressed out and worried because I never said anything to the person who decided to touch her face, hair, etc. without asking. After that I realized I needed to learn to be an advocate for my daughter regardless of whether it made me uncomfortable or not.
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  #3  
August 25th, 2013, 08:21 PM
soul_donut's Avatar Melissa
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Florida
Posts: 3,110
YIKES - that would make me want to bring a fly swatter and just swat people. I might use the ringworm thing if I get tired of being direct..
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  #4  
August 25th, 2013, 08:35 PM
Wanta.number2's Avatar Hi, I'm Tiffani!
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Texas
Posts: 1,260
When I had DS, I honestly didn't think about this just because I wouldn't walk up and touch someone's newborn, baby, or child for that matter. Its just a boundary thing for me.

That was, until strangers started to touch my baby. Before he was born, I had strangers touch my belly. NO GO. I would standing in line somewhere getting a drink to have someone startle me as they reached out to touch my stomach...and rage ensued.

If you don't want someone to touch your baby, get your arm out there and between them and baby. It may make you uncomfortable, but this is the way I see it: you are a new, protective mother. To me, it is extremely disrespectful to reach out and touch my defenseless newborn without permission, especially when I don't know you from Adam. So, since you disrespected me, I'll show you the same courtesy, although politely, that I don't want you to touch my baby and you really shouldn't do the same to anyone else's without permission.
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  #5  
August 25th, 2013, 08:44 PM
SierraWinter's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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eww, I didn't realize strangers liked to touch babies they don't know That seems odd. I like the fly swatter idea!
Thanks for the heads up on this one. I have a tendency to be direct so I imagine I'll make strangers a little uncomfortable.

Last edited by SierraWinter; August 25th, 2013 at 08:46 PM.
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  #6  
August 25th, 2013, 08:47 PM
"Shay-see"
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: CA
Posts: 1,082
Some passive solutions (for those of us who really hate acting/lying or feeling like we have to explain ourselves to strangers):

wear your baby (people are less likely to try to grope your kid if it also means getting all up in your business)

Obscure the baby (drape over the stroller or wrap baby in a blanket - a physical barrier will keep away all but the most socially challenged individuals. Not being able to see baby means less likely to find something to comment about - no need for deflecting a conversation that never begins).

B*tchy Resting Face (cultivate unapproachability by *looking* like you don't want a conversation/interaction - don't make eye contact, speak to your baby in low tones that only she can hear, appear exhausted/busy/etc. This can be isolating, but it helps keep unwanted interactions away)

Drawback is none of this is particularly friendly, but used alone or together, the techniques are pretty effective.
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  #7  
August 25th, 2013, 09:59 PM
ILoveStorm2011's Avatar Mack :)
Join Date: Feb 2013
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Seasaidh View Post

B*tchy Resting Face (cultivate unapproachability by *looking* like you don't want a conversation/interaction - don't make eye contact, speak to your baby in low tones that only she can hear, appear exhausted/busy/etc. This can be isolating, but it helps keep unwanted interactions away)

Drawback is none of this is particularly friendly, but used alone or together, the techniques are pretty effective.
I think this is the exact reason no stranger has even attempted to touch my belly I look very unapproachable and when I am out I tend to walk fast, or waddle, and when I'm in line I just look impatient. I'm just hoping it has the same effect when I have the baby.

Ew to people touching a random baby btw. I wouldn't do it and dont see why others would feel the need to compulsively touch someone else's child.
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  #8  
August 26th, 2013, 05:50 AM
jamieshalon2's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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I honestly don't think I have ever had a stranger try to touch my baby, lol. I guess I give off that ****** face all the time, haha.
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  #9  
August 26th, 2013, 06:02 AM
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I havent really had a problem with it, but I'm seriously considering making my 5-year old the official handwashing Nazi lol.
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  #10  
August 26th, 2013, 06:19 AM
SouthernBelle86's Avatar Rachelle
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Florida
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If a non family member tried to touch my stomach right now I would put my purse in front blocking them. lol. Being that I am going to be a FTM I am probably going to freak out if someone tried to touch my son who is a stranger at the store. Mama Bear will come out! lol
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  #11  
August 26th, 2013, 09:26 AM
Wanta.number2's Avatar Hi, I'm Tiffani!
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Texas
Posts: 1,260
This STILL bothers me even now with my almost 6 year old. There was a greeter at Walmart who reached out and patted my son's head. Mind you, he was just being nice, but for a split second, that momma-bear-is-going-to-rip-your-eyes-out anger welled up. It never really stops!
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  #12  
August 26th, 2013, 10:39 AM
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Uhg I HATE when people try to touch DS. It doesn't happen often but when it does I still don't have a good way to make them stop. It's usually so quick that it happens before I can stop it, unfortunately. He's never gotten sick from a touch but you just never know what could happen. I have had old ladies graze his cheek and I know they mean well but I just want to slap their hand away.
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  #13  
August 26th, 2013, 11:25 AM
JeCaLe's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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I have never had anybody touch one of my boys before so I have no idea how I would handle it. People rarely even peered in to see. Since it will be cold here, she will be pretty much covered anyways.
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  #14  
August 26th, 2013, 11:38 AM
jennyrae03's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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I think I'll just tell everybody that my child has a flesh-eating bacteria that is only contagious if someone touches his skin directly...lol

Sorry, that's terrible of me. Bad joke, bad joke.
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  #15  
August 26th, 2013, 11:51 AM
2Corinthians10:4's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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I will babywear which will hopefully cut down on most of the problems. With Dd I wasn't scared to literally slap peoples hands either though, dude don't touch my baby.
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  #16  
August 26th, 2013, 11:54 AM
"Shay-see"
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Quote:
Originally Posted by jennyrae03 View Post
I think I'll just tell everybody that my child has a flesh-eating bacteria that is only contagious if someone touches his skin directly...lol

Sorry, that's terrible of me. Bad joke, bad joke.
For some reason this comment made me giggle. Probably because you look like you got all self-conscious about it after you wrote it. hehehe.
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  #17  
August 26th, 2013, 11:59 AM
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In the deep Hispanic culture one must touch a cute baby in fear that they get the evil eye. I’m a pretty educated and well-traveled woman and I still see it places. So, when I visit “home” I am super used to others touching my kid. I even find myself doing it when home – touching others cute babies. I have found the best thing to do in my case is have the baby covered as much as possible out in public. Like if they are in the infant seat, keep the sun visor down and baby facing towards me. I also encourage people to only touch their ankles or heel if possible. Most of the time they oblige.
If I’m out anywhere else in the country or I’m back home I am protective and not embarrassed easily. I’m not a shy person, so I will tell them flat out not to touch my baby and will physically stop them in their tracks if I see them going in. I have never had bad luck with someone specific giving my kid some crazy illness or disease.
I’m a touchy feely person, I don’t get too crazy.

Arwen, As for knowing exactly where your kids do get sick, that is pretty with it. I guess you don’t go out much because anyone or anything you came into contact that day or days before also can get your kiddos sick (i.e., tummy bug, cold, flu). It’s hard to pin point that it was the person displaced by Katrina that gave your kiddo the tummy bug, unless you saw them ill before hand. Just saying!
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  #18  
August 26th, 2013, 01:34 PM
WorkerBeeMama's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Haha, I have the unaproachability vibe a lot, so most of the time, people stay away. I might use the ringworm excuse or tell them to step the f*&% back if they get too close!
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  #19  
August 26th, 2013, 03:29 PM
Super Mommy
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The thing is if a newborn gets sick they have to do tons of tests on them. That happened with DS3. They did blood work and had to use a catheter to get a urine sample because he got a fever at a young age. So I don't think I will worry if I offend someone by telling a stranger, "Sorry, he's a newborn."
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  #20  
August 26th, 2013, 04:18 PM
Laurenj915's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Seasaidh View Post

wear your baby .
I did this for over a year and no one ever came up to touch Sawyer.
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