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Best way to deal with inconsiderate people when it comes to rsvping to Baby Shower?


Forum: October 2013 Playroom

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  #1  
August 26th, 2013, 01:21 PM
SouthernBelle86's Avatar Rachelle
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Florida
Posts: 248
Well the time has come! The big awaited and planned baby shower day is only days away and my family has done a outstanding job planning this thing for me and baby.

Only problem is that I am very disappointment to say that I sure have some inconsiderate friends and family who failed to rsvp to my mother by the 16th and we have no clue if they are coming or not so we just hope they won't since we have limited seating and already submitted the seating floor plan to the venue.

If we do have some of those people show up what's the best way to handle the situation when there is no seat at a table for them? It's a formal ladies tea style so they will have to stand if they show up last minute since they didn't give notice. Also how does one deal with people who did rsvp and the day of don't show up without any notification at all?

I don't want to be rude to people who come but at same time I am upset as so much money and planning has gone into the event and don't want any hiccups for my family members who have planned everything already. We have 24 confirmed guests with 6 chairs at each 48'' round table. Tables will be set with plates and the fans on each plate they ordered as the party favor.

Would it be okay to say to people who might show up that didn't rsvp that I'm very sorry but we don't have a table setting for you as we didn't receive your rsvp but you are more than welcome to join us if you don't mind standing around or sitting by yourself not at a table???

Also what is the best way to deal with people's excuses if they fail to show up without notice and avoid hurt feelings?
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  #2  
August 26th, 2013, 01:25 PM
WorkerBeeMama's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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We actually contacted folks that didn't rsvp and asked if they were coming as we needed to order food and needed a head count.
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  #3  
August 26th, 2013, 01:48 PM
Leah
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Location: Florida
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I don't think there's any problem with asking them about standing should they show.

If you don't have any extra room at all, I'd maybe send out an email or something saying we did not recieve your rsvp, sorry we'll miss you at the shower, if you sent in your RSVP please contact us ASAP.
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  #4  
August 26th, 2013, 01:54 PM
SouthernBelle86's Avatar Rachelle
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Location: Florida
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We did that as well but still had 6 we couldn't get a hold of so I am guessing they aren't coming if they didn't call to rsvp to the shower.

I am guessing if those 6 do show up they just won't have a table to sit at is all as it's too late to make changes. We have a confirmed 24 for headcount table settings and food so that is what we are going with.

Not sure how people do formal weddings because this is frustrating dealing with plate settings and food headcount. I guess if you don't rsvp to a wedding with a number and food plate choice and show up the day of than one should be turned away as that's just so rude to show up and expect a seat and food, I would be so embarrassed to show my face. :C
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  #5  
August 26th, 2013, 01:57 PM
SierraWinter's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Do you have people that were invited email addresses? For our shower I had everyone's email address so last minute things could be emailed out. Some people really aren't that on top of it and will just show up if they don't realize how planned something was. It's irritating but it could happen.

As for people not showing up that RSVP'd, that's tough. You never know what happened. We no-showed a good friends baby shower last Nov after RSVP'ing. And they went through the trouble of having lunches for all of us. I was in the ER having a miscarriage. Never told them why because they would feel awful if they knew, "hey we missed your baby shower because I was losing my baby". I preferred they think we were being a little rude I guess than knowing the real reason (DH told them later that I had gotten sick). Things come up in life that can't be avoided. Then a 6 car pile-up with two fatalities & a closed road prevented me from making my cousins big bday party at a brewery in San Diego that I RSVP'd for last year. Believe me, I wouldn't have missed out on Stone Brewing Company party! So for our shower, I didn't say anything to the few that had RSVP'd but didn't show.

Maybe if a few no-show the few that showed up without RSVP'ing could take their seats and no one gets hurt feelings?
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  #6  
August 26th, 2013, 01:58 PM
SouthernBelle86's Avatar Rachelle
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Leah, We won't have any extra room at all for formal sitting, standing around only yes. The rsvp was to call only by August 16th. Most of these people are on facebook etc and know the shower is coming up so it's so strange as to why they wouldn't respond when we tried to contact them after the rsvp due date.

I can only guess that they must have something else going on like a vacation since it's labor day weekend or they just choose to ignore the invite completely. :C
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  #7  
August 26th, 2013, 02:13 PM
SouthernBelle86's Avatar Rachelle
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I guess I am just trying not to be sensitive and get my feelings hurt if some of my friends don't show up last minute as so many of them have the attitude of " oh yeah, I plan on being there unless something last minute comes up". Not comments like Thanks for the invite and I will be there and looking forward to it. Made me feel like I'm not a priority but they just don't want to come out and say that they won't come and will just make a excuse last minute on the day of and I will get depressed some.

Worst part is my so called best friend isn't coming because she says she is on call to work that day but never once said she was sorry and I will come another time to visit before baby gets here. I am bummed because I can't travel due to being high risk and she said she doesn't know the next time she will be coming in town to visit but she wants to come to a football game the end of October but no mention of my baby at all.

I am sad to say that I am learning who my true friends are and after being there and planning my best friend's baby shower and stayed 3 nights sleeping on the hospital room floor when her daughter was born I feel like she doesn't even care at all now that it's my time. :C I am learning not to get my hopes up about anyone now when it comes to people so I won't get disappointed.
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  #8  
August 26th, 2013, 02:32 PM
MrsPea's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Try not to take any of this personally! Summer is hard to get people together. We only got 1/2 the people we invited show. My best friend, my college roommates all couldn't come for one reason or another, that doesn't mean they don't love me.

Those 6 people will more then likely not show. You will probably have some last minute no shows too. Again try not to take this personally! Enjoy your day with all the people that do show.
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  #9  
August 26th, 2013, 02:33 PM
SierraWinter's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Do you have a hostess throwing the shower for you? You should maybe express your concerns to her then hand it off to her so that you can chill and enjoy the shower. Take advantage of having someone else throw this for you
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  #10  
August 26th, 2013, 03:33 PM
Julie
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I agree it's tempting to make them understand just how rude they are by making them stand, but idk, I would think being the bigger person would prove just how rude they were not to rsvp. Since you did invite all those people, the place surely accomodates all of them, so would it be possible to set up some chairs or maybe set up one extra table just in case? Of course you wouldn't provide name cards at the seats or any favors, but just so they could sit somewhere. I think it might make other guests uncomfortable or feel awkward if these people had to stand around. I understand how annoying it is that some people can be very inconsiderate. Hopefully they won't show up.
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  #11  
August 26th, 2013, 04:23 PM
SouthernBelle86's Avatar Rachelle
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The hostess is my mom and mother in law and my sister doing everything together for the shower.

There will be no extra tables as the floor plan was already submitted and there is no more room for a extra table with the way it's been set up due to gift table and food tables in the room. There will however be some extra chairs in the closet that we were told we could pull out in case we need a few extra for last minute guests who show up.

I think my family said that if some of those people show they will say we don't have a place setting for you but we can pull a extra extra chair out of the closet for you if you would like to sit around the room. As bad as that sounds that's the only option we have at this point and it's not our fault they failed to rsvp to get a place setting. I'm sure if will make them feel like a *** in the end showing up and not having a named placed setting and making the host go in the back closet and get a chair for them to sit in a room and not be included at a table. I kinda hope they just don't show up as I know they would be embarrassed and uncomfortable having 20 something other people looking at them like where did they come from. :C I'm sure this type of stuff happens at weddings all the time.
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  #12  
August 26th, 2013, 06:07 PM
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If there is absolutely no way to squeeze in extra chairs, place settings, etc. if some of those people show up, then they'll just have to stand! Is it possible the 6 that haven't responded did so out of spite? I remember you didn't want children there & sometimes that can be a hot button issue. I would personally rather not have kids at mine because most of the kids that would come are brats & my hubby doesn't want to watch them lol, but I didn't put it on the invitation because people are touchy over that. Regardless of the reasoning, it's rude not to respond, but you can't control people. And you should just be sitting back & enjoying it. It seems like you have been stressing over this for months. It's YOUR party, let mom & sis worry about it & just relax!
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  #13  
August 26th, 2013, 06:15 PM
Spyctre's Avatar Arwen
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My sister actually told her mother she couldn't come to the wedding because she didn't RSVP. Needed to know things for sure, and her mom never would contact her till the night before. In the end there was just no room, no food, and really no way to rearrange anything. Courthouse wedding.

If I needed people to RSVP, I would call them up. I wouldn't risk them not responding to emails or letters. Get them on FB, whatever you need to do to get an accurate head count. If that's not possible and they still show up without prior notice, they'll just have to stand or sit elsewhere. I don't think I'd tell them to leave, but they'll just have to deal with being lazy. How long does it take to at least call someone about it?
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  #14  
August 26th, 2013, 07:57 PM
SouthernBelle86's Avatar Rachelle
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Those six that forget to rsvp to my mom and sis didn't have children at all so they wouldn't have been a issue due to spite. On the invites we never put no children are allowed my mom just discussed the issue when she received a call from a couple guests who inquired if children were allowed to come. My mom and mother in law did a great job and was nice about it saying there wouldn't be a place for children to play at the venue or daycare available at the shower. It's a historical 100 year old building so not child friendly for older children who like to run around and play.

Arwen, My mom and mother in law did call those people and leave voice messages after I personally attempted to contact them via facebook message. we have no clue as to why they would just ignore all of us. So weird so we are just guessing they just don't care and not coming.

My family is just fed up with these people, we had the same problem when I got married 2 years ago, so many people failed to send the rsvp cards. They are at the point they just about want to write some people off, I explained to them that's it's okay and let's just relax and enjoy ourselves and if we ever have another party or family event we just won't bother sending invites to those people again.

I guess we all have those certain family members and friends we have to deal with when it comes to family events like this, one thing we have learned is that it's just easier not to include them because it's like pulling teeth trying to get a yes or no from them. lol. My mother has a film producer friend in California and he always tells her she needs to write a book about our crazy family and he will turn it into a movie. lol.

So glad this thing is almost over and I am just going to show up at 1:00pm and sit my butt down in my chair and look pretty and stuff my mouth with food and open gifts while my mom, sister, mother-in-law and sister-in-law deal with the drama of the day. lol
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  #15  
August 26th, 2013, 08:08 PM
Spyctre's Avatar Arwen
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My post looks to me like I'm saying y'all should be calling. I meant them. =) How long would it take them to drop you a line? You don't seem like the lazy one.

I know the feeling about people ignoring you. I used to try and stay in touch with more people, and now i just don't bother calling. I get calls from them about once a month. Always, "It's been so long since we talked..."

"Dudette, when I tried to call in the past, you never picked up your dang phone. Figured if anything important happened to YOU, you'd end up calling me eventually."

Annoying because I'm a chatty southern. And a SAHM. So I like chatting on the phone. Just getting new hobbies lately. Seeing who real friends are and who only wants to talk when it suits them.
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  #16  
August 26th, 2013, 08:21 PM
SouthernBelle86's Avatar Rachelle
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Yeah, Girl. It sure is frustrating dealing with people who don't know how to pick up a phone or respond to a message. lol. I think we are starting to learn that some of our relationships are one sided and we only hear from them when they need something. Would just be nice if they could let us know they were at least alive. lol.

Growing up in the south and being very chatty myself my family has always taught me to treat others how I would like to be treated and polite manners so it's difficult for us to deal with others who don't share the same formal etiquette rules that we go by. I know if I ignored people I wouldn't have any friends or family left except for a very few.
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  #17  
August 26th, 2013, 09:04 PM
Cccbb61013's Avatar Veteran
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Wow, I honestly can't believe people are that rude! I have one or two flaky relatives but they always show up so I know to just count them in. Good luck with everything, I'm sure it'll work out!
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  #18  
August 27th, 2013, 04:51 AM
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It really does suck that they didn't RSVP, but I am so used to that, lol. If I send out 35 invites I may get 10 RSVP's. That is just the way people are around here. I always must make sure that I have enough food, settings, etc for everyone that is invited.
I really do hope that those 6 that you can't get in touch with don't show up since you don't have place settings for them. Are they generally the type of people that don't RSVP but will still show up?
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  #19  
August 27th, 2013, 06:05 AM
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I go through this every year with kid birthday parties. People just suck sometimes.
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  #20  
August 27th, 2013, 07:30 AM
SouthernBelle86's Avatar Rachelle
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Jaime, I think maybe 2 or 3 so out of those six have shown up to events before without letting the family know about it in advance. My family is just so sick of these people that do it but it's hard to not include them as they will complain if they didn't get a invite to etc party but cousin sue did for example. They can't commit but are offended if you exclude them completely. lol.

I think my mom and in laws are at that breaking point that they are just going to be blunt and say why should we continue to include you in family events when you can't commit if they ever start to whine about not being included in future events. At this point I really can't say I blame them.
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